Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? Momma is doing ok. A little cold today as the weather is overcast & cloudy again. The temps are slightly cold here...43 degrees but feels like 38. When I took Snicks out for a walk I swear that if it could snow here it would. The wind is blowing & it goes right through you! I guess this weather is prepping us for the weather that we shall be going to in NH. I can say that we have been spoiled... I don't like the cold anymore...lol! It is suppose to be like this all weekend too..with rain on Saturday & Sunday. Guess there is some kind of Polar Vortex happening throughout the whole United States. Lucky us...Not!!!!
 Momma got to speak to Grandpa last night. Things are going well with him & Debbie. Guess Debbie has a few medical things that need to be dealt with but other than that she is doing ok. Aunt Shirley had her appointment & she is tired but doing well. She goes back next week to get all the results. I keep my fingers crossed for all our family & say daily prayers for everyone. It is so hard to be so far away from the ones you love during difficult times. I know you will watch over us all like you always do. Thanks Ty!
 Yesterday was Pepe's Birthday! I whispered to him & wished him a Happy Day. I hope that he heard me. Did you get to spend time with him & Nana? Do you ever? I wonder how it all really works. Do you all stay together, cross paths every once in a while, or do you rarely ever see one another? Sometimes the curiosity just gets to me. My mind constantly wonders. I haven't had the chance to call Forrest for another reading but I would really like to. Maybe after the wedding is over with. Right now our budget is pretty tight so that we can pay for it all. I hope that when I do have another one you & many others will come through for me. I would love the chance to talk to you again. I need to hear that you are doing well & I want to know what you are up to! Guess that is the Momma in me..lol!
 So here are a couple of the daily prayers that I need to catch up on... November 12~ Like a horse in the desert, they did not stumble. Like cattle that go down into the valley, the spirit of the Lord gave them rest. Thus you led your people, to make for yourself a glorious name. Dear Lord, please show me how I can get on the right path, for I have lost my way. I can't seem to do anything right lately, & it feels as though I'm going against the wind & being pushed back 2 steps for every 1 step forward I take. I need your guidance to point me in the right direction so that I can get back on track again. I trust you alone to lead me where I need to be right now in my life, & so I surrender my will to yours. Please guide me, & I will follow wherever you lead me. Thank you, Lord. Nothing about God's children is too trivial or ordinary, too overwhelming or dreadful for God to care about. Ever since you passed Tyler, I feel that I am not going anywhere in my life. I am lost without you & I can get back on my feet. Maybe I don't want to.. I don't know. I have my days..some are good & some not so good at all. I hope that God shows me what I need to be doing in my life right now. I know that my purpose here is not done & I feel in my heart that I have so much more to do. I guess I just need that push to start me in the right direction again. I ask you Lord to please help me with this. Thank you, Amen.
 November 13~Thus he has given us, through these things his precious & very great promises. What wonderful, bountiful blessings you have given to me, my God! Indeed, you have filled my life with what is truly amazing, truly awesome, & truly inspiring. Oh, I know there have been challenges, & I'm sure there will be more. And yet, when I look at all the positive things in life, I believe in my heart that I can conquer the darkness along my path & find even newer blessings around the bend. Thank you, God, for showing me that your promises are steadfast & true, & your blessings are never-ending. Amen. Lord, you have given me so many blessings in my life throughout my 43 years of living. I have been saved so many times from a terrible car accident that left me with many medical issues, to having a son with special needs, to having terminal cancer, etc... I have always been forever grateful for everything & have never taken anything for granted. You have always been by my side through the hardships. Thank you for this. You have given me so many wonderful things as well.. again a beautiful son that I miss so much now, my family & friends, my ability to give back to those in need, to helping me find my soulmate, Mark. Thank you again for everything. I know I have had so many dark days but I am trying. I will get there again where I can do all that you need me to do for you & to better my life here on this earth. I promise you that I will get there. I won't let you down or myself down any longer. I am strong. I can do this... I need your help though!
 These 2 daily prayers really hit home for me this time, Tyler. It really made me stop to think about things. Where I am in my life now to where I am going... where I need to be. I guess I have some serious changing to do again. I need to better myself for me & for my new life with Mark as his wife. I need to do this for you too. I know you want this for Mom. I will do it. As I said I am strong. Just be patient with me. A little progress every day is better than nothing. 
 The sky is getting dark already. When the sun is out it sets at 5:30pm now, but because it is cloudy & yucky it is darker faster tonight. I will look to the evening sky tonight when I walk Snickers. I don't think I will see the stars or moon but I will still look to the sky. I know you are there somewhere. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope you can hear Mom. I miss you so much Tyler. I love you more than life itself. I can't even begin to explain it. I don't think I even could. 
 I hope you have a peaceful & relaxing night. May it be all you want it to be & more. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. Watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. Thank you  = ] You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!