Thursday, April 30, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today? Mom is going at it at all ends. Not much sleep & trying to be supportive to Mark & Meme as we all are going through so much right now. I know you see it all. I know you know everything that we are all emotional about. I am not sure what to do & Mom is just so emotional right now. I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat but I don't. I am on the telephone with Meme, Grandpa, Aunt Becky, etc... to get updates & give updates about Bob & Uncle Joe. I let Mark do his thing so that he can get everything in on a daily basis that will help us out in the long run. Things are not going the greatest for Bob & I am really worried about this. I am worried for him & Meme. We are awaiting still to find out about Uncle Joe & how his surgery went. He had major open heart surgery this morning. Things with Mom & Mark are still the same. No real leads at this time but I know you are watching our us & everyone else. Thank you so much for all that you do & will continue to do for us all.
There is not much new going on as you know. I am so sorry that Mom does not have much to say because of everything going on & our worlds are turned upside down, but what I will say is that I miss you so much. I find right now that I am more teary eyed then normal. I seem to cry at the drop of a hat. I am scared now for so many reasons & I am not sure how to handle it all. I wish that you were here with me so that we could talk about everything. You could calm Mom down & talk sense to me. I hurt so much Tyler because you are no longer with Mom. I can't help it. I try my best but my best doesn't seem good enough. I am so sorry. I will continue to try harder. Just bare with Mom.
The stars & moon have been out shining brightly during the night. It has been so beautiful to see them all. It makes me smile & I whisper to you all the time. I know you are shining so bright wherever you are. I hope to see the stars shining brightly tonight. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will hear Mom chatting with you.
I hope that tonight will be all that you need & want it to be for yourself. I hope you do whatever it is to make you happy. If you do get to rest I hope that you have the sweetest dreams ever. I hope that when Mom goes to sleep tonight I will get to see you in my own dreams. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you so much my sweet precious son. Please remember this.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. I wanted to share with you Mom's favorite quote from all time.
" Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. "
Here is another quote..
" God didn't add another day to your life because you needed it, he added it because someone out there needs you. "
Love you xoxoxo
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today? Mom is going at it at all ends. Not much sleep & trying to be supportive to Mark & Meme as we all are going through so much right now. I know you see it all. I know you know everything that we are all emotional about. I am not sure what to do & Mom is just so emotional right now. I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat but I don't. I am on the telephone with Meme, Grandpa, Aunt Becky, etc... to get updates & give updates about Bob & Uncle Joe. I let Mark do his thing so that he can get everything in on a daily basis that will help us out in the long run. Things are not going the greatest for Bob & I am really worried about this. I am worried for him & Meme. We are awaiting still to find out about Uncle Joe & how his surgery went. He had major open heart surgery this morning. Things with Mom & Mark are still the same. No real leads at this time but I know you are watching our us & everyone else. Thank you so much for all that you do & will continue to do for us all.
There is not much new going on as you know. I am so sorry that Mom does not have much to say because of everything going on & our worlds are turned upside down, but what I will say is that I miss you so much. I find right now that I am more teary eyed then normal. I seem to cry at the drop of a hat. I am scared now for so many reasons & I am not sure how to handle it all. I wish that you were here with me so that we could talk about everything. You could calm Mom down & talk sense to me. I hurt so much Tyler because you are no longer with Mom. I can't help it. I try my best but my best doesn't seem good enough. I am so sorry. I will continue to try harder. Just bare with Mom.
The stars & moon have been out shining brightly during the night. It has been so beautiful to see them all. It makes me smile & I whisper to you all the time. I know you are shining so bright wherever you are. I hope to see the stars shining brightly tonight. I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will hear Mom chatting with you.
I hope that tonight will be all that you need & want it to be for yourself. I hope you do whatever it is to make you happy. If you do get to rest I hope that you have the sweetest dreams ever. I hope that when Mom goes to sleep tonight I will get to see you in my own dreams. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul. I love you so much my sweet precious son. Please remember this.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. I wanted to share with you Mom's favorite quote from all time.
" Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. "
Here is another quote..
" God didn't add another day to your life because you needed it, he added it because someone out there needs you. "
Love you xoxoxo
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? Mom is tired, angry, frustrated, & every other emotion that you can think of. I wanted to write to you really quick because I am awaiting a phone call from Meme. I am not sure if I will be making a trip up to NH tonight or tomorrow. Tyler, please go be with Meme & Bob. They both need you pumpkin. I guess Bob fell this morning & hit his head again & gave himself rug burn on his head. He went to the doctors & his PCP has stated that Bob can no longer be by himself & he needs to go into a home. Meme just called me as they were at the hospital emergency room awaiting & she said she would call me later. This is not a good sign.. we both know this. This is so sad. I am worried for both Bob & Meme. I know I don't have to tell you because you already know but I will keep you posted as it is a healing for Mom.
Today was day 2 of the hardship that Mark & Mom are in. We are trying. Mark is trying so hard. I am leaving in all in God's hands right now. I know that things will work out & we will be ok. We both have our faith so that is what we are holding onto at this point. If you can be with us as well that would be great. We need you too.
Remember how I said that Grandpa had been sick with a cold? I spoke to him yesterday & come to find out he has double pneumonia. Great Grammy has a nasty cold as well & the doctors are hoping that she doesn't get pneumonia as well.
I just heard from Meme & they are admitting Bob & as of tomorrow they will be looking at facilities for him in the morning. I am so sadden by this news. Everyone is so full of emotions right now. Everyone is at each others throats. This is a lot to deal with at 1 time, but I know that we all will get through this as we have you watching over us & all the Angels, & God above. Thank you Ty!
I am going to close this letter as I am just tired, my head hurts & I just am angry right now at so many things. I am sorry Tyler, so please forgive Mom. I miss you so much & I love you more than words can say. I hope that you have a wonderful peaceful & restful evening tonight. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Have the sweetest dreams tonight & please visit me in my own when I fall asleep. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. I saw this quote today that was fitting for what is going on. You will get a kick out of it.
" God never gives you anymore than you can handle, so he must think that I am bad ass. "
Love you pumpkin xoxoxo.
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Tuesday evening? Mom is tired, angry, frustrated, & every other emotion that you can think of. I wanted to write to you really quick because I am awaiting a phone call from Meme. I am not sure if I will be making a trip up to NH tonight or tomorrow. Tyler, please go be with Meme & Bob. They both need you pumpkin. I guess Bob fell this morning & hit his head again & gave himself rug burn on his head. He went to the doctors & his PCP has stated that Bob can no longer be by himself & he needs to go into a home. Meme just called me as they were at the hospital emergency room awaiting & she said she would call me later. This is not a good sign.. we both know this. This is so sad. I am worried for both Bob & Meme. I know I don't have to tell you because you already know but I will keep you posted as it is a healing for Mom.
Today was day 2 of the hardship that Mark & Mom are in. We are trying. Mark is trying so hard. I am leaving in all in God's hands right now. I know that things will work out & we will be ok. We both have our faith so that is what we are holding onto at this point. If you can be with us as well that would be great. We need you too.
Remember how I said that Grandpa had been sick with a cold? I spoke to him yesterday & come to find out he has double pneumonia. Great Grammy has a nasty cold as well & the doctors are hoping that she doesn't get pneumonia as well.
I just heard from Meme & they are admitting Bob & as of tomorrow they will be looking at facilities for him in the morning. I am so sadden by this news. Everyone is so full of emotions right now. Everyone is at each others throats. This is a lot to deal with at 1 time, but I know that we all will get through this as we have you watching over us & all the Angels, & God above. Thank you Ty!
I am going to close this letter as I am just tired, my head hurts & I just am angry right now at so many things. I am sorry Tyler, so please forgive Mom. I miss you so much & I love you more than words can say. I hope that you have a wonderful peaceful & restful evening tonight. May it be all that you need & want it to be. Have the sweetest dreams tonight & please visit me in my own when I fall asleep. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
PS. I saw this quote today that was fitting for what is going on. You will get a kick out of it.
