Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you on this beautiful, sunny Wednesday afternoon? Mom is sorry that she did not write to you last night. It wasn't really a good day for me. It is night 3 that I haven't really slept at all. I am quite tired right now. Looks like bed time tonight will be fairly early for me. Maybe with any luck I will get some sleep. Maybe just maybe you can come be with me so I will? I would really like that so much. Either that if you can visit me in my dreams that would be ok to. Anyway that I can see you makes Mom happy. 
 The weather today is just so beautiful. The temperature is almost 80 degrees & the sun has been in & out. I know we won't see those temps for a few months now so Mom is enjoying ever minute that she can. I have been inside for part of the day & outside for part as well. I believe that we will be getting some rain the next couple days & the temps will be back in the 50's. It's funny someone today on facebook sent me a picture of a street with houses on it & they were all buried in snow...a lot of snow actually. I looked at the picture & you know Mom I would usually say " ugh...." You know that I don't mind the cold but hate the white stuff but this time when I saw the picture I didn't have that reaction. I think I am looking forward to it for some reason. I know... that is totally not Mom but I can't explain it at all. I am looking forward to the cold weather & the snow flying. Maybe it is because I know in a couple of years I will be moving back down South somewhere & I won't see the snow again unless I visit during the Holidays. I just don't know why I am feeling this way.... oh well I am not going to try & read into it really. I am just going to go with it....lol.
 I am not sure what has been going on with Mom these last few days. I have been quite emotional & I definitely do not feel like me. I know part of it is due to lack of sleep but that is not all of it. I am feeling things that I don't want to.... like hurt, anger, & uncertainty. Some people say things to me & I believe them as I don't have any reason at the time not to & then I hear things from others that the things I have been told I seem to not be the only one. I get to the point where I want to believe them but I just can't. It is hurtful. I say nothing to anyone. I just hold it inside. I guess I just don't understand why. What I can say is that I am done with that sh*t. I am tired of being a joke. Mom tries to be there for everyone...family, friends, strangers & I don't judge anyone as it is not my place to. I know I will probably make some folks angry but oh well. I need to get back to me. I need to get back on track with my head screwed on the right way! I know you have been watching it all. I know you have seen the highs & lows of what I have been thinking & feeling. Thank you so much for standing by Mom, thank you for letting me see what I needed to & how to once again move forward. Tyler, it means so much to me. I know you know & you can feel it deep in your soul. During these times I miss you so much more than I normally do. I need that Tyler pep talk. I need the Tyler advice that you usually would give me. You were so smart. Wiser beyond your years that is for sure. You helped Mom so many times more than you ever thought you did. I just never told you. I think you knew it though without saying a word to me. If not then I know you know now! I love you so much my sweet precious son. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are still & always will be my everything. You are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Mom's true hero & the wind beneath my wings. 
 Boy, Mom doesn't have any updates for you at all. It is the middle of the week & I have not spoken to anyone. Grandpa may call me later tonight & perhaps Meme so maybe tomorrow I will have something for you. I am going to assume that all is well with everyone & they are just busy doing things where they are. Mom does have 2 of the daily prayers to catch up on so here they are:
 October 18~ You will not fear the terror of the night or the arrow that flies by day or the pestilence that stalks in darkness or the destruction that wastes at noonday. O Lord, I see terror all around me. People are afraid to travel, afraid to invest & afraid even to step outside. The world is a power keg, the economy is iffy & I never know if I'm coming down with the flu or some dread disease. Yet you tell me I don't need to be afraid & I'll take you at your word. Whatever might happen to my world or to me, I know that you will be with me. I find great comfort in that assurance. Give me the ability to comfort others with that same truth. Terror thrives on uncertainty. While we may not know what the future holds, but we certainly know who holds the future. Amen.
 October 19~ Worship the Lord in holy splendor;tremble before him, all the earth. Today, dear Lord, I worship you with all that I am & all that I have. Whatever creative gifts I have, I offer them to you----songs, words, movement & color. You are a great God, my support & my redeemer. You have shown me your love in countless ways & I love you in return. You never cease to amaze me with your kindness & wisdom. I praise you today & I'll praise you tomorrow. I owe everything to you. Before the Lord, everyone is an artist. The worshipful expression of a God-given imagination is beautiful to behold. Amen.
 Mom is all caught up. As usual it is that time of night for Mom to get going & do all the nightly things.... feed Princess & Ozzy & get dinner for Mark & Mom. I think it will be a late dinner though as Mark has been traveling all day long. I got to do laundry, house cleaning & a few others things done this morning so that was great! Anyways.... I need to get going. Mom hopes that your night is full of adventures & fun while I try to sleep tonight. May your evening be filled with all that you need & want to do. Continue to watch over us all & fly high like I know you are. Mom will whisper to you tonight. Hope I get to see the stars & the moon shining tonight. Maybe even a nice painting from you as well. Be listening out for my voice. Smile & Mom will too. Good night & sweet dreams. Until tomorrow....
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!