Monday, October 31, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet pumpkin! Today is Monday, October 31st & it is your favorite day of the year.... Happy Halloween my precious son! I wish that we were able to celebrate it together like we used to do but I know you are with Mom...just in your own way now... a different way. Mom tried being festive today & I decorated some pumpkins with glitter..... it was a mess & I was covered with glue & now the apartment is covered in all colors of glitter...lol. I am wearing a bright orange shirt & black leggings just for you. I posted a picture of Mom on your facebook page today. I hope you saw it but if not I know you see me anyways. I am trying to stay as happy as I can for you today. I think I am doing an ok job! It is getting dark already & it is not even 5 pm yet. The little kids will be trick or treating very soon. I miss that part. We don't get to do that where we live now. I so remember dressing you up through the years... I still remember all your costumes.... lets see....you were a pumpkin, a dalmatian puppy, a dragon, red M & M, a pirate, power ranger ( for 2 years... different colors ), ninja turtle, Jigsaw from the Saw movies, Jack Skellington, vampire... I am missing 2 more. You decided that at 13 you were too old to go out so you dressed up & handed candy out to the little ones. I think you got the love for this holiday because of Grandpa. He is like a little kid when he sees the trick or treaters. He loves haunted houses & scary movies...just like you did!
Mom doesn't have any updates for you as I have not spoken to anyone over the phone today. Mom did get a message that Uncle Dick finally got a hospital room after being in the ER for 28 hours. Hopefully he will get better fast! I did however have a wonderful conversation with my friend Dean. You remember him right? He was saying how much he missed you. You two always got along so well. Mom also got the chance to speak to Megan online. She is doing ok. She started a new job & really likes it. She is back at DHMC. Guess she was saying that she was having some back problems & at times she can't even walk. That is not good for someone that young. I know she talks to you a lot & that you watch over her all the time. Her little boy, Logan is already a year old. He is a big boy & sure is a cutie! I hear that Ashley, Bianca's oldest daughter is going to have a baby as well. She is 3 months along. It is just so hard for Mom to believe that all of these kids were just kids & now they are all grown up & are starting families of their own. Sure makes Momma feel old...lol! I am sure to have more updates for you during the week but here is the daily prayer for today.
October 31~ Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod & your staff---they comfort me. The sidewalks are filled today with goblins, or at least ghoulish costumes. Like it or not, many play at being scary. But there have been genuinely scary times in my life, when I had to face real danger & when I truly fretted about the outcome. I've had to walk through some " dark valleys " of disease, disaster & desertion. In such times, each step becomes an act of great courage. Lord, you have found ways to comfort me in those difficult periods. You have assured me that you are right beside me, helping me to take each new step. So how can I be terrified when you are my protector? Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. Amen.
Well it is now 8 pm & I am sure the little ones are all tired & sugared up on their candy. They will all be crashing or should be fairly soon. I remember when you did! The sky is really dark tonight but nothing is shining in the sky. I see no moon or stars but Mom will whisper to you as I always do. I hope that your night is fun. Hope you will have a couple adventures along the way as well. Come be with Mom tonight or visit me in my dreams if you can. I miss you so much. I love you beyond any words can express. I know you know this & you feel it in your soul. Remember you are my hero, my wind beneath my wings & you forever live in my heart, mind & soul. Good night & sweet dreams. Again... Happy Halloween Tyler!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet pumpkin! Today is Monday, October 31st & it is your favorite day of the year.... Happy Halloween my precious son! I wish that we were able to celebrate it together like we used to do but I know you are with Mom...just in your own way now... a different way. Mom tried being festive today & I decorated some pumpkins with glitter..... it was a mess & I was covered with glue & now the apartment is covered in all colors of glitter...lol. I am wearing a bright orange shirt & black leggings just for you. I posted a picture of Mom on your facebook page today. I hope you saw it but if not I know you see me anyways. I am trying to stay as happy as I can for you today. I think I am doing an ok job! It is getting dark already & it is not even 5 pm yet. The little kids will be trick or treating very soon. I miss that part. We don't get to do that where we live now. I so remember dressing you up through the years... I still remember all your costumes.... lets see....you were a pumpkin, a dalmatian puppy, a dragon, red M & M, a pirate, power ranger ( for 2 years... different colors ), ninja turtle, Jigsaw from the Saw movies, Jack Skellington, vampire... I am missing 2 more. You decided that at 13 you were too old to go out so you dressed up & handed candy out to the little ones. I think you got the love for this holiday because of Grandpa. He is like a little kid when he sees the trick or treaters. He loves haunted houses & scary movies...just like you did!
Mom doesn't have any updates for you as I have not spoken to anyone over the phone today. Mom did get a message that Uncle Dick finally got a hospital room after being in the ER for 28 hours. Hopefully he will get better fast! I did however have a wonderful conversation with my friend Dean. You remember him right? He was saying how much he missed you. You two always got along so well. Mom also got the chance to speak to Megan online. She is doing ok. She started a new job & really likes it. She is back at DHMC. Guess she was saying that she was having some back problems & at times she can't even walk. That is not good for someone that young. I know she talks to you a lot & that you watch over her all the time. Her little boy, Logan is already a year old. He is a big boy & sure is a cutie! I hear that Ashley, Bianca's oldest daughter is going to have a baby as well. She is 3 months along. It is just so hard for Mom to believe that all of these kids were just kids & now they are all grown up & are starting families of their own. Sure makes Momma feel old...lol! I am sure to have more updates for you during the week but here is the daily prayer for today.
October 31~ Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod & your staff---they comfort me. The sidewalks are filled today with goblins, or at least ghoulish costumes. Like it or not, many play at being scary. But there have been genuinely scary times in my life, when I had to face real danger & when I truly fretted about the outcome. I've had to walk through some " dark valleys " of disease, disaster & desertion. In such times, each step becomes an act of great courage. Lord, you have found ways to comfort me in those difficult periods. You have assured me that you are right beside me, helping me to take each new step. So how can I be terrified when you are my protector? Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you. Amen.
Well it is now 8 pm & I am sure the little ones are all tired & sugared up on their candy. They will all be crashing or should be fairly soon. I remember when you did! The sky is really dark tonight but nothing is shining in the sky. I see no moon or stars but Mom will whisper to you as I always do. I hope that your night is fun. Hope you will have a couple adventures along the way as well. Come be with Mom tonight or visit me in my dreams if you can. I miss you so much. I love you beyond any words can express. I know you know this & you feel it in your soul. Remember you are my hero, my wind beneath my wings & you forever live in my heart, mind & soul. Good night & sweet dreams. Again... Happy Halloween Tyler!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Sunday night? It is all Hallow's Eve tonight...where all the tricking happens! Mom is doing well. Been a pretty busy weekend that is for sure. Sorry I did not get the chance to write to you last night but Mom was taking care of Mark all day. He was pretty sick with the stomach flu. He is feeling better today. We didn't do very much of anything yesterday as Mark couldn't but we did watch 3 movies. I never even got on my computer at all. Today we went out & did some shopping, grocery shopping as well & then I went & got my nails done. I chose a blue. Its a pretty color. Its like the Dallas Cowboy blue...lol! We just got done eating dinner so I thought that I would write to you really quick before our skype call took place.
I can't believe that tomorrow is Halloween. It just doesn't seem possible again. It is crazy how time is just passing us by here in the physical world. We don't do the candy thing here where we live. There is really no kids that I have seen & everything is under security that it makes it too difficult to have kids come to each place. I sure miss it though. Last year our complex did a Halloween party but this year I guess they decided against it. Not sure why...it would have been fun. I miss taking you out for trick or treating. It used to make me smile so much. During this time of year I miss you so much more. First it is Halloween & then its the rest of the Holidays. These months are tough. I like them still but I really do hope that they go by quickly.
You would have been so proud of Mom...last night I started to watch the Halloween movies... the ones I am so scared of...lol. I whispered to you, did you hear Mom? I bet you were laughing at me. I remember when you would scare me with those damn movies. You used to get such a kick out of it. I would jump, scream, & swear at you then walk away laughing because you did it to me again. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. What I wouldn't give to have you hear with me. To have all those times back again......
Mom spoke to Meme last night for about an hour. It was so good to just catch up with her. I also spoke to Grandpa as well for about an hour. They are all doing well. I heard that Grammy is doing good too. Today I got a message saying that Uncle Dick was rushed to the hospital by ambulance because he couldn't breathe... yup you guessed it..he has pneumonia once again. He was admitted for a few days for IV Meds. I hope he feels better soon. I got to talk to my friend today. It was the 1st time in like 3 or 4 days. He was very upset. He just seems so unhappy. It hurts to hear that from him. It hurts that he is sad. He said that he maybe headed back up this way & soon. I hope no matter what he decides it is for the best for him. Guess like everything else...time will tell. Please watch over us all, Tyler. I know you do but I always like to ask just the same. Thank you! That is all the updates that I have for you right now but I have the 2 daily prayers that I am behind. Here they are:
October 29~ You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be happy & it shall go well with you. O my Father in heaven, I love doing your work. It's a great feeling to be filled with your strength, to use the abilities you have given me & to accomplish something in your name. This isn't about earning a special place at your table. I'm not trying to win an extra heavenly crown so I can parade around the golden streets in style. No, I count it a privilege to serve you. I realize that it's only through your power that I accomplish anything. So the only crown I need is your smile. To know that you are pleased with my effort ----that makes it all worthwhile. God works & we work. Amen.
October 30~ Your decrees are very sure; holiness befits your house, O Lord, forevermore. Does holiness befit in my house, righteous Lord? As I think about the activities that go on in my home, the attitudes displayed & the priorities represented, it is a holy place? I hope so. That's my desire. Do we put more emphasis on loving you than in acquiring electronic gadgets? Do we love each other rather than fight all the time? Is honesty a hallmark of this home or do we sneak & hide & deceive & manipulate? Dear Lord, I want a holy home. That's why I dedicate my dwelling place to you. I want you to feel at home here. Home is where the heart is most fully what it is. Amen.
Mom is all caught up. The night sky is upon us now. I am hoping to see the moon & the stars shining bright but if not I will still whisper to you as I always do. Be listening out for Mom. I will smile & I believe you will too. Remember that you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. That is where you will always remain. You are my hero, my wind beneath my wings. Mom hopes your night is filled with everything that you want & need. Fly high & free like I know you are. Come visit Mom if you can tonight while I am sleeping. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond.
It is time for our skype call so I have to end this. Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Sunday night? It is all Hallow's Eve tonight...where all the tricking happens! Mom is doing well. Been a pretty busy weekend that is for sure. Sorry I did not get the chance to write to you last night but Mom was taking care of Mark all day. He was pretty sick with the stomach flu. He is feeling better today. We didn't do very much of anything yesterday as Mark couldn't but we did watch 3 movies. I never even got on my computer at all. Today we went out & did some shopping, grocery shopping as well & then I went & got my nails done. I chose a blue. Its a pretty color. Its like the Dallas Cowboy blue...lol! We just got done eating dinner so I thought that I would write to you really quick before our skype call took place.