" God never gives you anymore than you can handle, so he must think that I am bad ass. "
Love you pumpkin xoxoxo.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Monday early morning? I hope wherever you are it is sunny & warm because it is not where I am. The weather is rainy, cloudy, & pretty cool for this time of the year. I am so sorry for not writing to you over the weekend. I have no excuses for why I didn't. Friday, I did many things & the time got the best of Mom. I actually went to bed quite early too as I was up very early that morning. Saturday, we didn't go any where, Mark & Mom stayed home & did things around the apartment. We ordered dinner out & Mom watched a movie that made me cry my eyes out. I know you saw me. I whispered to you during the movie & after it was over. It reminded Mom of the things I went through personally with cancer & then when I lost you. It was a double whammy. I went to bed not that long after as I was drain physically, emotionally, & mentally. Sunday, I was up at 6 am with the pups. I made breakfast, gave the pups baths, did some laundry, & then we headed out to do errands. Got back & I made dinner & brownies for dessert. We hung up some of our wedding pictures finally. Got done doing that around 8 pm & sat down to watch tv. I had a massive headache so I went to bed around 9 pm. Didn't sleep well last night. Ozzy kept Mom up quite a bit. I was finally getting some rest this morning when I awoke at 7 am & noticed that Mark was still home. I asked what was going on & he told me the devastating news. I will not go into detail on here in my letter as I know that you already know & can see what is going on. Mark is shocked, hurt, & all other kinds of emotions. Mom is just sick to my stomach. I hurt for Mark & I think... well lets just say I think many bad things right now. We have to stay strong & stay together on this. I don't know why this is happening & it just is not fair. Why do we continue to get the sh*t end of the stick all the time? I just don't get it. I am so confused at this time. When I found out the news... I just prayed. I talked to God & asked why? I asked for the help that we will both need. The courage & the strength to get through this. Tyler, not only do we need God's help, the Angels help, we need yours too. Anything that you can do from your side would be appreciated. Thank you pumpkin. Please just be with us & show your signs that you are near. It will help us more than you know. I love you.
So on Friday, Mom was super excited as I took the final steps to make things official & become a student again. I made the tuition payment & I was off running. I was to start my classes today. I was so proud of myself, & the decisions that I had made to do this. It is a big step for Mom. I have been out of school for many many years now. I am sad to say that with all that is happening Mom will have to cancel that dream as of right now. The school that I chose does a 5 day money back guarantee & that 5 days are up tomorrow. It sucks but I have to do what is needed right now. I look at it as this was not the right time for Mom & that as you know everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reasons are not told to us right off & sometimes you never get the answers. The only thing we both know at this time is that we will hold our heads up high knowing we did nothing wrong & we will move forward with the help of the Lord above & the help from you, family & friends.
Not much has changed with our family. Grandpa had a cold but is doing a lot better now. He miss a couple weeks of work but needed to so he could get better. He had a lot of fluid in his lungs. You know all about that. Debbie is doing fine. Likes her new job but hates the hours they have her working. Meme is doing ok. She is busy with work, taking care of Bob, & now doing paperwork so that Bob can get disability. She slipped & fell last week & did some severe damage to her collar bone & the whole arm & side. She is in a sling right now & on medicine. She says it does not work though & is in a lot of of pain still. Bob is still not well. The doctors keep changing his medicine on him & he is still dizzy all the time & winded. He sleeps a lot too. I know you watch over all our family & friends & I thank you. You always use to say you wished to be in more than 1 place at a time & now you can!
I am going to have to cut this letter short now. I need to get going & help Mark out with some things for the day. I know you understand. Lots of things ahead of us again & the unknown is scary. I am not sure what the weather will be like later this evening but I am sure it will be raining. The clouds are pretty thick right now so I don't see any chance of the sky clearing but who knows. It may later. I hope to see the stars & the moon shining brightly tonight but if not I know you are shining brightly somewhere. I will whisper to you as I always do. Probably a lot today so I hope you can hear Mom's voice & can hear what I say. I miss you so much Tyler. I hate this. Every day I hate this. I try to understand but sometimes I just can't. I try not to question God & the plans that take place but sometimes it is rough. Anyways....
I hope that your day & your evening is full of the things you like to do now. I hope that you are happy & are having fun. Hope you are learning so many new things & that you are enjoying your travels along the way. I love you so much my sweet precious son. I always will. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. May you have the sweetest dreams this evening, & may Mom see you in mine own tonight when I lay my head down to rest for the night.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Monday early morning? I hope wherever you are it is sunny & warm because it is not where I am. The weather is rainy, cloudy, & pretty cool for this time of the year. I am so sorry for not writing to you over the weekend. I have no excuses for why I didn't. Friday, I did many things & the time got the best of Mom. I actually went to bed quite early too as I was up very early that morning. Saturday, we didn't go any where, Mark & Mom stayed home & did things around the apartment. We ordered dinner out & Mom watched a movie that made me cry my eyes out. I know you saw me. I whispered to you during the movie & after it was over. It reminded Mom of the things I went through personally with cancer & then when I lost you. It was a double whammy. I went to bed not that long after as I was drain physically, emotionally, & mentally. Sunday, I was up at 6 am with the pups. I made breakfast, gave the pups baths, did some laundry, & then we headed out to do errands. Got back & I made dinner & brownies for dessert. We hung up some of our wedding pictures finally. Got done doing that around 8 pm & sat down to watch tv. I had a massive headache so I went to bed around 9 pm. Didn't sleep well last night. Ozzy kept Mom up quite a bit. I was finally getting some rest this morning when I awoke at 7 am & noticed that Mark was still home. I asked what was going on & he told me the devastating news. I will not go into detail on here in my letter as I know that you already know & can see what is going on. Mark is shocked, hurt, & all other kinds of emotions. Mom is just sick to my stomach. I hurt for Mark & I think... well lets just say I think many bad things right now. We have to stay strong & stay together on this. I don't know why this is happening & it just is not fair. Why do we continue to get the sh*t end of the stick all the time? I just don't get it. I am so confused at this time. When I found out the news... I just prayed. I talked to God & asked why? I asked for the help that we will both need. The courage & the strength to get through this. Tyler, not only do we need God's help, the Angels help, we need yours too. Anything that you can do from your side would be appreciated. Thank you pumpkin. Please just be with us & show your signs that you are near. It will help us more than you know. I love you.
So on Friday, Mom was super excited as I took the final steps to make things official & become a student again. I made the tuition payment & I was off running. I was to start my classes today. I was so proud of myself, & the decisions that I had made to do this. It is a big step for Mom. I have been out of school for many many years now. I am sad to say that with all that is happening Mom will have to cancel that dream as of right now. The school that I chose does a 5 day money back guarantee & that 5 days are up tomorrow. It sucks but I have to do what is needed right now. I look at it as this was not the right time for Mom & that as you know everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reasons are not told to us right off & sometimes you never get the answers. The only thing we both know at this time is that we will hold our heads up high knowing we did nothing wrong & we will move forward with the help of the Lord above & the help from you, family & friends.
Not much has changed with our family. Grandpa had a cold but is doing a lot better now. He miss a couple weeks of work but needed to so he could get better. He had a lot of fluid in his lungs. You know all about that. Debbie is doing fine. Likes her new job but hates the hours they have her working. Meme is doing ok. She is busy with work, taking care of Bob, & now doing paperwork so that Bob can get disability. She slipped & fell last week & did some severe damage to her collar bone & the whole arm & side. She is in a sling right now & on medicine. She says it does not work though & is in a lot of of pain still. Bob is still not well. The doctors keep changing his medicine on him & he is still dizzy all the time & winded. He sleeps a lot too. I know you watch over all our family & friends & I thank you. You always use to say you wished to be in more than 1 place at a time & now you can!
I am going to have to cut this letter short now. I need to get going & help Mark out with some things for the day. I know you understand. Lots of things ahead of us again & the unknown is scary. I am not sure what the weather will be like later this evening but I am sure it will be raining. The clouds are pretty thick right now so I don't see any chance of the sky clearing but who knows. It may later. I hope to see the stars & the moon shining brightly tonight but if not I know you are shining brightly somewhere. I will whisper to you as I always do. Probably a lot today so I hope you can hear Mom's voice & can hear what I say. I miss you so much Tyler. I hate this. Every day I hate this. I try to understand but sometimes I just can't. I try not to question God & the plans that take place but sometimes it is rough. Anyways....
