Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Saturday afternoon? I hope wherever you are & whatever you are doing you are just so free & happy. That is all that Mom wants for you. The last few days have still been quite the struggle for Mom. This cough still is with me, & I am doing my best at trying to take it easy so that I can heal through these shingles. My mental state is not where it needs to be either. I am really getting depressed more & more plus I am getting angrier & angrier at Mark. He was the one who wanted to make this move & kept telling me that all would be great. He would be working long hours but he would still be home at a descent hour too. He kept saying " you'll see " that I will be right. Well...we are 3 weeks into it & he hasn't been home in a descent hour yet. Today is Saturday & where is he...working & has been since 6:30 am. He was suppose to be back by 12 noon. We were suppose to go out & run errands & enjoy the day...so much for that. I am getting to the point that I wish I never agreed to this. I am only seeing that Mark is so selfish. He wanted this job for the money & nothing more. There is more to life than money & I wish he would see that. OMG.... I am so sorry, Tyler... I just reread what I wrote & you don't deserve to have this written to you let alone I shouldn't be airing " dirty laundry " on this blog. I will remember this & I will make sure not to do this again. Let's just change the subject.
 I guess our family are doing well. I have been so out of the loop lately for the last 2 weeks that I really am not sure. I spoke to Meme the other day. She is pretty stressed out as things are still very challenging for her & Bob. I do know that he is going in for heart surgery again in 3 weeks. I really do hope that this surgery is a success. I know you will be with them both as Bob continues to go through all this medical situations. Grandpa & Debbie are doing well. Grandpa actually works many hours during the week. I wish he wouldn't though. He work his *ss off for so many years. This is the time he should be relaxing & enjoying things. I guess I just worry so much. Always have & always will I guess. Aunt Becky, John, & Bean are doing well. Things are going good for all 3 of them. I know you watch over us all as much as you can & I know that I appreciate it & I know they all do as well. Thank you so much Tyler for being here for Mom. I know you are. I can't see you but I just know you are always around Mom. You see me during the days. You see that I miss you. You see my tears & hear Mom whispering to you on a regular basis. You know I love you with all my heart. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. 
 So tomorrow is the Super Bowl. It will be the New England Patriots vs Seattle Seahawks. I thought a couple weeks ago it was going to be the Green Bay Packers vs New England Patriots. I said during those play off games that you would have wanted the Packers & Patriots to go head to head for the win. Your 2 favorite teams! At least the Patriots are playing. I am sure you will be rooting for them right along with Mom tomorrow. I wish you were here with me so we could watch another Super Bowl together. We always had such fun  = ]  We would be yelling at the tv together & eating a bunch of yummy foods! 
 I miss so many things that we did together. I just miss everything. Not just 1 or 2 things but I miss it all. I miss your smile, your laugh, your voice, your thoughts, your kind heart, & I even miss your anger. It all made up..you! I wouldn't have changed a thing. Times were sometimes rough but I wouldn't have traded it for the world. I would do it all again if I could. In a heartbeat, Tyler. 
 The night sky is definitely upon us now. I have to go & make dinner for myself & feed Snicks. I am up to taking him out later tonight so I will be looking for the stars shining brightly in the sky. Maybe the moon will be out too. Either way I will be whispering to you as I always do each night. I hope you can hear Mom. I know that I have so many daily prayers to write to you to play catch up. I will start working on them tomorrow afternoon. 
 I hope that your night is all that you want it to be for yourself & all the other Angels. If you sleep, I hope you have sweet dreams tonight. I hope to see you in mine. Remember you will always be in my heart, mind & soul. I miss you so much & I love you more than words could ever express my sweet precious son.
 Forever & Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!