Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday late afternoon? I hope where you are the sun is shining, you are smiling, & it is everything you imagined it would be for you. Here where I am in Texas it is overcast, cloudy, & rainy. The temps are chillier than normal too. The rest of the week is going to be in the 50 - 60's during daylight & in the 30's at night. Somehow here we get no Fall & Spring. We just get hot, extremely hot, & then cold. Last night we had a fire going in the fireplace. It made me think of you & Max. I remember just how much you loved it when we had a fire going. You used to sit either right in front of it or right beside it. Max would lay right near you or right on top of it. I found myself doing the same thing last night. Watching the fire log burn made me sad but I smiled. It is much cooler out this evening so we will light another one. Please know that I think of you ( Max too ) when I am near it & watching the beautiful flames. These kind of memories & so many others is what keeps me going since you passed. 
 As I am trying to type my letter to you Snickers is on my desk. He is sitting near the computer watching me. It is cute. He loves being near me when I am writing to you. I think that if you can see it I know that you are laughing that contagious laugh of yours that I love so much & miss beyond anything that I could ever express to you. 
 I was on facebook earlier & I see that 1 of your Amigos..Jeremy is no longer at the Laconia facility. He has a new profile picture of himself. He looks really good Ty. He is not as skinny anymore..he has packed on some pounds. He is living back home with his Mom & Step Dad in Sanford, Maine. He looks happy now. One of the pictures shows him, his Dad & his Mom. It states that he hasn't seen his Dad in 3 years. I know that you watch over him just as often as you do Mom & our family. He was like your brother. You 2 were so close. I miss seeing you 2 together..laughing, having fun, & seeing how much trouble you 2 could possibly get into on a daily basis. We don't talk as much as we used to.. I will make sure to change that. I know that would mean the world to you. I will keep you posted even though you know of things happening & changing before I do, but I still like to write about it.
 Spoke to Aunt Becky yesterday. She was saying that John still was not doing so well. His pain level still is not under control & he is healing more slowly than others that have had the same surgery. She is tired, but is trucking along taking care of him. I tell her all the time that she can do this & she is seeing just how strong she really is. She is being a trooper. I know you are with them both too. Thank you. Oh yeah.. she has been doing some healing work on Mom. I thanked her because whatever it is she is doing it has helped me so much & I am sleeping again. I told her not to stop...lol!
 The rest of our family & friends are well. They are getting excited that in 45 days they will be seeing us for the wedding. We leave in 35 days... the count down is on. I am all set on this end to get going. We have everything all packed.. just waiting to put it in the truck & head on out for 2 21/2 weeks. I am excited to see Meme, Grandpa, & everyone else. I can't believe just how fast 6 months have flown by. I really wish I was coming to NH to see you though. I am in a way but just not the way I want to. I miss you so much, Tyler. I can't even put into words just how awful the feeling is & how heart wrenching it is to have lost you. You are missed & loved by so many people. You were & still are an inspiration to us still. You made us all a better person by having you in our lives. I hope you knew that & I hope that you will always remember this. 
 Right now I want to write to you the daily prayers from the last 2 days. November 10~ [ Jesus ] rebuked the wind, & said to the sea, " Peace! Be still! " Then the wind ceased, & there was a dead calm. You calmed the stormy waters, Lord, & quieted the thunderous skies. I ask you to calm the stormy waters for me as I struggle with the challenges I face. I know that with the peace you provide, I can face any obstacle & get through any trial or tribulation before me. In the stillness within, you wait for me, always present, always ready to bring me safely back home as a lighthouse guides a ship through the cold, dark fog to the comfort of the shore. Thank you for calming my storms, God. In all human sorrows nothing gives comfort but love & faith. Even though I have faced several storms though my years I have always gotten through them with the grace of God near me. I am so blessed & thankful for all he has & still continues to do for me on a daily basis. I take nothing for granted & count all my blessings daily. Thank you Lord, God for always watching over me & providing all that I need even if it not what I think I need. I will always look to you for comfort. Thank you, Amen.
 November 11~[ Jesus ] is the mediator of a new covenant, so that those who are called may receive the promise eternal inheritance, because death has occurred that redeems them from the transgressions under the first covenant. Lord Jesus, through your grace, you have removed my transgressions as far from me as the farthest star. Still, I feel the scars & hurts of my past. I have hurt others, I have hurt you, & I have hurt myself. You forgive me in your boundless mercy, & I pray that you will help me forgive myself. I want to move forward freely, healed & whole, reborn in your love. Lord, please forgive me for all my sins, all that I have done wrong. I am learning daily to do all the right things & help others in need along with helping myself. I ask for these blessings to continue in my life. I want to be a better person, a more understanding person. Thank you.
 The night sky has fallen quickly tonight. What once was a overcast sky is now a darker overcast evening sky. I know I won't see the stars or moon shining this evening but that is ok. It won't stop me from whispering to you as I always do. I hope that you hear me when I talk to you. I do it throughout the day, every day. I am sure some folks think I am crazy because I talk to myself but that is fine. They don't know everything about me & what I have been through. I am really ok with it...lol!
 I hope that tonight brings you just as much happiness & peacefulness that you need. I hope that you are flying high & free somewhere special. May you continue to watch over Mom, Mark, our family & our friends. Thank you for all you do. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. see you in my dreams tonight  = ]
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!