Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? Happy New Year's Eve to you in Heaven. I can't believe that it will be a new year in just 5 1/2 hours. You know that this is Mom's favorite holiday. Always has been & always will be! It just is not the same with out you here with Mom & our family & friends. Remember all the times that we had company over? All the fun that we had? I sure do miss those times! Tonight, Mark & I will be going to see Marion & Charlie for a couple hours & then we are coming back to the hotel & going to spend the rest of 2014 alone watching the ball drop. Might not be the best way or the funnest way to ring in the new year but it is what we want to do! I wonder what you do up in Heaven? Do you celebrate it or no because there is no concept of time in the spiritual realm? Are you with us celebrating... only we just can't see you? I always wonder. Just know I love you bunches & I miss you so much. I hope that the new year will be what you need it to be, you continue to grow on the other side, & that you continue to be happy. I am hoping that I will continue to understand why all this had to happen, I continue to grow here in the physical world, that I am a good wife to Mark, & I continue to be happy & healthy. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. It means so much to me & all of us.
I am hoping that the stars & moon will be shining bright this evening. It is super cold outside. Something that we are not used to but I am actually enjoying again. I will regardless whisper to you as I always do. I will wish you a Happy New Year at midnight so I hope you will hear Mom.
Here are the 2 daily prayers I missed... December 30~ Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy & find grace to help in the time of need. My Lord, too often we are timid when it comes to bringing our requests before you, but we know that we have complete access to the holy of holies. So embolden us, Lord! Teach us to accept that the grace we have been given is powerful now, not just some day when we are united with you. We boldly lift up prayers to you, asking for justice, righteousness, & peace in our world, Lord. By your grace we humbly ask you to listen & to act.
December 31~ We are the clay, & you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand. O God you created us, & you know us better than we know ourselves. You also love us more than we love ourselves---more than anyone on this earth loves us. Resting in that truth, I know that it's easier to turn our lives over to you. When we need to be redirected, we trust you to do the redirecting. When we're bent out of shape, we know you will be the one to straighten us out again. And if things ever get so bad that you need to humble us & remold us, even then we place ourselves in your hands. For what you create by your hands is always more magnificent then what we can design ourselves. Thank you, Lord. Amen. For the great is your love, reaching to the heavens. Thank you God for always being with me in my life. For always directing me in the direction that I needed to be in whether I believed it or not. Thank you for all my blessings. Amen.
May your last night in 2014 be all that you need & want it to be. May you have a peaceful & restful night in the heavens above. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Never forget this. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight for the last time in 2014. I look forward to all the special signs you will give me in 2015!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday evening? Happy New Year's Eve to you in Heaven. I can't believe that it will be a new year in just 5 1/2 hours. You know that this is Mom's favorite holiday. Always has been & always will be! It just is not the same with out you here with Mom & our family & friends. Remember all the times that we had company over? All the fun that we had? I sure do miss those times! Tonight, Mark & I will be going to see Marion & Charlie for a couple hours & then we are coming back to the hotel & going to spend the rest of 2014 alone watching the ball drop. Might not be the best way or the funnest way to ring in the new year but it is what we want to do! I wonder what you do up in Heaven? Do you celebrate it or no because there is no concept of time in the spiritual realm? Are you with us celebrating... only we just can't see you? I always wonder. Just know I love you bunches & I miss you so much. I hope that the new year will be what you need it to be, you continue to grow on the other side, & that you continue to be happy. I am hoping that I will continue to understand why all this had to happen, I continue to grow here in the physical world, that I am a good wife to Mark, & I continue to be happy & healthy. Please continue to watch over Mom, Mark & our family & friends. It means so much to me & all of us.
I am hoping that the stars & moon will be shining bright this evening. It is super cold outside. Something that we are not used to but I am actually enjoying again. I will regardless whisper to you as I always do. I will wish you a Happy New Year at midnight so I hope you will hear Mom.
Here are the 2 daily prayers I missed... December 30~ Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy & find grace to help in the time of need. My Lord, too often we are timid when it comes to bringing our requests before you, but we know that we have complete access to the holy of holies. So embolden us, Lord! Teach us to accept that the grace we have been given is powerful now, not just some day when we are united with you. We boldly lift up prayers to you, asking for justice, righteousness, & peace in our world, Lord. By your grace we humbly ask you to listen & to act.
December 31~ We are the clay, & you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand. O God you created us, & you know us better than we know ourselves. You also love us more than we love ourselves---more than anyone on this earth loves us. Resting in that truth, I know that it's easier to turn our lives over to you. When we need to be redirected, we trust you to do the redirecting. When we're bent out of shape, we know you will be the one to straighten us out again. And if things ever get so bad that you need to humble us & remold us, even then we place ourselves in your hands. For what you create by your hands is always more magnificent then what we can design ourselves. Thank you, Lord. Amen. For the great is your love, reaching to the heavens. Thank you God for always being with me in my life. For always directing me in the direction that I needed to be in whether I believed it or not. Thank you for all my blessings. Amen.
May your last night in 2014 be all that you need & want it to be. May you have a peaceful & restful night in the heavens above. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Never forget this. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight for the last time in 2014. I look forward to all the special signs you will give me in 2015!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, December 29, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday evening? I hope that you are happy as can be & you are doing all that you want to & need to. Mom is doing ok. I think both Mark & Mom are still recovering from all the wedding planning & we are still exhausted from it. I am sorry that I haven't written in a few nights but you know 1st hand how busy we were. The wedding went really well. Everyone that attended said that it was beautiful & so nice. I think Mom's vision for the wedding was right what I wanted it to be. The lights were wonderful & romantic. I was very happy with the outcome. Did you & Amy see the memorial candles for you two? They were lit before the ceremony & blown out at the end. I found a poem that we framed too. I believe the sign that you gave me was the beautiful weather. It was a great temp for being the end of December. The sun was shining & it was just amazing. It was like you were shining down on us all. Thank you pumpkin!
We are still in NH for a few more days to see family & friends. We will be back on the road soon. The truck got fixed earlier today. It was an easier fix than expected so that was such a nice surprise. Tomorrow I will be with Grandpa as Debbie is having major surgery. I know you will be watching over her during this time. I am so glad that I can be with them both instead of being in Texas & so far away. Meme & Bob are doing well too. Bob goes back to the doctors next week to see when he has his surgery. I hope to up here with Meme when that takes place as well. The rest of the family & our friends are doing well. I think we are all looking forward to a new year & a fresh start again. It will be 2015 in 3 days. I can't believe it. It is so weird. This year really went by so fast. I can't believe that in 6 moths it will be your 2 year anniversary. Makes me sad to just think about it so I won't right now.
The moon has been shining brightly the last few nights. It has been beautiful. Thank you for this. I haven't seen the stars shining though but that is ok. I know you are shining brightly wherever you may be! I have a few daily prayers to write to you so I would like to start them right now.
December 26~ Can any idols of the nations bring rain? Or can the heavens give showers? Is it not you, O Lord our God? We set our hope on you, for it is you who do all this. I gave up hope, dear God, & then you came to me. I gave up faith, dear God, & you whispered in my ear that all was not lost. I gave up love, dear God, & you washed over me with a wave of the love that knows no bounds. I gave up peace, dear God, & you filled me with a peace that goes beyond understanding. Thank you for keeping hope alive in my heart & my soul. Dear God, with hope restored, my faith & love & peace are sure to follow. Hope is the gentle urging of the soul when the mind, heart, & body are too tired to go on.
December 27~ Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. My Lord, you instructed us to forgive our enemies, but I need a little extra courage to do that today.I want to hold on to my anger like a weapon, but in my heart I know that I am just hurting myself by doing so. I pray for some strength & fortitude to face my responsibilities for what happened & to accept what others did in kind. I pray to forgive those who have betrayed me, even as I ask them to forgive me for my role in this situation. Help me, Lord, to forgive them. Amen.
December 28~ Do to others as you would have them do to you. Those times when I most need some loving kindness, God, are when I most need to give someone else that same kindness. For there is one lesson I have learned, & that is to give is to receive. What we put forward comes back to us in the end. Today, I will set aside my problems & reach out to someone who has bigger challenges to face, knowing that even as I help that person, I am helping myself. I will spread love & openly receive love with a willing & grateful heart. The language of an open & loving heart is often heard in the quietest, most simple of gestures. I believe that I do this on a regular basis & daily. That is just the type of person I am. I have definitely done this in my past for many people. Thank you Lord for giving me the means to help others. Please continue to do this for me & I will continue to help. Thank you. Amen.
