Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is hanging in there but I got to tell you that this no sleeping stuff again is really getting to me & is really screwing Mom up. I have a lot on my mind & I know that is playing a huge part of it but dang... I need to sleep. I am going to try & go to bed early tonight to see if I can succeed. Anything that you can do for your Mom would be wonderful. I would appreciate it so much! Thanks pumpkin. 
 The weather today is pretty gloomy right now. It was suppose to rain all day but it has not. The clouds are plenty & pretty thick so I know it's coming & soon. The sun was shining bright earlier. Mom took the pups out for a nice walk. They really enjoyed it just as much as I enjoyed it. The temp is 71 degrees. The air was warm & there was a light breeze. I kinda just walked around in a daze thinking about last night. It was not a good night at all. I had a really heated conversation with someone that turned really bad. Honestly it made me so sad & ripped me apart. Mom really considers this person to be a very sweet friend, one of my best friends at that. I really don't know what to do. I know this person is just as hurt as I am but they don't believe it. I think this person just thinks I am heartless & that is so far from the truth. This whole ordeal has had Mom crying a lot. They just don't know it & they definitely don't see it that's for sure. They think I am having an easy time & a grand time with it & again...not true at all. Mom is hurt by all the things that were said to me. I have never been accused of so many things before. I guess I don't really know how to take any of this. The other thing that I keep hearing is " it's all about you, " meaning me.....Mom never tries to make anything about myself. This is just not about me. It takes two. This whole thing happened because I was expected to understand something that I do not get & instead of this person enlightening me on why things have to be the way they are... I get " you will never understand. " They are right... I won't because I was not given the chance to understand the dilemma. I guess Mom just got tired of it & basically said enough is enough. I didn't know what else to do, Tyler. The conversation got way out of control, both of us were very angry, hurt & emotions were flying high. Really when Mom thinks about it we were acting pretty childish. We were not handling this like 2 adults. A lot was said & words were just flying out of our mouths. I am not sure we can ever get over this. I can't picture never talking to them again & the thought of it just kills me. Unfortunately after words are said... they can not be taken back & a simple " I am sorry " sometimes is not enough. Ugh..... Mom could really use your advice. You would know exactly what to do & you would set Mom straight. You were so good with that. God, Mom misses you so damn much, Tyler. I try not to question why all this happened with losing you but there are days that I want to scream, yell & know the reason why right now. I guess with everything going on... this is one of those days where I want to know why I lost you. Why did I have to lose my son, my only child. It just is not fair. Life is not fair. Sometimes life just sucks. Ok enough of this....
 Last night Meme called & we talked for a bit. She was telling me that her & Bob were doing well but poor little Skittles has a respiratory infection. I sure hope that he feels better soon. She was also telling me that NH might see their 1st snow fall this weekend. I knew it was coming! Mom was hoping to get up there this weekend but it is not going to happen for the next few weeks. Guess it will be sometime in November now before Thanksgiving. It sucks but there is nothing Mom can do. You know why & that is all that matters to me. I didn't talk to anyone else last night. I was surprised that Grandpa didn't call but I know he will over the weekend. If not I will call him as it has been a week since I heard from him. I know they are well though. I also heard that Grammy is doing good & that Debbie took her out this week when it was nice. She was so happy. I guess they went shopping. When I heard that it made Mom smile. Grammy doesn't get out much anymore & she hates living where she does but there is no other place she can go. It is just heartbreaking. I know you watch over her & all of us to make sure we are all well. Thank you my sweet precious son. 
 Mom knows that tonight I will not see anything shining in the sky as it is full of clouds already. I know there won't be a sunset either but that is ok. I know that you are giving one & shining bright for someone else who needs it more than I do right now. Mom hopes that your night is filled with all the things you need to do & want to do. Have fun while Mom tries to get some sleep tonight. Com visit with me if you can. I will whisper to you as I always do so please be listening for my voice in the next few hours. I will smile & picture you smiling right next to me. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings.
 Here is the daily prayer for today: October 21~ The voice of the Lord is over the waters; the God of glory thunders, the Lord, over mighty waters. The thunder rolls, supreme & all-powerful God & I think of your mighty voice speaking light into darkness. The lightning flashes & I also think of those flashes of insight you give us----moments when we see things from your perspective & know what we need to do. Awesome Lord, I ask you to thunder into my life. Bring light into my darkness & love into my indifference. Give me flashes of clarity to know how to serve you most effectively in this challenging world. Thunderstorms can be terrifying, as well as energizing. Filling our world with sound & light, it's awesome display. And it's just a hint of the nature of our terrifying & energizing God. Amen.
 You know that it is that time of the day where Mom has to get going & start getting dinner ready. Same ole stuff just different day during the week. Weekends are a little different but not by much....lol. Remember that you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Good night & sweet dreams, Ty. Until tomorrow.....
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!