I can't believe that tomorrow is Halloween. It just doesn't seem possible again. It is crazy how time is just passing us by here in the physical world. We don't do the candy thing here where we live. There is really no kids that I have seen & everything is under security that it makes it too difficult to have kids come to each place. I sure miss it though. Last year our complex did a Halloween party but this year I guess they decided against it. Not sure why...it would have been fun. I miss taking you out for trick or treating. It used to make me smile so much. During this time of year I miss you so much more. First it is Halloween & then its the rest of the Holidays. These months are tough. I like them still but I really do hope that they go by quickly.
You would have been so proud of Mom...last night I started to watch the Halloween movies... the ones I am so scared of...lol. I whispered to you, did you hear Mom? I bet you were laughing at me. I remember when you would scare me with those damn movies. You used to get such a kick out of it. I would jump, scream, & swear at you then walk away laughing because you did it to me again. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. What I wouldn't give to have you hear with me. To have all those times back again......
Mom spoke to Meme last night for about an hour. It was so good to just catch up with her. I also spoke to Grandpa as well for about an hour. They are all doing well. I heard that Grammy is doing good too. Today I got a message saying that Uncle Dick was rushed to the hospital by ambulance because he couldn't breathe... yup you guessed it..he has pneumonia once again. He was admitted for a few days for IV Meds. I hope he feels better soon. I got to talk to my friend today. It was the 1st time in like 3 or 4 days. He was very upset. He just seems so unhappy. It hurts to hear that from him. It hurts that he is sad. He said that he maybe headed back up this way & soon. I hope no matter what he decides it is for the best for him. Guess like everything else...time will tell. Please watch over us all, Tyler. I know you do but I always like to ask just the same. Thank you! That is all the updates that I have for you right now but I have the 2 daily prayers that I am behind. Here they are:
October 29~ You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be happy & it shall go well with you. O my Father in heaven, I love doing your work. It's a great feeling to be filled with your strength, to use the abilities you have given me & to accomplish something in your name. This isn't about earning a special place at your table. I'm not trying to win an extra heavenly crown so I can parade around the golden streets in style. No, I count it a privilege to serve you. I realize that it's only through your power that I accomplish anything. So the only crown I need is your smile. To know that you are pleased with my effort ----that makes it all worthwhile. God works & we work. Amen.
October 30~ Your decrees are very sure; holiness befits your house, O Lord, forevermore. Does holiness befit in my house, righteous Lord? As I think about the activities that go on in my home, the attitudes displayed & the priorities represented, it is a holy place? I hope so. That's my desire. Do we put more emphasis on loving you than in acquiring electronic gadgets? Do we love each other rather than fight all the time? Is honesty a hallmark of this home or do we sneak & hide & deceive & manipulate? Dear Lord, I want a holy home. That's why I dedicate my dwelling place to you. I want you to feel at home here. Home is where the heart is most fully what it is. Amen.
Mom is all caught up. The night sky is upon us now. I am hoping to see the moon & the stars shining bright but if not I will still whisper to you as I always do. Be listening out for Mom. I will smile & I believe you will too. Remember that you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. That is where you will always remain. You are my hero, my wind beneath my wings. Mom hopes your night is filled with everything that you want & need. Fly high & free like I know you are. Come visit Mom if you can tonight while I am sleeping. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond.
It is time for our skype call so I have to end this. Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, October 28, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is doing as well as can be. I wanted to write to you know because the weather here is kind of crazy right now. We have been in a wind advisory since early this morning & we will be in it for the rest of the night until tomorrow morning. It is so dark here & it is only 3:50 pm. It is cloudy & raining pretty heavy. Mom has actually had a pretty good day. Took the pups for a nice walk earlier before it started raining. I have been studying all day long. My books were suppose to come in but they never did. Not sure what is going on with that. I tried tracking the package but that particular website is down & having trouble. Hopefully it will come in by tomorrow. I just am finishing up the last 2 chapters of this book & taking my last exam. So far I have a 98 in this one. I am pretty happy about that! I know you are as well.
Mom slept pretty good last night! I feel rested that is for sure. I was so happy about that! I really needed it. Mom even has already prepped dinner for us tonight. We are having stuffed peppers & homemade bread. It needs plenty of time to cook so I had to do everything early. It sure does smell good in here. Mom remembers just how much you loved my bread. I sure do miss cooking for you my sweet precious son! I miss so much with you. I think about it all a lot of the time but honestly I try not to as it makes me so sad. I try to be happy as that is the way I know you want me to be, I know that you are at peace & you are happy where you are. Mom just wishes that it didn't have to hurt so much all the time. I am trying my best.... I really am. I will eventually get there but I'm not there yet & I know it will take a lot more time.
Mom did not talk to anyone last night but I did get the chance to talk to Auntie Kristina today. She & Mark have been sick with that stomach flu that is going around. Hope they feel better soon. I chatted with my friend for a few minutes today online as well. He told Mom to tell you hello. I just think that is so sweet when he says that. It makes me smile & my heart shine. I know you can see that. Remember Michelle that went out with Spencer? Her & her boyfriend became parents yesterday. They have a little boy. His name is Wyatt. He sure is cute. I am sure you were looking down on them. You were always close to her. Today is also Megan McPherson's Birthday. I wished her a good day for us. If you can make that travel distance to Scotland...go say Happy Birthday. Just don't scare her...lol. Your cousin Ray Jr. will be a Dad soon as well. His wife, Kayla should be giving birth in the next couple weeks. Everyone there is really excited about that. I am also sure that you will be right there with them as well. For some reason I have a feeling that you have met their baby already. Lots of wonderful things are happening for family & friends. Mom can't believe that Monday it will be Halloween. This will be the 3rd one without you. Ugh.... makes Mom so sad at the thought of it. We always had fun decorating & watching horror movies together. You would scare the crap out of me half the time....lol. I sure miss those special times. Do you remember when I dressed up as Mrs. Potts from Beauty & the Beast? That was so much fun. I liked dressing up for & with you! Anyways... I think that is all I have for you today as far as updates go but here is your daily prayer for today.
October 28~ He reached down from on high, he took me; he drew me out of mighty waters. Dear Lord, as you know, I've had some difficult times. On a number of occasions in my life I have felt totally lost. I've had no idea what to do. I've been emotionally wounded by people I expected to treat me better. I have suffered grave disappointments. But as I think back over those times, my heart is filled with gratitude, because I cried out to you & you helped me. You transformed some of those situations, but you also transformed me. So I thank you from the core of who I am today. Where would I be without you? Who would I be? I owe my entire existence to you. He is the living God, enduring forever. His kingdom shall never be destroyed & his dominion has no end. He delivers & rescues, he works signs & wonders in heaven & on earth. Amen.
Wow that pray today really hits home for Mom. It has me written all over it. I am forever grateful for still being here after all that I have gone through. Mom takes nothing for granted. I always told you that too. Well, Mom hopes that your night is filled with peace, love & laughter. I hope you have a few adventures along the way as well. Come visit me again tonight while I sleep. I would love that from you. Mom knows I will not see anything shining bright in the sky but that is ok. I know you are shining bright for others who need it more. I will still whisper to you as I always do. Be listening for my voice. Smile & I will as well. Remember you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. You are my hero & my wind beneath my wings. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. It is forever unconditional love for you. Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler. Until tomorrow.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is doing as well as can be. I wanted to write to you know because the weather here is kind of crazy right now. We have been in a wind advisory since early this morning & we will be in it for the rest of the night until tomorrow morning. It is so dark here & it is only 3:50 pm. It is cloudy & raining pretty heavy. Mom has actually had a pretty good day. Took the pups for a nice walk earlier before it started raining. I have been studying all day long. My books were suppose to come in but they never did. Not sure what is going on with that. I tried tracking the package but that particular website is down & having trouble. Hopefully it will come in by tomorrow. I just am finishing up the last 2 chapters of this book & taking my last exam. So far I have a 98 in this one. I am pretty happy about that! I know you are as well.
Mom slept pretty good last night! I feel rested that is for sure. I was so happy about that! I really needed it. Mom even has already prepped dinner for us tonight. We are having stuffed peppers & homemade bread. It needs plenty of time to cook so I had to do everything early. It sure does smell good in here. Mom remembers just how much you loved my bread. I sure do miss cooking for you my sweet precious son! I miss so much with you. I think about it all a lot of the time but honestly I try not to as it makes me so sad. I try to be happy as that is the way I know you want me to be, I know that you are at peace & you are happy where you are. Mom just wishes that it didn't have to hurt so much all the time. I am trying my best.... I really am. I will eventually get there but I'm not there yet & I know it will take a lot more time.
Mom did not talk to anyone last night but I did get the chance to talk to Auntie Kristina today. She & Mark have been sick with that stomach flu that is going around. Hope they feel better soon. I chatted with my friend for a few minutes today online as well. He told Mom to tell you hello. I just think that is so sweet when he says that. It makes me smile & my heart shine. I know you can see that. Remember Michelle that went out with Spencer? Her & her boyfriend became parents yesterday. They have a little boy. His name is Wyatt. He sure is cute. I am sure you were looking down on them. You were always close to her. Today is also Megan McPherson's Birthday. I wished her a good day for us. If you can make that travel distance to Scotland...go say Happy Birthday. Just don't scare her...lol. Your cousin Ray Jr. will be a Dad soon as well. His wife, Kayla should be giving birth in the next couple weeks. Everyone there is really excited about that. I am also sure that you will be right there with them as well. For some reason I have a feeling that you have met their baby already. Lots of wonderful things are happening for family & friends. Mom can't believe that Monday it will be Halloween. This will be the 3rd one without you. Ugh.... makes Mom so sad at the thought of it. We always had fun decorating & watching horror movies together. You would scare the crap out of me half the time....lol. I sure miss those special times. Do you remember when I dressed up as Mrs. Potts from Beauty & the Beast? That was so much fun. I liked dressing up for & with you! Anyways... I think that is all I have for you today as far as updates go but here is your daily prayer for today.
October 28~ He reached down from on high, he took me; he drew me out of mighty waters. Dear Lord, as you know, I've had some difficult times. On a number of occasions in my life I have felt totally lost. I've had no idea what to do. I've been emotionally wounded by people I expected to treat me better. I have suffered grave disappointments. But as I think back over those times, my heart is filled with gratitude, because I cried out to you & you helped me. You transformed some of those situations, but you also transformed me. So I thank you from the core of who I am today. Where would I be without you? Who would I be? I owe my entire existence to you. He is the living God, enduring forever. His kingdom shall never be destroyed & his dominion has no end. He delivers & rescues, he works signs & wonders in heaven & on earth. Amen.