December 29~ A friend loves at all times. Father in heaven, how glad I am that you put so many precious friends in my life over the years. When I look back through time I can still see their faces & remember their encouragement & love, even if time & distance have separated us. Never let me take my friends for granted, Lord. I praise & thank you for the ones I've known & the ones I've yet to meet. Friendship is one of your greatest gifts, & I'm truly glad you thought of it. I have had many friends in my life that have come & gone through the years. They have been in my life for a reason that was needed & left when they have served the purpose. I will never forget their faces. Through the good times & the bad I know who my true friends are.. the ones who have stuck by me through it all. I love & cherish them with all my heart. They are not just my friends they are my extended family. Thank you Lord for all the ones that I have in my life & the ones I have yet to meet.
I am looking forward to my walk this evening to see if I will see the stars & the moon in the sky. I hope I get to! I hear the weather is going to get colder this week. Not sure if I am ready for that or not & snow is suppose to be coming on Saturday. I know that the sky will be clear until then. Regardless I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be waiting to hear my voice. I miss you so much, Tyler. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are my everything.
I hope that you have a wonderful night. May you have peace & rest. Sweet dreams ny precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Monday evening? I hope that you are happy as can be & you are doing all that you want to & need to. Mom is doing ok. I think both Mark & Mom are still recovering from all the wedding planning & we are still exhausted from it. I am sorry that I haven't written in a few nights but you know 1st hand how busy we were. The wedding went really well. Everyone that attended said that it was beautiful & so nice. I think Mom's vision for the wedding was right what I wanted it to be. The lights were wonderful & romantic. I was very happy with the outcome. Did you & Amy see the memorial candles for you two? They were lit before the ceremony & blown out at the end. I found a poem that we framed too. I believe the sign that you gave me was the beautiful weather. It was a great temp for being the end of December. The sun was shining & it was just amazing. It was like you were shining down on us all. Thank you pumpkin!
We are still in NH for a few more days to see family & friends. We will be back on the road soon. The truck got fixed earlier today. It was an easier fix than expected so that was such a nice surprise. Tomorrow I will be with Grandpa as Debbie is having major surgery. I know you will be watching over her during this time. I am so glad that I can be with them both instead of being in Texas & so far away. Meme & Bob are doing well too. Bob goes back to the doctors next week to see when he has his surgery. I hope to up here with Meme when that takes place as well. The rest of the family & our friends are doing well. I think we are all looking forward to a new year & a fresh start again. It will be 2015 in 3 days. I can't believe it. It is so weird. This year really went by so fast. I can't believe that in 6 moths it will be your 2 year anniversary. Makes me sad to just think about it so I won't right now.
The moon has been shining brightly the last few nights. It has been beautiful. Thank you for this. I haven't seen the stars shining though but that is ok. I know you are shining brightly wherever you may be! I have a few daily prayers to write to you so I would like to start them right now.
December 26~ Can any idols of the nations bring rain? Or can the heavens give showers? Is it not you, O Lord our God? We set our hope on you, for it is you who do all this. I gave up hope, dear God, & then you came to me. I gave up faith, dear God, & you whispered in my ear that all was not lost. I gave up love, dear God, & you washed over me with a wave of the love that knows no bounds. I gave up peace, dear God, & you filled me with a peace that goes beyond understanding. Thank you for keeping hope alive in my heart & my soul. Dear God, with hope restored, my faith & love & peace are sure to follow. Hope is the gentle urging of the soul when the mind, heart, & body are too tired to go on.
December 27~ Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. My Lord, you instructed us to forgive our enemies, but I need a little extra courage to do that today.I want to hold on to my anger like a weapon, but in my heart I know that I am just hurting myself by doing so. I pray for some strength & fortitude to face my responsibilities for what happened & to accept what others did in kind. I pray to forgive those who have betrayed me, even as I ask them to forgive me for my role in this situation. Help me, Lord, to forgive them. Amen.
December 28~ Do to others as you would have them do to you. Those times when I most need some loving kindness, God, are when I most need to give someone else that same kindness. For there is one lesson I have learned, & that is to give is to receive. What we put forward comes back to us in the end. Today, I will set aside my problems & reach out to someone who has bigger challenges to face, knowing that even as I help that person, I am helping myself. I will spread love & openly receive love with a willing & grateful heart. The language of an open & loving heart is often heard in the quietest, most simple of gestures. I believe that I do this on a regular basis & daily. That is just the type of person I am. I have definitely done this in my past for many people. Thank you Lord for giving me the means to help others. Please continue to do this for me & I will continue to help. Thank you. Amen.
December 29~ A friend loves at all times. Father in heaven, how glad I am that you put so many precious friends in my life over the years. When I look back through time I can still see their faces & remember their encouragement & love, even if time & distance have separated us. Never let me take my friends for granted, Lord. I praise & thank you for the ones I've known & the ones I've yet to meet. Friendship is one of your greatest gifts, & I'm truly glad you thought of it. I have had many friends in my life that have come & gone through the years. They have been in my life for a reason that was needed & left when they have served the purpose. I will never forget their faces. Through the good times & the bad I know who my true friends are.. the ones who have stuck by me through it all. I love & cherish them with all my heart. They are not just my friends they are my extended family. Thank you Lord for all the ones that I have in my life & the ones I have yet to meet.
I am looking forward to my walk this evening to see if I will see the stars & the moon in the sky. I hope I get to! I hear the weather is going to get colder this week. Not sure if I am ready for that or not & snow is suppose to be coming on Saturday. I know that the sky will be clear until then. Regardless I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be waiting to hear my voice. I miss you so much, Tyler. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are my everything.
I hope that you have a wonderful night. May you have peace & rest. Sweet dreams ny precious son. I hope to see you in my dreams tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, December 26, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How was your day today? Mom's has been crazy busy as today is the day before the wedding. We have rehearsal tonight & then the dinner. I will be leaving in about 20 minutes for the night & tomorrow morning I will be gone early & arriving late. I wanted to write to you now as later it will be crazy busy. I am not sure if I will be able to write to you tomorrow but I will try my hardest. I hope that you will make your presence known to us all during the wedding. It will mean a lot to Mom. I am going to be missing you so much tomorrow. I wish you were going to be there with Mom. I need to hear your voice & tell me that everything will be ok.
Did you see what Mark did yesterday at the cemetery? I was putting your ornament on your resting place while I was talking to you & when I turned around he was on his knew with Snickers by his side... he handed me a ring & re asked me to marry him so that he could keep the promises he made to you regarding me. I did not expect that at all.. he made me cry harder than what I already was doing! Mark is trying really hard to keep all his promises to you & I believe that he is doing a good job!
I have to go for now but I will be back later. I will finish my letter to you tonight. Hi buddy, I just got back from everything tonight. I am so tired & really need to get some sleep. Please be with me tonight & tomorrow. I need you. I miss you & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I promise to write the daily prayers to you either tomorrow or Sunday. Thank you for the moon & the stars out tonight. I smiled & whispered to you as I usually do. I hope you have a relaxing evening. Come see me in my dreams. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How was your day today? Mom's has been crazy busy as today is the day before the wedding. We have rehearsal tonight & then the dinner. I will be leaving in about 20 minutes for the night & tomorrow morning I will be gone early & arriving late. I wanted to write to you now as later it will be crazy busy. I am not sure if I will be able to write to you tomorrow but I will try my hardest. I hope that you will make your presence known to us all during the wedding. It will mean a lot to Mom. I am going to be missing you so much tomorrow. I wish you were going to be there with Mom. I need to hear your voice & tell me that everything will be ok.
Did you see what Mark did yesterday at the cemetery? I was putting your ornament on your resting place while I was talking to you & when I turned around he was on his knew with Snickers by his side... he handed me a ring & re asked me to marry him so that he could keep the promises he made to you regarding me. I did not expect that at all.. he made me cry harder than what I already was doing! Mark is trying really hard to keep all his promises to you & I believe that he is doing a good job!
