Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin, I just got done with another test for school. It is 10 pm and I am wiped right out. I wanted to stop by & say that I love you & miss you so much. I will write to you in the morning. I hope that you have a wonderful evening. Get some rest if you can & sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to see you in my own dreams. I will whisper to you as I always do so be listening out for Mom. Just to let you know... the moon is shining bright..almost a full moon again & the stars are out too. Made me smile! You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Monday, June 29, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday night? I hope that where you are it is sunny & warm all the time & you get no cold weather or rain. Today was a pretty overcast day again. The clouds got really heavy & dark at one point & I really thought that the clouds were going to let go & down pour but they did not. It stayed that way for a bit but it passed on by. The sky started to clear & we were able to see some blue skies. The sun is starting to set now & it is pretty. You know Mom... always a sucker for a beautiful sunrise or sunset..lol. Mom was busy today with housework, school work & all the other usual things during the day. I did go to run a couple errands. Took the pups to Petco so we could get food for them.. of course they ended up with treats, 2 new toys & new leashes. What can I say.. they are spoiled rotten. We had a scare though. The pups were in the cart... I was steering the cart & mark was at the end of the cart.. we were walking out the doors & Mark turned really quick to look outside & Princess was upset that he did that ( she is a Daddy's Girl ) & she went to jump to him & she actually jumped out of the cart & fell right to the ground. We both screamed & was startled for a couple minutes. We picked her up & brought her right to the truck. She was shaking, rightfully so & she was scared. I held her for the whole way home. She is doing ok now. No broken bones or swelling. She is so lucky. We were so scared. I am sure she is sore but she is not showing it. Maybe tomorrow she will, not sure. She is also in heat so we have to be very careful with her. Ozzy is showing no signs of interest with it so that is really good. Even though it would be adorable to have puppies, Mom does not want them..lol. Princess couldn't handle another litter anyways..she is 8 years old. I think the breeder who had her before us made Princess have way too many litters. Princess just needs to be a pup that does not live in a cage all her life & is always alone...she needs lots of love, attention & to go outside & run & play... that is exactly what she is getting with us. No more cages for anything for her. No enclosed areas at all. She is the sweetest little girl. We love her to pieces. Ozzy is a Mommy's Boy all the way. He clings to me like glue. He gets upset if I am out of sight. He is a little peanut. We love him to pieces too.
Mom took a quiz today for school.. I got 1 wrong out of 20... so I got a 95% & I got 1 of my tests back today that I submitted last week... I got a 92. I was so happy. Good comments from my instructors so that is good. I have still maintained a A. I have another test for them to grade & I am working on another test right now. I will get that set & submitted tomorrow. I am already 60% done with the course. I think that I should be finished by the end of July or 1st of August. I really am proud of myself. It is tough & I am doing it. I know you are with me every step of the way & I am so thankful. I know you are proud of Mom too.
No new updates for you tonight. Been a quiet day for us here all around except for the incident that I told you about. Meme did call & told me that she is really discouraged with everything. She is angry & frustrated with Bob again. He is sleeping all the time & wanting to do nothing or go anywhere. Is there anything you can do to help out? If you can, pumpkin, thank you so much. I just really worry about them so much. You know that already though. I worry about everyone...all my family & friends. I can't help it.. it is just who I am. Always have been that way & I will always be that way.
Here is the daily prayer for today. June 29~ Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Even in our toughest moments, Lord, we yearn to grow into fullest flower. Give us a faith as resilient & determined as dandelions pushing up through cracks in the pavement.
Wow, tomorrow is the last day of June & we are into July. This year has flown right by. This coming Saturday is July 4th. That is a tough day for Mom as well because I remember just how much you loved the fireworks. If I watch them I get depressed because I am sad & I am wanting you to be with Mom & if I don't watch them I get mad because I tell myself that I should have & smiled & thought of you. Last year I didn't see any but this year we don't have to go anywhere because we will be able to see them right on our balcony. I will be watching them & smiling & crying & thinking of you & how much I miss you. The little things get to me. I miss you so. I love you so much. I hope you know & can feel it.
The evening sky is upon us now. It will be completely dark in the next 15 minutes. I hope that the stars will be shining bright so I can see. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you hear Mom. Have a wonderful night my sweet precious son. Do all that you need to & want to. Watch over us all & fly high & free. Sweet dreams if you sleep tonight. I hope to see you in my own tonight. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday night? I hope that where you are it is sunny & warm all the time & you get no cold weather or rain. Today was a pretty overcast day again. The clouds got really heavy & dark at one point & I really thought that the clouds were going to let go & down pour but they did not. It stayed that way for a bit but it passed on by. The sky started to clear & we were able to see some blue skies. The sun is starting to set now & it is pretty. You know Mom... always a sucker for a beautiful sunrise or sunset..lol. Mom was busy today with housework, school work & all the other usual things during the day. I did go to run a couple errands. Took the pups to Petco so we could get food for them.. of course they ended up with treats, 2 new toys & new leashes. What can I say.. they are spoiled rotten. We had a scare though. The pups were in the cart... I was steering the cart & mark was at the end of the cart.. we were walking out the doors & Mark turned really quick to look outside & Princess was upset that he did that ( she is a Daddy's Girl ) & she went to jump to him & she actually jumped out of the cart & fell right to the ground. We both screamed & was startled for a couple minutes. We picked her up & brought her right to the truck. She was shaking, rightfully so & she was scared. I held her for the whole way home. She is doing ok now. No broken bones or swelling. She is so lucky. We were so scared. I am sure she is sore but she is not showing it. Maybe tomorrow she will, not sure. She is also in heat so we have to be very careful with her. Ozzy is showing no signs of interest with it so that is really good. Even though it would be adorable to have puppies, Mom does not want them..lol. Princess couldn't handle another litter anyways..she is 8 years old. I think the breeder who had her before us made Princess have way too many litters. Princess just needs to be a pup that does not live in a cage all her life & is always alone...she needs lots of love, attention & to go outside & run & play... that is exactly what she is getting with us. No more cages for anything for her. No enclosed areas at all. She is the sweetest little girl. We love her to pieces. Ozzy is a Mommy's Boy all the way. He clings to me like glue. He gets upset if I am out of sight. He is a little peanut. We love him to pieces too.
Mom took a quiz today for school.. I got 1 wrong out of 20... so I got a 95% & I got 1 of my tests back today that I submitted last week... I got a 92. I was so happy. Good comments from my instructors so that is good. I have still maintained a A. I have another test for them to grade & I am working on another test right now. I will get that set & submitted tomorrow. I am already 60% done with the course. I think that I should be finished by the end of July or 1st of August. I really am proud of myself. It is tough & I am doing it. I know you are with me every step of the way & I am so thankful. I know you are proud of Mom too.
No new updates for you tonight. Been a quiet day for us here all around except for the incident that I told you about. Meme did call & told me that she is really discouraged with everything. She is angry & frustrated with Bob again. He is sleeping all the time & wanting to do nothing or go anywhere. Is there anything you can do to help out? If you can, pumpkin, thank you so much. I just really worry about them so much. You know that already though. I worry about everyone...all my family & friends. I can't help it.. it is just who I am. Always have been that way & I will always be that way.
Here is the daily prayer for today. June 29~ Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Even in our toughest moments, Lord, we yearn to grow into fullest flower. Give us a faith as resilient & determined as dandelions pushing up through cracks in the pavement.
Wow, tomorrow is the last day of June & we are into July. This year has flown right by. This coming Saturday is July 4th. That is a tough day for Mom as well because I remember just how much you loved the fireworks. If I watch them I get depressed because I am sad & I am wanting you to be with Mom & if I don't watch them I get mad because I tell myself that I should have & smiled & thought of you. Last year I didn't see any but this year we don't have to go anywhere because we will be able to see them right on our balcony. I will be watching them & smiling & crying & thinking of you & how much I miss you. The little things get to me. I miss you so. I love you so much. I hope you know & can feel it.
The evening sky is upon us now. It will be completely dark in the next 15 minutes. I hope that the stars will be shining bright so I can see. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you hear Mom. Have a wonderful night my sweet precious son. Do all that you need to & want to. Watch over us all & fly high & free. Sweet dreams if you sleep tonight. I hope to see you in my own tonight. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, June 28, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Mom is doing ok. As you can see she has been kinda sick most of the day & evening. I stayed in bed all day & only got up to use the bathroom. I am doing ok so don't worry... just one of those things when I eat something that didn't agree with Mom's tummy. Today was a good day to lounge in the house anyways as the weather was so cold & it was raining really heavy. The wind was just a whipping too. Sorry I didn't write to you yesterday but Mark's friend, Bill was here all day & we took him to dinner. We had a nice time with him. It was nice to have company for a change. He stayed until 7ish & then went back to his hotel where he was staying that was 3 hours away. I spoke to Grandpa after Bill left & I was so tired. I relaxed & went to bed early. It was a very relaxing day for us & a relaxing weekend. It was nice for a change. We did get a lot done around the house as well so that was nice too.
