Dear Tyler,

Hi Pumpkin! How are you doing on this Monday evening? Mom is doing fair. Not the greatest but not the worst so I won't complain! I guess I am still having a rough time. I am not really sure of what exactly is going on. I don't know if there is a shift going on & I am feeling it or if I am just getting overwhelmed with all the wedding planning seeing we are 60 days out from the event & I am getting nervous finally! Maybe it is a combo of it all but I am pretty stressed out. Mom & Mark have to save a lot of money to make this all happen & it is really difficult that we don't go over budget on anything from now until the wedding. We haven't been doing anything so that we can make sure that we have what we need. The traveling will be rough but I am hoping that we will have fun this time. I know we will be safe because you will be with us throughout it all. I am very calm when it comes to this part! I wish you were with us physically. I really am missing you so much. I miss you every day but lately it is so much more. I have dreams of you, nightmares of you... I just don't know what is going on anymore. I try to be strong but it is just too hard sometimes. Halloween is this Friday ( 4 days away ) & I think I am feeling that heartache too. I know this was your favorite time of the year. The decorating, the scaring, etc.. everything about it you loved! I do none of this now. I just can't seem to. It hurts me too much. Your favorite movie was on last week... Nightmare Before Christmas. I did DVR it so I could watch it some time this week. I don't have it any other way anymore. I gave your copy to Jeremy because he asked for it. I hope that when I watch it you will be right with me singing the songs in my ear! I love you & miss you sooo much!
 Aunt Becky has been calling me a lot lately. John is having such a tough time recovering from his knee surgery. She calls to ask for advice. Feels good that she can call on me & I can help her out. Guess all those years of taking care of you worked out with all the knowledge that I have on the medical field. Please continue to watch over them both as they need it. Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie too. Of course I always need you to be with me & watch over me along with Mark ( Snickers too! ). Thank you for everything that you do for us all. It means so much to Mom.
 The weather today was just beautiful here in Texas. It is was sunny, blue skies with a nice breeze. Walked Snickers for a bit this afternoon. He loved it! I am hoping that when we go for our walk later this evening the stars are shining brightly along with the moon. I will whisper to you as I always do. Be listening out for Mom. I always wonder if you hear me. Well I have a couple prayers to write to you so I will get started on them now....
 October 24~ Now the word of the Lord came to me saying " Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, & before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations." Lord, you knew me in my mother's womb. You set my path before me, & you watch me every moment from sunup to sundown. I need not fear any trial that written all the days of my life. All I need to do is place my trust in you & walk obediently in faith. As long as I have you to guide me, I will prevail because your holy mercy has already saved & delivered me. No matter the worries I have, you, O God, are there ahead of me. I believe this completely. I believe that everyone's destiny in their life is made up even before we are born. I believe that we are on this Earth to live our lives to the fullest & to learn all that we need to do. Once we have accomplished this we are released to live eternally with the Lord. I believe this more than anything!
 October 25~When we cry, " Abba! Father!" it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God. Heavenly Father, when I was baptized, I immediately became your child, dedicated to your purpose. But you remind me again & again that we all must continue to renew ourselves & grow in relationship to you. Each day, the, be with me as I struggle to become more & more Christlike, letting go of past habits & becoming a living testament to you & your transformative powers. Amen. Only in God do we find the blessing of renewal. Thank you Lord for all you do for me, my family, & friends. 
 October 26~ I will not leaved you orphaned; I am coming to you. In a little while the world will no longer see me, but you will see me; because I live, you also will live. I don't need anything, dear Lord, but your love. For your love is the greatest of blessings, & from it flows all the other wonderful things. The love that knows no limitations is all I desire, for peace, prosperity, & joy are found in that love. Your love, Lord, is a cup of the sweetest wine, which quenches my thirst. Your love, Lord, is manna from heaven, which fills & satisfies my hunger. I am loved & blessed, & that is all I need, dear Lord. Love is the best of all reasons for living. This prayer is so true! I have nothing else to say. I have all that I need & want in my life ( other than you, Tyler! )
 October 27~ There is no Holy God like the Lord, no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God. Heavenly Father, I put my faith in you, for you are my rock & my foundation. I know that upon you I can always stand firm, even as the ground surrounding me shakes & trembles. I will not fall, for your arms embrace me faithfully, & I will not have to deal with my challenges alone. It is good to know I am always cared for & that even when things look as though they are falling apart, with my faith in you, I will soon see that my life is really coming together. My faith in you makes me strong, God. Thank you. With you in my life, dear God I know I will have nothing to worry about. Thank you. I love you!
 Tyler, I have to close for the evening. It is getting dark & I have to make dinner, & walk Snicks! I hope you have a peaceful night. May it be all that you need & want. Sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you so much & I love you beyond anything in this world. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!