Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? I hope that you are happy no matter what you are doing or where you are. I always wanted nothing more then for you to be happy & I still want that so much for you. The last couple days have been tough for Mom but I am getting by. Sunday night we have dinner out & I guess either I ate too much or it just didn't agree with me because I was sick all night & Monday morning until 5 am. I didn't do anything at all yesterday. Slept a lot & just felt awful. Today I am feeling better but I am just having a tough day. No need to explain it to you because I know you are here with Mom & trying to help me out. Thanks sweetie. I have spoken to you most of the day so I hope that you are hearing Mom talk to you. I wish you were here so that I could see your face & hear your voice. I hate that I can't anymore. I can't believe that in 6 days it will be 16 months that you passed. I know you have no concept of time where you are so to you it seems like seconds but to Mom it seems like a life time already. I hope you are learning what you need to so that when I one day join you... you have the lessons we need for our next life together. I am doing all that I can here to learn & except the hard truths to life so that I will be ready as well. Please keep sending me the signs to let me know that you are around. Thank you.
 I spoke to Meme yesterday & boy is she having such a rough time. I hurt for her. It makes me so sad to hear how depressed she is. I know that you are with her & watching over her as much as you can. I just wish there was something I could do for them both from where I am. Grandpa is doing well & so is Debbie. Aunt Becky & John are getting ready for his surgery in 4 days. They are making sure that they have everything set for it all. I know you will be with John & watching over him. Thank you so much for all that you do for us Tyler. I smile & I am so proud of you. You will always be my Hero!
 I have a couple of prayers to type to you so I will start them now. October 13~ Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life. Lord, would you think it insincere if I said thanks for the wrinkles & gray hair? What if I said thanks for the extra padding around my hips or for the creaking in my knees when I climb the stairs? You see, I've come to understand that growing older is not right, it's a privilege that not everyone is granted. And should you give me the opportunity to grow gracefully into a contented senior, with an abundance of grandchildren & great- grandchildren, I will be blessed beyond belief! And so I choose to replace my grumblings about aging with gratitude for the gift. Thank you, Lord. I am so thankful for all that I have to go through on a daily basis. I have had hardships & problems after it all & not once do I complain about it. I am just so thankful to be alive & to have another day. I count every breath that I take as a gift. Thank you God for giving me these gifts. I take nothing for granted...ever!
 October 14~ All of you must clothe yourselves with humility in your dealings with one another. Lord, let me be a mentor to someone in need today. I've had my share of trials & tribulations; let me use them to help. You truly can take the ashes of our mistakes & turn them into beauty. You can work all things together for good. The worst thing that ever happened to me can become the bridge between my heart & someone else's. Thank you, Lord. In your great compassion you don't let my pain or my mistakes go to waste. Seize opportunities to display kindness & compassion. I would like to think I help many out on a daily basis with things that I may say on my letters to you, Tyler. I believe that I am helping others heal while I do. I have had this blog now for 15 months & I have many followers. I would like to think that with what I write & share with you is helping others all over the world. I don't do it for anyone other than myself  & you but if I can help people along the way then I know I am doing something right. I think I have helped several others throughout my years & that makes me happy. I guess I am just that type of person..lol! I will always be willing to lend a helping hand when I can. That will never change!
 Tuesday evening is coming to a close. How the days go by so quickly now. I am hoping that with all the rain that we received in the last 4 days that the sky will be clear & I will see the moon & stars shining brightly. If I don't I still know you are out there somewhere & you are smiling & happy! Guess I wish I could see it. I wish you a wonderful & peaceful evening. I will whisper to you as I always do so be listening for Mom. Sweet dreams my precious son. I love you with all my heart & soul. I miss you so much. Fly high & fly free. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!