Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? Mom had a pretty rough evening last night to go along with the rough afternoon yesterday so I am really dragging butt today. The evening was very quiet with no words spoken between Mark or I. We were arguing once again about his job. Mom said what I felt was necessary & I dropped it. I told him how I was feeling & that I didn't have anything else to say about anything so he didn't talk to me the whole night. He didn't talk to me this morning as he was leaving to go back to NY for the 4th time in less than 1 month. He will be back sometime on Friday. He didn't even call Mom when he arrived there. Didn't really think he would though. It happens like this all the time. Mom is really getting used to it but for how much longer is the real question. Meme called Mom last night & then again this morning to see how I was doing. She knew something was wrong. I told her the basic of what it was about & then told her I was fine. I just didn't want to get into it. Mom is not fine at all. I am upset, hurt, angry & fed up! I just don't know what to do about it anymore. In the back of my mind I keep hearing a voice saying to " let it go " as it is something that I can not control. I just need to deal with it. I am trying but it is easier said than done that is for sure! Mom just wants you to know that I will be okay. I am just going to relax tonight, watch some of my DVR shows & then go to bed in hopes to get a good nights sleep. Please just be with me, Tyler. I need you. Thank you my sweet precious son! I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I wish you were here. I wish we could have a conversation. I miss your voice, your laugh, your advice. I miss you so much! Some days are harder than other days & I guess today is one of those tough days.
Mom really has not done anything today at all. I did get ready, took the pups for a walk, brought 6 boxes upstairs & did laundry but that is about it. I will get sleep tonight & then get back on track with studying again for tomorrow. I can't let this or a failed exam stop me from continuing this class. I just need to push through it so I can get it done! Mom will most likely chat with Grandpa later tonight & Debbie seeings how this is her day off & Meme told me that she would call me tonight when she got home. That will pretty much be my evening! Mom is struggling that there is only 9 hours of daylight now & the rest is dark. The sun sets at 4:29 pm today & the sun rises at 6:30 am tomorrow morning. There is just not enough time in the day to do all the things I need to before it gets dark. It sucks! I basically get up, do housework, get ready, walk the pups, study, write to you & then it is dark. I am super glad that we are only doing this for roughly 3 months. Mom can see that the sun is shifted already. It will be dark here in about 2 hours. We don't get too much of a sunset these days but Mom has been seeing some pretty sunrises when I can catch one. Thank you for those paintings in the sky. They make me smile & it shows that you are near me! Mom doesn't have any updates for you at all today again. Maybe in a couple days I will so for now I will write the daily prayers for the day:
May God's perfect love swallow up every single fear and anxious thought. May Jesus renew your perspective in a way that brings you peace and assurance. In Jesus’ Name, may cancer (sickness and disease) bow down at the feet of Jesus and flee from your body this very moment. May your loved ones find their strength in Christ alone. May God do for you what you cannot do for yourself. And, may your every moment be filled with grace and peace, healing and rest, perspective and power, in Jesus' Name. Amen.
Everyone tried to touch him, because healing power went out from him, and he healed everyone (Luke 6:19 NLT).
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light, we see light (Psalm 36:7-9 NIV).
Here is a couple little sayings for the day as well:
" People inspire you, or they drain you~ pick them wisely. "
" Dear Self~ Don't focus on the negative! "
" Allow your soul to rest. Your soul speaks to you in the quiet moments in between your thoughts. "
Mom is hoping that your evening later tonight will be everything you need & want it to be. May you do all the things you want to do & wish to do as well. Come be with Mom tonight & be with me through the night. Thank you, Tyler. It means so much to me. Please continue to watch over our loved ones, friends, pets for Mom. I know you do but I always feel the need to ask you for the help. Thank you again. Remember forever you are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. You live inside my heart, mind, body & soul. I will be back again tomorrow with another letter to you. I will whisper to you later this evening when lighting my candles & then again when I go to bed. Smile when you hear Mom & I will smile right back to you. The evening sky will be upon us in about 1 hour so I will make sure I look to the sky to see if I can see the stars & the moon. I hope so... it has been a few nights since Mom has seen anything. The sky is pretty clear today. Sun has been shining but boy is it cold out! You are my shining star, Tyler. You always have been & you always will be. I love you with all my heart. Good night & sweet dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
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