I have to go for now but I will be back later. I will finish my letter to you tonight. Hi buddy, I just got back from everything tonight. I am so tired & really need to get some sleep. Please be with me tonight & tomorrow. I need you. I miss you & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I promise to write the daily prayers to you either tomorrow or Sunday. Thank you for the moon & the stars out tonight. I smiled & whispered to you as I usually do. I hope you have a relaxing evening. Come see me in my dreams. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! Merry Christmas to you in Heaven again this year. This is my 2nd one without you. I am doing alright, but it is definitely a Blue Christmas without you & it always will be every year from now on. I just took Snicks out for a short bit & the sky is starting to get blue. Haven't seen that in about 11 days. The sun was even out. I looked to the sky & spoke to you. I hope you could hear Mom. We are getting ready to go see Grandpa for a a little while & then going to Meme's for dinner. I know you will be there with us so I will be looking for some kind of a sign from you. Later this evening I will be seeing Marion, Charlie, & I will be meeting Mark's Dad & Step Mom for the 1st time. I am excited but nervous. I hope they like me.
The wedding is in 2 days & I think we are finally set. Just need to go get a couple than you cards tomorrow & we are finally finished. The planning for over a year has been complete. Not sure what I will do with myself after all this. It has consumed so much of my time...lol! I am sure that I will keep myself busy with all the new stuff coming up in this new year!
I wanted to write to you now because I know that the day & evening will be busy & I will be tired as I woke up at 6:30am. I will be stopping by the cemetery this morning to drop off your xmas ornament that Mom bought you. Hope you like it. It has 2 of your favorite colors! I wanted you to know that you will finally be getting your stone & bench soon. It can't be put in now because of the weather but it will be ordered in February & put in the middle of March. I hope you will like it. I think you will... of course it will have Jack & Zero on it! You deserve it. You deserve the best! I love you so much.
I want to write the daily prayer now for Christmas Day... December 25~ The Lord does not see as mortals do; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. Father in heaven, if ever I feel far from you, I just need to quiet my mind & heart & wait for you to speak---particularly on this special day, during which we celebrate the earthly birth of your beloved Son! You are always with me, but sometimes your voice gets drowned out by the rush of this busy season. Your faithful presence is constant, however & if I look deeply enough, I will find you. And when I do, you are always waiting to welcome me home. Let me return to you again & again, especially today. I pray in the name of my savior, Jesus Christ. Amen. Only when we trust God, do we have peace & assurance in the shelter of his care. I think as we get older we realize that this Christmas Day is not about the gifts but the birth of you, being with family & friends & being able to share & make memories. It is about giving & not receiving. Some folks make this holiday season so commericalized with buying things & trying to " out do " others. It is crazy. I don't need this 1 day to celebrate & get gifts. I get a gift every day when I wake up in the morning. Thank you for this amazing gift... the gift of life. Happy Birthday Jesus.
As I am writing this the sun just came out & shined brightly for a few seconds. It was nice to see again. Hope the rain holds off & clears out. Anyways.... I am not sure what you & the Angels do up in heaven on this Christmas Day but I do believe that you celebrate & praise the Lord. I hope that you celebrate well & you are so happy. Give hugs to Nana, Pepe, Aldo, Betty, Larry, Wendy, Lucas, Ron, Rickie, Uncle Keith, & all our other family & friends. Thank you, Tyler.
My hope for you on this day is that you are smiling & flying high & freely. May it be all that you want & need it to be. This evening I hope it is peaceful & relaxing for you. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are my everything. Always was & always will be. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I miss you each & every day. I love you beyond this world that we live in. Hope to see you in my dreams tonight.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! Merry Christmas to you in Heaven again this year. This is my 2nd one without you. I am doing alright, but it is definitely a Blue Christmas without you & it always will be every year from now on. I just took Snicks out for a short bit & the sky is starting to get blue. Haven't seen that in about 11 days. The sun was even out. I looked to the sky & spoke to you. I hope you could hear Mom. We are getting ready to go see Grandpa for a a little while & then going to Meme's for dinner. I know you will be there with us so I will be looking for some kind of a sign from you. Later this evening I will be seeing Marion, Charlie, & I will be meeting Mark's Dad & Step Mom for the 1st time. I am excited but nervous. I hope they like me.
The wedding is in 2 days & I think we are finally set. Just need to go get a couple than you cards tomorrow & we are finally finished. The planning for over a year has been complete. Not sure what I will do with myself after all this. It has consumed so much of my time...lol! I am sure that I will keep myself busy with all the new stuff coming up in this new year!
I wanted to write to you now because I know that the day & evening will be busy & I will be tired as I woke up at 6:30am. I will be stopping by the cemetery this morning to drop off your xmas ornament that Mom bought you. Hope you like it. It has 2 of your favorite colors! I wanted you to know that you will finally be getting your stone & bench soon. It can't be put in now because of the weather but it will be ordered in February & put in the middle of March. I hope you will like it. I think you will... of course it will have Jack & Zero on it! You deserve it. You deserve the best! I love you so much.
I want to write the daily prayer now for Christmas Day... December 25~ The Lord does not see as mortals do; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. Father in heaven, if ever I feel far from you, I just need to quiet my mind & heart & wait for you to speak---particularly on this special day, during which we celebrate the earthly birth of your beloved Son! You are always with me, but sometimes your voice gets drowned out by the rush of this busy season. Your faithful presence is constant, however & if I look deeply enough, I will find you. And when I do, you are always waiting to welcome me home. Let me return to you again & again, especially today. I pray in the name of my savior, Jesus Christ. Amen. Only when we trust God, do we have peace & assurance in the shelter of his care. I think as we get older we realize that this Christmas Day is not about the gifts but the birth of you, being with family & friends & being able to share & make memories. It is about giving & not receiving. Some folks make this holiday season so commericalized with buying things & trying to " out do " others. It is crazy. I don't need this 1 day to celebrate & get gifts. I get a gift every day when I wake up in the morning. Thank you for this amazing gift... the gift of life. Happy Birthday Jesus.
As I am writing this the sun just came out & shined brightly for a few seconds. It was nice to see again. Hope the rain holds off & clears out. Anyways.... I am not sure what you & the Angels do up in heaven on this Christmas Day but I do believe that you celebrate & praise the Lord. I hope that you celebrate well & you are so happy. Give hugs to Nana, Pepe, Aldo, Betty, Larry, Wendy, Lucas, Ron, Rickie, Uncle Keith, & all our other family & friends. Thank you, Tyler.
My hope for you on this day is that you are smiling & flying high & freely. May it be all that you want & need it to be. This evening I hope it is peaceful & relaxing for you. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. You are my everything. Always was & always will be. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. I miss you each & every day. I love you beyond this world that we live in. Hope to see you in my dreams tonight.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my pumpkin! Merry Christmas Eve to you in Heaven. I hope that you are doing well. Mom has had a couple rough days as it is the holidays again & I am missing you so very much! I had a meltdown yesterday as you probably saw & today I was teary eyed for a bit. Last year I was not here in NH for Christmas & it was difficult as it was Mom's 1st Christmas without you. This year I am here around our family & friends & it is even harder. I am not sure why. I drove by the cemetery today where you are & I couldn't stop. I wanted to but I didn't have the ornament that I bought you with me so I plan on coming to visit you tomorrow.. Christmas morning. This is so hard, Ty. I try my best but sometimes I don't think it is good enough. Bare with me though. I promise I will get through it.
The weather here again is rain & really hard at times. So weird. I was telling Mark that it never rains here in the winter time...either snowing or really cold. Just weird weather. The day of the wedding is suppose to be sunny & in the 50's... that never happens either! I think you may have something to do with that. Thank you = ]
Things are almost finished for the wedding now. We ordered cupcakes yesterday, dropped off all decorations to the ballroom, Mark, Bob, & Grandpa got their tuxes, flowers are all paid for, catering all paid for, Mom's wedding dress is all set along with my 2nd dress...things are looking up. Music is being downloaded tonight so that will be done too. I think it will all come together but I sure will be glad when it is finished!
I know I won't see the stars in the sky tonight again or the moon. Another unusual thing. Usually on Christmas Eve it is clear, cold & you can see so many stars... even the North Star shining bright. I know you are up there regardless if I can see them or not. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom & will be listening out for me.