I hope that your day & your evening is full of the things you like to do now. I hope that you are happy & are having fun. Hope you are learning so many new things & that you are enjoying your travels along the way. I love you so much my sweet precious son. I always will. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. May you have the sweetest dreams this evening, & may Mom see you in mine own tonight when I lay my head down to rest for the night.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today on this Thursday afternoon? Mom hopes that you are doing the best you can, you are the happiest ever, & you are learning everything you need to for what life has in store for you next. Mom is still kind of having a rough one. I was not able to sleep all that well last night even though I was exhausted. Ozzy was having such a rough day & night. Poor little guy is teething so bad that he was sick during the night & he was so restless. Mom was up almost every 2 hours. I am still exhausted & I am trying to not do so much so that I can let my body relax & get better. I definitely have a head cold with a nasty cough. Mom's eyes keep closing every once & a while so I am so sorry if this letter is short & doesn't make sense...lol.
Mom has done it... I have enlisted for online college classes. Mom is going back to school. I will be starting the beginning of May. I think I will do well but I am a little scared for this. It will be a big challenge for Mom but I think I am ready for it. Everything will be finalized tomorrow morning. I am nervous, but I know that you will be with me every step of the way.
I also have been designing the flat stone for you & the bench. I have been looking at pictures that I think you would like on you have the proper of Jack & Zero. I also found a quote that I really like & seems fitting. It says " people always ask me when I am going to come down from the clouds. My answer is never. I love this view. I was going to choose the color black granite for you but decided on going with the gray granite so that the images will stand out more. I hope that you will like it & I am excited to get this project going so that you have what you deserve. I hope it will make you smile, Ty.
I think that our family is well. I speak to Meme on a day to day basis. I spoke to Aunt Beck this week as well. I haven't spoken to Grandpa lately but I am sure he is just really busy with working, & going to see great grammy. I will have to call him tonight to see how he is. Princess is good. She is kind of skittish lately so Mom is not really sure where that is coming from. She is still learning to be potty trained. Ozzy is doing better today. Right now he is chewing on a raw hide treat that I gave him. He slept for 3 hours today so he is wide awake & ready to go. He is all teeth..lol! I will be so happy when he is done teething. Yikes.. his baby teeth hurt. Remember when Snicks bit you on your ear? Remember how sharp his teeth were? Those are Ozzy's choppers right now. It hurts!
Well, the weather has been half overcast & then blue skies. It keeps switching. It is pretty cold out there though. Only 42 degrees outside. Just weird as it is the end of April. The weather should be in the high 60's. I will not complain as there is no more snow. It finally has all melted! One happy girl right here right now! I am not sure what the night sky will be tonight. I don't know if we will see any stars & moon shining bright. No worries if we don't see them because I will whisper to you as I always do. Be listening out for Mom. I hope that you have a wonderful evening tonight. It you can I hope you have many sweet dreams. I am hoping to have some dreams with you in them too. Come visit Mom. I love you my sweet precious son. I miss you so much. Continue to watch over us all. I thank you for this.
Remember you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today on this Thursday afternoon? Mom hopes that you are doing the best you can, you are the happiest ever, & you are learning everything you need to for what life has in store for you next. Mom is still kind of having a rough one. I was not able to sleep all that well last night even though I was exhausted. Ozzy was having such a rough day & night. Poor little guy is teething so bad that he was sick during the night & he was so restless. Mom was up almost every 2 hours. I am still exhausted & I am trying to not do so much so that I can let my body relax & get better. I definitely have a head cold with a nasty cough. Mom's eyes keep closing every once & a while so I am so sorry if this letter is short & doesn't make sense...lol.
Mom has done it... I have enlisted for online college classes. Mom is going back to school. I will be starting the beginning of May. I think I will do well but I am a little scared for this. It will be a big challenge for Mom but I think I am ready for it. Everything will be finalized tomorrow morning. I am nervous, but I know that you will be with me every step of the way.
I also have been designing the flat stone for you & the bench. I have been looking at pictures that I think you would like on you have the proper of Jack & Zero. I also found a quote that I really like & seems fitting. It says " people always ask me when I am going to come down from the clouds. My answer is never. I love this view. I was going to choose the color black granite for you but decided on going with the gray granite so that the images will stand out more. I hope that you will like it & I am excited to get this project going so that you have what you deserve. I hope it will make you smile, Ty.
I think that our family is well. I speak to Meme on a day to day basis. I spoke to Aunt Beck this week as well. I haven't spoken to Grandpa lately but I am sure he is just really busy with working, & going to see great grammy. I will have to call him tonight to see how he is. Princess is good. She is kind of skittish lately so Mom is not really sure where that is coming from. She is still learning to be potty trained. Ozzy is doing better today. Right now he is chewing on a raw hide treat that I gave him. He slept for 3 hours today so he is wide awake & ready to go. He is all teeth..lol! I will be so happy when he is done teething. Yikes.. his baby teeth hurt. Remember when Snicks bit you on your ear? Remember how sharp his teeth were? Those are Ozzy's choppers right now. It hurts!
Well, the weather has been half overcast & then blue skies. It keeps switching. It is pretty cold out there though. Only 42 degrees outside. Just weird as it is the end of April. The weather should be in the high 60's. I will not complain as there is no more snow. It finally has all melted! One happy girl right here right now! I am not sure what the night sky will be tonight. I don't know if we will see any stars & moon shining bright. No worries if we don't see them because I will whisper to you as I always do. Be listening out for Mom. I hope that you have a wonderful evening tonight. It you can I hope you have many sweet dreams. I am hoping to have some dreams with you in them too. Come visit Mom. I love you my sweet precious son. I miss you so much. Continue to watch over us all. I thank you for this.
Remember you are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday early evening? Hope that you are doing everything that you need & want to in the places you want as well. Mom is quite tired today. I am not feeling all that well either. I think I have the start of a head cold or a full blown cold. My head is foggy, throat is sore, & I am just not feeling the best. I didn't really sleep well either last night. I drank way too much water before I went to bed so I was up quite a few times going to the bathroom...go figure huh?
I tried to take a short nap this afternoon but was not all that successful as it is spring vacation for the kids around here & they were outside playing, yelling & screaming so I basically put on new age music & closed my eyes. It did help me a bit so that is good. I am not as tired as I was earlier. Mark was telling me that there is a family that lives behind us & they have 3 kids & 1 of the boys is in a chair. I didn't see them but they were playing. 1 kid was on the back of the boys chair & the other 1 was riding his bike next to him. Mark said it was pretty awesome to see it. I am sure it was. I remember being creative with you when it came to playing. It was always fun to do things a little different then others. We used to have so much fun. It was easier when you were little though. You liked everything & anything & as you got older you were into your video games. You would play them for hours & hours. I always thought you would get bored but you never did. Boys will be boys I guess..lol! I do miss the times of playing mini golf with you. We would get so mad at the game. We would play that for hours & we would laugh so hard. I haven't played it since & I probably never will. That was our game together & without you it won't be the same. So much will never be the same for Mom anymore. I wish for the times to go back to the way they were but I would never want to wish for you to come back here with all the limitations that you had. I would want you to be a healthy young man & I know that where you are now you are just that. As much as I would want you with me, I could never be so selfish. I know you are doing so many great things where you are & I know you are happy. I am happy for you. I know you know that. I know you see everything. I know you hurt when I hurt. I know that if you could comfort me you would. That is just the person you were & still are. So sweet, caring, generous & kind to everyone. You always cared more for others than you did yourself. I am still so proud to call you my son. I love you my sweet precious son. I love you beyond this world, Tyler. Please never forget this.
I was going through some things in my trunk & found your sketch pad. There were so many pictures that you drew & started to paint. I think that I am going to take them & frame them as is. I like them & so does Mark. They are unique. You also had things in there from your art classes & things that you would write to practice with your mouth sticks. These are some of the things that I will cherish forever. It is the small things in life that make Mom smile. I found your colored pencils & I am thinking that I may do some doodling with them on some of your paper. I used to love to draw & paint. I got it from Meme & you got it from Mom. I believe that when I do you will be right there with me guiding Mom on what to paint.