Not much is really new here. No new updates as I have only spoken to Grandpa & they are doing well. He is working so much though. I told him that too. I asked him to slow down. He has worked hard all his life & he shouldn't be doing all kinds of hours at his part time job but he is. Meme works hard too & I wish we could retire. I worry about them & everyone as you know.
I have a couple prayers to catch up on so with that said I will write them to you. June 27~ Drop down, ye heavens, from above, & let the skies pour down righteousness: let the earth open, & let them bring forth salvation & let righteousness spring up together; I the Lord have created it. Lift up your heart in sweet surrender to the God who is waiting to shower you with blessings. Lift up your soul on wings of joy to the God who is waiting to guide you from the chaos of shadows out into the light of a peace that knows no equal.
June 28~ Then came Peter to him, & said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, & I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Dear God, thank you for children who teach us to be open & forgiving. Help us forgive those who hurt us so the pain will not be passed on through the generations. Thank you for forgiving our sins and help us be at peace with our families. Amen.
Once again, Mom is caught up on the daily prayers. Things will calm down soon so that I can do this on a every day for you. That will be nice. School takes so much out of Mom & then with all the other things I am just so tired. I think I said it before but I can say it again.. I think Mom will write to you in the morning so that I will not be tired after a full day of studying. I can write your letter before I start studying & know that it has been done for the day.
The night sky will approach us so much earlier tonight because of the weather we have had. The sky is all clouds, gray & foggy. I know I will not see anything shining but I know you are shining somewhere wherever you may be. I hope that you have a restful evening. I hope that you do all that you need to & want to. Please watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. Thank you so much my sweet precious son. It means the world to Mom.
I hope that if you can rest you have the sweetest dreams. I hope that Mom will see you in hers tonight when I fall asleep. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Mom is doing ok. As you can see she has been kinda sick most of the day & evening. I stayed in bed all day & only got up to use the bathroom. I am doing ok so don't worry... just one of those things when I eat something that didn't agree with Mom's tummy. Today was a good day to lounge in the house anyways as the weather was so cold & it was raining really heavy. The wind was just a whipping too. Sorry I didn't write to you yesterday but Mark's friend, Bill was here all day & we took him to dinner. We had a nice time with him. It was nice to have company for a change. He stayed until 7ish & then went back to his hotel where he was staying that was 3 hours away. I spoke to Grandpa after Bill left & I was so tired. I relaxed & went to bed early. It was a very relaxing day for us & a relaxing weekend. It was nice for a change. We did get a lot done around the house as well so that was nice too.
Not much is really new here. No new updates as I have only spoken to Grandpa & they are doing well. He is working so much though. I told him that too. I asked him to slow down. He has worked hard all his life & he shouldn't be doing all kinds of hours at his part time job but he is. Meme works hard too & I wish we could retire. I worry about them & everyone as you know.
I have a couple prayers to catch up on so with that said I will write them to you. June 27~ Drop down, ye heavens, from above, & let the skies pour down righteousness: let the earth open, & let them bring forth salvation & let righteousness spring up together; I the Lord have created it. Lift up your heart in sweet surrender to the God who is waiting to shower you with blessings. Lift up your soul on wings of joy to the God who is waiting to guide you from the chaos of shadows out into the light of a peace that knows no equal.
June 28~ Then came Peter to him, & said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, & I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Dear God, thank you for children who teach us to be open & forgiving. Help us forgive those who hurt us so the pain will not be passed on through the generations. Thank you for forgiving our sins and help us be at peace with our families. Amen.
Once again, Mom is caught up on the daily prayers. Things will calm down soon so that I can do this on a every day for you. That will be nice. School takes so much out of Mom & then with all the other things I am just so tired. I think I said it before but I can say it again.. I think Mom will write to you in the morning so that I will not be tired after a full day of studying. I can write your letter before I start studying & know that it has been done for the day.
The night sky will approach us so much earlier tonight because of the weather we have had. The sky is all clouds, gray & foggy. I know I will not see anything shining but I know you are shining somewhere wherever you may be. I hope that you have a restful evening. I hope that you do all that you need to & want to. Please watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. Thank you so much my sweet precious son. It means the world to Mom.
I hope that if you can rest you have the sweetest dreams. I hope that Mom will see you in hers tonight when I fall asleep. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, June 26, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today? Mom has had a busy day but in many ways it has been emotional. Today marks the 2 years that we laid you to rest, it has been 1 year that Frank, Aunt Shirley's husband passed away, it is 28 years from the terrible car accident that Grandpa & Mom were in with Audrey, it is 35 years from when Aunt Joe passed away, & today Grandpa's friend, Mom's friend's Dad passed away at 1:30 pm. I am so sadden for Grandpa & my friend. Pat was a very nice guy & so liked by many. If you see him up there in the Heavens his name is Pat McCann. You would like him. Today is also the Relay For Life in Claremont. Remember when we used to go together? You would do the Survivor lap with Mom & with Grandpa. I haven't been in a couple years. Last year I was in Texas & this year I couldn't make it as we are here & we were just up there last weekend. I did register as a Survivor & Marion & Charlie got Mom her tshirt. I can't be there physically but everyone knows I am there spiritually. I miss it & I think I will be looking into doing something on the committee next year as I will have time & I am so much closer. I could go up for the day & stay awhile & then drive back home. It would be a lot but I could do it. I miss those special bonding times with you. I miss all my time with you, actually. It is just so hard to believe that it has been 2 years & 6 days that I have not seen your face or heard your voice. You have always been my everything & my one true love & you always will be. Please always remember that.
Meme went & checked out Mom's new car today. She was very impressed with it. Said it was very clean on the outside & the inside. She said I lucked out with such a great deal. That makes me happy. It is a white SUV, 2006. It is all power everything, tan leather interior, moon roof, 6 disc cd changer, new transmission, all new tires, new motor. It has 20,000+ less miles than it should for that year. It was a one owner..older couple that took really good care of it. I get to pick it up in a couple weeks. It will be different driving something so big again but that is ok. It is 4WD & that is what we need up here in the winter months. I think you had something to do with it. Thank you pumpkin! I love you to pieces.
Mom submitted another test today for college. I have 2 tests out there awaiting to be graded. I hope I did ok. I hope that I can still maintain my A average. My fingers are crossed. Any help you can give Mom will be greatly appreciated. Thank you again.
The evening sky is upon us now & it is dark. The weather today started out being cloudy with clouds & cool but later in the day it changed to blue skies & sunny. It ended up being a nice day but on the cooler side. That is ok. I thought it was wonderful weather! Mark worked a very long day again today. He left at 7 am & didn't get home until 6:30 pm. He is so tired. I am going to let him sleep & I will watch some tv for a bit. We have company coming over tomorrow. One of Mark's friends. It will be a very nice change to have company. I am looking forward to it. I will write to you tomorrow night while the guys are catching up & chatting outside.
I hope you have a peaceful evening tonight. Be everywhere you want to be & more. Fly high & fly freely. May you have sweet dreams if you get to close your eyes and rest. May Mom see you in my dreams tonight when I fall asleep. Continue to watch over Mom, Mark & us all. I love you so much my sweet precious son. I miss you terribly. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. here is the short daily prayer for today. June 26~ I have refrained my feet from every evil way, that I might keep thy word. Dear God, help us to see that none of us are immune to losing ourselves or to hurting one another. Please help us stay on course so that we may find our own true essences. Amen.
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today? Mom has had a busy day but in many ways it has been emotional. Today marks the 2 years that we laid you to rest, it has been 1 year that Frank, Aunt Shirley's husband passed away, it is 28 years from the terrible car accident that Grandpa & Mom were in with Audrey, it is 35 years from when Aunt Joe passed away, & today Grandpa's friend, Mom's friend's Dad passed away at 1:30 pm. I am so sadden for Grandpa & my friend. Pat was a very nice guy & so liked by many. If you see him up there in the Heavens his name is Pat McCann. You would like him. Today is also the Relay For Life in Claremont. Remember when we used to go together? You would do the Survivor lap with Mom & with Grandpa. I haven't been in a couple years. Last year I was in Texas & this year I couldn't make it as we are here & we were just up there last weekend. I did register as a Survivor & Marion & Charlie got Mom her tshirt. I can't be there physically but everyone knows I am there spiritually. I miss it & I think I will be looking into doing something on the committee next year as I will have time & I am so much closer. I could go up for the day & stay awhile & then drive back home. It would be a lot but I could do it. I miss those special bonding times with you. I miss all my time with you, actually. It is just so hard to believe that it has been 2 years & 6 days that I have not seen your face or heard your voice. You have always been my everything & my one true love & you always will be. Please always remember that.