Here is the daily prayer for today. December 24~ when you turn to the right or you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, " This is the way; walk in it. " Dear Lord, so often we are on a road that is full of potholes & unexpected hazards, & we question why you sent us in this particular direction. But looking back, we often realize that it was that rocky road you took us down that led us to a place we needed to be----a place selected & ordained by you. Thank you Lord, for being with us on that difficult road & for telling us which way to go to avoid total disaster. We have learned that you truly do work all things together for good, & so we will take the rough road that leads us ever closer to you. It is exactly at the point of our deepest despair that God is closest. I have been taken down several rocky roads in my 43 years of life. At times I felt so alone but I knew I was not. Thank you Lord for all that you did during those times in my life. Thank you for being there with me & hurting with me as I went down all those paths. It was because of it all I am where I am today... I am who I am today.
Tyler, I hope you have a peaceful evening tonight. May you have sweet dreams & may I see you in my dreams tonight. I miss you like crazy. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart , mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my pumpkin! Merry Christmas Eve to you in Heaven. I hope that you are doing well. Mom has had a couple rough days as it is the holidays again & I am missing you so very much! I had a meltdown yesterday as you probably saw & today I was teary eyed for a bit. Last year I was not here in NH for Christmas & it was difficult as it was Mom's 1st Christmas without you. This year I am here around our family & friends & it is even harder. I am not sure why. I drove by the cemetery today where you are & I couldn't stop. I wanted to but I didn't have the ornament that I bought you with me so I plan on coming to visit you tomorrow.. Christmas morning. This is so hard, Ty. I try my best but sometimes I don't think it is good enough. Bare with me though. I promise I will get through it.
The weather here again is rain & really hard at times. So weird. I was telling Mark that it never rains here in the winter time...either snowing or really cold. Just weird weather. The day of the wedding is suppose to be sunny & in the 50's... that never happens either! I think you may have something to do with that. Thank you = ]
Things are almost finished for the wedding now. We ordered cupcakes yesterday, dropped off all decorations to the ballroom, Mark, Bob, & Grandpa got their tuxes, flowers are all paid for, catering all paid for, Mom's wedding dress is all set along with my 2nd dress...things are looking up. Music is being downloaded tonight so that will be done too. I think it will all come together but I sure will be glad when it is finished!
I know I won't see the stars in the sky tonight again or the moon. Another unusual thing. Usually on Christmas Eve it is clear, cold & you can see so many stars... even the North Star shining bright. I know you are up there regardless if I can see them or not. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom & will be listening out for me.
Here is the daily prayer for today. December 24~ when you turn to the right or you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, " This is the way; walk in it. " Dear Lord, so often we are on a road that is full of potholes & unexpected hazards, & we question why you sent us in this particular direction. But looking back, we often realize that it was that rocky road you took us down that led us to a place we needed to be----a place selected & ordained by you. Thank you Lord, for being with us on that difficult road & for telling us which way to go to avoid total disaster. We have learned that you truly do work all things together for good, & so we will take the rough road that leads us ever closer to you. It is exactly at the point of our deepest despair that God is closest. I have been taken down several rocky roads in my 43 years of life. At times I felt so alone but I knew I was not. Thank you Lord for all that you did during those times in my life. Thank you for being there with me & hurting with me as I went down all those paths. It was because of it all I am where I am today... I am who I am today.
Tyler, I hope you have a peaceful evening tonight. May you have sweet dreams & may I see you in my dreams tonight. I miss you like crazy. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart , mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing? I am so sorry that I was not able to write to you the last 5 nights. It was pretty crazy driving from TX to NH. I know you know everything that took place during those times because I saw the signs from you. Thank you for being there with us. It meant so much to Mom. I was so sad to not be able to write to you as I missed it so much!
Things here are good. It is so nice to see Meme, Bob, Marion, & Charlie. Tomorrow I will be seeing Grandpa & Debbie. I miss everyone so much. I miss you terribly. I cried this morning just thinking of you & not being able to see you. My heart hurt so bad. I know you do not like to see Mom cry but I couldn't help it. Please forgive me Tyler. I will do my best so that you will see me smiling. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I am hoping to do my blog during the morning before we start the day. That way I can be back on track at least while we are here. It will be scattered again when we drive back to TX though so please bare with me.
I have so many daily prayers to do so I want to start these right now.... December 19~ Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. O lord, I know that true compassion is seeing into the hearts of another & sharing in what they are feeling. Help me be better at doing that, Lord. Give me your insight into what's really going on in their hearts & minds. Still my mind & my agenda, & let me truly be in tune with what the people you've put in my life are feeling. And, Lord, keep me from trying to change or fix things. Help me to simply come alongside them & be happy for them or cry with them. Remind me, always, that showing true compassion is never, never about me or my feelings. You modeled compassion so well for us, Lord. May it be visible in me. Amen.
December 20~ Beloved, do not imitate what is evil but imitate what is good. God, of all your precious gifts, love is the rarest & most precious of all. Too often I find myself acting in ways that are unloving & unkind. That is when I most need your love to remind me to stop & take a deep breath. Anger & hatred never solve any problems. Only love seems to make the rough spots smoother & the hard roads easier to walk upon. I ask that you continue to remind me of the power of love each day, especially when it comes so much easier to choose to be unkind. Cooperating with God will permit us to generously pass on to others some of the many blessings from his rich storehouse. Please Lord continue to show me the right way to act towards the ones I love & care about. Thank you. Amen.
December 21~ Surely goodness & mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, & I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long. Heavenly God, I thank you that even in the depths of my deepest pain, I can still feel your presence & love.Even when all seems bleak & dark, through your holy words, I know that I am never really alone. Because of your Son, Jesus Christ, I am protected for all eternity. This assurance allows me hope, & I am so thankful that I am saved by your mercy & redeemed by your love. Amen. Thank you for always being with me during my darkest times & best times of my life. I need you in my life. I want you in my life always. Amen.
December 22~Jesus answered her " If you knew the gift of God, & who is that is saying to you, ' Give me a drink, ' you would have asked him, & he would have given you living water. O Lord, how precious is the water that flows down from the mountains to restore our land after a long drought! Thank you for sending the fresh, life-giving water to nourish our lawns, our flowerbeds, & our bodies. Yet, as desirable as that water is, Lord, we know that the living water is, Lord, we know that the living water we receive from you is the most precious of all. Thank you, Lord, for sending your living water to refresh our parched soul. We stand in the rejuvenating stream of you love & grace.
December 23~ We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us. Creator God, how wise of you to make us all intriguingly different & to send a variety of gifts into the world through us! How boring it would be if everyone in one church had the gift of preaching, but no one had the gift of hospitality! How ineffective your church would be if no one had the gifts of serving or mercy as well! But by your grace we have different gifts. We thank you for them all, God, & we ask you to forgive us when we don't use them as freely as we should. We are all one in Jesus Christ. Amen!
I can't believe that Christmas Eve is tomorrow. Bittersweet for Mom again this year. I am going to do my best to get through this holiday. Know that I miss you so much. I hope that you will make your presence known on Christmas Day & on our Wedding Day.
The weather is really raining here which is weird. No snow just lots of heavy rain. No stars or moon shining bright for the next several nights but I know you are shining wherever you may be. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom. May you have a restful & peaceful evening. Sweet dreams my precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing? I am so sorry that I was not able to write to you the last 5 nights. It was pretty crazy driving from TX to NH. I know you know everything that took place during those times because I saw the signs from you. Thank you for being there with us. It meant so much to Mom. I was so sad to not be able to write to you as I missed it so much!
Things here are good. It is so nice to see Meme, Bob, Marion, & Charlie. Tomorrow I will be seeing Grandpa & Debbie. I miss everyone so much. I miss you terribly. I cried this morning just thinking of you & not being able to see you. My heart hurt so bad. I know you do not like to see Mom cry but I couldn't help it. Please forgive me Tyler. I will do my best so that you will see me smiling. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
I am hoping to do my blog during the morning before we start the day. That way I can be back on track at least while we are here. It will be scattered again when we drive back to TX though so please bare with me.
I have so many daily prayers to do so I want to start these right now.... December 19~ Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. O lord, I know that true compassion is seeing into the hearts of another & sharing in what they are feeling. Help me be better at doing that, Lord. Give me your insight into what's really going on in their hearts & minds. Still my mind & my agenda, & let me truly be in tune with what the people you've put in my life are feeling. And, Lord, keep me from trying to change or fix things. Help me to simply come alongside them & be happy for them or cry with them. Remind me, always, that showing true compassion is never, never about me or my feelings. You modeled compassion so well for us, Lord. May it be visible in me. Amen.
