Dear Tyler,

Hi my pumpkin! Merry Christmas Eve to you in Heaven. I hope that you are doing well. Mom has had a couple rough days as it is the holidays again & I am missing you so very much! I had a meltdown yesterday as you probably saw & today I was teary eyed for a bit. Last year I was not here in NH for Christmas & it was difficult as it was Mom's 1st Christmas without you. This year I am here around our family & friends & it is even harder. I am not sure why. I drove by the cemetery today where you are & I couldn't stop. I wanted to but I didn't have the ornament that I bought you with me so I plan on coming to visit you tomorrow.. Christmas morning. This is so hard, Ty. I try my best but sometimes I don't think it is good enough. Bare with me though. I promise I will get through it.
 The weather here again is rain & really hard at times. So weird. I was telling Mark that it never rains here in the winter time...either snowing or really cold. Just weird weather. The day of the wedding is suppose to be sunny & in the 50's... that never happens either! I think you may have something to do with that. Thank you = ]
 Things are almost finished for the wedding now. We ordered cupcakes yesterday, dropped off all decorations to the ballroom, Mark, Bob, & Grandpa got their tuxes, flowers are all paid for, catering all paid for, Mom's wedding dress is all set along with my 2nd dress...things are looking up. Music is being downloaded tonight so that will be done too. I think it will all come together but I sure will be glad when it is finished!
 I know I won't see the stars in the sky tonight again or the moon. Another unusual thing. Usually on Christmas Eve it is clear, cold & you can see so many stars... even the North Star shining bright. I know you are up there regardless if I can see them or not. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you can hear Mom & will be listening out for me. 
 Here is the daily prayer for today. December 24~ when you turn to the right or you turn to the left, your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, " This is the way; walk in it. " Dear Lord, so often we are on a road that is full of potholes & unexpected hazards, & we question why you sent us in this particular direction. But looking back, we often realize that it was that rocky road you took us down that led us to a place we needed to be----a place selected & ordained by you. Thank you Lord, for being with us on that difficult road & for telling us which way to go to avoid total disaster. We have learned that you truly do work all things together for good, & so we will take the rough road that leads us ever closer to you. It is exactly at the point of our deepest despair that God is closest. I have been taken down several rocky roads in my 43 years of life. At times I felt so alone but I knew I was not. Thank you Lord for all that you did during those times in my life. Thank you for being there with me & hurting with me as I went down all those paths. It was because of it all I am where I am today... I am who I am today. 
 Tyler, I hope you have a peaceful evening tonight. May you have sweet dreams & may I see you in my dreams tonight. I miss you like crazy. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart , mind, & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!