Meme went & checked out Mom's new car today. She was very impressed with it. Said it was very clean on the outside & the inside. She said I lucked out with such a great deal. That makes me happy. It is a white SUV, 2006. It is all power everything, tan leather interior, moon roof, 6 disc cd changer, new transmission, all new tires, new motor. It has 20,000+ less miles than it should for that year. It was a one owner..older couple that took really good care of it. I get to pick it up in a couple weeks. It will be different driving something so big again but that is ok. It is 4WD & that is what we need up here in the winter months. I think you had something to do with it. Thank you pumpkin! I love you to pieces.
Mom submitted another test today for college. I have 2 tests out there awaiting to be graded. I hope I did ok. I hope that I can still maintain my A average. My fingers are crossed. Any help you can give Mom will be greatly appreciated. Thank you again.
The evening sky is upon us now & it is dark. The weather today started out being cloudy with clouds & cool but later in the day it changed to blue skies & sunny. It ended up being a nice day but on the cooler side. That is ok. I thought it was wonderful weather! Mark worked a very long day again today. He left at 7 am & didn't get home until 6:30 pm. He is so tired. I am going to let him sleep & I will watch some tv for a bit. We have company coming over tomorrow. One of Mark's friends. It will be a very nice change to have company. I am looking forward to it. I will write to you tomorrow night while the guys are catching up & chatting outside.
I hope you have a peaceful evening tonight. Be everywhere you want to be & more. Fly high & fly freely. May you have sweet dreams if you get to close your eyes and rest. May Mom see you in my dreams tonight when I fall asleep. Continue to watch over Mom, Mark & us all. I love you so much my sweet precious son. I miss you terribly. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. here is the short daily prayer for today. June 26~ I have refrained my feet from every evil way, that I might keep thy word. Dear God, help us to see that none of us are immune to losing ourselves or to hurting one another. Please help us stay on course so that we may find our own true essences. Amen.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Thursday night? Mom is doing much better than I was last night. I guess I ate something that did not agree with me & I was sick all night long. I got very little sleep but I am doing better so I am ok with being tired. I am sure you were with Mom last night as I was going through it all. Thank you my sweet precious son. I love you so much. I wish you could be with Mom all the time where I can see you but I know I can't so I will take what I can get. Today was a busy day for Mom. I did housework, laundry, walked the pups a couple times, & I did some studying. I am getting ready to do another test & submit it. I have a few more ( 7 more tests to submit & then it is my final exam! ) I am hoping that I will do ok with it & get a good grade. I am still maintaining an A average & I am still on Deans List. I would love to graduate with that honor. I know everyone would be so proud of me & I know you are so proud of me too! Continue to be with Mom through it all. I need you my sweet son. I always will.
Guess what? Decisions have been made & we are not relocating. We are staying where we are at least for now. The company did not come through with the relocation money for us & we are not in a position to front it all so the decision was an easy one. I would have loved to have gone back to Texas but I guess the timing is just not right. I guess Mom is suppose to be here for now. Mark will stick with the job he has, as he likes it ....just not the traveling & long hours 3 days a week, but it is a job & we are very thankful for it. He may change if something else sparks his eye, but for now he is thankful for what he has. Our family is happy that we are staying. Meme & Grandpa are very happy! I could tell when I told them. Makes me smile to know they what their little girl around here & not so far away.
Not much else to update you on as it has been fairly mild with everyone. Oh yeah.. I do have a few more updates, duh.. told you I was tired..lol. Let's see.... Bob is back to being dizzy a lot & having a hard time walking. I hope this is just a phase. He was doing so well. Meme has a friend who is terminally ill & has very little time left. Her family is there with her & she is such a sweet lady. Her name is Rose. Grandpa has a friend too that is terminally ill as well & has a couple weeks to a month to live. I am friends with his daughter. I am not sure if you remember Mom's friend Janice.. you were little but we hung out all the time. Well, it is her Dad. Grandpa worked with him for many years. His name is Pat. Do you remember your RT from way back when.. Angie? Mom found her on facebook under Joel's friends. We have been chatting the last couple days. Nice to catch up. She is doing well & looks great. She lives in Nebraska now, where she is from. Teaching RT classes to folks. She was sad to learn of your passing. She said you were one of her all time favorite patients. That made me smile..also made me cry. It was sweet of all the things she said about you. You never realized how loved you were & what you meant to so many people. I knew but you never did. I hope you do know now. Lastly, it has been a few months now that Mom sold her car to Auntie Kristina. She needed one & I had one that I wasn't using so I sold it to her... she needed it more than I. Well, today I put a deposit down for a car for myself. It is an older one but new to Mom. It is an SUV 4 wheel drive so it will be good in the winter weather. I am so excited. Once it is paid for it is all mine & no years of payments. I can't wait... I am so happy. I know you are happy for Mom.
Ok that is all the updates that I have. Now on to the daily prayers for you... June 24~ Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as these are alive from the dead, & your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. Lord, help me to depend on you to be my source of goodness. I don't always feel like being patient, kind, loving, or joyful, but you are all these things by your very nature. So right now I place my strengths & weaknesses into your hands, asking you to infuse them with yourself & to make them instruments of good that will serve others for your sake.
June 25~ Hold up my goings in thy paths; that my footsteps slip not. Lord, far too often we try to steer the course of our lives without consulting you, & we always run into problems. Set us on a true course that will bring us closer to you. Amen.
The night sky has appeared & it is starting to get dark. I hope to see the stars & moon shining tonight as the sky is clear. I will whisper to you as I always do whether I see anything or not. I hope that you have a wonderful evening tonight. Do all that you need & want to do. Sweet dreams to you, Tyler. Hope I see you in my own tonight. I love you & I miss you. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Thursday night? Mom is doing much better than I was last night. I guess I ate something that did not agree with me & I was sick all night long. I got very little sleep but I am doing better so I am ok with being tired. I am sure you were with Mom last night as I was going through it all. Thank you my sweet precious son. I love you so much. I wish you could be with Mom all the time where I can see you but I know I can't so I will take what I can get. Today was a busy day for Mom. I did housework, laundry, walked the pups a couple times, & I did some studying. I am getting ready to do another test & submit it. I have a few more ( 7 more tests to submit & then it is my final exam! ) I am hoping that I will do ok with it & get a good grade. I am still maintaining an A average & I am still on Deans List. I would love to graduate with that honor. I know everyone would be so proud of me & I know you are so proud of me too! Continue to be with Mom through it all. I need you my sweet son. I always will.
Guess what? Decisions have been made & we are not relocating. We are staying where we are at least for now. The company did not come through with the relocation money for us & we are not in a position to front it all so the decision was an easy one. I would have loved to have gone back to Texas but I guess the timing is just not right. I guess Mom is suppose to be here for now. Mark will stick with the job he has, as he likes it ....just not the traveling & long hours 3 days a week, but it is a job & we are very thankful for it. He may change if something else sparks his eye, but for now he is thankful for what he has. Our family is happy that we are staying. Meme & Grandpa are very happy! I could tell when I told them. Makes me smile to know they what their little girl around here & not so far away.
Not much else to update you on as it has been fairly mild with everyone. Oh yeah.. I do have a few more updates, duh.. told you I was tired..lol. Let's see.... Bob is back to being dizzy a lot & having a hard time walking. I hope this is just a phase. He was doing so well. Meme has a friend who is terminally ill & has very little time left. Her family is there with her & she is such a sweet lady. Her name is Rose. Grandpa has a friend too that is terminally ill as well & has a couple weeks to a month to live. I am friends with his daughter. I am not sure if you remember Mom's friend Janice.. you were little but we hung out all the time. Well, it is her Dad. Grandpa worked with him for many years. His name is Pat. Do you remember your RT from way back when.. Angie? Mom found her on facebook under Joel's friends. We have been chatting the last couple days. Nice to catch up. She is doing well & looks great. She lives in Nebraska now, where she is from. Teaching RT classes to folks. She was sad to learn of your passing. She said you were one of her all time favorite patients. That made me smile..also made me cry. It was sweet of all the things she said about you. You never realized how loved you were & what you meant to so many people. I knew but you never did. I hope you do know now. Lastly, it has been a few months now that Mom sold her car to Auntie Kristina. She needed one & I had one that I wasn't using so I sold it to her... she needed it more than I. Well, today I put a deposit down for a car for myself. It is an older one but new to Mom. It is an SUV 4 wheel drive so it will be good in the winter weather. I am so excited. Once it is paid for it is all mine & no years of payments. I can't wait... I am so happy. I know you are happy for Mom.