Wow that pray today really hits home for Mom. It has me written all over it. I am forever grateful for still being here after all that I have gone through. Mom takes nothing for granted. I always told you that too. Well, Mom hopes that your night is filled with peace, love & laughter. I hope you have a few adventures along the way as well. Come visit me again tonight while I sleep. I would love that from you. Mom knows I will not see anything shining bright in the sky but that is ok. I know you are shining bright for others who need it more. I will still whisper to you as I always do. Be listening for my voice. Smile & I will as well. Remember you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. You are my hero & my wind beneath my wings. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. It is forever unconditional love for you. Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler. Until tomorrow.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? Mom is sure you are somewhere warm & sunny & definitely not where I am where it is super cold. Mom's ready for the winter weather for some reason but I do not think that my old bones are ready for it...lol. Mom is sorry that I did not write to you last night but quite frankly I was not feeling all that great. Mark even said that I was having an off day & he noticed it. He kept asking what was wrong with me but I couldn't give him an answer as I didn't even know myself. I just knew that I wasn't feeling like myself & I was just feeling blah. Mark tried cheering Mom up with playing golf on the PS3 but that didn't even do it. I went to bed really early in hopes of getting a good night sleep but that didn't even happen. Mom is doing better today for the most part. I know that something is still off but Mom just can't pin point to what it is. I think I have an idea.... just be with me as much as you can...ok, Tyler? I need you ....I always do my sweet precious son. Thank you!
The weather today has been overcast & cloudy. It said we were going to get rain & I believe that it is raining now but not sure. The temp is only in the 40's again. I don't believe that I will be seeing anything shining in the sky tonight but I will look just the same. I will whisper to you as I always do so be listening out for my voice. I will smile when I talk to you & I will be closing my eyes so that I can see your smile...the smile I miss so very much. No matter what.... we are still under the sky big sky...it's just a little different for us now. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. That will never change. You live there forever & always.
Mom has a couple updates for you.... Aunt Jacqui is doing much better. Her infection is finally gone from her spine. It took almost 3 months for that. She got her Pic Line out today so that is good news. Spoke to Meme...her & Bob are well but she was telling me that Spencer has moved back to Claremont. I was so surprised to hear that. I spoke to him briefly & he was saying that it was a very tough decision but the best one he could make for right now. His little boy is still in Florida with the Mom. I also heard that Adam has gotten himself in a bit of trouble & is either still in jail or he is now out. Mom is just so floored about this as he was always such a good guy. Please watch over Spencer & Adam as I know you do. Mom thinks that they may need just a little extra right now. Grandpa & everyone else is doing well. Just working a lot still. Mark is also working a lot of hours as usual. Mom will be getting her new books for her class tomorrow & it will be the last one for this semester. 3 more to go...lol! Mom's friends brother that was in the accident a couple months ago will be going to rehab soon. Mom gets updates about him from time to time. He has come a long way but still has a long way to go but we both know that after rehab he will be able to go back home. Do you remember your rehab in Delaware? Oh Mom does. I remember it like it was yesterday. We left on November 14 & got back 1 week before Christmas that year. That was a very long month being away from all our family & friends. Rough times but we all made it through together....just like always. I think that is all the updates I have for you right now. More later in the week.
Here are the daily prayers that I need catching up on. October 26~ O magnify the Lord with me & let us exalt his name together. Dear Lord, I can talk with my friends about anything & everything---traffic, children, weather, TV & sports---you name it. But it's harder to talk about you. Why is that? Lord, it should be the most natural thing in the world to share what you're doing in my life & to hear similar reports from others. Help me open up about you, so my friends & I can magnify you together. You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lamp stand & it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others. Amen.
October 27~ For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy. I rejoice today, O brilliant Creator, in the glory of what you have made. The sheer majesty of mountains & oceans is awe-inspiring, not to mention planets & galaxies. But it's just as inspiring if I turn my gaze to the tiniest parts of your creation---an insect's body armor, a plants growth process & a strand of human DNA. You have made everything with wit & wonder, including me! I am privileged to be called your child. People quibble about the process of creation, but it's the purpose that's actually important. Amen.
All caught up yet again! It is that time of night where Mom needs to get going so that I can feed the puppies & get our own dinner going. Mom hopes that your night is everything you need & want it to be. May it be peaceful & adventurous as you want! Have fun while Mom is sleeping tonight. Come visit me in my dreams. I will be waiting for you! Continue to fly high & free. Tell everyone where you are that Mom loves them & misses them too. Thanks! Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler. I love you with everything I have. Until tomorrow.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday afternoon? Mom is sure you are somewhere warm & sunny & definitely not where I am where it is super cold. Mom's ready for the winter weather for some reason but I do not think that my old bones are ready for it...lol. Mom is sorry that I did not write to you last night but quite frankly I was not feeling all that great. Mark even said that I was having an off day & he noticed it. He kept asking what was wrong with me but I couldn't give him an answer as I didn't even know myself. I just knew that I wasn't feeling like myself & I was just feeling blah. Mark tried cheering Mom up with playing golf on the PS3 but that didn't even do it. I went to bed really early in hopes of getting a good night sleep but that didn't even happen. Mom is doing better today for the most part. I know that something is still off but Mom just can't pin point to what it is. I think I have an idea.... just be with me as much as you can...ok, Tyler? I need you ....I always do my sweet precious son. Thank you!
The weather today has been overcast & cloudy. It said we were going to get rain & I believe that it is raining now but not sure. The temp is only in the 40's again. I don't believe that I will be seeing anything shining in the sky tonight but I will look just the same. I will whisper to you as I always do so be listening out for my voice. I will smile when I talk to you & I will be closing my eyes so that I can see your smile...the smile I miss so very much. No matter what.... we are still under the sky big sky...it's just a little different for us now. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. That will never change. You live there forever & always.
Mom has a couple updates for you.... Aunt Jacqui is doing much better. Her infection is finally gone from her spine. It took almost 3 months for that. She got her Pic Line out today so that is good news. Spoke to Meme...her & Bob are well but she was telling me that Spencer has moved back to Claremont. I was so surprised to hear that. I spoke to him briefly & he was saying that it was a very tough decision but the best one he could make for right now. His little boy is still in Florida with the Mom. I also heard that Adam has gotten himself in a bit of trouble & is either still in jail or he is now out. Mom is just so floored about this as he was always such a good guy. Please watch over Spencer & Adam as I know you do. Mom thinks that they may need just a little extra right now. Grandpa & everyone else is doing well. Just working a lot still. Mark is also working a lot of hours as usual. Mom will be getting her new books for her class tomorrow & it will be the last one for this semester. 3 more to go...lol! Mom's friends brother that was in the accident a couple months ago will be going to rehab soon. Mom gets updates about him from time to time. He has come a long way but still has a long way to go but we both know that after rehab he will be able to go back home. Do you remember your rehab in Delaware? Oh Mom does. I remember it like it was yesterday. We left on November 14 & got back 1 week before Christmas that year. That was a very long month being away from all our family & friends. Rough times but we all made it through together....just like always. I think that is all the updates I have for you right now. More later in the week.
Here are the daily prayers that I need catching up on. October 26~ O magnify the Lord with me & let us exalt his name together. Dear Lord, I can talk with my friends about anything & everything---traffic, children, weather, TV & sports---you name it. But it's harder to talk about you. Why is that? Lord, it should be the most natural thing in the world to share what you're doing in my life & to hear similar reports from others. Help me open up about you, so my friends & I can magnify you together. You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hid. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lamp stand & it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others. Amen.
October 27~ For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy. I rejoice today, O brilliant Creator, in the glory of what you have made. The sheer majesty of mountains & oceans is awe-inspiring, not to mention planets & galaxies. But it's just as inspiring if I turn my gaze to the tiniest parts of your creation---an insect's body armor, a plants growth process & a strand of human DNA. You have made everything with wit & wonder, including me! I am privileged to be called your child. People quibble about the process of creation, but it's the purpose that's actually important. Amen.
All caught up yet again! It is that time of night where Mom needs to get going so that I can feed the puppies & get our own dinner going. Mom hopes that your night is everything you need & want it to be. May it be peaceful & adventurous as you want! Have fun while Mom is sleeping tonight. Come visit me in my dreams. I will be waiting for you! Continue to fly high & free. Tell everyone where you are that Mom loves them & misses them too. Thanks! Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler. I love you with everything I have. Until tomorrow.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom has been pretty busy today. I have been cleaning out the closest in my office & my own closest. Mom is getting rid of things that are too big for me or things that I don't wear anymore. Mom will be donating them all again like I usually do. I have to say it felt good to do some purging of things. I usually do it twice a year...right before Winter & then right before Spring. Mom also cleaned up her office a little too. I rearranged things & did dusting around the apartment. Like I said... Mom has been keeping herself pretty busy today. If I have things to do I don't tend to think as much. As you can see the last week or so has been kind of rough on Mom. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride. I think I have been in every direction that I can. I have been happy, sad, angry. I have been all over the place. I think I am doing better now though. I have had a lot of time to think about things. I have spoken to a friend about some of it....not all. I think that mostly Mom has figured out many things. I have faced things that I have said & done & I am at peace with it all now. I can not take any of it back & some of it I don't want to & never would want to. I have learned some valuable lessons. I have learned a lot about myself. I think that is what life is suppose to be about.... the lessons learned, right? Or at least part of life. Tyler, I want you to know that even though you have seen me sad & emotional, Mom is doing ok. I will be ok. I am sure I have more to learn about many things in the future.
Mom is sorry that she didn't write to you yesterday. I was not busy with school or anything like that... Mom was on the phone a lot during the day & I was on line looking at a few things. Mom is planning a party so I was looking at decorations & such. I will fill you in on everything as soon as Mom has more in place. Right now I have the location set & I am working on the guest list. Mom wishes that you could be there. I know you will be just not in the way I want it to be. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. My heart will never be full or complete ever again. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are my hero, my wind beneath my wings, my life. I hope you always can feel that deep in your soul.
Mom has just a couple updates for you today. I got to speak to Meme last night. They are doing well. Getting ready for the cold weather.... oh yeah it is snowing in NH right now so its coming! Grandpa called but I didn't get the chance to talk to him so I will call him tonight. Mom received a package in the mail... it was from my friend, Gary... the one who stayed with us for a few days last month. He sent Mom a key chain with your name on it in one of your favorite colors & he also sent me a blanket with the Eiffel Tower on it. It is so warm & soft. I love it for so many reasons... of course because it is the Eiffel Tower but it is & always has been my favorite picture of it. It has a red umbrella on it as well.....do you know what I am talking about? The picture on the blanket is the same as what Forrest told Mom about in my reading. I went back to my notes from him & he had sent me that exact picture. My friend didn't even know that. He might now if he reads this letter to you. Mom had goosebumps when I got that & I have big goosebumps as I am typing this to you. Everything else is going well. Everyone is doing good. Please continue to watch over us all as I know you do. It means a lot to us. Thank you, Tyler.
