Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Sunday evening? I hope that you are as happy as you can be. Mom is doing well. I do want to start off by telling you that I am so sorry for not writing to you for 3 nights. Mom was under the weather Thursday still & then Mark started to feel ill & that went into Friday. I took care of him the best I could so I didn't even come near my computer at all. Last evening Mark & Mom had a little dinner party. We had a few neighbors over. It was nice to mingle with them, but some points were kind of awkward. It was fun but nothing like having them back in NH. Boy, I sure do miss our family & friends! I miss you so much more though. Oh yeah, I went to a Christian book store yesterday called Mardels. I bought this Memorial Cross that had a beautiful saying on it. I will have to write it to you tomorrow though. There is a light in it & glows an electric blue color. It is sitting next to your picture. I hope that you like it. Nothing else really is new except that Mom has been working on getting a lot of things in order for the wedding. It is coming up really fast now. I did some more work on it today too. Haven't really talked on the phone much to anyone but I am sure that everyone is just fine... That is because you are watching over all of us. Thank you pumpkin. I love you beyond words!
 I have some daily prayers to catch up on. I promise I will be better at this. Things will start slowing down soon so that I can do it daily & not a few at a time. Anyways....
Here is the 1st one of the evening. October 2~ Give thanks to the Lord, for his steadfast love endures forever. Lord, I sat down with a big list of things to ask you for. Material needs & wants, people to reach, hearts to change, & situations where your presence is needed. But as I began to pray, I realized how many blessings I already have in my life & that I have more than I could ever need. So I am setting aside my list of petitions, & I want to say only this: Thank you. Thank you for being a loving & responsive God who anticipates & answers my needs. Amen. Every day I thank God for another day. I don't ask for anything other health, safety, & protection for my family, friends, pets, Mark & myself. I don't ask for material things at all. I haven't for sometime now. I am thankful to still be here learning the things I need to so that when my time comes to be reunited with you Tyler, I will have the knowledge that is needed to move on. 
 October 3~ Let the words of my mouth & the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you. O Lord, my rock & my redeemer. O Lord Jesus, thank you for all the monuments to faith you have strategically placed in my life. Whenever I feel myself beginning to doubt that you will intervene in a given situation, all I have to do is look back & remember when you took care of me in the past. Crises with teenagers, the pain of financial reverses, & grieving the loss of friends, family, & my child, my son, Tyler---- I reflect on all those times & see how you faithfully worked to bring me safely through them & closer to you at the same time. Looking back increases my faith going forward, dear Lord. I praise you for the monuments of faith. With the power of faith we need not search for the answers outside the Lord. Honestly, Tyler. I have nothing to say to this prayer except I am thankful for everything. I hated to loose you, but I know I had no say in it. The ones left behind never do. I know it was the way you wanted it to be & I have to learn to respect you for that. I am thankful for all that I have been through. It has made me the person I am today because of it. 
 October 4~ The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters; he restores my soul. When I was a child, I had my favorite blanket. I took that blanket everywhere, wrapping myself in its warmth & comfort. Now I am all grown up, & you, God, are the one I turn to for warmth & comfort. Like that blanket, I know all I have to do is call you & you will wrap your love around me & make me feel safe & snug. I am your child still. No matter how old I get, I will always need you to watch over me. For you, God, are my permanent security blanket, my safe harbor from the storm. You are my rock, my home. God sends an abundant amount of strength & grace to all those who suffer. I am learning this daily. I never was like this or close to my faith as I am now. I thank God for this. I also thank Mark too ( and my neighbor Ms. Betty ). I will do everything I can & have to so that 1 day I will be reunite with you Tyler, & all our family & friends that have passed along the way. That is a promise to you that I will keep forever!
 October 5~ [ Jesus said, ] " I am the good shepherd. I know my own & my own knows me, just as the Father knows me & I know the Father: And I lay down my life for the sheep." I know that when I wander away from you, dear God, you always come & get me. Like a loving shepherd watching over his flock, you gently nudge me back in the right direction to keep me from harm. Sometimes I admit I refuse to listen to those nudgings, & I get into some kind of trouble because of it. But then, dear God, you always turn my attention back to you & the loving guidance you offer me. Thank you for being my shepherd, my guardian, & my heavenly Father, Amen. Again, God, thank you for all you do for myself, my soon to be husband, my family & friends ( pets too ). I am humble to have what I do & I take nothing for granted. 
 Wow Ty... the evening sky is now dark. The stars & moon have been shining quite brightly these last few nights. It makes me smile to know that you are around me & watching over your Momma. I always whisper to you. I hope you hear me. I hope you know just how much you are loved & missed by Mom & so many of our family & friends. I don't think no matter what I can do or say the whole & void that is left in my heart will never stop. No one will ever fill it again. You were the one & only. I will be walking Snickers in a bit. I will be looking forward to the brightly lit sky tonight. I will whisper to you again. Be listening out for me. I hope that you have a wonderful evening. May you have sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!