Ok that is all the updates that I have. Now on to the daily prayers for you... June 24~ Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as these are alive from the dead, & your members as instruments of righteousness unto God. Lord, help me to depend on you to be my source of goodness. I don't always feel like being patient, kind, loving, or joyful, but you are all these things by your very nature. So right now I place my strengths & weaknesses into your hands, asking you to infuse them with yourself & to make them instruments of good that will serve others for your sake.
June 25~ Hold up my goings in thy paths; that my footsteps slip not. Lord, far too often we try to steer the course of our lives without consulting you, & we always run into problems. Set us on a true course that will bring us closer to you. Amen.
The night sky has appeared & it is starting to get dark. I hope to see the stars & moon shining tonight as the sky is clear. I will whisper to you as I always do whether I see anything or not. I hope that you have a wonderful evening tonight. Do all that you need & want to do. Sweet dreams to you, Tyler. Hope I see you in my own tonight. I love you & I miss you. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin. Mom is not feeling well at all so I am headed to bed to relax & hopefully get some sleep that I am so desperately in need of. I will write to you tomorrow when I am feeling better. I just wanted to tell you to have a wonderful & peaceful night. May you have sweet dreams if you get to sleep tonight. Hope to see you in my dreams. I miss you & love you more than words can say. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Fly high & fly free. Watch over us. Thank you. I will whisper to you in a little bit. Be listening for Mom. Take care my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin. Mom is not feeling well at all so I am headed to bed to relax & hopefully get some sleep that I am so desperately in need of. I will write to you tomorrow when I am feeling better. I just wanted to tell you to have a wonderful & peaceful night. May you have sweet dreams if you get to sleep tonight. Hope to see you in my dreams. I miss you & love you more than words can say. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Fly high & fly free. Watch over us. Thank you. I will whisper to you in a little bit. Be listening for Mom. Take care my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? I hope that you are somewhere warm & the sun is shining for you. Today was a pretty scary day for us here weather wise. It was really dark all day, the wind was really blowing & still is. The sun was not out but it was somewhat humid today. We were in a weather warning for all day & earlier this evening with severe thunderstorms that would produce hail, high winds & heavy rain. We were also in a tornado warning for most of the day. At times the sky was looking a little scary but we didn't get much. We got high winds as I said & little rain but no thunder or lightning as of yet. Just took me back to when we were living in Oklahoma & Mark & Mom went through that awful tornado. That was so scary. I have never seen a sky like that & I hope I never see one again either. You always hear about them or see them on tv but to actually be there when one is hitting where you live & then you watch it pass over you to the next town... holy cow is all I can say. You were so scared for Mom & Mark & we were so scared. Anyways, the rest of the week is going to be clear, sunny & in the high 70's to low 80's so that will be good.
Mom had a busy day today. I got up & did some quick house chores & then went right to studying. I submitted a test today. I am hoping that I did better than the last 2 tests. I took several days off from studying because those lower grades got the best of me & I needed to work through that. To be honest, I was pretty scared to hit the send button on the screen because once it is sent I can't do anything about it. I am just so scared that I will get a low grade again. I will know in a couple days or so. My fingers are crossed that the outcome is good & I can breathe again. If not I will have to just finish this course & rethink if this is the right career choice for Mom. I know you are with me throughout this whole thing & I thank you for it. I need you with Mom. I need you all the time. I miss you so much. The pain almost all the time is just too unbearable for me. Most days, I laugh, I smile, I get sad, I cry just to do it all over again several more times during the day & night & then I start over the next day again. Everything reminds me of you. I talk about you all the time. I just can't believe that you have been gone for 2 years & 3 days. I know to you it would be like seconds but not here for us all. We have to count the days & the years of being separated from our loved ones.
I was thinking if there was any updates for you from yesterday & today & there is not. Everyone in the family seems well. Same ole same ole for us. Mark is working his butt off at his new job. I know he doesn't really like it but he is staying with it because there is no other job to fall back on here. We still have a decision to make whether we want to uproot again & move back to Texas as there is a job waiting for him there if he wants it. We are trying to decide if it is worth the whole relocation again. It will take several months to recover from the money that it will take to get us there & settled. There is so much to think about & consider as this is a big move again. Mark & mom want to make sure we make the right decision & we don't regret anything. If you know which would be best for us then please send us a sign so that we know. Our heads say 1 thing & our hearts say another, Any help we can get will be wonderful. Thank you.
I have a couple prayers to write to you so please let me start them. June 22~ Study to shrew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly diving the word of truth. I know it is important to be physically healthy & strong, but how much better if we're also spiritually strong! Sure, lifting weights does our bodies good, but regularly picking up a Bible is good for the health of our souls. And rather that than just doing deep knee bends to increase our physical strength, we can also regularly " hit our knees " in prayer & strengthen our core spirits.
June 23~ Let all bitterness & wrath & anger, & clamour & evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. God, grant me the courage to let go of shame, guilt, & anger. Free me from all negative energies, for only then will I become a conduit for joy & a channel for goodness. Amen.
Hope you still like the prayers. I know I do. I feel closer to you when I write you letters & I write the daily prayers. I don't know why but I do. I remember when we would pray together. I wished we had done more though. I wish a lot of things. I wish that we had no time but I am so grateful for all the time we had as I know it could have been a lot less. I just miss you so much, Tyler. I wonder if when you become an Angel... do you have emotions? Are you happy, sad, angry? I wonder so many things. I am still wanting to have another reading done. I just hope that you will come through again. I would love to hear what you do on a daily basis. I have so many questions.
Well, the night sky is going to be here faster tonight because of the weather. The wind is still strong here. It is only 7:44 pm but it looks & feels like it is so much later. I am going to close my letter to you as I have groceries being delivered & they just called saying they were here. Now I get to do more work...lol.
I hope that you have a wonderful evening. May you do all that you need to & maybe things you want to too. If you do sleep I hope that you will have the sweetest dreams & I hope that Mom gets to see you in hers later when I fall asleep. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. Remember this, please. I hope to see the stars & the moon shining bright tonight, but I doubt it. Nevertheless Mom will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? I hope that you are somewhere warm & the sun is shining for you. Today was a pretty scary day for us here weather wise. It was really dark all day, the wind was really blowing & still is. The sun was not out but it was somewhat humid today. We were in a weather warning for all day & earlier this evening with severe thunderstorms that would produce hail, high winds & heavy rain. We were also in a tornado warning for most of the day. At times the sky was looking a little scary but we didn't get much. We got high winds as I said & little rain but no thunder or lightning as of yet. Just took me back to when we were living in Oklahoma & Mark & Mom went through that awful tornado. That was so scary. I have never seen a sky like that & I hope I never see one again either. You always hear about them or see them on tv but to actually be there when one is hitting where you live & then you watch it pass over you to the next town... holy cow is all I can say. You were so scared for Mom & Mark & we were so scared. Anyways, the rest of the week is going to be clear, sunny & in the high 70's to low 80's so that will be good.
Mom had a busy day today. I got up & did some quick house chores & then went right to studying. I submitted a test today. I am hoping that I did better than the last 2 tests. I took several days off from studying because those lower grades got the best of me & I needed to work through that. To be honest, I was pretty scared to hit the send button on the screen because once it is sent I can't do anything about it. I am just so scared that I will get a low grade again. I will know in a couple days or so. My fingers are crossed that the outcome is good & I can breathe again. If not I will have to just finish this course & rethink if this is the right career choice for Mom. I know you are with me throughout this whole thing & I thank you for it. I need you with Mom. I need you all the time. I miss you so much. The pain almost all the time is just too unbearable for me. Most days, I laugh, I smile, I get sad, I cry just to do it all over again several more times during the day & night & then I start over the next day again. Everything reminds me of you. I talk about you all the time. I just can't believe that you have been gone for 2 years & 3 days. I know to you it would be like seconds but not here for us all. We have to count the days & the years of being separated from our loved ones.