Mom has 3 daily prayers to write out so I better get started with them. Here they are: October 23~ I will come praising the mighty deeds of the Lord, God, I will praise your righteousness, yours alone. Holy God, I ask for your righteousness, to fill me, thrill me, captivate me & motivate me. I want a righteousness steeped in your love rather than my own pride. I want a righteous life that emanates a deep sense of gratitude & not a holier-than-thou attitude. This isn't about me being some sort of spiritual giant. It's about you living your life through me. In Jesus' sacred name, I pray. Amen. We don't find righteousness in good behavior. We find good behavior by relying on the righteousness of Christ. Amen.
October 24~ When the earth totters, with all its inhabitants, it is I who keep its pillars steady. I can almost feel the earth tottering, O God. It's good to know you keep a tight grip on those pillars. Seriously, I worry about what we've done to this planet----polluted air, tainted water, depleted ozone, & melted glaciers. I know I care about the earth too, so I ask you to help me take good care of it. Show me how to protect your creation without worshipping it. Teach me to be a good steward of what you have given us. We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until now; and not only the creation, but ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. Amen.
October 25~ For who in the skies can be compared to the Lord? Who among the heavenly beings is like the Lord? You don't pull punches, do you, heavenly Father? You don't shy away from challenges. The psalmist asks the other nations to put their Gods up against you & there's no contest. No one compares to you. But all of this makes me think about how I relate to those with other beliefs. Should I engage in " trash talk, " insisting my faith is better than theirs? Not if I want to show your love. So please, Lord, help me speak the truth in love, being both wise 7 caring, while being honest about my faith but respectful of others. Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness & reverence. Amen.
Mom is all caught up again. It is that time of night now though. The sky is getting dark now by 6 pm. The weather has been cloudy & cold ( only 40 degrees today. ) Mom is not thinking I will see anything shining in the sky tonight but I will still be looking later, I will whisper to you as I always do so be listening for my voice. I will smile & I hope you will to. May your evening be all that you need & want it to be. May you have fun while Mom is sleeping tonight. Hope you have an adventure or 2. Come visit me if you can tonight as well. I love it when you do. Remember you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Good night & sweet dreams, Ty. Until tomorrow....I love you.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? Mom has been pretty busy today. I have been cleaning out the closest in my office & my own closest. Mom is getting rid of things that are too big for me or things that I don't wear anymore. Mom will be donating them all again like I usually do. I have to say it felt good to do some purging of things. I usually do it twice a year...right before Winter & then right before Spring. Mom also cleaned up her office a little too. I rearranged things & did dusting around the apartment. Like I said... Mom has been keeping herself pretty busy today. If I have things to do I don't tend to think as much. As you can see the last week or so has been kind of rough on Mom. It has been an emotional roller coaster ride. I think I have been in every direction that I can. I have been happy, sad, angry. I have been all over the place. I think I am doing better now though. I have had a lot of time to think about things. I have spoken to a friend about some of it....not all. I think that mostly Mom has figured out many things. I have faced things that I have said & done & I am at peace with it all now. I can not take any of it back & some of it I don't want to & never would want to. I have learned some valuable lessons. I have learned a lot about myself. I think that is what life is suppose to be about.... the lessons learned, right? Or at least part of life. Tyler, I want you to know that even though you have seen me sad & emotional, Mom is doing ok. I will be ok. I am sure I have more to learn about many things in the future.
Mom is sorry that she didn't write to you yesterday. I was not busy with school or anything like that... Mom was on the phone a lot during the day & I was on line looking at a few things. Mom is planning a party so I was looking at decorations & such. I will fill you in on everything as soon as Mom has more in place. Right now I have the location set & I am working on the guest list. Mom wishes that you could be there. I know you will be just not in the way I want it to be. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. My heart will never be full or complete ever again. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are my hero, my wind beneath my wings, my life. I hope you always can feel that deep in your soul.
Mom has just a couple updates for you today. I got to speak to Meme last night. They are doing well. Getting ready for the cold weather.... oh yeah it is snowing in NH right now so its coming! Grandpa called but I didn't get the chance to talk to him so I will call him tonight. Mom received a package in the mail... it was from my friend, Gary... the one who stayed with us for a few days last month. He sent Mom a key chain with your name on it in one of your favorite colors & he also sent me a blanket with the Eiffel Tower on it. It is so warm & soft. I love it for so many reasons... of course because it is the Eiffel Tower but it is & always has been my favorite picture of it. It has a red umbrella on it as well.....do you know what I am talking about? The picture on the blanket is the same as what Forrest told Mom about in my reading. I went back to my notes from him & he had sent me that exact picture. My friend didn't even know that. He might now if he reads this letter to you. Mom had goosebumps when I got that & I have big goosebumps as I am typing this to you. Everything else is going well. Everyone is doing good. Please continue to watch over us all as I know you do. It means a lot to us. Thank you, Tyler.
Mom has 3 daily prayers to write out so I better get started with them. Here they are: October 23~ I will come praising the mighty deeds of the Lord, God, I will praise your righteousness, yours alone. Holy God, I ask for your righteousness, to fill me, thrill me, captivate me & motivate me. I want a righteousness steeped in your love rather than my own pride. I want a righteous life that emanates a deep sense of gratitude & not a holier-than-thou attitude. This isn't about me being some sort of spiritual giant. It's about you living your life through me. In Jesus' sacred name, I pray. Amen. We don't find righteousness in good behavior. We find good behavior by relying on the righteousness of Christ. Amen.
October 24~ When the earth totters, with all its inhabitants, it is I who keep its pillars steady. I can almost feel the earth tottering, O God. It's good to know you keep a tight grip on those pillars. Seriously, I worry about what we've done to this planet----polluted air, tainted water, depleted ozone, & melted glaciers. I know I care about the earth too, so I ask you to help me take good care of it. Show me how to protect your creation without worshipping it. Teach me to be a good steward of what you have given us. We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until now; and not only the creation, but ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies. Amen.
October 25~ For who in the skies can be compared to the Lord? Who among the heavenly beings is like the Lord? You don't pull punches, do you, heavenly Father? You don't shy away from challenges. The psalmist asks the other nations to put their Gods up against you & there's no contest. No one compares to you. But all of this makes me think about how I relate to those with other beliefs. Should I engage in " trash talk, " insisting my faith is better than theirs? Not if I want to show your love. So please, Lord, help me speak the truth in love, being both wise 7 caring, while being honest about my faith but respectful of others. Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness & reverence. Amen.
Mom is all caught up again. It is that time of night now though. The sky is getting dark now by 6 pm. The weather has been cloudy & cold ( only 40 degrees today. ) Mom is not thinking I will see anything shining in the sky tonight but I will still be looking later, I will whisper to you as I always do so be listening for my voice. I will smile & I hope you will to. May your evening be all that you need & want it to be. May you have fun while Mom is sleeping tonight. Hope you have an adventure or 2. Come visit me if you can tonight as well. I love it when you do. Remember you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Good night & sweet dreams, Ty. Until tomorrow....I love you.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, October 23, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Mom has had a pretty good day. The weather was so much better than it was yesterday. The sun is shining, the skies are blue but boy is it windy here. Yesterday Mom never even got on her computer so that is why I did not write on here. I did however write to you on your facebook page. Saturday the weather was awful. It was windy like today but it was raining really heavy for the most part so Mom & Mark stayed in & watched movies all day long. We saw the new revised Beauty & the Beast, the new Star Trek & also a movie called You Before Me. Boy that particular movie was tough for Mom to watch as so many of the scenes hit home for me. It reminded me of all the struggles that we faced together but it also reminded me of the happy & fun times as well. The ending was hard & boy did I cry. My mind was racing with so many thoughts....did you feel that way towards the end? Mom talked about you the whole time while I was watching it. Were you right there with me? I hope so.
Mom really does not have any updates for you right now. This weekend has been quite quiet with the telephone but I will be calling Meme & Grandpa later so I will have some updates for you then. Later after dinner Mark & Mom will be watching another movie as this is a bi week for football for the Cowboys. ( Patriots are winning the game right now against the Steelers! ) We are going to watch the new Ninja Turtles movie. I know you will be with Mom then. Remember when we would watch them together? The cartoons, the movies? I miss those times with you cuddled up in my lap or watching them in bed. I miss you so much. No words can explain the way I feel my sweet precious son. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are my hero, my wind beneath my wings. I will forever hold you in my heart, mind & soul. Nothing will ever change that & I know you feel it.
The sky is getting dark now & the sun will be setting in about 45 minutes. Mom hates that it gets dark so fast now. Pretty soon we will be setting the clocks back & it will get even darker...by 4 pm then. I remember you hated this time change as well. It was very hard on you. These are the times that I remember & even though I am heartbroken that you are not here with me.....I am happy that you don't have to deal with everything you had to. Mom knows that you are free & that you are extremely happy where you are & everything that you can do now. hat means more to me than anything. I love you so much. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. Always know this & always feel this in your soul. That is all I ask of you. Thank you, Ty!
Mom was just looking at my blog & I was so shocked yet happy that I saw so many people following me on here. I am always baffled at the thought of what I am writing or saying that would make every one want to read it daily but I guess I am doing something right. Mom has an average of 150 people per night reading these letters from all over the world. Right now it is United States, Canada, France, United Kingdom, Germany, Portugal, Cyprus, Philippines, Indonesia & India. It just blows my mind. Mom wishes that I could know everyone individually so I could talk to them & thank them personally but I don't know how to do that. You know Mom with computers....lol. I do want to take a minute to say thank you all from the bottom of my heart for continuing to read my letters to Tyler. They continue to help me grieve & keep moving forward, not backwards. ( I seem to be doing this a lot lately with other things going on in my life as well. ) Again, thank you for giving me the support that I need... a complete stranger to almost all of you. My heart is full.
I know this is the part where Mom would write the daily prayers to you & I know I have 2 of them to catch up on but I will write those 2 & today's on tomorrows letter as it is getting late & Mom needs to start dinner & feed the pups. I know you understand as you are seeing everything right now. Mom hopes that your night is filled with all the things you want to do & need to do. I will whisper to you later so be listening out for my voice. Smile & I will too! Come be with Mom later tonight when I am sleeping or come visit me in my dreams. I will be waiting to see you there. Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler. Until tomorrow.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Mom has had a pretty good day. The weather was so much better than it was yesterday. The sun is shining, the skies are blue but boy is it windy here. Yesterday Mom never even got on her computer so that is why I did not write on here. I did however write to you on your facebook page. Saturday the weather was awful. It was windy like today but it was raining really heavy for the most part so Mom & Mark stayed in & watched movies all day long. We saw the new revised Beauty & the Beast, the new Star Trek & also a movie called You Before Me. Boy that particular movie was tough for Mom to watch as so many of the scenes hit home for me. It reminded me of all the struggles that we faced together but it also reminded me of the happy & fun times as well. The ending was hard & boy did I cry. My mind was racing with so many thoughts....did you feel that way towards the end? Mom talked about you the whole time while I was watching it. Were you right there with me? I hope so.
