Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? I hope you are well with all that you are doing & needing to do. Mom is doing ok today. Still not completely up to snuff, but I am doing somewhat better! I am so sorry that I haven't been able to write to you a lot lately, but I know you see what I am going through daily so I know you understand. I hope you are beside me & giving me lots of hugs & kisses because boy do I need them from you. I miss you so much. I love you beyond life itself.
 Other than me being under the weather things are going well. All of our family is doing well too. Thank you so much for watching over us like you do. It means so much to Mom & everyone. I have a few prayers to write to you so let me get to it right now!
 September 29~ For from the rising of the sun to its setting my name is great among the nations, & in every place incense is offered to my name, & a pure offering; for my name is great among the nations, says the Lord of hosts. Like the low-lying fog that seeps over the mountains & blankets the countryside, grief seems to pervade every part of me each time it comes. I can't think clearly, see clearly, or move freely being encumbered by this fog. But you, O Lord, eventually send the sun. Slowly, gratefully, the fog begins to lift. And as it does, it leaves in its place your healing comfort....& the hope to go on. Thank you, Lord. There be no potion so powerful as the certain belief that something good can happen tomorrow. Oh Tyler..... Grief is something that I can relate to since you left. I grieve everyday for you & I can't stop. Some days are better than others, but I feel it all the time. I am not myself & I never will be again. There are days that I can't make a single decision, I can't & have no energy to do a thing. I am trying to make changes but they are a slow process. I do thank God for the times that I can. I also thank you as I know you are helping me along the way. I will forever just take one day at a time.
 September 30~ Be strong, be courageous, & keep the charge of the Lord your God, walking in his ways....so that you may prosper in all that you do & wherever you turn. How do I handle this situation, heavenly Father? I have tried my ways & my ways rarely work out well. I know that your thoughts are far superior to my thoughts & that your ways are far better than my my ways. And so Lord, I pray for your guidance & the will to carry out your directions. Let me be a channel for your purpose & your will in this situation, knowing that I surrender my problems to you, they are already resolved in the best way possible. Amen. Begin to weave & God will give the thread. I have such a hard time handling things in my life. I have just recently learned to just let it go & give it to God. I let him take care of it so I don't have to stress out. 
 October 1~ I said " I will confess my transgressions to the Lord," & you forgave the guilt of my sin. Heavenly Father, I know I need you not only to forgive my sin but also to forgive the guilt I feel because of it. When I feel guilty, I keep dredging up my sins as if they weren't really forgiven. I'm truly sorry if that insults & offends you, Lord. You have told me again & again that I am forgiven. I thank you with my whole heart for not only forgiving me but for taking away the guilt of my sins. Only when we are ready to relinquish the hurt is there an opportunity for forgiveness & healing to begin. Please forgive me for all my sins that I have committed & commit every day. I ask your forgiveness daily. Thank you, Lord.
 The night sky is completely darken now as I finish my letter to you. Snickers will have to go for a walk very soon so I will look for the stars & the moon shining brightly. Regardless if I see them or not I will whisper to you so I hope you will be hearing Mom. I hope you have a wonderful & peaceful night. Fly high & fly freely my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!