I was thinking if there was any updates for you from yesterday & today & there is not. Everyone in the family seems well. Same ole same ole for us. Mark is working his butt off at his new job. I know he doesn't really like it but he is staying with it because there is no other job to fall back on here. We still have a decision to make whether we want to uproot again & move back to Texas as there is a job waiting for him there if he wants it. We are trying to decide if it is worth the whole relocation again. It will take several months to recover from the money that it will take to get us there & settled. There is so much to think about & consider as this is a big move again. Mark & mom want to make sure we make the right decision & we don't regret anything. If you know which would be best for us then please send us a sign so that we know. Our heads say 1 thing & our hearts say another, Any help we can get will be wonderful. Thank you.
I have a couple prayers to write to you so please let me start them. June 22~ Study to shrew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly diving the word of truth. I know it is important to be physically healthy & strong, but how much better if we're also spiritually strong! Sure, lifting weights does our bodies good, but regularly picking up a Bible is good for the health of our souls. And rather that than just doing deep knee bends to increase our physical strength, we can also regularly " hit our knees " in prayer & strengthen our core spirits.
June 23~ Let all bitterness & wrath & anger, & clamour & evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. God, grant me the courage to let go of shame, guilt, & anger. Free me from all negative energies, for only then will I become a conduit for joy & a channel for goodness. Amen.
Hope you still like the prayers. I know I do. I feel closer to you when I write you letters & I write the daily prayers. I don't know why but I do. I remember when we would pray together. I wished we had done more though. I wish a lot of things. I wish that we had no time but I am so grateful for all the time we had as I know it could have been a lot less. I just miss you so much, Tyler. I wonder if when you become an Angel... do you have emotions? Are you happy, sad, angry? I wonder so many things. I am still wanting to have another reading done. I just hope that you will come through again. I would love to hear what you do on a daily basis. I have so many questions.
Well, the night sky is going to be here faster tonight because of the weather. The wind is still strong here. It is only 7:44 pm but it looks & feels like it is so much later. I am going to close my letter to you as I have groceries being delivered & they just called saying they were here. Now I get to do more work...lol.
I hope that you have a wonderful evening. May you do all that you need to & maybe things you want to too. If you do sleep I hope that you will have the sweetest dreams & I hope that Mom gets to see you in hers later when I fall asleep. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. Remember this, please. I hope to see the stars & the moon shining bright tonight, but I doubt it. Nevertheless Mom will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, June 22, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin. Mom is just stopping by to let you know that I will write to you tomorrow. I studied up until 7 pm tonight & now my eyes are so tired & they are burning. I at least wanted to tell you I miss you bunches & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I hope you have a restful night. May you do all the things you want to. If you rest I hope you have the sweetest of dreams. I hope to see you in my own tonight when I go to bed..which will be very soon! I will be whispering to you very shortly so I hope you will be able to hear Mom. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. Continue to fly high & free. Please watch over Mom & everyone. Thank you.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin. Mom is just stopping by to let you know that I will write to you tomorrow. I studied up until 7 pm tonight & now my eyes are so tired & they are burning. I at least wanted to tell you I miss you bunches & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I hope you have a restful night. May you do all the things you want to. If you rest I hope you have the sweetest of dreams. I hope to see you in my own tonight when I go to bed..which will be very soon! I will be whispering to you very shortly so I hope you will be able to hear Mom. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. Continue to fly high & free. Please watch over Mom & everyone. Thank you.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? I am sure that you are busy going around to visit with everyone... your Dad, Mark, Grandpa, Bob, & others as today is Father's Day. Mom is sorry that she did not write to you yesterday but we were on our way up to NH to visit with family & to release balloons to you. There was Mom, Mark, Princess, Ozzy, Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie, Great Grammy, Kristi, Chris, Kristina, Mark, Mow, Sam, & her boyfriend, Mike that was at the cemetery sending you up 30 balloons. I see that you wanted a few before everyone showed up. You wanted to the white star that Mom wrote on & the monkey, & I believe that there was a red heart & a blue star as well... we all laughed. I hope that you got all your balloons & you loved them all. They were all your favorite colors. I did really well with holding myself together through it all but I cried all the way to NH thinking of how much I missed you & replaying that day over & over in my head as the minutes went by. Last night, Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie, & Chris all came to the hotel to have dinner with Mark & Mom. We ordered out from a pizza place. We waited awhile for the food but it was worth it as it was really good. Everyone stayed to a little past 9 pm & then Mark & Mom headed back to our room where Mark was so tired we turned the lights out & he fell fast asleep. Mom on the other hand ate too late & was up almost all night. I am so tired right now so that is why I wanted to write to you sooner rather than later. I know in a few hours I will be in la la land & hopefully having you visited Mom in my dreams tonight.
You gave us such a beautiful day to release all the balloons to you. The sky was so blue & the temps were warm. It made me smile so thank you. It was a hard enough day for Mom so any laughs & smiles that I was able to have helped me out. I wonder if you were right there with us yesterday. Did you see us all? Did you float with your balloons? I hope so. I will be doing it again for your birthday so I hope you will enjoy them again in another month. d bgh ( these letters are from Ozzy... he jumped on Mom's laptop so i guess he wanted to say hello in puppy code..lol. )
Everyone is doing well. It is always nice to see family & friends but it never seems like the time is long enough. It always goes by so fast. At the hotel last night when we were saying bye to all there was a sweet basset hound named Thunder. How he was adorable. I am thinking we need to have another one of those pups. I miss Max & Snickers too. I missed some of our family though... Aunt Shirley, Richard, Aunt Beck, John, Bean, Uncle Dick, Aunt Jacqui, Andrea, & a few others. Maybe for your birthday we can have everyone there. No promises but we will see.
I have a couple daily prayers to write so let me get to them right now. June 19~ Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. I can't make a blade of grass grow, Lord. By contrast, you created this entire universe & all it contains. If that doesn't inspire worship in my soul, I can't imagine what will. But the truth is that it does put me in awe of you; it does stir my heart to join in the worship of heaven.
June 20~ For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life & peace. Spirit, carry me like a feather upon the current to a place of serenity. Let the waters flow over me like cleansing balm. Set me upon the dry place, where life begins anew. Spirit, carry me like a feather back home again.
June 21~ Lord, if my world were turned upside down in a single day like Job's was----losing everything I owned, & far worse, all of my children were being killed by a natural disaster----I doubt worship would be my instinctive response. But here is Job, recognizing himself as a mere man & praising you because you are God. He trusts your wisdom that reaches above & beyond his overwhelming tragedy. Somehow, he is able to understand that the blessings you gave him are not his to hold on to or his that he can demand repayment from you. Even Job's punishing trials could not shake his faith in you.
Ok, Mom is caught up from the last few days. I am so sorry that I did not write to you when I know I should have but the last few days were tougher then most. I couldn't do it. I was trying to just be strong enough to get through the days. I know you get it, I know you understand & I thank you for that. I miss you so much & it hurts every day not to have you with me. Anniversaries, birthdays, etc.. are just even more painful reminders that you are no longer here. I hope I make you proud.
The night sky is approaching us. I hope I will see the stars & the moon tonight shining bright. If not that is ok too. I will whisper to you as I do every night. I love you my sweet precious son. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I hope that you have a peaceful evening & you are doing what you need & want. I hope that you have sweet dreams. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS The pictures I post tonight are a couple from yesterday. It is the group photo minus Sam as she was taking the picture & the one of Mom & Mark. Hope you like them, pumpkin xoxoxo. Love you.
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? I am sure that you are busy going around to visit with everyone... your Dad, Mark, Grandpa, Bob, & others as today is Father's Day. Mom is sorry that she did not write to you yesterday but we were on our way up to NH to visit with family & to release balloons to you. There was Mom, Mark, Princess, Ozzy, Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie, Great Grammy, Kristi, Chris, Kristina, Mark, Mow, Sam, & her boyfriend, Mike that was at the cemetery sending you up 30 balloons. I see that you wanted a few before everyone showed up. You wanted to the white star that Mom wrote on & the monkey, & I believe that there was a red heart & a blue star as well... we all laughed. I hope that you got all your balloons & you loved them all. They were all your favorite colors. I did really well with holding myself together through it all but I cried all the way to NH thinking of how much I missed you & replaying that day over & over in my head as the minutes went by. Last night, Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie, & Chris all came to the hotel to have dinner with Mark & Mom. We ordered out from a pizza place. We waited awhile for the food but it was worth it as it was really good. Everyone stayed to a little past 9 pm & then Mark & Mom headed back to our room where Mark was so tired we turned the lights out & he fell fast asleep. Mom on the other hand ate too late & was up almost all night. I am so tired right now so that is why I wanted to write to you sooner rather than later. I know in a few hours I will be in la la land & hopefully having you visited Mom in my dreams tonight.