Mom really does not have any updates for you right now. This weekend has been quite quiet with the telephone but I will be calling Meme & Grandpa later so I will have some updates for you then. Later after dinner Mark & Mom will be watching another movie as this is a bi week for football for the Cowboys. ( Patriots are winning the game right now against the Steelers! ) We are going to watch the new Ninja Turtles movie. I know you will be with Mom then. Remember when we would watch them together? The cartoons, the movies? I miss those times with you cuddled up in my lap or watching them in bed. I miss you so much. No words can explain the way I feel my sweet precious son. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are my hero, my wind beneath my wings. I will forever hold you in my heart, mind & soul. Nothing will ever change that & I know you feel it.
The sky is getting dark now & the sun will be setting in about 45 minutes. Mom hates that it gets dark so fast now. Pretty soon we will be setting the clocks back & it will get even darker...by 4 pm then. I remember you hated this time change as well. It was very hard on you. These are the times that I remember & even though I am heartbroken that you are not here with me.....I am happy that you don't have to deal with everything you had to. Mom knows that you are free & that you are extremely happy where you are & everything that you can do now. hat means more to me than anything. I love you so much. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. Always know this & always feel this in your soul. That is all I ask of you. Thank you, Ty!
Mom was just looking at my blog & I was so shocked yet happy that I saw so many people following me on here. I am always baffled at the thought of what I am writing or saying that would make every one want to read it daily but I guess I am doing something right. Mom has an average of 150 people per night reading these letters from all over the world. Right now it is United States, Canada, France, United Kingdom, Germany, Portugal, Cyprus, Philippines, Indonesia & India. It just blows my mind. Mom wishes that I could know everyone individually so I could talk to them & thank them personally but I don't know how to do that. You know Mom with computers....lol. I do want to take a minute to say thank you all from the bottom of my heart for continuing to read my letters to Tyler. They continue to help me grieve & keep moving forward, not backwards. ( I seem to be doing this a lot lately with other things going on in my life as well. ) Again, thank you for giving me the support that I need... a complete stranger to almost all of you. My heart is full.
I know this is the part where Mom would write the daily prayers to you & I know I have 2 of them to catch up on but I will write those 2 & today's on tomorrows letter as it is getting late & Mom needs to start dinner & feed the pups. I know you understand as you are seeing everything right now. Mom hopes that your night is filled with all the things you want to do & need to do. I will whisper to you later so be listening out for my voice. Smile & I will too! Come be with Mom later tonight when I am sleeping or come visit me in my dreams. I will be waiting to see you there. Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler. Until tomorrow.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, October 21, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is hanging in there but I got to tell you that this no sleeping stuff again is really getting to me & is really screwing Mom up. I have a lot on my mind & I know that is playing a huge part of it but dang... I need to sleep. I am going to try & go to bed early tonight to see if I can succeed. Anything that you can do for your Mom would be wonderful. I would appreciate it so much! Thanks pumpkin.
The weather today is pretty gloomy right now. It was suppose to rain all day but it has not. The clouds are plenty & pretty thick so I know it's coming & soon. The sun was shining bright earlier. Mom took the pups out for a nice walk. They really enjoyed it just as much as I enjoyed it. The temp is 71 degrees. The air was warm & there was a light breeze. I kinda just walked around in a daze thinking about last night. It was not a good night at all. I had a really heated conversation with someone that turned really bad. Honestly it made me so sad & ripped me apart. Mom really considers this person to be a very sweet friend, one of my best friends at that. I really don't know what to do. I know this person is just as hurt as I am but they don't believe it. I think this person just thinks I am heartless & that is so far from the truth. This whole ordeal has had Mom crying a lot. They just don't know it & they definitely don't see it that's for sure. They think I am having an easy time & a grand time with it & again...not true at all. Mom is hurt by all the things that were said to me. I have never been accused of so many things before. I guess I don't really know how to take any of this. The other thing that I keep hearing is " it's all about you, " meaning me.....Mom never tries to make anything about myself. This is just not about me. It takes two. This whole thing happened because I was expected to understand something that I do not get & instead of this person enlightening me on why things have to be the way they are... I get " you will never understand. " They are right... I won't because I was not given the chance to understand the dilemma. I guess Mom just got tired of it & basically said enough is enough. I didn't know what else to do, Tyler. The conversation got way out of control, both of us were very angry, hurt & emotions were flying high. Really when Mom thinks about it we were acting pretty childish. We were not handling this like 2 adults. A lot was said & words were just flying out of our mouths. I am not sure we can ever get over this. I can't picture never talking to them again & the thought of it just kills me. Unfortunately after words are said... they can not be taken back & a simple " I am sorry " sometimes is not enough. Ugh..... Mom could really use your advice. You would know exactly what to do & you would set Mom straight. You were so good with that. God, Mom misses you so damn much, Tyler. I try not to question why all this happened with losing you but there are days that I want to scream, yell & know the reason why right now. I guess with everything going on... this is one of those days where I want to know why I lost you. Why did I have to lose my son, my only child. It just is not fair. Life is not fair. Sometimes life just sucks. Ok enough of this....
Last night Meme called & we talked for a bit. She was telling me that her & Bob were doing well but poor little Skittles has a respiratory infection. I sure hope that he feels better soon. She was also telling me that NH might see their 1st snow fall this weekend. I knew it was coming! Mom was hoping to get up there this weekend but it is not going to happen for the next few weeks. Guess it will be sometime in November now before Thanksgiving. It sucks but there is nothing Mom can do. You know why & that is all that matters to me. I didn't talk to anyone else last night. I was surprised that Grandpa didn't call but I know he will over the weekend. If not I will call him as it has been a week since I heard from him. I know they are well though. I also heard that Grammy is doing good & that Debbie took her out this week when it was nice. She was so happy. I guess they went shopping. When I heard that it made Mom smile. Grammy doesn't get out much anymore & she hates living where she does but there is no other place she can go. It is just heartbreaking. I know you watch over her & all of us to make sure we are all well. Thank you my sweet precious son.
Mom knows that tonight I will not see anything shining in the sky as it is full of clouds already. I know there won't be a sunset either but that is ok. I know that you are giving one & shining bright for someone else who needs it more than I do right now. Mom hopes that your night is filled with all the things you need to do & want to do. Have fun while Mom tries to get some sleep tonight. Com visit with me if you can. I will whisper to you as I always do so please be listening for my voice in the next few hours. I will smile & picture you smiling right next to me. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings.
Here is the daily prayer for today: October 21~ The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord, over mighty waters. The thunder rolls, supreme & all-powerful God & I think of your mighty voice speaking light into darkness. The lightning flashes & I also think of those flashes of insight you give us----moments when we see things from your perspective & know what we need to do. Awesome Lord, I ask you to thunder into my life. Bring light into my darkness & love into my indifference. Give me flashes of clarity to know how to serve you most effectively in this challenging world. Thunderstorms can be terrifying, as well as energizing. Filling our world with sound & light, it's awesome display. And it's just a hint of the nature of our terrifying & energizing God. Amen.
You know that it is that time of the day where Mom has to get going & start getting dinner ready. Same ole stuff just different day during the week. Weekends are a little different but not by much....lol. Remember that you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Good night & sweet dreams, Ty. Until tomorrow.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is hanging in there but I got to tell you that this no sleeping stuff again is really getting to me & is really screwing Mom up. I have a lot on my mind & I know that is playing a huge part of it but dang... I need to sleep. I am going to try & go to bed early tonight to see if I can succeed. Anything that you can do for your Mom would be wonderful. I would appreciate it so much! Thanks pumpkin.
The weather today is pretty gloomy right now. It was suppose to rain all day but it has not. The clouds are plenty & pretty thick so I know it's coming & soon. The sun was shining bright earlier. Mom took the pups out for a nice walk. They really enjoyed it just as much as I enjoyed it. The temp is 71 degrees. The air was warm & there was a light breeze. I kinda just walked around in a daze thinking about last night. It was not a good night at all. I had a really heated conversation with someone that turned really bad. Honestly it made me so sad & ripped me apart. Mom really considers this person to be a very sweet friend, one of my best friends at that. I really don't know what to do. I know this person is just as hurt as I am but they don't believe it. I think this person just thinks I am heartless & that is so far from the truth. This whole ordeal has had Mom crying a lot. They just don't know it & they definitely don't see it that's for sure. They think I am having an easy time & a grand time with it & again...not true at all. Mom is hurt by all the things that were said to me. I have never been accused of so many things before. I guess I don't really know how to take any of this. The other thing that I keep hearing is " it's all about you, " meaning me.....Mom never tries to make anything about myself. This is just not about me. It takes two. This whole thing happened because I was expected to understand something that I do not get & instead of this person enlightening me on why things have to be the way they are... I get " you will never understand. " They are right... I won't because I was not given the chance to understand the dilemma. I guess Mom just got tired of it & basically said enough is enough. I didn't know what else to do, Tyler. The conversation got way out of control, both of us were very angry, hurt & emotions were flying high. Really when Mom thinks about it we were acting pretty childish. We were not handling this like 2 adults. A lot was said & words were just flying out of our mouths. I am not sure we can ever get over this. I can't picture never talking to them again & the thought of it just kills me. Unfortunately after words are said... they can not be taken back & a simple " I am sorry " sometimes is not enough. Ugh..... Mom could really use your advice. You would know exactly what to do & you would set Mom straight. You were so good with that. God, Mom misses you so damn much, Tyler. I try not to question why all this happened with losing you but there are days that I want to scream, yell & know the reason why right now. I guess with everything going on... this is one of those days where I want to know why I lost you. Why did I have to lose my son, my only child. It just is not fair. Life is not fair. Sometimes life just sucks. Ok enough of this....
Last night Meme called & we talked for a bit. She was telling me that her & Bob were doing well but poor little Skittles has a respiratory infection. I sure hope that he feels better soon. She was also telling me that NH might see their 1st snow fall this weekend. I knew it was coming! Mom was hoping to get up there this weekend but it is not going to happen for the next few weeks. Guess it will be sometime in November now before Thanksgiving. It sucks but there is nothing Mom can do. You know why & that is all that matters to me. I didn't talk to anyone else last night. I was surprised that Grandpa didn't call but I know he will over the weekend. If not I will call him as it has been a week since I heard from him. I know they are well though. I also heard that Grammy is doing good & that Debbie took her out this week when it was nice. She was so happy. I guess they went shopping. When I heard that it made Mom smile. Grammy doesn't get out much anymore & she hates living where she does but there is no other place she can go. It is just heartbreaking. I know you watch over her & all of us to make sure we are all well. Thank you my sweet precious son.