The weather was on the chilly side today & now the wind is picking up. I guess it is suppose to be this way through the night & all day tomorrow. It is pretty overcast & cloudy too. I want to post a picture on here tonight that I think is just so beautiful & I think you would too. I hope that you were able to see it 1st hand wherever you were. I am sure it was amazing to witness. The picture is of a quadruple rainbow. It said that due to the weather we had a couple days ago with the rain, winds, thunder & lightning it produced them. I am not sure where it was taken but oh my is it ever beautiful. I am not really sure if we will see any of the stars shining or the moon tonight in the evening sky but I know you are up there being the brightest you can be. I will whisper to you as I always do. Be listening out for Mom. I miss you so much pumpkin. I always will. I can't express it enough on just how much it hurts not to have you here with Mom.
I wish you a peaceful & restful night with many sweet dreams if you slow down enough to sleep tonight. I hope that you will be in Mom's dreams tonight too. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Here are a couple sayings for you. Enjoy them!
" At the end of the day, all you need is hope & strength. Hope that it will get better & strength to hold on until it does. "
" The only thing that you have to face in any challenging moment is yourself. Your thoughts, your reactions, your choices. "
Love you xoxoxo
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday early evening? Hope that you are doing everything that you need & want to in the places you want as well. Mom is quite tired today. I am not feeling all that well either. I think I have the start of a head cold or a full blown cold. My head is foggy, throat is sore, & I am just not feeling the best. I didn't really sleep well either last night. I drank way too much water before I went to bed so I was up quite a few times going to the bathroom...go figure huh?
I tried to take a short nap this afternoon but was not all that successful as it is spring vacation for the kids around here & they were outside playing, yelling & screaming so I basically put on new age music & closed my eyes. It did help me a bit so that is good. I am not as tired as I was earlier. Mark was telling me that there is a family that lives behind us & they have 3 kids & 1 of the boys is in a chair. I didn't see them but they were playing. 1 kid was on the back of the boys chair & the other 1 was riding his bike next to him. Mark said it was pretty awesome to see it. I am sure it was. I remember being creative with you when it came to playing. It was always fun to do things a little different then others. We used to have so much fun. It was easier when you were little though. You liked everything & anything & as you got older you were into your video games. You would play them for hours & hours. I always thought you would get bored but you never did. Boys will be boys I guess..lol! I do miss the times of playing mini golf with you. We would get so mad at the game. We would play that for hours & we would laugh so hard. I haven't played it since & I probably never will. That was our game together & without you it won't be the same. So much will never be the same for Mom anymore. I wish for the times to go back to the way they were but I would never want to wish for you to come back here with all the limitations that you had. I would want you to be a healthy young man & I know that where you are now you are just that. As much as I would want you with me, I could never be so selfish. I know you are doing so many great things where you are & I know you are happy. I am happy for you. I know you know that. I know you see everything. I know you hurt when I hurt. I know that if you could comfort me you would. That is just the person you were & still are. So sweet, caring, generous & kind to everyone. You always cared more for others than you did yourself. I am still so proud to call you my son. I love you my sweet precious son. I love you beyond this world, Tyler. Please never forget this.
I was going through some things in my trunk & found your sketch pad. There were so many pictures that you drew & started to paint. I think that I am going to take them & frame them as is. I like them & so does Mark. They are unique. You also had things in there from your art classes & things that you would write to practice with your mouth sticks. These are some of the things that I will cherish forever. It is the small things in life that make Mom smile. I found your colored pencils & I am thinking that I may do some doodling with them on some of your paper. I used to love to draw & paint. I got it from Meme & you got it from Mom. I believe that when I do you will be right there with me guiding Mom on what to paint.
The weather was on the chilly side today & now the wind is picking up. I guess it is suppose to be this way through the night & all day tomorrow. It is pretty overcast & cloudy too. I want to post a picture on here tonight that I think is just so beautiful & I think you would too. I hope that you were able to see it 1st hand wherever you were. I am sure it was amazing to witness. The picture is of a quadruple rainbow. It said that due to the weather we had a couple days ago with the rain, winds, thunder & lightning it produced them. I am not sure where it was taken but oh my is it ever beautiful. I am not really sure if we will see any of the stars shining or the moon tonight in the evening sky but I know you are up there being the brightest you can be. I will whisper to you as I always do. Be listening out for Mom. I miss you so much pumpkin. I always will. I can't express it enough on just how much it hurts not to have you here with Mom.
I wish you a peaceful & restful night with many sweet dreams if you slow down enough to sleep tonight. I hope that you will be in Mom's dreams tonight too. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Here are a couple sayings for you. Enjoy them!
" At the end of the day, all you need is hope & strength. Hope that it will get better & strength to hold on until it does. "
" The only thing that you have to face in any challenging moment is yourself. Your thoughts, your reactions, your choices. "
Love you xoxoxo
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? I hope you are well & happy! Mom is doing better today. I did get some sleep last night so that is good. I feel a little better then yesterday too. The pups are behaving much better as well so that makes things so much easier. The weather last night was wicked. The rain was coming down so hard.. it was crazy. There was lightning that was so bright & lit up the sky & the thunder was so loud. I thought of Snicks because he was always so scared of it. I hope where you are it never rains, thunders, or lightning. I hope it is always sunny & warm! I know how much you hated it & was afraid of that kind of weather. I am so happy that you no longer need to worry about this any longer. You don't have to worry about anything like that anymore. You deserve it Tyler. You suffered so much during your life here in the physical world. You did all that you could do & so much more. You still continue to inspire so many people & that makes me so happy. I love hearing stories from family, friends, your friends, & even strangers. It lets Mom know that you are still in their thoughts & in their life. I can't even express how much you are missed by so many. You were one popular guy even though you never thought so. You were so handsome & I hear that you are still very handsome = ] Never doubted it for a minute my sweet precious son! I love you so much. To the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Meme called today. She was telling me some good news that the lawyer is going to take their case & help them with getting SSD for Bob. I am so happy to hear this. This issue has been such a hard thing for them both. I hope that things work out after this. Meme needs to retire & get her health back on track with no stress. Meme also told me that she took a really bad fall. She went to the hospital to get checked out..nothing broken but very badly bruised. She can't use 1 whole half of her arm & hand. Be with them both. Thanks Ty!
Haven't heard from Grandpa lately but I am sure that they are doing well. Mark & Mom will be going back up to NH in 3 weeks for my Birthday. I want to spend it with family & close friends. I wish I could spend it with you though. I know that you will make your presence known though & I can't wait! Please watch over is all. I know you do & I thank you for all of this. Thank you as well for helping out with the new pups. Your magic is working so please keep it up = ] Princess & Ozzy are doing well. They play a lot now which is so cute to watch. Ozzy is growing like a weed & Princess is finally gaining weight. She was so small & skinny when we got her. She is filling out nicely & is such a sweetheart. Love them both so much!
Not much else is new. Mark & I are well. He is working a ton of hours as usual & Mom has finally chosen a college to do her online course. I start in May. I am excited because I think I will really be good at it. I know that it is a challenge but I am ready for it! I know you will be there with me & watching over me so I know that I will succeed in all that I do.
The sky today is very cloudy with very little blue skies. I wonder if it will clear & I will get to see the stars & moon shining. Regardless I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be waiting to hear Mom's voice. I hope that the night is all that you want. May it be peaceful for you & if you can rest may you have the sweetest dreams tonight. Mom is hoping you will appear in my own dreams tonight. I miss you so much & I love you beyond words. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Tuesday afternoon? I hope you are well & happy! Mom is doing better today. I did get some sleep last night so that is good. I feel a little better then yesterday too. The pups are behaving much better as well so that makes things so much easier. The weather last night was wicked. The rain was coming down so hard.. it was crazy. There was lightning that was so bright & lit up the sky & the thunder was so loud. I thought of Snicks because he was always so scared of it. I hope where you are it never rains, thunders, or lightning. I hope it is always sunny & warm! I know how much you hated it & was afraid of that kind of weather. I am so happy that you no longer need to worry about this any longer. You don't have to worry about anything like that anymore. You deserve it Tyler. You suffered so much during your life here in the physical world. You did all that you could do & so much more. You still continue to inspire so many people & that makes me so happy. I love hearing stories from family, friends, your friends, & even strangers. It lets Mom know that you are still in their thoughts & in their life. I can't even express how much you are missed by so many. You were one popular guy even though you never thought so. You were so handsome & I hear that you are still very handsome = ] Never doubted it for a minute my sweet precious son! I love you so much. To the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Meme called today. She was telling me some good news that the lawyer is going to take their case & help them with getting SSD for Bob. I am so happy to hear this. This issue has been such a hard thing for them both. I hope that things work out after this. Meme needs to retire & get her health back on track with no stress. Meme also told me that she took a really bad fall. She went to the hospital to get checked out..nothing broken but very badly bruised. She can't use 1 whole half of her arm & hand. Be with them both. Thanks Ty!