You gave us such a beautiful day to release all the balloons to you. The sky was so blue & the temps were warm. It made me smile so thank you. It was a hard enough day for Mom so any laughs & smiles that I was able to have helped me out. I wonder if you were right there with us yesterday. Did you see us all? Did you float with your balloons? I hope so. I will be doing it again for your birthday so I hope you will enjoy them again in another month. d bgh ( these letters are from Ozzy... he jumped on Mom's laptop so i guess he wanted to say hello in puppy code..lol. )
Everyone is doing well. It is always nice to see family & friends but it never seems like the time is long enough. It always goes by so fast. At the hotel last night when we were saying bye to all there was a sweet basset hound named Thunder. How he was adorable. I am thinking we need to have another one of those pups. I miss Max & Snickers too. I missed some of our family though... Aunt Shirley, Richard, Aunt Beck, John, Bean, Uncle Dick, Aunt Jacqui, Andrea, & a few others. Maybe for your birthday we can have everyone there. No promises but we will see.
I have a couple daily prayers to write so let me get to them right now. June 19~ Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. I can't make a blade of grass grow, Lord. By contrast, you created this entire universe & all it contains. If that doesn't inspire worship in my soul, I can't imagine what will. But the truth is that it does put me in awe of you; it does stir my heart to join in the worship of heaven.
June 20~ For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life & peace. Spirit, carry me like a feather upon the current to a place of serenity. Let the waters flow over me like cleansing balm. Set me upon the dry place, where life begins anew. Spirit, carry me like a feather back home again.
June 21~ Lord, if my world were turned upside down in a single day like Job's was----losing everything I owned, & far worse, all of my children were being killed by a natural disaster----I doubt worship would be my instinctive response. But here is Job, recognizing himself as a mere man & praising you because you are God. He trusts your wisdom that reaches above & beyond his overwhelming tragedy. Somehow, he is able to understand that the blessings you gave him are not his to hold on to or his that he can demand repayment from you. Even Job's punishing trials could not shake his faith in you.
Ok, Mom is caught up from the last few days. I am so sorry that I did not write to you when I know I should have but the last few days were tougher then most. I couldn't do it. I was trying to just be strong enough to get through the days. I know you get it, I know you understand & I thank you for that. I miss you so much & it hurts every day not to have you with me. Anniversaries, birthdays, etc.. are just even more painful reminders that you are no longer here. I hope I make you proud.
The night sky is approaching us. I hope I will see the stars & the moon tonight shining bright. If not that is ok too. I will whisper to you as I do every night. I love you my sweet precious son. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. I hope that you have a peaceful evening & you are doing what you need & want. I hope that you have sweet dreams. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS The pictures I post tonight are a couple from yesterday. It is the group photo minus Sam as she was taking the picture & the one of Mom & Mark. Hope you like them, pumpkin xoxoxo. Love you.
Friday, June 19, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. Mom wanted to stop by to let you know that it was a very tough day for me & it is now extremely late. I have been an emotional wreck because 2 years ago today was when I received the nightmare of a call. I have replayed the scenario over & over. It still is a nightmare for Mom. It is so hard to write you a letter tonight so I am not going to but I needed to tell you that I miss you so much & I love you beyond any words could ever express. I hope that you will have a peaceful night & sweet dreams. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight as well. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Be waiting for all your balloons to go up to you tomorrow. We have about 15 family & friends coming down to your resting place. You will have 30+ balloons being release to you, a couple for Uncle Joe, & his son & 1 balloon for my friend, Holly. I hope they make you smile. Some will be hearts & bright stars in all colors that you liked, plus a teddy bear from Great Grammy & a monkey one from Mom. I promise to write to you tomorrow night & give you the daily prayers. I just can't do it tonight. I hope you understand.
Until tomorrow, Love always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. Mom wanted to stop by to let you know that it was a very tough day for me & it is now extremely late. I have been an emotional wreck because 2 years ago today was when I received the nightmare of a call. I have replayed the scenario over & over. It still is a nightmare for Mom. It is so hard to write you a letter tonight so I am not going to but I needed to tell you that I miss you so much & I love you beyond any words could ever express. I hope that you will have a peaceful night & sweet dreams. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight as well. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Be waiting for all your balloons to go up to you tomorrow. We have about 15 family & friends coming down to your resting place. You will have 30+ balloons being release to you, a couple for Uncle Joe, & his son & 1 balloon for my friend, Holly. I hope they make you smile. Some will be hearts & bright stars in all colors that you liked, plus a teddy bear from Great Grammy & a monkey one from Mom. I promise to write to you tomorrow night & give you the daily prayers. I just can't do it tonight. I hope you understand.
Until tomorrow, Love always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? I hope that you are doing so many things in so many places. I hope that you get to learn & do all the things you need to & want to. Mom is having an extra rough day today. So many emotions are going on in Mom's head. It is so hard for me at this time every month but even worse right now. I have a very hard time with knowing & remembering that 2 years ago today was the last time we spoke, the last time I heard your voice, the last time I saw your face, your smile. I remember that conversation & hold onto it so tightly. It haunts Mom every month but just more in the month of June. I hate this. I get angry all over again. I don't want to be angry but I am as I am constantly reminder of what was taken away from me, too fast & way to soon. It is a reminder of what I was ( and what you were ) robbed of as being a Mom. I don't get to see you grow older, get married, have a family.... I get none of that as you were my only child. I wish all the time that this is a sick nightmare & that you will come back to me & we will continue right where we left off. I would give anything to have you back & care for you again. I want nothing more to be your Mom again. I know that deep down this is just a sick twisted game that I play in my head, I know it is wrong, but it helps me cope. It helps me day to day. I said it before & I will say it again... I wish I could have you back. I wonder every day what really happened that night & the next morning. I will never get the answers so I will always wonder. It hurts so much. 2 years ago, Mom was living in Oklahoma when all this took place. Everything is so vivid with details but I try to block it out as the pain is so intense. I hate this feeling. I hurt every day & nothing will ever take that pain away or make it better. Now, Mom is back in New England & trying every day to cope & get by. I know you are with me every day. I know you would never leave my side. It will always be the 2 of us just in a different way now.
Here is the daily prayer for today. June 18~ But it from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find him, thou shall seek him with all thy heart & with all thy soul. Comfort us, God, when we come to this awesome conclusion: What did not satisfy us when we finally laid hold of it was surely not the thing we were so long in seeking. Yes, comfort us by this recognition: In all our longings, we are only yearning for you.
The evening sky is upon us now. The last 2 nights we have had beautiful sunsets for Mom to see. I hope there is another one tonight. I haven't seen the stars or moon shining in a few nights so I am hoping to see them tonight as well. I will whisper to you as I always do regardless of what is or isn't in the sky. I know you are shining bright wherever you may be.
I miss you so much, Tyler. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. May you have the sweetest of dreams tonight & may Mom see you in her own dreams when she falls asleep.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? I hope that you are doing so many things in so many places. I hope that you get to learn & do all the things you need to & want to. Mom is having an extra rough day today. So many emotions are going on in Mom's head. It is so hard for me at this time every month but even worse right now. I have a very hard time with knowing & remembering that 2 years ago today was the last time we spoke, the last time I heard your voice, the last time I saw your face, your smile. I remember that conversation & hold onto it so tightly. It haunts Mom every month but just more in the month of June. I hate this. I get angry all over again. I don't want to be angry but I am as I am constantly reminder of what was taken away from me, too fast & way to soon. It is a reminder of what I was ( and what you were ) robbed of as being a Mom. I don't get to see you grow older, get married, have a family.... I get none of that as you were my only child. I wish all the time that this is a sick nightmare & that you will come back to me & we will continue right where we left off. I would give anything to have you back & care for you again. I want nothing more to be your Mom again. I know that deep down this is just a sick twisted game that I play in my head, I know it is wrong, but it helps me cope. It helps me day to day. I said it before & I will say it again... I wish I could have you back. I wonder every day what really happened that night & the next morning. I will never get the answers so I will always wonder. It hurts so much. 2 years ago, Mom was living in Oklahoma when all this took place. Everything is so vivid with details but I try to block it out as the pain is so intense. I hate this feeling. I hurt every day & nothing will ever take that pain away or make it better. Now, Mom is back in New England & trying every day to cope & get by. I know you are with me every day. I know you would never leave my side. It will always be the 2 of us just in a different way now.