Mom knows that tonight I will not see anything shining in the sky as it is full of clouds already. I know there won't be a sunset either but that is ok. I know that you are giving one & shining bright for someone else who needs it more than I do right now. Mom hopes that your night is filled with all the things you need to do & want to do. Have fun while Mom tries to get some sleep tonight. Com visit with me if you can. I will whisper to you as I always do so please be listening for my voice in the next few hours. I will smile & picture you smiling right next to me. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings.
Here is the daily prayer for today: October 21~ The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord, over mighty waters. The thunder rolls, supreme & all-powerful God & I think of your mighty voice speaking light into darkness. The lightning flashes & I also think of those flashes of insight you give us----moments when we see things from your perspective & know what we need to do. Awesome Lord, I ask you to thunder into my life. Bring light into my darkness & love into my indifference. Give me flashes of clarity to know how to serve you most effectively in this challenging world. Thunderstorms can be terrifying, as well as energizing. Filling our world with sound & light, it's awesome display. And it's just a hint of the nature of our terrifying & energizing God. Amen.
You know that it is that time of the day where Mom has to get going & start getting dinner ready. Same ole stuff just different day during the week. Weekends are a little different but not by much....lol. Remember that you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Good night & sweet dreams, Ty. Until tomorrow.....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son doing on this Thursday afternoon? Mom has had a hard night again last night, but I am doing the best I can. The weather today started out being really sunny & nice but now it is very cloudy & overcast. I know the rain is coming. I think it is going to rain the next couple of days. Mom can feel it in my face. These days are tough as I am in pain a lot of the time but I will not ever complain about it.
Last night Mom watched the Presidential debate on tv. I have to say that was the very 1st one that I have watched. The election is in 19 days & either way I think we will be in trouble. It is Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton....what a mess it is. If you were here, Mom knows who you would be routing for all the way. I think I am siding the way you would vote. I have to say that I have only voted one time previously but I will be voting again this year. The world is becoming a very scary place to live in. Much scarier than what I ever thought. I now you know all about it as you see it all. Anyways.... Mom didn't really sleep all that much for the 4th night in a row. One reason is because I didn't go to bed until really late & the 2nd reason is because I had a very upsetting conversation with someone. It was mean, angry, hurtful & upsetting all wrapped into one. It makes Mom very sad but I don't think there is anything that I can do to fix it now. I think it just has to settle & lay low for awhile & maybe when emotions are not all over the place & running wild between the 2 of us we might be able to talk calmer & nicer to one another. Time will tell. In the meantime Mom is hurt as I am sure the other person is as well. If you see Mom being emotional about things then you know why, but just know that Mom will be ok. I will have you by my side so why wouldn't I be?
Let's see about updates for you.....College is going slow right now for Mom. I am still waiting on my instructor to grade my last 2 exams that I passed in. I called them yesterday & left a message but no one got back to me. I ended up calling earlier today & spoke to Student Services about what was going on. They looked for my emails & found them. It has been 7 days for one of them & 4 days for the other one. I should have already received my next books for my class but nope... now I have to wait another 7 days to get them. This is just a mess. I am honestly not thrilled about the next class anyways but I have to do it. It is Business Math....ugh! Got to get through this to keep moving forward. This will be the last class for the 1st semester for Mom. That went by really fast. Got 3 more semesters to go for the 1st year being done of my Associates Degree.
Mom once again has not spoken to anyone at all in our family. Guess this is a week where everyone is busy. I did get to speak to Auntie Kristina today for awhile. That was nice to chat & catch up on things. She has been sick but doing better today. Can you watch over her for Mom will you? Thank you pumpkin. That is all I have for updates for you. I do have the daily prayer though... here it is:
October 20~ Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come into his presence with singing. Sing praise to God who reigns above, the god of all creation. The god of power, the God of love, the God of our salvation with healing balm my soul he fills & every faithless murmur stills. o God all praise & glory, what God's almighty power has made, his gracious mercy keeps. By morning glow or evening shade his watchful eye never sleeps. Within the kingdom of his might, all is just & all is right. To God all praise & glory. Why do we get passionately bothered about the styles of worship we don't like? Worship isn't for us. It's an offering we give to God. Amen.
As Mom has been writing to you it has gotten even darker outside. I think the rain is definitely coming soon than expected. Mom is going to finish getting dinner set. I made my homemade beef stew with garlic & cheese biscuits & homemade apple pie for dessert. You used to love that for dinner on a cold night. I will whisper to you later tonight as I look to the sky. I know nothing will be shining as it is too cloudy but that is ok. Hope you will be listening out for my voice. I hope you smile when you hear Mom. I will smile through the tears tonight I am sure. Today is 3 years & 4 months since you left the physical world. I always get emotional during that date every month. Have a fun & adventurous evening while Mom tries to sleep. Please come visit me. I miss you so much & I love you to infinity & beyond. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. You will forever be in my heart, mind & soul. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings.
Good night & sweet dreams my sweet precious son. Until tomorrow....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son doing on this Thursday afternoon? Mom has had a hard night again last night, but I am doing the best I can. The weather today started out being really sunny & nice but now it is very cloudy & overcast. I know the rain is coming. I think it is going to rain the next couple of days. Mom can feel it in my face. These days are tough as I am in pain a lot of the time but I will not ever complain about it.
Last night Mom watched the Presidential debate on tv. I have to say that was the very 1st one that I have watched. The election is in 19 days & either way I think we will be in trouble. It is Donald Trump & Hillary Clinton....what a mess it is. If you were here, Mom knows who you would be routing for all the way. I think I am siding the way you would vote. I have to say that I have only voted one time previously but I will be voting again this year. The world is becoming a very scary place to live in. Much scarier than what I ever thought. I now you know all about it as you see it all. Anyways.... Mom didn't really sleep all that much for the 4th night in a row. One reason is because I didn't go to bed until really late & the 2nd reason is because I had a very upsetting conversation with someone. It was mean, angry, hurtful & upsetting all wrapped into one. It makes Mom very sad but I don't think there is anything that I can do to fix it now. I think it just has to settle & lay low for awhile & maybe when emotions are not all over the place & running wild between the 2 of us we might be able to talk calmer & nicer to one another. Time will tell. In the meantime Mom is hurt as I am sure the other person is as well. If you see Mom being emotional about things then you know why, but just know that Mom will be ok. I will have you by my side so why wouldn't I be?
Let's see about updates for you.....College is going slow right now for Mom. I am still waiting on my instructor to grade my last 2 exams that I passed in. I called them yesterday & left a message but no one got back to me. I ended up calling earlier today & spoke to Student Services about what was going on. They looked for my emails & found them. It has been 7 days for one of them & 4 days for the other one. I should have already received my next books for my class but nope... now I have to wait another 7 days to get them. This is just a mess. I am honestly not thrilled about the next class anyways but I have to do it. It is Business Math....ugh! Got to get through this to keep moving forward. This will be the last class for the 1st semester for Mom. That went by really fast. Got 3 more semesters to go for the 1st year being done of my Associates Degree.
Mom once again has not spoken to anyone at all in our family. Guess this is a week where everyone is busy. I did get to speak to Auntie Kristina today for awhile. That was nice to chat & catch up on things. She has been sick but doing better today. Can you watch over her for Mom will you? Thank you pumpkin. That is all I have for updates for you. I do have the daily prayer though... here it is:
October 20~ Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come into his presence with singing. Sing praise to God who reigns above, the god of all creation. The god of power, the God of love, the God of our salvation with healing balm my soul he fills & every faithless murmur stills. o God all praise & glory, what God's almighty power has made, his gracious mercy keeps. By morning glow or evening shade his watchful eye never sleeps. Within the kingdom of his might, all is just & all is right. To God all praise & glory. Why do we get passionately bothered about the styles of worship we don't like? Worship isn't for us. It's an offering we give to God. Amen.
As Mom has been writing to you it has gotten even darker outside. I think the rain is definitely coming soon than expected. Mom is going to finish getting dinner set. I made my homemade beef stew with garlic & cheese biscuits & homemade apple pie for dessert. You used to love that for dinner on a cold night. I will whisper to you later tonight as I look to the sky. I know nothing will be shining as it is too cloudy but that is ok. Hope you will be listening out for my voice. I hope you smile when you hear Mom. I will smile through the tears tonight I am sure. Today is 3 years & 4 months since you left the physical world. I always get emotional during that date every month. Have a fun & adventurous evening while Mom tries to sleep. Please come visit me. I miss you so much & I love you to infinity & beyond. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. You will forever be in my heart, mind & soul. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings.
Good night & sweet dreams my sweet precious son. Until tomorrow....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you on this beautiful, sunny Wednesday afternoon? Mom is sorry that she did not write to you last night. It wasn't really a good day for me. It is night 3 that I haven't really slept at all. I am quite tired right now. Looks like bed time tonight will be fairly early for me. Maybe with any luck I will get some sleep. Maybe just maybe you can come be with me so I will? I would really like that so much. Either that if you can visit me in my dreams that would be ok to. Anyway that I can see you makes Mom happy.
The weather today is just so beautiful. The temperature is almost 80 degrees & the sun has been in & out. I know we won't see those temps for a few months now so Mom is enjoying ever minute that she can. I have been inside for part of the day & outside for part as well. I believe that we will be getting some rain the next couple days & the temps will be back in the 50's. It's funny someone today on facebook sent me a picture of a street with houses on it & they were all buried in snow...a lot of snow actually. I looked at the picture & you know Mom I would usually say " ugh...." You know that I don't mind the cold but hate the white stuff but this time when I saw the picture I didn't have that reaction. I think I am looking forward to it for some reason. I know... that is totally not Mom but I can't explain it at all. I am looking forward to the cold weather & the snow flying. Maybe it is because I know in a couple of years I will be moving back down South somewhere & I won't see the snow again unless I visit during the Holidays. I just don't know why I am feeling this way.... oh well I am not going to try & read into it really. I am just going to go with it....lol.
I am not sure what has been going on with Mom these last few days. I have been quite emotional & I definitely do not feel like me. I know part of it is due to lack of sleep but that is not all of it. I am feeling things that I don't want to.... like hurt, anger, & uncertainty. Some people say things to me & I believe them as I don't have any reason at the time not to & then I hear things from others that the things I have been told I seem to not be the only one. I get to the point where I want to believe them but I just can't. It is hurtful. I say nothing to anyone. I just hold it inside. I guess I just don't understand why. What I can say is that I am done with that sh*t. I am tired of being a joke. Mom tries to be there for everyone...family, friends, strangers & I don't judge anyone as it is not my place to. I know I will probably make some folks angry but oh well. I need to get back to me. I need to get back on track with my head screwed on the right way! I know you have been watching it all. I know you have seen the highs & lows of what I have been thinking & feeling. Thank you so much for standing by Mom, thank you for letting me see what I needed to & how to once again move forward. Tyler, it means so much to me. I know you know & you can feel it deep in your soul. During these times I miss you so much more than I normally do. I need that Tyler pep talk. I need the Tyler advice that you usually would give me. You were so smart. Wiser beyond your years that is for sure. You helped Mom so many times more than you ever thought you did. I just never told you. I think you knew it though without saying a word to me. If not then I know you know now! I love you so much my sweet precious son. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are still & always will be my everything. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Mom's true hero & the wind beneath my wings.
