Dear Tyler,

Hi Pumpkin! How are you doing on this Sunday afternoon? Things here are good. Mom got up really early this morning to do all the things that I needed to get done. I have done housework, made homemade bread to have with dinner tonight, purchased several things for the wedding online, & even made breakfast at 8 am & walked Snickers for awhile in the neighborhood this morning! I wanted to make sure to get all these things done so that I had plenty of time to do this very long letter to you today! Mark was pretty impressed with me & I was impressed with myself! 
 Spoke to Meme this afternoon. Everything seems to be going well. Bob had one of his bad episodes today. That is worry some for us all. He is doing the best he can at this time. I know that you are with him & watching over them both for Mom. It is so hard to be away from our family during hard times. Please watch over Debbie & Aunt Shirley too. They both are going through some rough stuff as well. Many doctor's appointments & perhaps surgery for them both in the next couple months. Grandpa is doing good though. Thanks Ty for all you do! I love you so much!
 Everything seems to be going better for Mark & Mom. I am finally getting sleep at night & am not in any pain like I was this last couple weeks. I am so happy & thankful for this. It was very rough for Mom, but I am tough & strong & I got through it. Thanks for being with me through it all. We haven't done much here in Texas. We have to save so much for the wedding right now. I am getting excited but it is such a bittersweet moment for Mom. I have family & friends who will be gathered around us ....all except the one I really need to be there with Mom. I know you ( and Amy ) will be there in spirit but I am selfish because I want more. I want you there where I can see you. Please Ty.. make yourself very present on that day. That is what I ask of you. Mom needs this. Thank you!
 Ok.. I have so many prayers to type to you so I better get started with them! November 5~ Do not remember the former things, or consider the things of old. I am about to do a new thing,.....I will make a way in the wilderness & rivers in the desert. Almighty God, I seem to have lost my sense of direction lately. I keep repeating the same mistakes, & I always seem to be banging up against the same obstacles over & over again. I could use some direction-----that is, some insight to help me learn what I'm supposed to learn from my troubles----so I don't make the same mistakes. I pray that you will show me the steps along the way & that you will constantly adjust my path with your wisdom & loving kindness. Thank you, God. God provides signposts to help us find our way along this ever--changing journey. Oh.. I find myself doing this more often than I would like to. I pray daily that things will change & that I get back on the right path that I need to be. 
 November 6~ O my God,.... We do not present our supplication before you on the ground of our righteousness, but on the ground of your great mercies. Dear Lord, I humbly admit that I've been withholding certain parts of my life, thinking I could maintain my earthly ways & still be dedicated to you. But I'm finding again & again that your grace cannot truly change me until I sacrifice every bit of myself up to you. I want to become new in Christ, & so I come to you today to offer all my life to you, as a living sacrifice to your kingdom. Take me & mole me into what you desire, Lord, making me forever transformed by your love. Amen. When we fill our days with the noisy blur of constant activity, we miss the gifts & blessings of the silence& stillness. I find as I get older that I can not do this. I can not withhold anything from you if I want to give myself to you completely. I need you in my life & I ask daily for you to be in it. I work on this every day, Lord. I hope I can make you proud!
 November 7~ Restore to me the joy of your salvation & sustain in me a willing spirit. Sometimes God, I feel like a withered-up plant in desperate need of sunshine & water, but there seems to be neither in sight. Then I remember my source, & I turn to the warmth of your love to be replenished & renewed & to open my heart to the sun again. Like rain, you quench my thirst & wash away my fears. Your loving light scatters the darkness I stumble about in. I feel that I can hold my head up high again, in the renewing grace of your presence in my life. Thank you Lord for the blessings I receive from you.
 November 8~ One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, & one whose temper is controlled than one who captures a city. Heavenly Father, I want to forgive. My mind tells my heart to let go of the past, but I just can't. My human weakness makes me remember every slight & misdeed done to me. Lord, help me release the hurt & anger & move to the place of acceptance. I want to soften my hardened heart & create a new relationship, one that is built on love & trust & one that is consecrated to you. Amen. Let you anger set with the sun & not rise again with it. Oh wow... this is something that I struggle with all the time. In my personal life to family & friends. I am an emotional person & get hurt very easy. I try to mend all these broken wounds & heal but some are just so deep that I get lost trying. Loosing you, Tyler is the toughest & hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I don't know if my heart will ever mend from this. I try but I don't succeed at all. Please Lord, help me to have a forgiving heart when it comes to me losing my only child. I need to find this to make things better in my life. Thank you.
 November 9~ Surely God is my salvation; I will trust, & will not be afraid, for the Lord God is my strength & my might; he has become my salvation. Holy God, even in times of fear & uncertainty, please remind me that you always surround me. With every breath I take, let me breathe in your merciful comforting presence. With every beat of my heart, let me feel your Spirit envelop me. I ask that you make me yours, totally & completely, Lord, & let me rest in the loving refuge of your arms. Amen. Please Lord, I ask of this from you. Thank you!
 Well, Tyler those are the prayers. I finally caught up to them. I have been typing this letter to you for the last 1 1/2 hours...lol! Now the afternoon is done & it has become early evening here. Soon the sun will set & it will be the night sky. I will look for the stars & moon to be shining brightly tonight. I will whisper to you as I always do my sweet precious son. Hope you can hear me. I wish that your evening will be fulfilled with all that you need it to be wherever you are. I miss you so much & I love you beyond any words could ever say. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. I will see you in my dreams.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!