Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday late afternoon? Mom again has had another busy day. I was up at 6:30 am wide awake. I got up & fed the pups, made coffee & breakfast for Mark & I & then I started in with all the things I needed to accomplish today. I spent 3 hours downloading music for the party this Saturday, I ordered the cupcakes & made a list for the food that I needed to get, put in the order request to have several things in the apartment fixed while we were gone. Mom also spoke to Meme two times & another friend of mine for a bit. It is now going on 3:45 pm & I am just getting around to turning on my computer to write to you. After that I will be getting the night routine started & I believe it will be another early night for Mom to go to bed as tomorrow will be another busy day to get all last minute things done because we head out Thursday morning. Mom is excited that I get to go to NH to see some family & friends but I wish I was seeing more family as not everyone will be there. Mom wishes that you were going to be there as well. It is definitely a hard weekend with many emotions. Saturday is the party & Sunday is Mother's Day & Monday is Mom's official Birthday. This will be my 5th Mother's Day without you. Time is going by but it is not getting any easier. I used to spend all my Mother's day with you & I cherished each one. We sometimes did things & other times we did nothing special. Either way I got to be with you & dang I miss it so much. I miss hearing your voice & seeing your face. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. I still have all the cards you gave me through the years. I look at them quite often & smile as I remember & cry too because I remember. Memories is all I have now. Memories that I will forever cherish though. I love you more than words can say. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. please come give me a sign over the weekend to let me know you are with me. Like Mom said this will be a weekend of some many emotions. Just bare with Mom. I will get through it no matter how hard it is. I promise you.
 As far as updates.....still no word on when Bob's procedure will be. They still have heard nothing from the hospital. That is insane. I told Meme that they need to call the doctor who ordered this emergency procedure & let them know what exactly is going on & the run around they are getting. I keep praying that Bob is doing fine & I know you are watching over the both of them. Thank you. Nothing new for Bean yet either but I know you are looking out for her as well....thank you again. Everything else seems to be well with the rest of our family & friends. I will be touching base with Aunt Beck tomorrow so I will let you know about that tomorrow. That is it for today.
 Here is your daily prayer for May 9~ We ponder your steadfast love, O God, in the midst of your temple. Your Word reminds me that my body is the temple of your Holy Spirit & that you dwell within me. It is from within this " temple, " dear Lord, that I find myself thinking about your love. I remember how you have revealed your love for me time & again in the many ways you have cared for me. You are my provision with your healing, protection, salvation, comfort, peace, forgiveness, kindness, goodness, gentleness & faithfulness. There are so many ways you have made it clear to me that you love me. As I continue pondering your great love, make me aware of how I can show that love to those around me. Love is simply an idea until it is put into action; we can say " I love you " as many times as we'd like, but until we act in love, our words are just sounds, clanging cymbals. Amen.
 Here is the Inner peace card for you as well: I develop a positive state of mind. The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind. Mom is working on this very thing now. I am trying to have a positive mind so that I can have a positive life. I am staying away from drama as I don't need or want that in my life. I listen to people when they want to talk but rarely do I give advice to anyone anymore. No matter how much someone gives advice to a family member, friend or stranger they will always do what they want in the end. That is the way it always goes. I would prefer to stay away from it all & just work on getting my life back in order..... That is what is best for Mom at this time & that is exactly what I am going to do. I think you would be very proud of Mom. I hope you smile a lot when you see me. I know when I think of you or look at your picture Mom is always smiling & whispering to you. 
 Mom hopes that your evening is filled with so many fun things. Things you need to do & things you may want to do. Come visit me tonight if you can while I am sleeping. I would love that so much. Mom's night is going to be making dinner, feeding the pups & then relaxing while watching TV & then bed. I guess I should be going so that I can start all that before it gets too late. Mom will whisper to you as I always do later so be listening out for my voice. I will light a candle for you too. Always know that you live inside my heart, mind, body & soul. You are my hero & the wind beneath my wings. Mom knows that I will not see the moon or stars tonight as yet again it is overcast, rainy & cold. This has been going on for the last 3 weeks. It is wild as some places are getting snow...yup snow. I don't envy them at all so I will be happy with rain. Hopefully soon I will get to see more " paintings " from you. Mom will be back tomorrow with another letter so until then....good night & sweet dreams, Tyler. I love you unconditionally.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!