Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? Mom is having a rough day today. It was that way yesterday as well. I am just having it tough. I seem to be angry at everything & everyone, I don't know whether I want to scream or cry so I say nothing at all. The tears have started a few times today but I stopped myself, just not sure why. There is a lot going on with Mark & Mom again. We have a very big decision to make & I am not sure the way we are leaning is the right decision or not. I am torn at this whole thing. I am stressed out because of it & because school is getting tougher for me. I was doing so well up until I submitted my last 2 tests & I failed them miserably. I have been getting all A's & now because of these 2 tests my GPA is down to an 89... a B. I am so upset with myself. It was really hard to hear the Indian doctors when they were dictating. I guess I really need to listen better & slow down. I am hoping that the rest of the course I can get my GPA back up & end with what I have right now. That would be nice. I have worked so hard so far to get where I am. Any help that you can give Mom that would be great. I need all that I can get.. thanks Ty!
 The weather here has been rainy & cloudy all day again for the 2nd day right in a row. I am hoping for sunny skies tomorrow. This weather brings my mood down as well. I try not to let it get to me but it does. I think that everything is bothering me right  now. I knew this week would be hard on Mom but it is so much more than what I was anticipating. I hate this feeling. I hate everything about it. I hate that you are no longer here with Mom. I am angry. I don't want to be but I am only human & I am. I am sorry. I need the guidance & the help to get through this all & get through the feelings that I have. I know you are with my all the time in the only way you can be now but it hurts Mom. It crushes my heart that I can no longer see you, hear you, laugh with you, take care of you, etc... I miss you face, your voice, your smile. I miss it all. 
 Updates for you from the last couple of days.... Grandpa & Debbie are well. Meme is stressed out again & Bob was doing so good for a couple weeks but 3 days ago he took a really bad fall & kind of took a few steps back. I hope that things get better for him again because he seemed so much happier & had some energy that what he has had in the last 3 years. I know you watch over them all as well, and I thank you so much. Aunt Beck is doing good, but John not so much. He has a scare last weekend & landed in the ER for a few hours. He needs to have another surgery..this time for something else, & he is still recovering from his double knee replacement he had done 8 months ago. Poor guy just can't catch a break. Bean is doing well. Mark is fixing her computer that got broken so she is forever thankful to us for that. Her hubby is still in Vegas but will be coming home soon. The pups are doing well. They have been kind of naughty though the last 2 days as it was raining. They ask to go out, I take them & then they don't want to get wet so they come back in & potty on the carpet. This is not ok & makes Mom very upset. I hope with getting them more outside in that weather they will get used to it. Think that is it.
 I have a few daily prayers to write to you again because Mom can't seem to get her sh*t together & write them to you daily. Here they are: June 13~ And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Lord, I am aware that you, by your grace, have given me the strength to work through life's challenges. I accept that when I am completely out of ideas & drained of all energy, your grace & strength lifts me up & carries me forward. Thank you, Lord.
 June 14~ I am Alpha & Omega, the beginning & the end, the first & the last. You are everywhere, Lord, & we are comforted to be enfolded as we move through our lives. You are with us in birthings & dyings, in routine & surprise, & in stillness & activity. We cannot wander so far in any direction that you are not already there.
 June 15~ Beloved, now are we the sons of God, & it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. Lord, if my hunger & thirst for your righteousness could be satisfied by ordering from a spiritual drive-thru, I'd want to supersize my order! I so want to be like Christ. I want to have his courage & humility, his strength & gentleness. I don't want substitutes---such as pride that looks like courage or fear that looks like humility. I want the real deal. Thank you for the promise that you will satisfy this craving of mine, this deep soul hunger to be & do all that is right, true, & good. 
 June 16~ And when we cried unto the Lord God of our fathers, the Lord heard our voice, & looked on our affliction, & our labour, & our appression. Praise the Lord, for he has seen the affliction & heard the groans of his people--- both his children who were slaves in Egypt & those who are in bondage to physical pain. Indeed, he has come to me in my darkest moment & rescued me from my misery. He is a compassionate & wonderful God, who loves his children & watches over each one of us. 
 Like a broken record.. Mom is caught up again on these prayers. I am so sorry again for slacking on this but sometimes Mom is so tired or not feeling well that I just want to write to you a small letter telling you I love you & miss you. The things that are most important for Mom to tell you daily. I will try my hardest to get this kept up. Just bare with Mom. I have a lot going on & I am trying to get my emotions & head around it all. Thanks for understanding my sweet precious son.
 The sky is finally starting to break away from the rain & clouds. Maybe it will clear up tonight so that I can see the stars & moon shining bright. I am looking out the window to see some blue skies. That is a nice surprise. I guess tomorrow will be sunny. I look forward to that so much. I love the sunny days. It makes me peppy & happy. I will whisper to you tonight whether I see anything or not. Be listening out for Mom.
 I hope that this evening you will be doing all that you want & need to be doing. May you keep busy or relax if you want to. If you get a chance to close your eyes & rest.. I hope you have the sweetest dreams. I hope to see you in my own dreams tonight. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world & then so much more. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!