Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Friday evening? Mom is doing ok. My head has been in a fog the last couple days because sleep is something I still have not been getting all that much! I just have so much on my mind! I am really staring to think things through for myself for once when it comes this whole going back to school. I really want to do this & I think that Mom would be really good at it. I just need to feel better, get my head cleared & start having more energy before I start this up. I am going to start working out again, start eating much healthier with fruits & veggies... kind of what I was doing in Texas. It worked so I figured I would try again. Anything that you can do to help Mom out that would be wonderful & very much appreciated. Thank you pumpkin. 
 Sorry I didn't get the chance to write to you yesterday. It wasn't because I wasn't feeling good, it was just that I was busy & I never got on my computer at all. I feel guilty for not writing but honestly being off the computer for a day felt great! I know that I should not feel guilty when it comes to not writing a letter to you daily but I do. I know you see me all the time & you know what I am thinking even if I don't say anything. I guess it is on my end. I feel so close to you when I write because it would be conversations we would have if we still could. When I don't write to you I feel so disconnected. I know you are seeing Mom write to you, you read these letters as I am typing. I know that if you could you would tell Mom that you love me & give me a huge hug that I could feel. I can't wait for the day that you get to do this. I will cry happy tears...you know Mom..lol! I miss you so much Tyler. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing your face, your smile. I can still hear your voice. The last thing you ever said to me is that " I love you Mom." I am so glad for that. I will never not hear you say that to me. I need to keep this so close to me. I need to always hear this in my mind. I hope that you hear me talk to you throughout the day & night. Every night as you know I look out to the sky & see if I can see the stars & moon shining brightly. When I do... it makes me smile knowing that you are shining brightly somewhere in this great big world we live in & when I don't see them I still smile because I know you are still shining brightly even though I can't see you. I think about you, Amy, Ron, Ricky, Wendy, Ed, & now Holly all the time. I wonder if you see them all or if you never have seen them. I choose to believe that you do & that you & Ron are still 2 out of the 3 Amigos! I wish I spoke to Jeremy more than I do but I don't. I have tried calling him a couple times & left a message but no call back. I have messaged him through facebook as well but still no response. He looks great. He has gained weight & I know you watch over him. He was your brother. You 2 were just so close. I miss seeing him too. maybe this weekend I will try calling him. Anyways...
 The evening sky is upon us. The sky I hope is clear as it was raining all day & around 5pm the clouds parted & the sun actually came out. I was surprised. This weekend is suppose to be sunny & in the 70's. I look forward to it. I hope to get out for a bit & walk the pups. They are doing well. They are finally playing & having fun. Potty training is still an issue but I have faith that in time this will get better too. I will look to the sky & whisper to you so I hope you hear Mom. I hope you look forward to it as much as I love chatting with you. I hope that you are happy & at peace in all that you do & all that you learn. I believe you are having a grand time wherever you are. At least I hope you are. All I want is you happy & giving everyone that huge smile that I love & miss! If you slow down enough I hope you get some sleep. May you have the sweetest dreams & may I see you in my own dreams tonight. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. I miss you bunches, Ty.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

P.S. Her are a couple quotes I found that are close to my heart:


" Whatever life gives you, even if it hurts you, just be strong & act like the way you always do because strong walls shake but never collapse. "

" When I miss you, it's like every single song I listen to is about you. "

" Laugh as much as you breathe & love as long as you live. " 

Love you, Pumpkin xoxoxo