December 20~ Beloved, do not imitate what is evil but imitate what is good. God, of all your precious gifts, love is the rarest & most precious of all. Too often I find myself acting in ways that are unloving & unkind. That is when I most need your love to remind me to stop & take a deep breath. Anger & hatred never solve any problems. Only love seems to make the rough spots smoother & the hard roads easier to walk upon. I ask that you continue to remind me of the power of love each day, especially when it comes so much easier to choose to be unkind. Cooperating with God will permit us to generously pass on to others some of the many blessings from his rich storehouse. Please Lord continue to show me the right way to act towards the ones I love & care about. Thank you. Amen.
December 21~ Surely goodness & mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, & I shall dwell in the house of the Lord my whole life long. Heavenly God, I thank you that even in the depths of my deepest pain, I can still feel your presence & love.Even when all seems bleak & dark, through your holy words, I know that I am never really alone. Because of your Son, Jesus Christ, I am protected for all eternity. This assurance allows me hope, & I am so thankful that I am saved by your mercy & redeemed by your love. Amen. Thank you for always being with me during my darkest times & best times of my life. I need you in my life. I want you in my life always. Amen.
December 22~Jesus answered her " If you knew the gift of God, & who is that is saying to you, ' Give me a drink, ' you would have asked him, & he would have given you living water. O Lord, how precious is the water that flows down from the mountains to restore our land after a long drought! Thank you for sending the fresh, life-giving water to nourish our lawns, our flowerbeds, & our bodies. Yet, as desirable as that water is, Lord, we know that the living water is, Lord, we know that the living water we receive from you is the most precious of all. Thank you, Lord, for sending your living water to refresh our parched soul. We stand in the rejuvenating stream of you love & grace.
December 23~ We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us. Creator God, how wise of you to make us all intriguingly different & to send a variety of gifts into the world through us! How boring it would be if everyone in one church had the gift of preaching, but no one had the gift of hospitality! How ineffective your church would be if no one had the gifts of serving or mercy as well! But by your grace we have different gifts. We thank you for them all, God, & we ask you to forgive us when we don't use them as freely as we should. We are all one in Jesus Christ. Amen!
I can't believe that Christmas Eve is tomorrow. Bittersweet for Mom again this year. I am going to do my best to get through this holiday. Know that I miss you so much. I hope that you will make your presence known on Christmas Day & on our Wedding Day.
The weather is really raining here which is weird. No snow just lots of heavy rain. No stars or moon shining bright for the next several nights but I know you are shining wherever you may be. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom. May you have a restful & peaceful evening. Sweet dreams my precious son. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom is doing as well as expected. I am so sorry that I didn't have a chance to write to you last night but I know you already saw what we went through all day yesterday & during the night. It was & still is awful. I am having a hard time dealing with it right now but I am trying to really stay strong. We started the 1st leg of our trip to NH. We are in Arkansas tonight & will head out again in the morning for another 8 hours. The weather was good. No issues there at all. Just got colder as we were going North. It is pretty cold here for us...lol! Snickers did great the whole trip. Just towards the end he got to be a wiggle worm. While we we driving I saw a sign that said Tyler. It came up so quickly I didn't get a chance to take a picture of it but I sure will on the way coming back. I know you were with us today. Thank you & I ask that you continue to be with us throughout the whole trip. I will try to write to you again tomorrow night but I am not sure where we will be staying. We are just doing it nightly without booking anything. If I don't do it Friday then I will write you a letter Saturday & all throughout our trip. I know that you will understand this too. It is not easy making a trip like this let alone with a pet & all the other issues too. Remember all the Florida trips? Ugh... the drive was awful but you were such a trooper. I was so proud of you. Every day I was proud. I still am proud & I will always be proud of you my sweet precious son!
I have a couple daily prayers to write to you & then I need to head to bed so I can try & get some sleep tonight. Here is the 1st one for the night: December 17~Love....bears all things, believes all things, hope all things, endures all things. Father in heaven, thank you for creating the kind of love that can hope all things. Without that kind of love, a new mother of a disabled child wouldn't have the strength to get up in the morning. Without that special kind of love, the young spouse of a deployed solider wouldn't have the courage to make plans for " when he gets home." A love that hopes is a love that knows you are in control. It's a love that knows that when we place our hope in you, our love can endure any & all circumstances. We are to hope all things because we love you & you love us. Thank you, Father. Our hope is in the goodness & justice & power of God. Oh wow.. this prayer hits me personally. I do indeed thank you God for all the strength that you gave me through the years as I was caring for Tyler. He drew strength from me which in return I drew it from you. I wouldn't have had it any other way! Thank you for loving me so much to care for Tyler. I love him & you with all my heart. Amen.
December 18~ I will send down the showers in their season; they shall be showers of blessing. O Lord, how we anticipate & welcome your life-giving rain on our parched land! What a blessing it is when you open your storehouses & send us the right amount of moisture to make our crops grow & our rivers flow! I know there are blessings in every season, but it's harder to be grateful for the dry times. Even you are with us, & so we still thank you for the blessing of water. How it refreshes us! To embrace the gifts each day brings is to acknowledge that the Creator never walks away from his creation. Everything is a blessing that you give us daily. Every step we take, every breath we breathe...everything! Thank you for them all whether it is in good times or in bad times. Amen.
It is getting late my sweet boy. I must close this letter now & try & lay down & get some rest. Please be with us tonight. I hope you have a restful & peaceful night yourself. Sweet dreams to you, Tyler. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I will whisper to you as I walk Snickers tonight. Hope you can hear Mom & will listen out for me. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always.... Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom is doing as well as expected. I am so sorry that I didn't have a chance to write to you last night but I know you already saw what we went through all day yesterday & during the night. It was & still is awful. I am having a hard time dealing with it right now but I am trying to really stay strong. We started the 1st leg of our trip to NH. We are in Arkansas tonight & will head out again in the morning for another 8 hours. The weather was good. No issues there at all. Just got colder as we were going North. It is pretty cold here for us...lol! Snickers did great the whole trip. Just towards the end he got to be a wiggle worm. While we we driving I saw a sign that said Tyler. It came up so quickly I didn't get a chance to take a picture of it but I sure will on the way coming back. I know you were with us today. Thank you & I ask that you continue to be with us throughout the whole trip. I will try to write to you again tomorrow night but I am not sure where we will be staying. We are just doing it nightly without booking anything. If I don't do it Friday then I will write you a letter Saturday & all throughout our trip. I know that you will understand this too. It is not easy making a trip like this let alone with a pet & all the other issues too. Remember all the Florida trips? Ugh... the drive was awful but you were such a trooper. I was so proud of you. Every day I was proud. I still am proud & I will always be proud of you my sweet precious son!
I have a couple daily prayers to write to you & then I need to head to bed so I can try & get some sleep tonight. Here is the 1st one for the night: December 17~Love....bears all things, believes all things, hope all things, endures all things. Father in heaven, thank you for creating the kind of love that can hope all things. Without that kind of love, a new mother of a disabled child wouldn't have the strength to get up in the morning. Without that special kind of love, the young spouse of a deployed solider wouldn't have the courage to make plans for " when he gets home." A love that hopes is a love that knows you are in control. It's a love that knows that when we place our hope in you, our love can endure any & all circumstances. We are to hope all things because we love you & you love us. Thank you, Father. Our hope is in the goodness & justice & power of God. Oh wow.. this prayer hits me personally. I do indeed thank you God for all the strength that you gave me through the years as I was caring for Tyler. He drew strength from me which in return I drew it from you. I wouldn't have had it any other way! Thank you for loving me so much to care for Tyler. I love him & you with all my heart. Amen.
December 18~ I will send down the showers in their season; they shall be showers of blessing. O Lord, how we anticipate & welcome your life-giving rain on our parched land! What a blessing it is when you open your storehouses & send us the right amount of moisture to make our crops grow & our rivers flow! I know there are blessings in every season, but it's harder to be grateful for the dry times. Even you are with us, & so we still thank you for the blessing of water. How it refreshes us! To embrace the gifts each day brings is to acknowledge that the Creator never walks away from his creation. Everything is a blessing that you give us daily. Every step we take, every breath we breathe...everything! Thank you for them all whether it is in good times or in bad times. Amen.
