Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom has had one hell of a day as you could see. Just like a roller coaster ride that is for sure. The weather here has been raining but the winds are strong & whipping right now. Mom wanted to do her letter to you now just in case the weather takes a different turn & gets worse. The temp today was 57 degrees which is just crazy after we just got done having 3 days of -19 or higher. This winter sure has been one of the craziest by far that I have seen. 
 So as I said above my day has been filled with so many emotions going through my head & in my heart. It all started this morning when I was on facebook & got to see some of my memories from last year & a few years back. It was today 2013 that Mom was starting the new journey of going to Oklahoma. You commented on it. Like all the ones that pop up now I am taking pictures of them so I can hold onto them forever. It made me smile to see what you wrote to Mom but then I started to cry as I remember that day being so tough for me. I cried in the morning when I left & I cried when we arrived at every airport for a lay over. I was realizing that I was going further & further away from you & I was so sad. I wanted you with Mom. I wanted you there by my side. I felt in ways that I was deserting you even though you were a young man. Since you have passed on, I relive that day of telling you that I was going. You were so supportive of everything & you knew in time you would be with Mom again. I relive over & over in my mind that the last day that I left you was the last day that I got to hold you, kiss your warm face, smell you, & see you. Yes we skyped daily & sometimes more than a couple times a day but the last time I saw you in the flesh was 3 1/2 months later when you were in the hospital, laying there with your eyes closed & trying to fight for your life. You were so strong my sweet precious son. I remember everything I said to you that day. All the tears that were shed knowing that I was going to lose you in a few short hours. I remember singing to you our song " Wind Beneath My Wings " to you  as your heart was slowing down. I remember finishing the song & right after you slipped away from me forever. I remember it was a whirlwind around me. I sat with you for what seemed like hours after you passed. I stayed until they told me I had to go. I remember crying & fighting & saying no I wouldn't leave you. That day haunts Mom & I think it always will. I remember being in the room with you. Memories flooded me from the day you were born to you entering high school & every other day in between. I was so mad at myself for leaving you. I kept saying that if I never left you this would have never happened. I blamed myself for it all. I always have said that this happened & you died of a broken heart. I know that I have been told that you went the way you wanted to & that you were alright. Its not that I don't believe you, Tyler. It is the guilt I will forever live with. Please forgive Mom for this. I try really hard each & every day but damn it is hard living without you. I miss you so much it kills me every minute of the day. What I wouldn't give to hear your voice, to see your smile, to touch your sweet face, to hear your laugh just one more time. I love you so. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. It will forever be this way. 
 Facebook starting these things where you can take quizzes on here. Some you just hit the button & they come up with an answer for you & others you answer questions to get your answer. They are all in fun. Today, Mom took one this afternoon. It was which bird does your soul resemble? I was thinking wouldn't it be neat to get a Cardinal. When I saw the answer that it gave Mom... Tears just welled up in my eyes instantly....My answer was a Hawk. You know what I am taking about & so does Aunt Beck. I will never forget what Aunt Beck said to me & what you wanted her to give Mom. I still have that Hawk feather. It is by your candle & picture. I remember it also being brought up in my reading with Forrest. Thank you for that Tyler. Thank you.
 I know you are near Mom right now. I am cold & have goosebumps on my arms. I know you know what I am listening to. It is Fly by Celine Dion. You know that was one of the several songs played at your funeral. Actually it was the last song played. I think there was, no I know there was not a dry eye in there. God Tyler, you are missed so much by so many family & friends. Some tell me to tell you hello & they were thinking of you & some just keep it to themselves so that only you know. Either way is ok with me. It shows Mom that you live in their hearts still. That in itself makes Mom smile. 
 The weather is getting really bad now. Mom doesn't really have any updates for you as last night was really quiet. I do want to share with you the daily prayer for today though. So here it is. February 16~ Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. Open up my heavy heart, that surely day by day, the bitterness & wrath in me. Will slowly drain away. God let your spirit enter in & fill each empty space with peace & healing to my soul through your unending grace. Amen.
 Well, the night sky came upon us quite early this evening due to the weather. That wind is awful & the rain is heavy. The sounds are eerie & is actually scaring the pups. Mom has no chance of seeing anything shining in the sky tonight. It is gray & cloudy & pretty awful outside. Kinda matches my mood & my heart tonight. Today was a rough day for Mom. I have a lot of thinking to do, but I know that I will get through this. I am strong & I am a fighter. I know that you will be with me every step of the way as well. You will be right by my side. That is where I need you, Tyler. Please be with Mom through this whole ordeal. Thank you pumpkin. It means so much to me. Just be patience as I am only human still & I still make mistakes along the way. 
 Mom hopes that your night is all that you will need & want it to be. Just because I can't see the stars or the moon doesn't mean a thing. I will be whispering to you as I always do so be listening out for my voice. May your night be peaceful for you. Rest if you can. Hope you have the sweetest dreams possible. Come see me in my dreams tonight too. Mom needs you baby. I need you so. Thank you. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. You are my one & only true hero & you are the Wind Beneath My Wings.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

PS  Please also be with Tony ( from the park... the one who always made you chocolate chip cookies....her husband, Frank grew his Angel wings last night. ) Mom was told today from Aunt Shirley. Just sad but we both know he is no longer suffering & he is finally at peace. My heart goes out to Tony & her 2 sons. Thanks Tyler. I love you.