Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Thursday? Mom is doing just fine... had better days but have had worse ones too. No need for details on here as there is no need as you know all & you feel all. I am just so sorry that you have to witness it all from where you are. I know you hate to see Mom sad & you know that I am. I am doing the best that I can right now. Please know that I will hold my head up high & I will still make you proud of me. Just please be with Mom as I need you more than ever now. Thank you so much.
 Mark got home early this evening. Guess he is pretty tired as he walked in, sat on the couch & fell asleep. We really haven't spoken to each other but that is nothing new lately. Meme called. Things are going ok with them. Bob is having some bad days again but not as bad as they were. I hope that things start to get better for them again. I know that you will be with them both. Thanks pumpkin. It means so much to Mom, Meme & Bob. Please also be with Grandpa & Debbie as some things are going on with them as well. Not sure everything that is going on but I know after chatting with Debbie that things are kinda rough with her. I know they could use you being with them as well to. Thanks Ty. I wanted to let you know that today is your Dad's Birthday. I am sure that he would love you to go visit him as he misses you a lot.... no one will ever miss you as much as Mom does. It would make his day if he could see you or at least know that you are near him by giving him a sign.
 I know you are seeing Mom right now... I believe you are with Mom at this very moment. You see & feel my sadness. You see the tears falling. I am so sorry my sweet precious son. I know it tears you apart & hurts you to see this. I am trying baby I am trying. I just don't know what to do anymore. Today I am lost & don't know where to turn anymore. Life is tough at times & trying all the time as you know this so very well. You were so strong & tough. I wish you were here to give Mom advice. I could really use your help. I now I am not perfect & I have never claimed to be....hell I have done so many wrong & bad things in this life & I have always tried to learn from it. I may not always choose the best ways to change but I do the best I can with what I have. I have always been taught to treat others the way you want to be treated. Again, Mom does her best to stand by that but why can't others? Why do others hurt the ones they are suppose to love? Guess that will always be the mystery. Mom wants you to know that I will be ok. I will get through all these ordeals & hopefully soon you will see Mom really smile again. I miss you so much, Tyler. I miss the sound of your voice, your face, your laugh, your smile. I miss it all so very much. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Never forget this & always feel it in your soul...please... this is very important to Mom. 
 Here is your daily prayer for today. February 11~ And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Lord, it is tempting & easy to cast a scornful eye on those around us & note every fault. When my pride tempts me to do so, prompt me to turn the magnifying glass on myself instead. If I keep in mind how much I need your forgiveness every day, my love for you will never grow cold. I know you are willing to forgive each & every fault if I only ask. Amen. 
 The night sky is upon us now & has been for quite some time. The sky appears clear by I don't see anything shining bright in the sky. I know you are up there doing so many amazing things. Listen for Mom later when I whisper to you. May your night be all that you need & want it to be. Sweet dreams pumpkin. Come see Mom in my dreams when I fall asleep tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. I love you. I miss you. You are my one & only Hero. You are the love of Mom's life. You are Mom's Wind Beneath My Winds.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!