Haven't heard from Grandpa lately but I am sure that they are doing well. Mark & Mom will be going back up to NH in 3 weeks for my Birthday. I want to spend it with family & close friends. I wish I could spend it with you though. I know that you will make your presence known though & I can't wait! Please watch over is all. I know you do & I thank you for all of this. Thank you as well for helping out with the new pups. Your magic is working so please keep it up = ] Princess & Ozzy are doing well. They play a lot now which is so cute to watch. Ozzy is growing like a weed & Princess is finally gaining weight. She was so small & skinny when we got her. She is filling out nicely & is such a sweetheart. Love them both so much!
Not much else is new. Mark & I are well. He is working a ton of hours as usual & Mom has finally chosen a college to do her online course. I start in May. I am excited because I think I will really be good at it. I know that it is a challenge but I am ready for it! I know you will be there with me & watching over me so I know that I will succeed in all that I do.
The sky today is very cloudy with very little blue skies. I wonder if it will clear & I will get to see the stars & moon shining. Regardless I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be waiting to hear Mom's voice. I hope that the night is all that you want. May it be peaceful for you & if you can rest may you have the sweetest dreams tonight. Mom is hoping you will appear in my own dreams tonight. I miss you so much & I love you beyond words. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, April 20, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet precious son. How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Mom is sorry that I didn't write you a letter last night but it was such a busy day with cleaning & shopping that when we got home we had dinner & then Mom was so tired & didn't feel well. I didn't go on my computer again at all yesterday. Today has been a tough day for Mom. I have been in a fog for most of the day & I have been looking at your pictures a lot with shedding many tears. I happened to look at the date today & realized that it is the 20th.... 22 months today you passed away. It all makes since to Mom now. I understand why I am so emotional. The weather is terrible too. It is raining & gloomy so I guess it is matching my mood again. The weather this week is suppose to be like this all week. Not rain but hardly any sun shining. I can't wait for the days that there is more sun & warmth than anything else. I am just waiting for that!
I can't seem to stop tearing up today. I just sit here & I am crying, I watch tv & I am crying..even at the commericals. I read something & I cry. I am sure that you are seeing me & watching this. I hope that you can understand that it is so painful still & I think it will always be this way for Mom. I don't know what to do half the time. I kind of just go through the motions without really thinking about things. When I need to make decisions I sometimes can't. It really is hard to describe it because sometimes the words are just not there to explain it so I stop trying & I am just very quiet. I am home alone a lot as you know. Sometimes it is so lonely & I hate it but most of the time I am used to it now after 3 years of this lifestyle that I don't know what to say & do when I am around people. It kind of is sad now that I think about it. I just reread what I wrote. You know Mom.. I was never the one with a loss for words & I was the one who was such a people person. So many things have changed for Mom since you left. I really am not the same person I was once & I will never be that person again. I changed & I know this. I can still smile & laugh but most of the time that is to mask the pain & hurt that I feel all the time. I do want you to know that I am trying Tyler. I want to make you proud of me. I want you to see Mom smile & laugh & enjoy life. I am trying but they are baby steps for Mom. Just continue to be patient with me. I know 1 day I will be there. 1 day I will make you proud of me.
Did you see that over the weekend that we hung up more of your art work that you painted for Mom? We have them in the bedroom, the hall wall, & the den? I love the places where Mark suggested to hang them. I get to see them all the time in the bedroom & then as I walk by the hallway. It makes me feel that you are in the apartment too. I hope you are smiling as you see them.
Today was the Boston Marathon. I remember 2 years ago when the bombing went on. How sad was that day? I remember us talking about it for awhile on the telephone & then when we skyped. The terror again that was so close to where you were scared Mom so much. Mark & Mom were in Oklahoma during that time. It seemed like worlds away. I watched a little of it on tv this morning. Never have done it before but it was emotional. It is a State holiday here. I never knew that. It is called Patriots Day. All government jobs, state jobs, banks, mail, school are closed. Mark however had to work..go figure! Guess I am learning many things as I live in different states..lol!
The sky looks like it is night time but it is only 4:00 in the afternoon. It is so yucky out there. I guess it is suppose to rain heavy during the night & perhaps we may see some thunderstorms. Will be the 1st for the season. I hope that the pups don't get to scared. I remember Snicks being so scared. I wonder if the pups are with you. Are they happy? Are they playing? Do you to have them with you all the time? Do you play with them? If so I bet you are so happy that you can do this now, huh? The thought of that makes me smile but shed a few tears. I miss you Tyler, I miss Snicks & Max too. Please give them hugs & kisses from Mom. Wrap your arms around yourself & that is a hug from me to you. The wind is picking up & blowing now... guess we may just get that storm. I know that I will not be seeing the moon & the stars shining in the night sky but I know that you will be shining brightly above wherever you are. I will whisper to you as I always do. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Tonight, I hope that you have the most wonderful evening. May it be restful & peaceful & all that you want it to be. I hope that you have sweet dreams & when I go to bed tonight & fall asleep, I hope to see you in the dreams that I will have. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Here are a couple quotes or sayings for you today:
" Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma- Which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart & intuition. "
" Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't. "
" I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. "
Hope you like them pumpkin. I love you xoxoxo.
Hi my sweet precious son. How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Mom is sorry that I didn't write you a letter last night but it was such a busy day with cleaning & shopping that when we got home we had dinner & then Mom was so tired & didn't feel well. I didn't go on my computer again at all yesterday. Today has been a tough day for Mom. I have been in a fog for most of the day & I have been looking at your pictures a lot with shedding many tears. I happened to look at the date today & realized that it is the 20th.... 22 months today you passed away. It all makes since to Mom now. I understand why I am so emotional. The weather is terrible too. It is raining & gloomy so I guess it is matching my mood again. The weather this week is suppose to be like this all week. Not rain but hardly any sun shining. I can't wait for the days that there is more sun & warmth than anything else. I am just waiting for that!
I can't seem to stop tearing up today. I just sit here & I am crying, I watch tv & I am crying..even at the commericals. I read something & I cry. I am sure that you are seeing me & watching this. I hope that you can understand that it is so painful still & I think it will always be this way for Mom. I don't know what to do half the time. I kind of just go through the motions without really thinking about things. When I need to make decisions I sometimes can't. It really is hard to describe it because sometimes the words are just not there to explain it so I stop trying & I am just very quiet. I am home alone a lot as you know. Sometimes it is so lonely & I hate it but most of the time I am used to it now after 3 years of this lifestyle that I don't know what to say & do when I am around people. It kind of is sad now that I think about it. I just reread what I wrote. You know Mom.. I was never the one with a loss for words & I was the one who was such a people person. So many things have changed for Mom since you left. I really am not the same person I was once & I will never be that person again. I changed & I know this. I can still smile & laugh but most of the time that is to mask the pain & hurt that I feel all the time. I do want you to know that I am trying Tyler. I want to make you proud of me. I want you to see Mom smile & laugh & enjoy life. I am trying but they are baby steps for Mom. Just continue to be patient with me. I know 1 day I will be there. 1 day I will make you proud of me.
Did you see that over the weekend that we hung up more of your art work that you painted for Mom? We have them in the bedroom, the hall wall, & the den? I love the places where Mark suggested to hang them. I get to see them all the time in the bedroom & then as I walk by the hallway. It makes me feel that you are in the apartment too. I hope you are smiling as you see them.
Today was the Boston Marathon. I remember 2 years ago when the bombing went on. How sad was that day? I remember us talking about it for awhile on the telephone & then when we skyped. The terror again that was so close to where you were scared Mom so much. Mark & Mom were in Oklahoma during that time. It seemed like worlds away. I watched a little of it on tv this morning. Never have done it before but it was emotional. It is a State holiday here. I never knew that. It is called Patriots Day. All government jobs, state jobs, banks, mail, school are closed. Mark however had to work..go figure! Guess I am learning many things as I live in different states..lol!