Here is the daily prayer for today. June 18~ But it from thence thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find him, thou shall seek him with all thy heart & with all thy soul. Comfort us, God, when we come to this awesome conclusion: What did not satisfy us when we finally laid hold of it was surely not the thing we were so long in seeking. Yes, comfort us by this recognition: In all our longings, we are only yearning for you.
The evening sky is upon us now. The last 2 nights we have had beautiful sunsets for Mom to see. I hope there is another one tonight. I haven't seen the stars or moon shining in a few nights so I am hoping to see them tonight as well. I will whisper to you as I always do regardless of what is or isn't in the sky. I know you are shining bright wherever you may be.
I miss you so much, Tyler. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. May you have the sweetest of dreams tonight & may Mom see you in her own dreams when she falls asleep.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? I hope you are well. I hope that you are going so many places & that you are learning & doing so many things. Mom has had another tough day. I can't seem to catch a break this past week and a half. Too much on my mind & it shows in the work that I am doing for school. I received another grade for my test that I submitted & it has been the lowest all through the course. It is making me second guess this all. I thought that Mom found something she might possibly be good at but with these test scores I am thinking that I might have been completely wrong. I am so bummed out. I am just not sure of anything right now. I really need some help with my directions in all aspects of my life. I need your help. I need help from anyone & everyone that can help Mom. Thank you Tyler.
There is no new updates from yesterday for you. Things are still the same. Lots of decisions that still need to be made, wondering what will be the best for us, what would be the best decision in the long run & not just " in the now ." I have been hoping for a sign to help us out to where & what we need to choose but nothing yet. Mark & Mom don't want to make the wrong decision & then in a few months we end up regretting it. Anything you can do to help Mom & Mark out would be great. Again, thank you my sweet precious son.
Here is the daily prayer for you today before I forget. June 17~ These are exciting times to be part of your world, O God, for your Spirit is stirring us into vision & action to revitalize our communities. Be with us in difficult times of decision-making. We must learn to be united, despite our differences of opinion. Move us beyond our too-busy schedules, our boredom with routine & committees, & our preference to debate & deliberate rather than do. Be with us as we volunteer & vote. Be with & bless us, the ordinary citizens, for we are as needy as our street & communities. Extend your hand of grace & bless us as we revitalize our neighborhoods, communities, & country, keeping you as cornerstone & Master Builder.
Aren't you proud of Mom, Ty? I actually did the daily prayer on the exact day! I am impressed with myself...lol. Anyways, I am hoping to see the stars & the moon tonight shining in the sky. Last night I sat outside for a couple hours & there was such a beautiful sunset but nothing was shining. I whispered to you as I always do, did you hear Mom? I will whisper to you again tonight just like I always tell you I will. Be listening for Mom's voice again.
I hope that you have a wonderful night. I hope that you do all that you need & want to do. I hope that you get a chance to slow down & relax. If you sleep, may you have the sweetest dreams possible. I hope that when Mom closes her eyes tonight I see you in my dreams. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I miss you so much pumpkin. I love you beyond life itself. Never forget this.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? I hope you are well. I hope that you are going so many places & that you are learning & doing so many things. Mom has had another tough day. I can't seem to catch a break this past week and a half. Too much on my mind & it shows in the work that I am doing for school. I received another grade for my test that I submitted & it has been the lowest all through the course. It is making me second guess this all. I thought that Mom found something she might possibly be good at but with these test scores I am thinking that I might have been completely wrong. I am so bummed out. I am just not sure of anything right now. I really need some help with my directions in all aspects of my life. I need your help. I need help from anyone & everyone that can help Mom. Thank you Tyler.
There is no new updates from yesterday for you. Things are still the same. Lots of decisions that still need to be made, wondering what will be the best for us, what would be the best decision in the long run & not just " in the now ." I have been hoping for a sign to help us out to where & what we need to choose but nothing yet. Mark & Mom don't want to make the wrong decision & then in a few months we end up regretting it. Anything you can do to help Mom & Mark out would be great. Again, thank you my sweet precious son.
Here is the daily prayer for you today before I forget. June 17~ These are exciting times to be part of your world, O God, for your Spirit is stirring us into vision & action to revitalize our communities. Be with us in difficult times of decision-making. We must learn to be united, despite our differences of opinion. Move us beyond our too-busy schedules, our boredom with routine & committees, & our preference to debate & deliberate rather than do. Be with us as we volunteer & vote. Be with & bless us, the ordinary citizens, for we are as needy as our street & communities. Extend your hand of grace & bless us as we revitalize our neighborhoods, communities, & country, keeping you as cornerstone & Master Builder.
Aren't you proud of Mom, Ty? I actually did the daily prayer on the exact day! I am impressed with myself...lol. Anyways, I am hoping to see the stars & the moon tonight shining in the sky. Last night I sat outside for a couple hours & there was such a beautiful sunset but nothing was shining. I whispered to you as I always do, did you hear Mom? I will whisper to you again tonight just like I always tell you I will. Be listening for Mom's voice again.
I hope that you have a wonderful night. I hope that you do all that you need & want to do. I hope that you get a chance to slow down & relax. If you sleep, may you have the sweetest dreams possible. I hope that when Mom closes her eyes tonight I see you in my dreams. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I miss you so much pumpkin. I love you beyond life itself. Never forget this.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? Mom is having a rough day today. It was that way yesterday as well. I am just having it tough. I seem to be angry at everything & everyone, I don't know whether I want to scream or cry so I say nothing at all. The tears have started a few times today but I stopped myself, just not sure why. There is a lot going on with Mark & Mom again. We have a very big decision to make & I am not sure the way we are leaning is the right decision or not. I am torn at this whole thing. I am stressed out because of it & because school is getting tougher for me. I was doing so well up until I submitted my last 2 tests & I failed them miserably. I have been getting all A's & now because of these 2 tests my GPA is down to an 89... a B. I am so upset with myself. It was really hard to hear the Indian doctors when they were dictating. I guess I really need to listen better & slow down. I am hoping that the rest of the course I can get my GPA back up & end with what I have right now. That would be nice. I have worked so hard so far to get where I am. Any help that you can give Mom that would be great. I need all that I can get.. thanks Ty!
The weather here has been rainy & cloudy all day again for the 2nd day right in a row. I am hoping for sunny skies tomorrow. This weather brings my mood down as well. I try not to let it get to me but it does. I think that everything is bothering me right now. I knew this week would be hard on Mom but it is so much more than what I was anticipating. I hate this feeling. I hate everything about it. I hate that you are no longer here with Mom. I am angry. I don't want to be but I am only human & I am. I am sorry. I need the guidance & the help to get through this all & get through the feelings that I have. I know you are with my all the time in the only way you can be now but it hurts Mom. It crushes my heart that I can no longer see you, hear you, laugh with you, take care of you, etc... I miss you face, your voice, your smile. I miss it all.
Updates for you from the last couple of days.... Grandpa & Debbie are well. Meme is stressed out again & Bob was doing so good for a couple weeks but 3 days ago he took a really bad fall & kind of took a few steps back. I hope that things get better for him again because he seemed so much happier & had some energy that what he has had in the last 3 years. I know you watch over them all as well, and I thank you so much. Aunt Beck is doing good, but John not so much. He has a scare last weekend & landed in the ER for a few hours. He needs to have another surgery..this time for something else, & he is still recovering from his double knee replacement he had done 8 months ago. Poor guy just can't catch a break. Bean is doing well. Mark is fixing her computer that got broken so she is forever thankful to us for that. Her hubby is still in Vegas but will be coming home soon. The pups are doing well. They have been kind of naughty though the last 2 days as it was raining. They ask to go out, I take them & then they don't want to get wet so they come back in & potty on the carpet. This is not ok & makes Mom very upset. I hope with getting them more outside in that weather they will get used to it. Think that is it.
I have a few daily prayers to write to you again because Mom can't seem to get her sh*t together & write them to you daily. Here they are: June 13~ And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Lord, I am aware that you, by your grace, have given me the strength to work through life's challenges. I accept that when I am completely out of ideas & drained of all energy, your grace & strength lifts me up & carries me forward. Thank you, Lord.
June 14~ I am Alpha & Omega, the beginning & the end, the first & the last. You are everywhere, Lord, & we are comforted to be enfolded as we move through our lives. You are with us in birthings & dyings, in routine & surprise, & in stillness & activity. We cannot wander so far in any direction that you are not already there.
June 15~ Beloved, now are we the sons of God, & it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. Lord, if my hunger & thirst for your righteousness could be satisfied by ordering from a spiritual drive-thru, I'd want to supersize my order! I so want to be like Christ. I want to have his courage & humility, his strength & gentleness. I don't want substitutes---such as pride that looks like courage or fear that looks like humility. I want the real deal. Thank you for the promise that you will satisfy this craving of mine, this deep soul hunger to be & do all that is right, true, & good.
