Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? I hope you are extremely happy doing something you love wherever you may be. Mom wants to apologize to you for not writing to you the last couple days. Mom has just had a really tough time the last month or so. Not feeling well & not sleeping for poop. I know that you already know this because you are with me during this time. You see the trouble & pain that I have been in. Thank you for being with me though. It means a lot to me. I am feeling a little better now. I did get 7 hours of sleep last night so that felt amazing! I awoke to a cloudy & overcast day that seems to be playing havoc with my sinus'. I just can't seem to catch a break right now. I did however tell myself that enough is enough... I am no longer going to let this get to me. I am going to be the power of positive thinking & thoughts. I will not let this pain get to me & become me. I know that I will feel better from here on.
 I haven't really spoke to anyone lately. I have to believe that no news is good news still. I am so behind on everything from speaking to our family & friends to getting things set for the wedding. I need to get on the stick & get going on all these things! I need to start writing to you more often too. I miss writing every day to you, but my days seem to have so much to do that I can never find the time & when I do it is too late & I am tired. Like I said these last several weeks I have just not been myself. I know that getting back to a routine & getting sleep will get me back to where I need to be again. I promise I will write to you every day or every other day. I hope that you understand what I have been going through & I hope you forgive me pumpkin. 
 I have so many daily prayers to write to you so I want to get them going. October 31~ You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, & with all your soul, & with all your might. Lord, I truly want to love you with all my heart, soul, mind, & strength-----so why do I have such a hard time doing it? At times my heart is fully engaged in loving you, but my mind is struggling with unanswered questions. Some days my soul seems too weary to love, Lord. And my strength? Well, it's just not there. Forgive me, Lord. It is my deepest desire to love you as totally as you deserve to be loved. Help me even in this, Lord. We were made to love & to be loved. Through the years I have strayed with my religion, but I have always believed in you God & have loved you. I would like to believe that I have changed in the last couple of years & I am closer to my faith now then I ever have been. I will continue to work on this daily & to show you, Lord & myself the love I have for you.
 November 1~ [ Jesus ] said, " Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God & obey it!" Lord God, I am truly blessed to know you. To be able to read your Word & talk with you & hear your voice is nothing short of a miracle. I thank you for choosing me to be your child. My relationship with you & your son, Jesus Christ, is what makes my life wonderful & worthwhile. I hope for nothing more than to continue to grow closer to you, day by day. Thank you for loving me. Reasons to rejoice & give thanks are endless. Yes, thank you & I do look forward to having a closer relationship with you!
 November 2~ This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice & be glad in it. Lord, I want to go through my day energized by thankfulness. Help me be generous & not selfish with unpleasant people. Remind me that shortfalls can be windfalls when I learn to appreciate what I have & not focus on what I don't have. Seal this attitude of gratitude in my heart, dear Lord, that I may draw others closer to you. Make me a reflection of your glory & a person with a grateful heart. Gratitude is an attitude of loving what you have, & this undoubtedly leads to contentment. Lord, I need help with this. I am such an emotional person that I have a hard time with people who are not pleasant to me. I take so many things to heart. Please help me. Thank you. Amen.
 November 3~ We bring you good news, that you should turn.... to the living God, who made the heavens & the earth & the sea & all that is in them. God, today I pray not for myself but for all the living things you have made on this great green earth. My hope is that we will show compassion to the creatures of the sky, the sea, & the land for all that they provide for us. May we respect & admire their unique beauty & purpose. May we learn to treat them with respect & dignity. And may we learn to take better care of the planet we call home, having compassion for life in all its wondrous & miraculous forms. Be thankful for all of creation. I am trying to do this on a daily basis. I am trying to respect all the living & beauty of this world & what it has to offer. Amen.
 November 4~ The only thing that counts is faith working through love. Dear God, sometimes I wonder if you just shake your head when you see our meager attempts to help others. So often we are giving them just what they need to survive the day, but holding back in terms of offering them the abundance that can be theirs through faith in you. When we reach out to others in love, God, let us also reach out with faith & be willing to share the faith that sustains us. Then & only then will all their needs be met. In your Son's most precious name, I pray. Amen. I would like to think that I have been a giver to so many people that I know & love. I have offered shelter to the homeless a few times, only to get burned in the end. I have given money to the homeless & the poor. I have helped the sick when needed & been hope to others. This is who I am. I am a giver. I always will be. I can't change that. I thank you for making me this way. I am forever grateful.
 I hope that you enjoy the prayers, Ty. I still enjoy writing them to you & telling you how they play into my life at this given time. The night sky is almost upon us. The sun sets so early now & today is a rainy day so that just means it will get darker faster tonight. I know that the moon & stars will not be shining here in the sky tonight but I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope you can hear Mom. I love you so much & I miss you more than anyone could ever realize. It is a pain that won't ever go away & it hurts every time my heart beats. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. 
 I hope you have sweet dreams tonight & your evening is restful for you. May you continue to watch over us all & keep us protected & safe. Fly high & fly free my sweet precious son.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!