The sky looks like it is night time but it is only 4:00 in the afternoon. It is so yucky out there. I guess it is suppose to rain heavy during the night & perhaps we may see some thunderstorms. Will be the 1st for the season. I hope that the pups don't get to scared. I remember Snicks being so scared. I wonder if the pups are with you. Are they happy? Are they playing? Do you to have them with you all the time? Do you play with them? If so I bet you are so happy that you can do this now, huh? The thought of that makes me smile but shed a few tears. I miss you Tyler, I miss Snicks & Max too. Please give them hugs & kisses from Mom. Wrap your arms around yourself & that is a hug from me to you. The wind is picking up & blowing now... guess we may just get that storm. I know that I will not be seeing the moon & the stars shining in the night sky but I know that you will be shining brightly above wherever you are. I will whisper to you as I always do. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world.
Tonight, I hope that you have the most wonderful evening. May it be restful & peaceful & all that you want it to be. I hope that you have sweet dreams & when I go to bed tonight & fall asleep, I hope to see you in the dreams that I will have. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Here are a couple quotes or sayings for you today:
" Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma- Which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart & intuition. "
" Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't. "
" I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. "
Hope you like them pumpkin. I love you xoxoxo.
Saturday, April 18, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you on this Saturday evening? Mom is getting really tired & fast. I have been up & on the go today since early this morning. I did housework, rearranged some things in the apartment, showered, went shopping for 3 hours, back home to make dinner, then Mom painted some wicker end tables for our balcony outside & now I am finally able to sit down & relax & write to you. My eye lids are closing but I wanted to write to you just the same. This letter will not be long at all & I do apologize for this but I could not go to bed without telling you that I love you so much & I miss you bunches.
I didn't get any phone calls today so I am assuming that our family & friends are doing well & that things are going ok. I will touch base with them tomorrow evening just to make sure though. I know you are watching over us all the time so I know that we are in good hands. Thanks Ty!
Today Mark & Mom hung up our pictures & your artwork on the wall. I took the frames that they have been in for the last 8 years & I painted them black. I think you would really like them. I know we do. It makes me smile when I look at them. I love all the pictures you painted for me through the years. I wish I ended up with more though..lol!
I am going to call it a night now. My eyes can't even stay open at this point. I am so sorry. I promise to write to you more tomorrow night. I hope that you have the sweetest dreams this evening & that it is peaceful. I really hope to get some good sleep tonight & I hope to see you in my dreams.
I hope you heard Mom when I whispered to you earlier. I know that the stars & moon are shining in the dark night sky right now. It really is pretty. It really does make Mom smile to know that somewhere you are up there shining your brightest for all the Angels to see!
You are forever in my heart, mind & soul my sweet precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you on this Saturday evening? Mom is getting really tired & fast. I have been up & on the go today since early this morning. I did housework, rearranged some things in the apartment, showered, went shopping for 3 hours, back home to make dinner, then Mom painted some wicker end tables for our balcony outside & now I am finally able to sit down & relax & write to you. My eye lids are closing but I wanted to write to you just the same. This letter will not be long at all & I do apologize for this but I could not go to bed without telling you that I love you so much & I miss you bunches.
I didn't get any phone calls today so I am assuming that our family & friends are doing well & that things are going ok. I will touch base with them tomorrow evening just to make sure though. I know you are watching over us all the time so I know that we are in good hands. Thanks Ty!
Today Mark & Mom hung up our pictures & your artwork on the wall. I took the frames that they have been in for the last 8 years & I painted them black. I think you would really like them. I know we do. It makes me smile when I look at them. I love all the pictures you painted for me through the years. I wish I ended up with more though..lol!
I am going to call it a night now. My eyes can't even stay open at this point. I am so sorry. I promise to write to you more tomorrow night. I hope that you have the sweetest dreams this evening & that it is peaceful. I really hope to get some good sleep tonight & I hope to see you in my dreams.
I hope you heard Mom when I whispered to you earlier. I know that the stars & moon are shining in the dark night sky right now. It really is pretty. It really does make Mom smile to know that somewhere you are up there shining your brightest for all the Angels to see!
You are forever in my heart, mind & soul my sweet precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, April 17, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Friday evening? Mom is doing ok. My head has been in a fog the last couple days because sleep is something I still have not been getting all that much! I just have so much on my mind! I am really staring to think things through for myself for once when it comes this whole going back to school. I really want to do this & I think that Mom would be really good at it. I just need to feel better, get my head cleared & start having more energy before I start this up. I am going to start working out again, start eating much healthier with fruits & veggies... kind of what I was doing in Texas. It worked so I figured I would try again. Anything that you can do to help Mom out that would be wonderful & very much appreciated. Thank you pumpkin.
Sorry I didn't get the chance to write to you yesterday. It wasn't because I wasn't feeling good, it was just that I was busy & I never got on my computer at all. I feel guilty for not writing but honestly being off the computer for a day felt great! I know that I should not feel guilty when it comes to not writing a letter to you daily but I do. I know you see me all the time & you know what I am thinking even if I don't say anything. I guess it is on my end. I feel so close to you when I write because it would be conversations we would have if we still could. When I don't write to you I feel so disconnected. I know you are seeing Mom write to you, you read these letters as I am typing. I know that if you could you would tell Mom that you love me & give me a huge hug that I could feel. I can't wait for the day that you get to do this. I will cry happy tears...you know Mom..lol! I miss you so much Tyler. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing your face, your smile. I can still hear your voice. The last thing you ever said to me is that " I love you Mom." I am so glad for that. I will never not hear you say that to me. I need to keep this so close to me. I need to always hear this in my mind. I hope that you hear me talk to you throughout the day & night. Every night as you know I look out to the sky & see if I can see the stars & moon shining brightly. When I do... it makes me smile knowing that you are shining brightly somewhere in this great big world we live in & when I don't see them I still smile because I know you are still shining brightly even though I can't see you. I think about you, Amy, Ron, Ricky, Wendy, Ed, & now Holly all the time. I wonder if you see them all or if you never have seen them. I choose to believe that you do & that you & Ron are still 2 out of the 3 Amigos! I wish I spoke to Jeremy more than I do but I don't. I have tried calling him a couple times & left a message but no call back. I have messaged him through facebook as well but still no response. He looks great. He has gained weight & I know you watch over him. He was your brother. You 2 were just so close. I miss seeing him too. maybe this weekend I will try calling him. Anyways...
The evening sky is upon us. The sky I hope is clear as it was raining all day & around 5pm the clouds parted & the sun actually came out. I was surprised. This weekend is suppose to be sunny & in the 70's. I look forward to it. I hope to get out for a bit & walk the pups. They are doing well. They are finally playing & having fun. Potty training is still an issue but I have faith that in time this will get better too. I will look to the sky & whisper to you so I hope you hear Mom. I hope you look forward to it as much as I love chatting with you. I hope that you are happy & at peace in all that you do & all that you learn. I believe you are having a grand time wherever you are. At least I hope you are. All I want is you happy & giving everyone that huge smile that I love & miss! If you slow down enough I hope you get some sleep. May you have the sweetest dreams & may I see you in my own dreams tonight. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. I miss you bunches, Ty.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Her are a couple quotes I found that are close to my heart:
" Whatever life gives you, even if it hurts you, just be strong & act like the way you always do because strong walls shake but never collapse. "
" When I miss you, it's like every single song I listen to is about you. "
" Laugh as much as you breathe & love as long as you live. "
Love you, Pumpkin xoxoxo
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Friday evening? Mom is doing ok. My head has been in a fog the last couple days because sleep is something I still have not been getting all that much! I just have so much on my mind! I am really staring to think things through for myself for once when it comes this whole going back to school. I really want to do this & I think that Mom would be really good at it. I just need to feel better, get my head cleared & start having more energy before I start this up. I am going to start working out again, start eating much healthier with fruits & veggies... kind of what I was doing in Texas. It worked so I figured I would try again. Anything that you can do to help Mom out that would be wonderful & very much appreciated. Thank you pumpkin.
