Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? I hope wherever you are it is sunny, warmer & you are so very happy & smiling away. Mom is doing ok. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. I survived another holiday without you. Those kinds of days are tougher than all the other days. Our plans changed so that is why I didn't get a chance to write to you. I felt guilty about it but I think that you would understand. Either way I hope that you forgive me. One of Mark's friends that he met while working with him was back from Alaska & moving his stuff out of his apartment here in Texas this weekend. His wife & 1 of his sons flew in yesterday so we chatted & all decided that we all didn't have anyone to spend the day with so we said " lets do a dinner together."  We cooked all the traditional foods that we always had. Our company came over around 1:30pm & stayed until 7:30pm. I finished cleaning after they all left & I was so tired. I relaxed & watched tv for a couple hours & then went to bed. It felt good not to be alone for the holidays again. It has been that way for almost 3 years now. I spoke to all over family & friends too. Made me feel a little closer to home. I sure did miss you so much. You know how much I loved the holidays but since you have been gone I honestly would just like to skip over them altogether. How sad is that?? I know. I am keeping in the back of my head the information that was given to me about needing to change & be happy again. I know I need to get back on track. I was doing pretty good for a few months & them somehow things happened & I got " derailed " so to speak. I need to get back on track. I was told that where I am not sleeping well & I am sick that most of this is due to my thinking & feeling the way I do. I am tired of being this way so I need to make the changes. I know that you would want me to be happy & not hurting & sad. I feel guilty a lot of the time too. I need to work through these things still. Lots going on in my life right now. Heading up to NH in 2 weeks, a wedding right after Christmas, a trip back to Texas, & a move 2 weeks after that. I need you, Tyler. I need you to be with Mom all the time but need you to be with me even more during the next 2 months while all this is taking place. Thank you. I really appreciate it so much.
 Everything else seems to be going smooth. Meme called me & told me so not so good news about Bob. My heart hurts for them both. For Bob to go through all that he has & for Meme to have to go through it with him. The stress that they are under is just like what we had to go through. Just awful. Wish there was more I could do. Debbie is having her surgery 5 days after Christmas. I hope that all goes well too. So much is happening so fast. Sometimes my head just spins with the thought of it all. All our other family is well though. Doing the best they can getting through this thing we call life. I miss them all. I can't believe that within 2 1/2 years I have only seen them for 15 days. I feel for Mark as he hasn't been around his family for almost 3 1/2 years. Family is everything to us both. I wish that we could have you back & get all of both families & live together in 1 or 2 big huge houses. That would be so awesome! A dream come true indeed!
 I do have a couple daily prayers to catch up on again so I want to write these out. November 25~ God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble. Lord, let us to never miss a glimpses of grace you put in the simplest of places & deeds. A visit with an old friend in a nursing home can be bathed in your grace. A brief exchange with someone in line can deliver a blessed amount of your grace into their day. Open our eyes to all creative ways you are sending your grace into our world, Lord. And don't let us miss the glimpses ourselves. Faith is a living, daring confidence in God's grace. I think that sometimes the simple things in life are the best. It makes me feel good. Makes me feel needed by someone. I am a giver. Always have been. I love the feeling of doing things & helping others out. That is just who I am. Been this way for almost my whole life. I don't think I will ever change. I don't think I ever want to either. As I get older I do things slower. I look at things differently. I see the little things. Thank you God for giving this blessing to me & the gifts every day. They mean so much to me. Amen.
 November 26~ Be strong & courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Lord, you are the only one we need. Like a little child who wakes up crying in the middle of the night, cold & scared, we long to be comforted. But you wrap your arms around us & keep us safe in the shelter of your love. And so we come to you as desperate children again & again, wanting nothing more than to gaze into your face & receive your comfort. Thank you for the promise that we are your children forever & that when we come to you for comfort, you will never turn us away. When the quiet after the storm finally comes to our hearts, we look up to find that God is surely with us. As this prayer says.... Lord, you are the only one we really need. That you for being in my life, walking with me, helping me, healing me. I thank you for all the blessings that I receive from you daily. Amen.
 November 27~ I will both lie down in sleep in peace; for you alone, O Lord, make me lie down in safety. Heavenly Father, please bring peace to the relationships in my life. Some of the toughest challenges I have as a Christian involve my relationship with others. Even though we are brothers & sisters in Christ; we struggle to love each other & to treat each other with patience & loving kindness. Today, please bless me with an extra dose of inner calm, that I might retain my composure & remember your laws as I am dealing with others. I long to do what is right, & I know that with your help, I can keep your commandment to love others. I ask in Jesus' name. Amen. Right now in my life I have been blessed by you, Lord. I have been able to take all the negative out of my life & replace it with all the positive people & things that I need. I no longer have people & things weighing me down. I know that our lives are short & we must make the best of it every day. I am so happy to say I am on that road to the happiness that you want for me. It will be baby steps but I am strong & I will do it. I have all the right people in my life now that can help me along the way. Thank you for making me see these blessings & helping me along the way. I look forward to seeing what you have for me in the future. Amen.
 November 28~ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, " Whom shall I send, & who will go for us?" And I said, " Here am I; send me!" Holy God, you are truly merciful & caring! You have filled me entirely with your love that I cannot help but share it with others. I go through my days, amazed that you have chosen me to help spread your Word. I delight in helping others learn of your power & truth. I am truly blessed by your existence, & I am truly blessed by your name, letting others see the glory of the miracles you have worked in me. Our Christian fervor can be measured by our desire to grow in love. Every day I am blessed with all that you give me. I am amazed at the strength that you give me to go on each day. I thank you for all this. I am forever grateful. Thank you. Amen.
 I can't even believe how long it has taken me to do this letter today. My head is all over the place. I may be a little under the weather or just tired from being up so early the last couple of days...not sure. The sky was so nice & clear earlier & now it is overcast & cloudy. The sun peeks out from time to time though. I did see the moon & stars shining brightly last night. It was beautiful. I whispered to you so I hope you heard me. I hope to see them all again tonight when the night sky falls ( in about 4 hours ). Regardless... I will whisper to you again as I always do. I miss you my sweet precious son. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I hope you have a great evening, Tyler. I hope it is peaceful & restful for you. Just know you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!