Boy, Mom doesn't have any updates for you at all. It is the middle of the week & I have not spoken to anyone. Grandpa may call me later tonight & perhaps Meme so maybe tomorrow I will have something for you. I am going to assume that all is well with everyone & they are just busy doing things where they are. Mom does have 2 of the daily prayers to catch up on so here they are:
October 18~ You will not fear the terror of the night or the arrow that flies by day or the pestilence that stalks in darkness or the destruction that wastes at noonday. O Lord, I see terror all around me. People are afraid to travel, afraid to invest & afraid even to step outside. The world is a power keg, the economy is iffy & I never know if I'm coming down with the flu or some dread disease. Yet you tell me I don't need to be afraid & I'll take you at your word. Whatever might happen to my world or to me, I know that you will be with me. I find great comfort in that assurance. Give me the ability to comfort others with that same truth. Terror thrives on uncertainty. While we may not know what the future holds, but we certainly know who holds the future. Amen.
October 19~ Worship the Lord in holy splendor;tremble before him, all the earth. Today, dear Lord, I worship you with all that I am & all that I have. Whatever creative gifts I have, I offer them to you----songs, words, movement & color. You are a great God, my support & my redeemer. You have shown me your love in countless ways & I love you in return. You never cease to amaze me with your kindness & wisdom. I praise you today & I'll praise you tomorrow. I owe everything to you. Before the Lord, everyone is an artist. The worshipful expression of a God-given imagination is beautiful to behold. Amen.
Mom is all caught up. As usual it is that time of night for Mom to get going & do all the nightly things.... feed Princess & Ozzy & get dinner for Mark & Mom. I think it will be a late dinner though as Mark has been traveling all day long. I got to do laundry, house cleaning & a few others things done this morning so that was great! Anyways.... I need to get going. Mom hopes that your night is full of adventures & fun while I try to sleep tonight. May your evening be filled with all that you need & want to do. Continue to watch over us all & fly high like I know you are. Mom will whisper to you tonight. Hope I get to see the stars & the moon shining tonight. Maybe even a nice painting from you as well. Be listening out for my voice. Smile & Mom will too. Good night & sweet dreams. Until tomorrow....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you on this beautiful, sunny Wednesday afternoon? Mom is sorry that she did not write to you last night. It wasn't really a good day for me. It is night 3 that I haven't really slept at all. I am quite tired right now. Looks like bed time tonight will be fairly early for me. Maybe with any luck I will get some sleep. Maybe just maybe you can come be with me so I will? I would really like that so much. Either that if you can visit me in my dreams that would be ok to. Anyway that I can see you makes Mom happy.
The weather today is just so beautiful. The temperature is almost 80 degrees & the sun has been in & out. I know we won't see those temps for a few months now so Mom is enjoying ever minute that she can. I have been inside for part of the day & outside for part as well. I believe that we will be getting some rain the next couple days & the temps will be back in the 50's. It's funny someone today on facebook sent me a picture of a street with houses on it & they were all buried in snow...a lot of snow actually. I looked at the picture & you know Mom I would usually say " ugh...." You know that I don't mind the cold but hate the white stuff but this time when I saw the picture I didn't have that reaction. I think I am looking forward to it for some reason. I know... that is totally not Mom but I can't explain it at all. I am looking forward to the cold weather & the snow flying. Maybe it is because I know in a couple of years I will be moving back down South somewhere & I won't see the snow again unless I visit during the Holidays. I just don't know why I am feeling this way.... oh well I am not going to try & read into it really. I am just going to go with it....lol.
I am not sure what has been going on with Mom these last few days. I have been quite emotional & I definitely do not feel like me. I know part of it is due to lack of sleep but that is not all of it. I am feeling things that I don't want to.... like hurt, anger, & uncertainty. Some people say things to me & I believe them as I don't have any reason at the time not to & then I hear things from others that the things I have been told I seem to not be the only one. I get to the point where I want to believe them but I just can't. It is hurtful. I say nothing to anyone. I just hold it inside. I guess I just don't understand why. What I can say is that I am done with that sh*t. I am tired of being a joke. Mom tries to be there for everyone...family, friends, strangers & I don't judge anyone as it is not my place to. I know I will probably make some folks angry but oh well. I need to get back to me. I need to get back on track with my head screwed on the right way! I know you have been watching it all. I know you have seen the highs & lows of what I have been thinking & feeling. Thank you so much for standing by Mom, thank you for letting me see what I needed to & how to once again move forward. Tyler, it means so much to me. I know you know & you can feel it deep in your soul. During these times I miss you so much more than I normally do. I need that Tyler pep talk. I need the Tyler advice that you usually would give me. You were so smart. Wiser beyond your years that is for sure. You helped Mom so many times more than you ever thought you did. I just never told you. I think you knew it though without saying a word to me. If not then I know you know now! I love you so much my sweet precious son. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are still & always will be my everything. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Mom's true hero & the wind beneath my wings.
Boy, Mom doesn't have any updates for you at all. It is the middle of the week & I have not spoken to anyone. Grandpa may call me later tonight & perhaps Meme so maybe tomorrow I will have something for you. I am going to assume that all is well with everyone & they are just busy doing things where they are. Mom does have 2 of the daily prayers to catch up on so here they are:
October 18~ You will not fear the terror of the night or the arrow that flies by day or the pestilence that stalks in darkness or the destruction that wastes at noonday. O Lord, I see terror all around me. People are afraid to travel, afraid to invest & afraid even to step outside. The world is a power keg, the economy is iffy & I never know if I'm coming down with the flu or some dread disease. Yet you tell me I don't need to be afraid & I'll take you at your word. Whatever might happen to my world or to me, I know that you will be with me. I find great comfort in that assurance. Give me the ability to comfort others with that same truth. Terror thrives on uncertainty. While we may not know what the future holds, but we certainly know who holds the future. Amen.
October 19~ Worship the Lord in holy splendor;tremble before him, all the earth. Today, dear Lord, I worship you with all that I am & all that I have. Whatever creative gifts I have, I offer them to you----songs, words, movement & color. You are a great God, my support & my redeemer. You have shown me your love in countless ways & I love you in return. You never cease to amaze me with your kindness & wisdom. I praise you today & I'll praise you tomorrow. I owe everything to you. Before the Lord, everyone is an artist. The worshipful expression of a God-given imagination is beautiful to behold. Amen.
Mom is all caught up. As usual it is that time of night for Mom to get going & do all the nightly things.... feed Princess & Ozzy & get dinner for Mark & Mom. I think it will be a late dinner though as Mark has been traveling all day long. I got to do laundry, house cleaning & a few others things done this morning so that was great! Anyways.... I need to get going. Mom hopes that your night is full of adventures & fun while I try to sleep tonight. May your evening be filled with all that you need & want to do. Continue to watch over us all & fly high like I know you are. Mom will whisper to you tonight. Hope I get to see the stars & the moon shining tonight. Maybe even a nice painting from you as well. Be listening out for my voice. Smile & Mom will too. Good night & sweet dreams. Until tomorrow....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, October 17, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Mom is doing pretty good today considering I did not sleep very well last night. Not sure why but it is all good. The weather makes up for it though as it was 72 degrees today & the sun was just shining bright. Mom took the pups for a nice walk & I plan on doing it later this evening as well. They really enjoy the sun as much as you & I do. Tomorrow it is going to be in the 80's. Mom is surely going to be outside for a bit. I know that the weather the next few days after will be rainy & in the 60's. I need to get as much sunlight as I possibly can before winter hits. It's coming & I think it is coming fast. As you know Mom doesn't mind the cold..it's just the snow!
Mom did school work today & finished up her chapter. I also submitted my exam. That is 2 in 2 weeks. I am starting to get back into the swing of it again. I have 2 more chapters & another exam & then I will be onto my 5 class of the semester. I will have to wait until they send me my books again but that is ok as I am sure I will find things to keep me occupied for those 5 days of waiting. Mom has so much to do to get her continued education credits going so I think I will be looking into that very soon. No matter what I know you are with me every step of the way. I thank you so much for it all, Tyler. I need you. I will always need you my sweet precious son.
Mom doesn't have any updates for you tonight. I didn't talk to anyone at all today. I kept to myself most of the day. It was kinda nice actually. I got many things done. I know you saw Mom being emotional... I am sorry. I am ok though. Guess it was just one of those days. Mom found a poem that I want to write to you though. Here it is:
A Picture of You
I only have a picture now, a frozen piece of time
To remind me of how it was. When you were here & mine.
I see your smiling eyes, each morning when I wake
I talk to you & place a kiss upon your lovely face.
How much I miss you being here, I really can not say
The ache is deep inside my heart and never goes away.
I hear it mentioned often, that time will heal the pain
But if I'm being honest, I hope it will remain.
I need to feel you constantly, to get me through the day.
I loved you so very much, why did you go away?
The angels came & took you, that really wasn't fair.
They took my one & only Son, my future life. My heir.
If only only they asked me, If I would take your place.
I would have done so willingly, leaving you this world of grace.
You should have had so many years, to watch your life unfold
And in the mist of this, watch me, your Mom grow old.
I hope your watching from above, at the daily tasks I do.
And let there be no doubt at all, I really do love you.
I hope you like that poem. I certainly do, Tyler. Its so true. I miss you so much. I love you more than words can say. I look at your picture all the time. I talk to you throughout the day. I know you hear Mom. I know you hear my every word to you. It makes me smile knowing that you do. Mom will be whispering to you later tonight as well. I am hoping to see the moon & stars shining bright. Be listening out for my voice. Smile again & so will I. Mom hopes that you have a fun night tonight while I sleep. I hope you do all the things you need & want to do. Come visit Mom if you can tonight too. I love seeing you. Lets me see that you are happy & doing well. Mom will write the daily prayers to you tomorrow night as I wrote you that poem tonight. I guess I switched it up a bit. Hope you don't mind!
Mom needs to get going now & finish up all the nightly stuff that I need to do. I will write to you tomorrow morning. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler. Until tomorrow night....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Mom is doing pretty good today considering I did not sleep very well last night. Not sure why but it is all good. The weather makes up for it though as it was 72 degrees today & the sun was just shining bright. Mom took the pups for a nice walk & I plan on doing it later this evening as well. They really enjoy the sun as much as you & I do. Tomorrow it is going to be in the 80's. Mom is surely going to be outside for a bit. I know that the weather the next few days after will be rainy & in the 60's. I need to get as much sunlight as I possibly can before winter hits. It's coming & I think it is coming fast. As you know Mom doesn't mind the cold..it's just the snow!