Sorry I didn't get the chance to write to you yesterday. It wasn't because I wasn't feeling good, it was just that I was busy & I never got on my computer at all. I feel guilty for not writing but honestly being off the computer for a day felt great! I know that I should not feel guilty when it comes to not writing a letter to you daily but I do. I know you see me all the time & you know what I am thinking even if I don't say anything. I guess it is on my end. I feel so close to you when I write because it would be conversations we would have if we still could. When I don't write to you I feel so disconnected. I know you are seeing Mom write to you, you read these letters as I am typing. I know that if you could you would tell Mom that you love me & give me a huge hug that I could feel. I can't wait for the day that you get to do this. I will cry happy tears...you know Mom..lol! I miss you so much Tyler. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing your face, your smile. I can still hear your voice. The last thing you ever said to me is that " I love you Mom." I am so glad for that. I will never not hear you say that to me. I need to keep this so close to me. I need to always hear this in my mind. I hope that you hear me talk to you throughout the day & night. Every night as you know I look out to the sky & see if I can see the stars & moon shining brightly. When I do... it makes me smile knowing that you are shining brightly somewhere in this great big world we live in & when I don't see them I still smile because I know you are still shining brightly even though I can't see you. I think about you, Amy, Ron, Ricky, Wendy, Ed, & now Holly all the time. I wonder if you see them all or if you never have seen them. I choose to believe that you do & that you & Ron are still 2 out of the 3 Amigos! I wish I spoke to Jeremy more than I do but I don't. I have tried calling him a couple times & left a message but no call back. I have messaged him through facebook as well but still no response. He looks great. He has gained weight & I know you watch over him. He was your brother. You 2 were just so close. I miss seeing him too. maybe this weekend I will try calling him. Anyways...
The evening sky is upon us. The sky I hope is clear as it was raining all day & around 5pm the clouds parted & the sun actually came out. I was surprised. This weekend is suppose to be sunny & in the 70's. I look forward to it. I hope to get out for a bit & walk the pups. They are doing well. They are finally playing & having fun. Potty training is still an issue but I have faith that in time this will get better too. I will look to the sky & whisper to you so I hope you hear Mom. I hope you look forward to it as much as I love chatting with you. I hope that you are happy & at peace in all that you do & all that you learn. I believe you are having a grand time wherever you are. At least I hope you are. All I want is you happy & giving everyone that huge smile that I love & miss! If you slow down enough I hope you get some sleep. May you have the sweetest dreams & may I see you in my own dreams tonight. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. I miss you bunches, Ty.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Her are a couple quotes I found that are close to my heart:
" Whatever life gives you, even if it hurts you, just be strong & act like the way you always do because strong walls shake but never collapse. "
" When I miss you, it's like every single song I listen to is about you. "
" Laugh as much as you breathe & love as long as you live. "
Love you, Pumpkin xoxoxo
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope you are happy as ever & you are doing all kinds of things that make you smile & make you happy. Today has been a better day for Mom & it really has been productive for me for a change. I did some house work & then I baked some raspberry squares & fudge brownies for Mark. I love to cook & bake & really need to do it more. It is 1 thing that makes Mom smile & happy. I miss baking cookies & cupcakes for you though. I rarely bake chocolate chip cookies though as I know they were your favorite. I just can't bring myself to make them. Maybe someday as they are Mark's favorite too. Boy.. when I really think about it you & Mark have so much in common from movies, games, books, food, colors, cars, motorcycles, etc... the list goes on & on. It makes me smile & lets me talk about you to so many folks. I love talking about you & I do it all the time. I always will. I miss you so much but I remember what you have said... You did what you were suppose to do here in this physical world & you needed to move on & you needed to pass on to learn more things for your next life. I do understand, really I do.. I guess I just wish I had had more time with you, but I am very grateful for all the time I did have. 22 years could have been so much less. I thank God every day for what we had together & all the memories that we got to share & make. I cherished them then & I will always continue to cherish them.
Meme called again today with an update with Bob. She is bringing him to the doctors again tomorrow. Guess the blood pressure is still a big problem & all he does is sleep. Please continue to be with them both Ty. They need you pumpkin. Thank you so much. Please watch over us all like I know you do daily. I need you to. I need you every minute of every hour of every day. This will never change. I miss you so much. I love you beyond the moon & back!
The evening sky is upon us now. The sun is starting to set & last nights sunset was absolutely gorgeous. I ended up taking pictures of it & posting it on facebook. I hope that tonight is the same. The sun was shining & the temp was in the 60's. Made me smile! I hope that the stars & moon are shining bright tonight again. I will be looking & whispering to you as Mom always does. Be listening for my voice.
I hope that your evening is peaceful & restful. May you have an evening that is all that you need it to be. I hope that you have the sweetest dreams tonight. I hope you are in my dreams tonight too. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope you are happy as ever & you are doing all kinds of things that make you smile & make you happy. Today has been a better day for Mom & it really has been productive for me for a change. I did some house work & then I baked some raspberry squares & fudge brownies for Mark. I love to cook & bake & really need to do it more. It is 1 thing that makes Mom smile & happy. I miss baking cookies & cupcakes for you though. I rarely bake chocolate chip cookies though as I know they were your favorite. I just can't bring myself to make them. Maybe someday as they are Mark's favorite too. Boy.. when I really think about it you & Mark have so much in common from movies, games, books, food, colors, cars, motorcycles, etc... the list goes on & on. It makes me smile & lets me talk about you to so many folks. I love talking about you & I do it all the time. I always will. I miss you so much but I remember what you have said... You did what you were suppose to do here in this physical world & you needed to move on & you needed to pass on to learn more things for your next life. I do understand, really I do.. I guess I just wish I had had more time with you, but I am very grateful for all the time I did have. 22 years could have been so much less. I thank God every day for what we had together & all the memories that we got to share & make. I cherished them then & I will always continue to cherish them.
Meme called again today with an update with Bob. She is bringing him to the doctors again tomorrow. Guess the blood pressure is still a big problem & all he does is sleep. Please continue to be with them both Ty. They need you pumpkin. Thank you so much. Please watch over us all like I know you do daily. I need you to. I need you every minute of every hour of every day. This will never change. I miss you so much. I love you beyond the moon & back!
The evening sky is upon us now. The sun is starting to set & last nights sunset was absolutely gorgeous. I ended up taking pictures of it & posting it on facebook. I hope that tonight is the same. The sun was shining & the temp was in the 60's. Made me smile! I hope that the stars & moon are shining bright tonight again. I will be looking & whispering to you as Mom always does. Be listening for my voice.
I hope that your evening is peaceful & restful. May you have an evening that is all that you need it to be. I hope that you have the sweetest dreams tonight. I hope you are in my dreams tonight too. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday early afternoon? I hope that you are happy & doing wonderful. I hope that you are learning all kinds of new things that you need to. Mom is having a tough couple days. I am just so tired. I am not getting hardly any sleep lately. So much is on my mind & I am really just a wreck. I don't know what is going on with me, what is happening in my life right now. My head is just in a fog & I can't seem to get out of it. I seem like I am in a whirlwind & it is becoming a downward spiral that I am not like seeing. I try & take a few steps forward only to take 20 steps back again. I am physically, emotionally, & mentally drained & I don't know where to turn right now. I don't know what I am doing or where I need to be going. I am trying to stay strong, positive, & keep my faith but I am struggling. You know everything that I am dealing with even though no one else really does. I don't say anything... I just cover it all up & say everything is just fine when it is not. Ty, I really need your help. I have been praying but I need you to guide Mom to what I need to be doing. Thank you Tyler. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
Meme called last night to tell me that Bob was not doing well like we all thought he was doing. I guess he went to the doctors & his blood pressure is still really low & the 3rd time shocking his heart didn't do anything again. I guess they are upping him on a few meds & decreasing some other ones. What a mess. I feel so bad for Bob. There is nothing any of us can do at this point for him & that is so frustrating. All we can do is just sit back & watch & you know 1st hand how hard that is for Mom. Brandy called me yesterday but I did not get the call so I will be calling her tomorrow to check in & see how she is doing. I know she is really busy with doing her classes to become a pharmacy tech. She has to take her boards next month. Her husband is getting ready to go back to Las Vegas for 3 months again. He did this last year & made good money at 1 of the casinos. He is a card dealer. I guess he really likes it out there. I can see why... I liked it to when I was there last year! Everyone else is doing well. I appreciate everything you do for us & all that you can. It means the world to Mom & our family & friends.