June 16~ And when we cried unto the Lord God of our fathers, the Lord heard our voice, & looked on our affliction, & our labour, & our appression. Praise the Lord, for he has seen the affliction & heard the groans of his people--- both his children who were slaves in Egypt & those who are in bondage to physical pain. Indeed, he has come to me in my darkest moment & rescued me from my misery. He is a compassionate & wonderful God, who loves his children & watches over each one of us.
Like a broken record.. Mom is caught up again on these prayers. I am so sorry again for slacking on this but sometimes Mom is so tired or not feeling well that I just want to write to you a small letter telling you I love you & miss you. The things that are most important for Mom to tell you daily. I will try my hardest to get this kept up. Just bare with Mom. I have a lot going on & I am trying to get my emotions & head around it all. Thanks for understanding my sweet precious son.
The sky is finally starting to break away from the rain & clouds. Maybe it will clear up tonight so that I can see the stars & moon shining bright. I am looking out the window to see some blue skies. That is a nice surprise. I guess tomorrow will be sunny. I look forward to that so much. I love the sunny days. It makes me peppy & happy. I will whisper to you tonight whether I see anything or not. Be listening out for Mom.
I hope that this evening you will be doing all that you want & need to be doing. May you keep busy or relax if you want to. If you get a chance to close your eyes & rest.. I hope you have the sweetest dreams. I hope to see you in my own dreams tonight. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world & then so much more. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? Mom is having a rough day today. It was that way yesterday as well. I am just having it tough. I seem to be angry at everything & everyone, I don't know whether I want to scream or cry so I say nothing at all. The tears have started a few times today but I stopped myself, just not sure why. There is a lot going on with Mark & Mom again. We have a very big decision to make & I am not sure the way we are leaning is the right decision or not. I am torn at this whole thing. I am stressed out because of it & because school is getting tougher for me. I was doing so well up until I submitted my last 2 tests & I failed them miserably. I have been getting all A's & now because of these 2 tests my GPA is down to an 89... a B. I am so upset with myself. It was really hard to hear the Indian doctors when they were dictating. I guess I really need to listen better & slow down. I am hoping that the rest of the course I can get my GPA back up & end with what I have right now. That would be nice. I have worked so hard so far to get where I am. Any help that you can give Mom that would be great. I need all that I can get.. thanks Ty!
The weather here has been rainy & cloudy all day again for the 2nd day right in a row. I am hoping for sunny skies tomorrow. This weather brings my mood down as well. I try not to let it get to me but it does. I think that everything is bothering me right now. I knew this week would be hard on Mom but it is so much more than what I was anticipating. I hate this feeling. I hate everything about it. I hate that you are no longer here with Mom. I am angry. I don't want to be but I am only human & I am. I am sorry. I need the guidance & the help to get through this all & get through the feelings that I have. I know you are with my all the time in the only way you can be now but it hurts Mom. It crushes my heart that I can no longer see you, hear you, laugh with you, take care of you, etc... I miss you face, your voice, your smile. I miss it all.
Updates for you from the last couple of days.... Grandpa & Debbie are well. Meme is stressed out again & Bob was doing so good for a couple weeks but 3 days ago he took a really bad fall & kind of took a few steps back. I hope that things get better for him again because he seemed so much happier & had some energy that what he has had in the last 3 years. I know you watch over them all as well, and I thank you so much. Aunt Beck is doing good, but John not so much. He has a scare last weekend & landed in the ER for a few hours. He needs to have another surgery..this time for something else, & he is still recovering from his double knee replacement he had done 8 months ago. Poor guy just can't catch a break. Bean is doing well. Mark is fixing her computer that got broken so she is forever thankful to us for that. Her hubby is still in Vegas but will be coming home soon. The pups are doing well. They have been kind of naughty though the last 2 days as it was raining. They ask to go out, I take them & then they don't want to get wet so they come back in & potty on the carpet. This is not ok & makes Mom very upset. I hope with getting them more outside in that weather they will get used to it. Think that is it.
I have a few daily prayers to write to you again because Mom can't seem to get her sh*t together & write them to you daily. Here they are: June 13~ And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Lord, I am aware that you, by your grace, have given me the strength to work through life's challenges. I accept that when I am completely out of ideas & drained of all energy, your grace & strength lifts me up & carries me forward. Thank you, Lord.
June 14~ I am Alpha & Omega, the beginning & the end, the first & the last. You are everywhere, Lord, & we are comforted to be enfolded as we move through our lives. You are with us in birthings & dyings, in routine & surprise, & in stillness & activity. We cannot wander so far in any direction that you are not already there.
June 15~ Beloved, now are we the sons of God, & it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. Lord, if my hunger & thirst for your righteousness could be satisfied by ordering from a spiritual drive-thru, I'd want to supersize my order! I so want to be like Christ. I want to have his courage & humility, his strength & gentleness. I don't want substitutes---such as pride that looks like courage or fear that looks like humility. I want the real deal. Thank you for the promise that you will satisfy this craving of mine, this deep soul hunger to be & do all that is right, true, & good.
June 16~ And when we cried unto the Lord God of our fathers, the Lord heard our voice, & looked on our affliction, & our labour, & our appression. Praise the Lord, for he has seen the affliction & heard the groans of his people--- both his children who were slaves in Egypt & those who are in bondage to physical pain. Indeed, he has come to me in my darkest moment & rescued me from my misery. He is a compassionate & wonderful God, who loves his children & watches over each one of us.
Like a broken record.. Mom is caught up again on these prayers. I am so sorry again for slacking on this but sometimes Mom is so tired or not feeling well that I just want to write to you a small letter telling you I love you & miss you. The things that are most important for Mom to tell you daily. I will try my hardest to get this kept up. Just bare with Mom. I have a lot going on & I am trying to get my emotions & head around it all. Thanks for understanding my sweet precious son.
The sky is finally starting to break away from the rain & clouds. Maybe it will clear up tonight so that I can see the stars & moon shining bright. I am looking out the window to see some blue skies. That is a nice surprise. I guess tomorrow will be sunny. I look forward to that so much. I love the sunny days. It makes me peppy & happy. I will whisper to you tonight whether I see anything or not. Be listening out for Mom.
I hope that this evening you will be doing all that you want & need to be doing. May you keep busy or relax if you want to. If you get a chance to close your eyes & rest.. I hope you have the sweetest dreams. I hope to see you in my own dreams tonight. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world & then so much more. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, June 15, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! I hope that you are doing well on this cold & rainy Monday night. Mom wanted to take a few minutes to touch base with you & write you a short letter. I am not feeling feel at all. Mark & Mom went out to dinner last night & after I ate I was feeling ill... I have left overs from that meal today for lunch & about an hour or so later I was ill again & I am still feeling yucky. I am going to just lay on the couch & rest so I can feel better in the morning. I am so sorry as I promised you the daily prayers tonight. I guess I have several to do to play catch up tomorrow. I know you understand & you can see Mom & how crappy I really feel.
The day was yucky as I said as it was only 57 degrees today with rain all day. The dogs haven't even wanted to go outside as they didn't want to get wet..lol. Not spoiled or nothing are they? mark had a pretty good day at work so that is awesome for him! There are updates for you but I will write you them tomorrow as well.
The night is coming upon us pretty fast. I hope that you will have a wonderful night tonight. May it be everything that you want & need it to be. I will whisper to you as I always do. Listen out for my voice. I miss you & love you so much. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! I hope that you are doing well on this cold & rainy Monday night. Mom wanted to take a few minutes to touch base with you & write you a short letter. I am not feeling feel at all. Mark & Mom went out to dinner last night & after I ate I was feeling ill... I have left overs from that meal today for lunch & about an hour or so later I was ill again & I am still feeling yucky. I am going to just lay on the couch & rest so I can feel better in the morning. I am so sorry as I promised you the daily prayers tonight. I guess I have several to do to play catch up tomorrow. I know you understand & you can see Mom & how crappy I really feel.
The day was yucky as I said as it was only 57 degrees today with rain all day. The dogs haven't even wanted to go outside as they didn't want to get wet..lol. Not spoiled or nothing are they? mark had a pretty good day at work so that is awesome for him! There are updates for you but I will write you them tomorrow as well.
The night is coming upon us pretty fast. I hope that you will have a wonderful night tonight. May it be everything that you want & need it to be. I will whisper to you as I always do. Listen out for my voice. I miss you & love you so much. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, June 14, 2015
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