It is getting late my sweet boy. I must close this letter now & try & lay down & get some rest. Please be with us tonight. I hope you have a restful & peaceful night yourself. Sweet dreams to you, Tyler. I miss you so much & I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I will whisper to you as I walk Snickers tonight. Hope you can hear Mom & will listen out for me. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always.... Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? Mom is doing well... as well as can be that is. It has been quite the busy day for Mom as we are doing all the last minute things because tomorrow we pack the truck & we are off Thursday morning. Can't believe that it is finally here. As I said before it is very bittersweet. I am excited & happy to be able to see our family & friends but I wish you were going to either be with us or I was coming to see you too. I know you will be with us just not the way I want it to be.
I do have some more stuff to do before the night is out so this letter will be a quick one. I just didn't want to go a night without writing to you. I know you can see me so I know you know what I will be doing. I know you will understand.
The weather today was so nice. I can't believe we are leaving Texas that is 75 degrees & sunny to go to New Hampshire that is cold & only 20 something degrees... what was I thinking???? I took Snicks for a walk this afternoon. It was so cute.. he has made a new friend... her name is Gracie & it is a big long haired cat! Yes.. I did say cat. Nobody would believe me if I told them. I would have to video tape it. It really is cute. He licks her ears, & she does the same in return. She is the mellowest cat I have ever seen. It makes me smile & laugh. Every time it happens I can see you laughing too. I can here you say...awww.. Baby Bear! I hear your voice all the time in my head.. I sure do miss hearing it daily. I miss you so much. I know I say that to you all the time but it is so true. I really do miss you so much. I miss everything. Sometimes I still think that this is a huge nightmare & I will wake up from it. I will then know you are just away & can't bother calling your Mom..just like all the other kids your age does to their parents. I guess playing those games is still what helps me through the days without you. I do try & I am trying hard to understand this all & not question why this all happened. I hope you are proud of Mom. That's all I want to do to help you now. I want you to grow & learn all that you can on the other side. I want everything for you. Always have & always will. Please just know this.
Ok... here is the daily prayer for today... December 16~Truly I tell you, unless you change & become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Just as children have faith in their parents to love them & watch over them, I have faith in you, heavenly Father, to always love me too. I look up to you for wisdom & guidance, & I pray to you for patience & understanding. You always come through for me in wondrous ways, providing to me that my faith is well placed. As your beloved child, I feel nourished & protected by your love, & I will always believe in you, Lord, just as you always believe in me. Amen. Keep the Lord close. I do have faith that you love me & always will love me, God. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for always being by my side helping me, protecting me, & healing me. I ask that you continue to do this for me, my family, my pets, & my friends. Thank you. Amen.
Tyler, the clock is ticking & it is getting late. Mom has so much to still do. I have to end this letter right now. I will be walking later so I will look to the sky to hopefully see the stars & the moon shining brightly. I will be whispering to you as I always do. Please be listening out for Mom. I love you with all that I have. No words can express it. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
I hope you have a peaceful night & it may be all that you need & want it to be. Fly high & free my sweet precious son. Sweet dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? Mom is doing well... as well as can be that is. It has been quite the busy day for Mom as we are doing all the last minute things because tomorrow we pack the truck & we are off Thursday morning. Can't believe that it is finally here. As I said before it is very bittersweet. I am excited & happy to be able to see our family & friends but I wish you were going to either be with us or I was coming to see you too. I know you will be with us just not the way I want it to be.
I do have some more stuff to do before the night is out so this letter will be a quick one. I just didn't want to go a night without writing to you. I know you can see me so I know you know what I will be doing. I know you will understand.
The weather today was so nice. I can't believe we are leaving Texas that is 75 degrees & sunny to go to New Hampshire that is cold & only 20 something degrees... what was I thinking???? I took Snicks for a walk this afternoon. It was so cute.. he has made a new friend... her name is Gracie & it is a big long haired cat! Yes.. I did say cat. Nobody would believe me if I told them. I would have to video tape it. It really is cute. He licks her ears, & she does the same in return. She is the mellowest cat I have ever seen. It makes me smile & laugh. Every time it happens I can see you laughing too. I can here you say...awww.. Baby Bear! I hear your voice all the time in my head.. I sure do miss hearing it daily. I miss you so much. I know I say that to you all the time but it is so true. I really do miss you so much. I miss everything. Sometimes I still think that this is a huge nightmare & I will wake up from it. I will then know you are just away & can't bother calling your Mom..just like all the other kids your age does to their parents. I guess playing those games is still what helps me through the days without you. I do try & I am trying hard to understand this all & not question why this all happened. I hope you are proud of Mom. That's all I want to do to help you now. I want you to grow & learn all that you can on the other side. I want everything for you. Always have & always will. Please just know this.
Ok... here is the daily prayer for today... December 16~Truly I tell you, unless you change & become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Just as children have faith in their parents to love them & watch over them, I have faith in you, heavenly Father, to always love me too. I look up to you for wisdom & guidance, & I pray to you for patience & understanding. You always come through for me in wondrous ways, providing to me that my faith is well placed. As your beloved child, I feel nourished & protected by your love, & I will always believe in you, Lord, just as you always believe in me. Amen. Keep the Lord close. I do have faith that you love me & always will love me, God. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for always being by my side helping me, protecting me, & healing me. I ask that you continue to do this for me, my family, my pets, & my friends. Thank you. Amen.
Tyler, the clock is ticking & it is getting late. Mom has so much to still do. I have to end this letter right now. I will be walking later so I will look to the sky to hopefully see the stars & the moon shining brightly. I will be whispering to you as I always do. Please be listening out for Mom. I love you with all that I have. No words can express it. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
I hope you have a peaceful night & it may be all that you need & want it to be. Fly high & free my sweet precious son. Sweet dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, December 15, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today? It is Monday early evening & the weather today was really nice again. Said it was suppose to rain but it hasn't yet. The sky was alittle cloudy but the temps were in the upper 70's. Just perfect winter weather for Mom & I know you love this kind of weather too. I am so sorry that I have not written to you in a couple nights but things here are just crazy. Mark & I are trying to get everything done because we are at a crunch time to get everything together for our trip up North. We leave on Thursday morning... that is 3 days away. Mom needs to make sure that we have everything & forget nothing plus I want the apartment to be completely clean so that when we return I don't have to do anything for a day or so before our next big change that will be coming up. The weather for our entire trip is looking really good. I am praying that it stays that way so it will be dry weather...no snow.. just crisp & cold. I can handle that! Thank you for doing all you are on your end, Tyler. It means so much to Mom. I can't wait to see how you will make your presence know at the wedding. I look forward to it!
I have 3 daily prayers to do for you so I really want to write them out before I finish my letter to you. So here it goes... December 13~ The Lord is my light & my salvation;...The Lord is the stronghold of my life. Look upon us, O Lord, & let all the darkness of our souls vanish before the beams of thy brightness. Fill us with holy love, & open to us the treasures of thy wisdom. All our desire is known unto thee, therefore perfect what thou hast begun, & what thy Spirit has awakened us to ask in prayer. We seek thy face. Turn thy face unto us & show us thy glory. Then shall our longing be satisfied, & our peace shall be perfect. Nothing more is required than this: receive your good gifts from above. Amen.
December 14~ The Lord, your God, is in your midst, a warrior who gives victory; he will rejoice over you with gladness, he will renew you in his love. Today, heavenly Father, I pray for a little more grace in my life. I could use some help from above-----some small miracles today to remind me of the good in life & that I'm loved & cared for. Please send down your special grace to me, enough for just today, for tomorrow will take care of itself. An angel or two will do, but even if you could just spare a bit of divine guidance, I would be forever grateful. I don't need much, Father. Just a little bit of grace will do. Thank you! With our upcoming trip to NH in the next couple days I ask you God to please watch over us all & let us be safe during our travels. It will take several days to get there & we need all the safety, guidance, & protection that you & the angels can give us. Thank you for all your blessings that you give me, my family, & friends today & in the coming days. Amen!
December 15~ When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who comes from the Father; he will testify on my behalf. O God, my heavenly Father, thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to be with us & guide our decisions. Because I can carry this constant reminder of your love within my heart. I'm never far from you. If I'm ever confused or uncertain, I just pray & then listen for that still, small voice of yours to confirm that my choice is the one you would have me make. Thank you, Lord, for mot forsaking us or leaving us to our own earthly devices. Your love for us is truly great! God directs my thoughts & guides my actions. Not when I was younger but now that I am in my early 40's I find myself just letting you take care of my worries & my needs. I leave everything in your hands..not because I don't want to deal with anything but because I know you will direct me to what & to where I need to be at this time in my life. Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for being in my life. Amen.