The weather today has totally matched my mood. Gray, gloomy, & yucky. It has been raining most of the day. No blue skies at all. The weatherman said that the skies should be clearing out tonight so there may be a chance that the stars & moon will be shining brightly in the sky. I hope so. Seeing them makes me smile & makes me feel closer to you knowing that you are out there somewhere under the same big sky as Mom. Regardless, I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you hear Mom.
I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world & so much more! You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to get some sleep tonight & see you in my own dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Here a a couple sayings that I really like when I came across them:
" If you knew how many hearts are healed & how many lives are transformed throughout the patterns created in every choice, you'd follow your heart in every breath & bless the world wherever you go."
" All I need is a soft whisper from your spirit & then I feel okay....for a few minutes. "
Love you, pumpkin xoxoxo
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday early afternoon? I hope that you are happy & doing wonderful. I hope that you are learning all kinds of new things that you need to. Mom is having a tough couple days. I am just so tired. I am not getting hardly any sleep lately. So much is on my mind & I am really just a wreck. I don't know what is going on with me, what is happening in my life right now. My head is just in a fog & I can't seem to get out of it. I seem like I am in a whirlwind & it is becoming a downward spiral that I am not like seeing. I try & take a few steps forward only to take 20 steps back again. I am physically, emotionally, & mentally drained & I don't know where to turn right now. I don't know what I am doing or where I need to be going. I am trying to stay strong, positive, & keep my faith but I am struggling. You know everything that I am dealing with even though no one else really does. I don't say anything... I just cover it all up & say everything is just fine when it is not. Ty, I really need your help. I have been praying but I need you to guide Mom to what I need to be doing. Thank you Tyler. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
Meme called last night to tell me that Bob was not doing well like we all thought he was doing. I guess he went to the doctors & his blood pressure is still really low & the 3rd time shocking his heart didn't do anything again. I guess they are upping him on a few meds & decreasing some other ones. What a mess. I feel so bad for Bob. There is nothing any of us can do at this point for him & that is so frustrating. All we can do is just sit back & watch & you know 1st hand how hard that is for Mom. Brandy called me yesterday but I did not get the call so I will be calling her tomorrow to check in & see how she is doing. I know she is really busy with doing her classes to become a pharmacy tech. She has to take her boards next month. Her husband is getting ready to go back to Las Vegas for 3 months again. He did this last year & made good money at 1 of the casinos. He is a card dealer. I guess he really likes it out there. I can see why... I liked it to when I was there last year! Everyone else is doing well. I appreciate everything you do for us & all that you can. It means the world to Mom & our family & friends.
The weather today has totally matched my mood. Gray, gloomy, & yucky. It has been raining most of the day. No blue skies at all. The weatherman said that the skies should be clearing out tonight so there may be a chance that the stars & moon will be shining brightly in the sky. I hope so. Seeing them makes me smile & makes me feel closer to you knowing that you are out there somewhere under the same big sky as Mom. Regardless, I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you hear Mom.
I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world & so much more! You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to get some sleep tonight & see you in my own dreams.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Here a a couple sayings that I really like when I came across them:
" If you knew how many hearts are healed & how many lives are transformed throughout the patterns created in every choice, you'd follow your heart in every breath & bless the world wherever you go."
" All I need is a soft whisper from your spirit & then I feel okay....for a few minutes. "
Love you, pumpkin xoxoxo
Monday, April 13, 2015
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing? It is Monday evening & what a gorgeous day it was again today. It was 70 degrees & sunny! I am liking this weather. When Mark gets home we will be taking the pups for a walk after dinner. They seem to enjoy the warmer weather. Both pups went potty outside too. I was so excited... I think I held my breath a little too long..lol. It was such a break through for them both!
Anyways... everything is finally put away that we got last Thursday & things have been gone through & purged if we didn't want it. Mark took all the boxes & garbage down to the bins so we don't even have that to worry about. Feels good to just live in the now here where we are instead of thinking & living in both states with 2 rents, & 2 sets of bills. The worry about when are we getting our things, the phone calls, etc...is finally all gone away. Such a weight lifted off both our shoulders. It was a shame though that there were things that came broken & things that were suppose to come that never did. Lots of our clothes were stolen & didn't come but all those can be replaced. We can buy others if we want so I will not be complaining. All the things that are not replaceable arrived & that made us so happy!
Not much is new from yesterday. Meme called & said that Bob is doing ok. Guess things are somewhat better with him so I hope it keeps going in the right direction. The rest of our family & friends are doing well. They are just as happy to see the warmer weather coming & winter is finally behind us! Mark is doing well. Working lots of hours lately but still loving his job. The pups are doing better. They are finally starting to play. Princess will let Ozzy know when she is done because she snaps at him. He is starting to bite & chew less so that is good. They are both sleeping right now. It is a little piece of quiet. That will change when Mark gets home. They will be all hyper & ready to play again. They really are good pups! I know you think that they are cute & I know you love them as well as we do!
The evening sky will be clear again so when we go for our night walk I will be looking to the sky & whispering to you as I see the moon & stars shining brightly. I hope that you will be listening for Mom & that you can see me. I wonder that.. I wonder a lot when it comes to you. I hope that you are happy & content where you are & what you are doing. I only want what is best for you. That is what I have always wanted.
Tonight, I hope that you will do all that you need. I wish that it is peaceful & that if you rest you have the sweetest dreams ever. Mom hopes to see you in my own dreams. Keep those signs coming for Mom & us all. We love them! I love you so much & I miss you every day. This will never change. I miss you so much, Tyler.
Mark just called & said he will be home in 10 minutes. Guess I need to start getting dinner going. I will write to you tomorrow. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! How are you doing? It is Monday evening & what a gorgeous day it was again today. It was 70 degrees & sunny! I am liking this weather. When Mark gets home we will be taking the pups for a walk after dinner. They seem to enjoy the warmer weather. Both pups went potty outside too. I was so excited... I think I held my breath a little too long..lol. It was such a break through for them both!
Anyways... everything is finally put away that we got last Thursday & things have been gone through & purged if we didn't want it. Mark took all the boxes & garbage down to the bins so we don't even have that to worry about. Feels good to just live in the now here where we are instead of thinking & living in both states with 2 rents, & 2 sets of bills. The worry about when are we getting our things, the phone calls, etc...is finally all gone away. Such a weight lifted off both our shoulders. It was a shame though that there were things that came broken & things that were suppose to come that never did. Lots of our clothes were stolen & didn't come but all those can be replaced. We can buy others if we want so I will not be complaining. All the things that are not replaceable arrived & that made us so happy!
Not much is new from yesterday. Meme called & said that Bob is doing ok. Guess things are somewhat better with him so I hope it keeps going in the right direction. The rest of our family & friends are doing well. They are just as happy to see the warmer weather coming & winter is finally behind us! Mark is doing well. Working lots of hours lately but still loving his job. The pups are doing better. They are finally starting to play. Princess will let Ozzy know when she is done because she snaps at him. He is starting to bite & chew less so that is good. They are both sleeping right now. It is a little piece of quiet. That will change when Mark gets home. They will be all hyper & ready to play again. They really are good pups! I know you think that they are cute & I know you love them as well as we do!
The evening sky will be clear again so when we go for our night walk I will be looking to the sky & whispering to you as I see the moon & stars shining brightly. I hope that you will be listening for Mom & that you can see me. I wonder that.. I wonder a lot when it comes to you. I hope that you are happy & content where you are & what you are doing. I only want what is best for you. That is what I have always wanted.
Tonight, I hope that you will do all that you need. I wish that it is peaceful & that if you rest you have the sweetest dreams ever. Mom hopes to see you in my own dreams. Keep those signs coming for Mom & us all. We love them! I love you so much & I miss you every day. This will never change. I miss you so much, Tyler.
Mark just called & said he will be home in 10 minutes. Guess I need to start getting dinner going. I will write to you tomorrow. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, April 12, 2015
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