Mom did school work today & finished up her chapter. I also submitted my exam. That is 2 in 2 weeks. I am starting to get back into the swing of it again. I have 2 more chapters & another exam & then I will be onto my 5 class of the semester. I will have to wait until they send me my books again but that is ok as I am sure I will find things to keep me occupied for those 5 days of waiting. Mom has so much to do to get her continued education credits going so I think I will be looking into that very soon. No matter what I know you are with me every step of the way. I thank you so much for it all, Tyler. I need you. I will always need you my sweet precious son.
Mom doesn't have any updates for you tonight. I didn't talk to anyone at all today. I kept to myself most of the day. It was kinda nice actually. I got many things done. I know you saw Mom being emotional... I am sorry. I am ok though. Guess it was just one of those days. Mom found a poem that I want to write to you though. Here it is:
A Picture of You
I only have a picture now, a frozen piece of time
To remind me of how it was. When you were here & mine.
I see your smiling eyes, each morning when I wake
I talk to you & place a kiss upon your lovely face.
How much I miss you being here, I really can not say
The ache is deep inside my heart and never goes away.
I hear it mentioned often, that time will heal the pain
But if I'm being honest, I hope it will remain.
I need to feel you constantly, to get me through the day.
I loved you so very much, why did you go away?
The angels came & took you, that really wasn't fair.
They took my one & only Son, my future life. My heir.
If only only they asked me, If I would take your place.
I would have done so willingly, leaving you this world of grace.
You should have had so many years, to watch your life unfold
And in the mist of this, watch me, your Mom grow old.
I hope your watching from above, at the daily tasks I do.
And let there be no doubt at all, I really do love you.
I hope you like that poem. I certainly do, Tyler. Its so true. I miss you so much. I love you more than words can say. I look at your picture all the time. I talk to you throughout the day. I know you hear Mom. I know you hear my every word to you. It makes me smile knowing that you do. Mom will be whispering to you later tonight as well. I am hoping to see the moon & stars shining bright. Be listening out for my voice. Smile again & so will I. Mom hopes that you have a fun night tonight while I sleep. I hope you do all the things you need & want to do. Come visit Mom if you can tonight too. I love seeing you. Lets me see that you are happy & doing well. Mom will write the daily prayers to you tomorrow night as I wrote you that poem tonight. I guess I switched it up a bit. Hope you don't mind!
Mom needs to get going now & finish up all the nightly stuff that I need to do. I will write to you tomorrow morning. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler. Until tomorrow night....
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday early evening? Mom is doing fine but Mark is sick today. I think he is coming down with a cold & we all know how miserable that is. The weather today was so beautiful. I guess the next 3 days will be very nice so Mom will be taking advantage of it & getting outside as I know this kind of weather will not be lasting at all.
I am sorry that I didn't write to you last night but to be honest....Mom was celebrating life yesterday. I do it every day but especially on October 15th. I am not sure if you remember it or not but yesterday marked 20 years for Mom on being a Cancer Survivor. Yup... 2 decades. I remember the day so well though. I remember having to tell you that Mommy was very sick. You really didn't understand it at all as you were just 5 years old... Mom was 24. You were such a good boy through everything when Mom was in the hospital all those times. I drew my strength from you a lot. You gave me the will to fight. Our family & friends sure helped out too. I am so blessed. I don't take anything for granted, I don't judge anything or anyone & I love with all my heart. Mark & Mom didn't do anything special really but we got a lot of things done. The weather was perfect & we took the pups for a long walk. I looked at things differently... I smelled things that I don't necessarily pay attention too...it was just a good day for reflecting on many things on many levels. I didn't go on the computer all but for a couple minutes. I know you understand & there is no judging anyone where you are... I know you were right by my side. Thank you my sweet precious son. It means the world to me.
Today, Mom & Mark went & ran a couple more errands & then I went & got my nails done. We didn't stay out long as Mark was feeling really crappy & I felt bad. I wanted to get home so that he could relax & sleep if he wanted to. Right now he is watching the Cowboys play the Packers. Yup... Mom's team vs your team! The Patriots played earlier today. They won against the Bangals 35 - 17. Mom is sure that your team will beat mine. I will let you know tomorrow night as the game will not get over until 8 pm or so. In a few minutes I will be getting dinner ready & feeding the pups. Yes... it is the nightly routine. I know you remember that so well...lol.
Not too much for updates for you. Friday night Mom spoke to Uncle Gregg for 2 hours. It was so nice to catch up with him & what has been going on. Watch over him please as he could really use your help. He is struggling. Thank you. Our cousin, Tony, the one who lives in Florida is going to be a Daddy again. He also just proposed to his GF this morning. So big plans for them...a baby & a wedding next year in 2017! Mom was also told yesterday that Denise's ( you remember her....your future Mother-in- Law...lol ) Father-in- Law passed away. You met Bob several times. He was very sick towards the end. He went the way he wanted...peaceful & at home. May Bob R.I.P. now. Mom also spoke to Grandpa & Meme too. All is well there. We are hoping to get to NH in the next week or so before the weather starts turning colder & we start getting snow. Mom would love to go visit you for a bit. That is my main purpose of going there. I will let you know when I do go! I think we have a skype call later as well with Tubal & Karen. We should as we didn't have one last week. Think that is all I got for now but here are the 2 daily prayers that I have to write to you.... October 15~ Happy are those who live in your house, ever singing your praise. Happy are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. There's a highway in my heart, dear Lord & it heads right to your home. When I need comfort, I go to you. When I need wisdom, I go to you. When I need courage or forgiveness or creativity, I hop on that highway & head in your direction. You are always there to meet me. Thank you, my Lord, for all you mean to me. A voice cries out: " In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God. " Amen.
October 16~ Be strong & let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord. O for a faith that will not shrink though pressed by many a foe. That will not tremble on the brink of any earthly woe, That will not murmur nor complain beneath the chastening rod, but in the hour of grief or pain will lean upon its God. A faith that shines more bright & clear when tempests rage without, that, when in danger knows no fear, in the darkness feels no doubt. Lord, give me such a faith as this & then, whatever may come. I'll taste even now the hallowed bliss of an eternal home. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible. Amen.
Mom is once again caught up! I do need to get going now so that I can make dinner. Mom is hoping that the moon & stars will be out tonight. Guess it is a special moon as well. Hope we get to see it. I will whisper to you as I always do so be listening out for my voice. Smile & I will too. Hope you have a few adventures along the way tonight. May everything be the way you need & want it to be. Come visit Mom in my dreams. Continue to watch over us all like I know you do. Fly high & free. I miss you more than I can express & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. Remember you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. Until tomorrow night.... Sweet dreams & Good night, Tyler.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Sunday early evening? Mom is doing fine but Mark is sick today. I think he is coming down with a cold & we all know how miserable that is. The weather today was so beautiful. I guess the next 3 days will be very nice so Mom will be taking advantage of it & getting outside as I know this kind of weather will not be lasting at all.
I am sorry that I didn't write to you last night but to be honest....Mom was celebrating life yesterday. I do it every day but especially on October 15th. I am not sure if you remember it or not but yesterday marked 20 years for Mom on being a Cancer Survivor. Yup... 2 decades. I remember the day so well though. I remember having to tell you that Mommy was very sick. You really didn't understand it at all as you were just 5 years old... Mom was 24. You were such a good boy through everything when Mom was in the hospital all those times. I drew my strength from you a lot. You gave me the will to fight. Our family & friends sure helped out too. I am so blessed. I don't take anything for granted, I don't judge anything or anyone & I love with all my heart. Mark & Mom didn't do anything special really but we got a lot of things done. The weather was perfect & we took the pups for a long walk. I looked at things differently... I smelled things that I don't necessarily pay attention too...it was just a good day for reflecting on many things on many levels. I didn't go on the computer all but for a couple minutes. I know you understand & there is no judging anyone where you are... I know you were right by my side. Thank you my sweet precious son. It means the world to me.
Today, Mom & Mark went & ran a couple more errands & then I went & got my nails done. We didn't stay out long as Mark was feeling really crappy & I felt bad. I wanted to get home so that he could relax & sleep if he wanted to. Right now he is watching the Cowboys play the Packers. Yup... Mom's team vs your team! The Patriots played earlier today. They won against the Bangals 35 - 17. Mom is sure that your team will beat mine. I will let you know tomorrow night as the game will not get over until 8 pm or so. In a few minutes I will be getting dinner ready & feeding the pups. Yes... it is the nightly routine. I know you remember that so well...lol.
Not too much for updates for you. Friday night Mom spoke to Uncle Gregg for 2 hours. It was so nice to catch up with him & what has been going on. Watch over him please as he could really use your help. He is struggling. Thank you. Our cousin, Tony, the one who lives in Florida is going to be a Daddy again. He also just proposed to his GF this morning. So big plans for them...a baby & a wedding next year in 2017! Mom was also told yesterday that Denise's ( you remember her....your future Mother-in- Law...lol ) Father-in- Law passed away. You met Bob several times. He was very sick towards the end. He went the way he wanted...peaceful & at home. May Bob R.I.P. now. Mom also spoke to Grandpa & Meme too. All is well there. We are hoping to get to NH in the next week or so before the weather starts turning colder & we start getting snow. Mom would love to go visit you for a bit. That is my main purpose of going there. I will let you know when I do go! I think we have a skype call later as well with Tubal & Karen. We should as we didn't have one last week. Think that is all I got for now but here are the 2 daily prayers that I have to write to you.... October 15~ Happy are those who live in your house, ever singing your praise. Happy are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. There's a highway in my heart, dear Lord & it heads right to your home. When I need comfort, I go to you. When I need wisdom, I go to you. When I need courage or forgiveness or creativity, I hop on that highway & head in your direction. You are always there to meet me. Thank you, my Lord, for all you mean to me. A voice cries out: " In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord, make straight in the desert a highway for our God. " Amen.
October 16~ Be strong & let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord. O for a faith that will not shrink though pressed by many a foe. That will not tremble on the brink of any earthly woe, That will not murmur nor complain beneath the chastening rod, but in the hour of grief or pain will lean upon its God. A faith that shines more bright & clear when tempests rage without, that, when in danger knows no fear, in the darkness feels no doubt. Lord, give me such a faith as this & then, whatever may come. I'll taste even now the hallowed bliss of an eternal home. By faith we understand that the worlds were prepared by the word of God, so that what is seen was made from things that are not visible. Amen.
Mom is once again caught up! I do need to get going now so that I can make dinner. Mom is hoping that the moon & stars will be out tonight. Guess it is a special moon as well. Hope we get to see it. I will whisper to you as I always do so be listening out for my voice. Smile & I will too. Hope you have a few adventures along the way tonight. May everything be the way you need & want it to be. Come visit Mom in my dreams. Continue to watch over us all like I know you do. Fly high & free. I miss you more than I can express & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. Remember you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. Until tomorrow night.... Sweet dreams & Good night, Tyler.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, October 14, 2016
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