Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Saturday evening? Mom is having a rough day today. So many things going on that are making my emotions go all over the place. I am trying to stay strong right now but my head & heart are saying two different things. I don't really know how much more Mom is going to be able to handle. All I want is to be happy.....doesn't sound like a lot to ask for but guess in my world it is. It has always been that way & seems like it will always continue to unless I take some huge steps & make a choice, own it & look forward & never back. I know you hate to see Mom this way, pumpkin.... Mom is trying so hard. I just feel like I am about to break. It is not a good feeling....a feeling you used to know all so well. You know that I have never been a quitter. That is not in my vocabulary at all but damn I want to. I just want to say " screw it " & just take off. I know this is not like Mom.... it is such a dark place where I am right now. I am hoping that it passes & soon. Please be with Mom, Tyler. Mom needs you all the time, every day but I need you so much more right now. Thank you my sweet precious son.
 Must be a sad kind of a day all around. Bonnie called Mom a couple hours ago to tell me some awful news. Her oldest granddaughter's apartment complex burned down to the ground earlier this morning. Everyone in that complex lost everything. There are hundreds of people who have nothing & are homeless. It wasn't too far from where Mom lived in Oklahoma. My heart is breaking for them all. Thank God that no one was hurt. They all got out except one firefighter who got burned & they can't find Brittany's dog. I can't even imagine what is going through their heads. Brittany & Kendall are just so young....early 20's & their little boy Xander will be 3 years old next week. I know that Bonnie was telling me that a lot of family & friends are pulling for them & trying to get things that they need. I know that you will watch over them all, Tyler. I know that you will be with Bonnie, Lisa, Herbie, Brit, Kendall & Xander. Mom will do all she can from here where I am. Thanks Ty.
 Mom has no updates for you as last night was mellow & Mom did not talk on the phone at all. I know I will touch base with Meme & Grandpa either later tonight or tomorrow. Did you see Mark & Mom playing chess last night? I think you were with me as I was kicking Mark's a**.....lol! I know that you were laughing that laugh that I miss. I can see your face right now laughing & smiling. Throwing your stick in the air. God, how I miss you so. It rips my heart out that you are no longer with me anymore. You were so young. You had so much more life to live. It's not fair. Mom is so grateful for all the time that I did have with you as we both know it could have been so much shorter. I still long to see you, kiss your sweet face, hear your voice, your laugh, see your smile & so much more. I miss taking care of you, watching you grow up...I miss it all. I long for it every day. I wish I could have it back. I can't even say just for 1 more day as I know if I had that 1 day I would want more. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. 
 Here is your daily prayer for today. February 27~ But now the Lord my God hath given me rest on every side, so that there is neither adversary nor evil occurrent. You, O Lord, are our refuge. When the days are too full & sleep is hard to come by, we simply need to escape to a quiet place & call on you. In your presence we find strength for our work & peace for our troubled minds. We are grateful for the comfort of your embrace, Lord. Amen.
 The night sky has been upon us for a few hours now. The sky looks clear again so I am hoping that I will be able to see the stars & moon shining bright. The sky last night was beautiful. The weather today was blue skies, sunny & cool. Mom will look to the sky later to see id I see anything. I will whisper to you as I always do. Be listening out for my voice. Smile when you hear my voice & I will try to smile when I am talking to you tonight. Mom will do her best. Mom hopes that your night is all that you need & want it to be. May you have a peaceful & restful evening doing what you want & what you are being asked of. Get some sleep if you can. Sweet dreams & come see Mom in her dreams tonight as well. Remember Ty, you will forever be in my heart, mind & soul. You are my one & only & true hero in my life & you will be Mom's wind beneath my wings. Good night my sweet son. I love you more than words can say.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!