Wow... the sky is getting darker now. That was pretty fast. The sun is setting at this very minute. It really is pretty. Lots of orange & yellow. I bet you see some amazing sunsets huh? I bet the stars are even more beautiful for you too. I hope that later I will see the moon & the stars shining brightly. I will make sure to whisper to you as I always do each & every night. Hope you can hear me & will be listening out.
I miss you so much Tyler. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. May your night be peaceful & wonderful for you.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today? It is Monday early evening & the weather today was really nice again. Said it was suppose to rain but it hasn't yet. The sky was alittle cloudy but the temps were in the upper 70's. Just perfect winter weather for Mom & I know you love this kind of weather too. I am so sorry that I have not written to you in a couple nights but things here are just crazy. Mark & I are trying to get everything done because we are at a crunch time to get everything together for our trip up North. We leave on Thursday morning... that is 3 days away. Mom needs to make sure that we have everything & forget nothing plus I want the apartment to be completely clean so that when we return I don't have to do anything for a day or so before our next big change that will be coming up. The weather for our entire trip is looking really good. I am praying that it stays that way so it will be dry weather...no snow.. just crisp & cold. I can handle that! Thank you for doing all you are on your end, Tyler. It means so much to Mom. I can't wait to see how you will make your presence know at the wedding. I look forward to it!
I have 3 daily prayers to do for you so I really want to write them out before I finish my letter to you. So here it goes... December 13~ The Lord is my light & my salvation;...The Lord is the stronghold of my life. Look upon us, O Lord, & let all the darkness of our souls vanish before the beams of thy brightness. Fill us with holy love, & open to us the treasures of thy wisdom. All our desire is known unto thee, therefore perfect what thou hast begun, & what thy Spirit has awakened us to ask in prayer. We seek thy face. Turn thy face unto us & show us thy glory. Then shall our longing be satisfied, & our peace shall be perfect. Nothing more is required than this: receive your good gifts from above. Amen.
December 14~ The Lord, your God, is in your midst, a warrior who gives victory; he will rejoice over you with gladness, he will renew you in his love. Today, heavenly Father, I pray for a little more grace in my life. I could use some help from above-----some small miracles today to remind me of the good in life & that I'm loved & cared for. Please send down your special grace to me, enough for just today, for tomorrow will take care of itself. An angel or two will do, but even if you could just spare a bit of divine guidance, I would be forever grateful. I don't need much, Father. Just a little bit of grace will do. Thank you! With our upcoming trip to NH in the next couple days I ask you God to please watch over us all & let us be safe during our travels. It will take several days to get there & we need all the safety, guidance, & protection that you & the angels can give us. Thank you for all your blessings that you give me, my family, & friends today & in the coming days. Amen!
December 15~ When the Advocate comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth who comes from the Father; he will testify on my behalf. O God, my heavenly Father, thank you for sending your Holy Spirit to be with us & guide our decisions. Because I can carry this constant reminder of your love within my heart. I'm never far from you. If I'm ever confused or uncertain, I just pray & then listen for that still, small voice of yours to confirm that my choice is the one you would have me make. Thank you, Lord, for mot forsaking us or leaving us to our own earthly devices. Your love for us is truly great! God directs my thoughts & guides my actions. Not when I was younger but now that I am in my early 40's I find myself just letting you take care of my worries & my needs. I leave everything in your hands..not because I don't want to deal with anything but because I know you will direct me to what & to where I need to be at this time in my life. Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for being in my life. Amen.
Wow... the sky is getting darker now. That was pretty fast. The sun is setting at this very minute. It really is pretty. Lots of orange & yellow. I bet you see some amazing sunsets huh? I bet the stars are even more beautiful for you too. I hope that later I will see the moon & the stars shining brightly. I will make sure to whisper to you as I always do each & every night. Hope you can hear me & will be listening out.
I miss you so much Tyler. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. May your night be peaceful & wonderful for you.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, December 12, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday early evening? I hope that today was just as nice for you as it was for me. The weather was so beautiful. It was 70 degrees today & the sky was so blue & not many clouds in the sky. I took Snicks out & we went for a little walk. It was so quiet & peaceful around here today. I actually got a few things done today so I felt productive. First time in a long time...lol!
Bob went for his doctor's appointment & it wasn't the greatest news. I was hoping that things would go well & they would have good news. They did however get more answers to what has been going on with Bob & his heart today.. more than what they have been given in the last 2 1/2 years. We are all still praying for the best for him & for a miracle to happen. My fingers & toes will be crossed for him. I won't give up & I hope that Meme & Bob don't either. I know you are doing all that you can from where you are & we all thank you, Tyler! It means a lot to us all.
So last night when I was looking at facebook I read something that made Mom sad. My friend lost her brother yesterday. I went to school with her & her brother was a few years older. You know her brother, Tyler. He was 1 of your RT at DHMC many of nights. It was Craig. I wonder if you have seen him? It will be a reunion for y'all when it comes to Jim, Frank, you & now Craig. If & when you see him please tell him hello for me. Craig was a wonderful & caring man. He will be truly missed by his family & friends.
I have a couple daily prayers to write as I missed yesterday. So let me start typing them out to you now. December 11~ Be patient, therefore, beloved, until the coming of the Lord. O God, though you are silent today, I believe you will answer my prayers for guidance & help. I'm sure that you have heard my pleas, & you know what my heart desires, but more than that, you know what is best for me. I am willing to wait until I hear your voice & until your meaning is clear to me. I will have patience, for I have faith that all things happen according to your plan. We must believe that the Lord knows what is truly best for us. I truly believe that you, God, are answering my prayers for things that have been troubling Mark & I for some time now. Doors are opening for us & we couldn't be happier. I was getting frustrated for the last couple of weeks not knowing what was going to happen or what we were going to do about certain things. I was making myself sick with the not knowing & today after a couple phone calls some doors are opened & there is hope. Like this prayer says... everything happens at the right time according to your plan. Things happen when they are suppose to & all things happen for a reason! Thank you God for helping us through this tough time. I will continue to give you my worries, my stress from here on. I will continue to pray that all goes well for us & our prayers continue to get answered. Thank you. Amen!
December 12~ Let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth & action. Lord, only you can love unconditionally. Try as we might, we fall into loving based on performance or loving based on being loved in return. Why do we make love a competition or an equation? Your love for us is unqualified, completely accessible, & eternal. Dwell in our hearts & minds Lord, & direct our actions toward others. Help us move ever closer to the unconditional way of loving that can change the world one heart at a time. God can be the only one to love unconditionally.. I have no doubt in my mind on this, but I would like to believe that I loved you unconditionally, Tyler. You were my only child, my only son. I loved you the minute I laid eyes on you the day you were born. I was very young then & through the years I made so many mistakes but I believe I did all that I could do for you, for us. I never wanted anything in return except for you to love me & you did just that. So many people use the term unconditionally when they talk about the love we had for one another. It makes me smile. I would do it all over again if I was given the chance. I would go through this world & life with you again if I could. I wouldn't even hesitate. I hope you know that. I miss you so much & I love you beyond anything I could ever express. You were my world & you always will be.
The dark evening sky is upon us. I hope that I see the stars & moon later when I walk Snicks. If I do I will give the biggest smile & if not I will still smile knowing you are somewhere smiling back at me. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope you have a wonderful evening. May you have the sweetest dreams. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday early evening? I hope that today was just as nice for you as it was for me. The weather was so beautiful. It was 70 degrees today & the sky was so blue & not many clouds in the sky. I took Snicks out & we went for a little walk. It was so quiet & peaceful around here today. I actually got a few things done today so I felt productive. First time in a long time...lol!
Bob went for his doctor's appointment & it wasn't the greatest news. I was hoping that things would go well & they would have good news. They did however get more answers to what has been going on with Bob & his heart today.. more than what they have been given in the last 2 1/2 years. We are all still praying for the best for him & for a miracle to happen. My fingers & toes will be crossed for him. I won't give up & I hope that Meme & Bob don't either. I know you are doing all that you can from where you are & we all thank you, Tyler! It means a lot to us all.
So last night when I was looking at facebook I read something that made Mom sad. My friend lost her brother yesterday. I went to school with her & her brother was a few years older. You know her brother, Tyler. He was 1 of your RT at DHMC many of nights. It was Craig. I wonder if you have seen him? It will be a reunion for y'all when it comes to Jim, Frank, you & now Craig. If & when you see him please tell him hello for me. Craig was a wonderful & caring man. He will be truly missed by his family & friends.
I have a couple daily prayers to write as I missed yesterday. So let me start typing them out to you now. December 11~ Be patient, therefore, beloved, until the coming of the Lord. O God, though you are silent today, I believe you will answer my prayers for guidance & help. I'm sure that you have heard my pleas, & you know what my heart desires, but more than that, you know what is best for me. I am willing to wait until I hear your voice & until your meaning is clear to me. I will have patience, for I have faith that all things happen according to your plan. We must believe that the Lord knows what is truly best for us. I truly believe that you, God, are answering my prayers for things that have been troubling Mark & I for some time now. Doors are opening for us & we couldn't be happier. I was getting frustrated for the last couple of weeks not knowing what was going to happen or what we were going to do about certain things. I was making myself sick with the not knowing & today after a couple phone calls some doors are opened & there is hope. Like this prayer says... everything happens at the right time according to your plan. Things happen when they are suppose to & all things happen for a reason! Thank you God for helping us through this tough time. I will continue to give you my worries, my stress from here on. I will continue to pray that all goes well for us & our prayers continue to get answered. Thank you. Amen!
December 12~ Let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth & action. Lord, only you can love unconditionally. Try as we might, we fall into loving based on performance or loving based on being loved in return. Why do we make love a competition or an equation? Your love for us is unqualified, completely accessible, & eternal. Dwell in our hearts & minds Lord, & direct our actions toward others. Help us move ever closer to the unconditional way of loving that can change the world one heart at a time. God can be the only one to love unconditionally.. I have no doubt in my mind on this, but I would like to believe that I loved you unconditionally, Tyler. You were my only child, my only son. I loved you the minute I laid eyes on you the day you were born. I was very young then & through the years I made so many mistakes but I believe I did all that I could do for you, for us. I never wanted anything in return except for you to love me & you did just that. So many people use the term unconditionally when they talk about the love we had for one another. It makes me smile. I would do it all over again if I was given the chance. I would go through this world & life with you again if I could. I wouldn't even hesitate. I hope you know that. I miss you so much & I love you beyond anything I could ever express. You were my world & you always will be.
The dark evening sky is upon us. I hope that I see the stars & moon later when I walk Snicks. If I do I will give the biggest smile & if not I will still smile knowing you are somewhere smiling back at me. I will whisper to you as I always do. I hope you have a wonderful evening. May you have the sweetest dreams. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Dear Tyler,
Hi my pumpkin! How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? Here in Texas the weather is nice again. Not as sunny as the last couple of days but the temps are just perfect. I will take it. Went for a walk with Snickers already & it was so quiet. I can't believe that it is December 10th & I am still wearing flip flops & short sleeve shirts. I really like the weather here from October through May. June through September is kind of rough with the really warm temps. I will really miss it when we leave though. Nothing beats no snow & cold weather!
Last night when we were walking Snickers the sky was so amazing. The moon was shining bright with clouds around it & the stars were so clear. It was beautiful. I was whispering to you as I always do. Mark & I were also chatting about you! Did you hear us? I was saying how smart & bright you were & how you had a love for History, Astronomy, & Mythology. I used to be wowed by all that you knew. Sometimes you made Mom feel a little stupid because there were things that I should have known but I didn't. I was telling Mark last night that I have never seen the constellations so vivid until living here. I am trying to figure out what I see each night... it is either the Big Dipper or the Little Dipper. I will research it & let you know. I wonder if you ever go to your star? Is it pretty? This Christmas will be 2 years since I gave that gift to you by naming a star after you. I think that was the best gift to you & Mark ever. I still remember your face. You said that was so awesome & had a huge smile. Made my day! Always made my day to see your sweet face, hearing your voice, your laugh, seeing you smile. Oh how I miss it so much. I miss you so. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Never forget that Tyler.
Before I forget... here is the daily prayer for today. December 10~ Sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. I know it's true, Lord. Because of your presence in my life, the sins that had so much control over me in the past aren't the least bit enticing anymore. You orchestrated that change in me by your grace, & I thank you. I thank you, too, that you didn't create a long list of laws for me to follow, knowing full well I couldn't keep them all perfectly. Instead, you simply asked me to believe in you & receive the abundant provision of your grace. What a wonderful, awesome way to save me, Lord! I thank you with all my heart--- & with my life. Amen. When it seems as though God is treating you like a favorite child, that's grace. Through the years I have done some things that I am not proud of at all. I was younger, & foolish. Still that is not an excuse what the things that I have done. I look back & it is all a stepping stone to where I am now in my life. Like this prayer says... none of that is enticing to me anymore. I want my life to be drama free, no stress.. as a friend of mine would say... a vanilla life style. Smooth sailing from here on out. That is how I prefer it to be now. It is easier to deal with & handle. I like the simple things. I thank you God for all the forgiveness. Amen.
I hope that later tonight when the evening sky is upon us I will get the chance to see the moon & stars shining again. I know that the next couple of days we will be getting rain so I most likely won't see anything. Regardless, I will look to the sky & whisper to you as I always do. I hope that you are content, happy, & have a restful nights sleep. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I love you with all that I have. You are forever in my heart, my mind & my soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my pumpkin! How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? Here in Texas the weather is nice again. Not as sunny as the last couple of days but the temps are just perfect. I will take it. Went for a walk with Snickers already & it was so quiet. I can't believe that it is December 10th & I am still wearing flip flops & short sleeve shirts. I really like the weather here from October through May. June through September is kind of rough with the really warm temps. I will really miss it when we leave though. Nothing beats no snow & cold weather!
Last night when we were walking Snickers the sky was so amazing. The moon was shining bright with clouds around it & the stars were so clear. It was beautiful. I was whispering to you as I always do. Mark & I were also chatting about you! Did you hear us? I was saying how smart & bright you were & how you had a love for History, Astronomy, & Mythology. I used to be wowed by all that you knew. Sometimes you made Mom feel a little stupid because there were things that I should have known but I didn't. I was telling Mark last night that I have never seen the constellations so vivid until living here. I am trying to figure out what I see each night... it is either the Big Dipper or the Little Dipper. I will research it & let you know. I wonder if you ever go to your star? Is it pretty? This Christmas will be 2 years since I gave that gift to you by naming a star after you. I think that was the best gift to you & Mark ever. I still remember your face. You said that was so awesome & had a huge smile. Made my day! Always made my day to see your sweet face, hearing your voice, your laugh, seeing you smile. Oh how I miss it so much. I miss you so. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. Never forget that Tyler.
Before I forget... here is the daily prayer for today. December 10~ Sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace. I know it's true, Lord. Because of your presence in my life, the sins that had so much control over me in the past aren't the least bit enticing anymore. You orchestrated that change in me by your grace, & I thank you. I thank you, too, that you didn't create a long list of laws for me to follow, knowing full well I couldn't keep them all perfectly. Instead, you simply asked me to believe in you & receive the abundant provision of your grace. What a wonderful, awesome way to save me, Lord! I thank you with all my heart--- & with my life. Amen. When it seems as though God is treating you like a favorite child, that's grace. Through the years I have done some things that I am not proud of at all. I was younger, & foolish. Still that is not an excuse what the things that I have done. I look back & it is all a stepping stone to where I am now in my life. Like this prayer says... none of that is enticing to me anymore. I want my life to be drama free, no stress.. as a friend of mine would say... a vanilla life style. Smooth sailing from here on out. That is how I prefer it to be now. It is easier to deal with & handle. I like the simple things. I thank you God for all the forgiveness. Amen.
I hope that later tonight when the evening sky is upon us I will get the chance to see the moon & stars shining again. I know that the next couple of days we will be getting rain so I most likely won't see anything. Regardless, I will look to the sky & whisper to you as I always do. I hope that you are content, happy, & have a restful nights sleep. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I love you with all that I have. You are forever in my heart, my mind & my soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, December 9, 2014
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