Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday early evening? Hope that you are doing everything that you need & want to in the places you want as well. Mom is quite tired today. I am not feeling all that well either. I think I have the start of a head cold or a full blown cold. My head is foggy, throat is sore, & I am just not feeling the best. I didn't really sleep well either last night. I drank way too much water before I went to bed so I was up quite a few times going to the bathroom...go figure huh? 
 I tried to take a short nap this afternoon but was not all that successful as it is spring vacation for the kids around here & they were outside playing, yelling & screaming so I basically put on new age music & closed my eyes. It did help me a bit so that is good. I am not as tired as I was earlier. Mark was telling me that there is a family that lives behind us & they have 3 kids & 1 of the boys is in a chair. I didn't see them but they were playing. 1 kid was on the back of the boys chair & the other 1 was riding his bike next to him. Mark said it was pretty awesome to see it. I am sure it was. I remember being creative with you when it came to playing. It was always fun to do things a little different then others. We used to have so much fun. It was easier when you were little though. You liked everything & anything & as you got older you were into your video games. You would play them for hours & hours. I always thought you would get bored but you never did. Boys will be boys I guess..lol! I do miss the times of playing mini golf with you. We would get so mad at the game. We would play that for hours & we would laugh so hard. I haven't played it since & I probably never will. That was our game together & without you it won't be the same. So much will never be the same for Mom anymore. I wish for the times to go back to the way they were but I would never want to wish for you to come back here with all the limitations that you had. I would want you to be a healthy young man & I know that where you are now you are just that. As much as I would want you with me, I could never be so selfish. I know you are doing so many great things where you are & I know you are happy. I am happy for you. I know you know that. I know you see everything. I know you hurt when I hurt. I know that if you could comfort me you would. That is just the person you were & still are. So sweet, caring, generous & kind to everyone. You always cared more for others than you did yourself. I am still so proud to call you my son. I love you my sweet precious son. I love you beyond this world, Tyler. Please never forget this. 
 I was going through some things in my trunk & found your sketch pad. There were so many pictures that you drew & started to paint. I think that I am going to take them & frame them as is. I like them & so does Mark. They are unique. You also had things in there from your art classes & things that you would write to practice with your mouth sticks. These are some of the things that I will cherish forever. It is the small things in life that make Mom smile. I found your colored pencils & I am thinking that I may do some doodling with them on some of your paper. I used to love to draw & paint. I got it from Meme & you got it from Mom. I believe that when I do you will be right there with me guiding Mom on what to paint. 
 The weather was on the chilly side today & now the wind is picking up. I guess it is suppose to be this way through the night & all day tomorrow. It is pretty overcast & cloudy too. I want to post a picture on here tonight that I think is just so beautiful & I think you would too. I hope that you were able to see it 1st hand wherever you were. I am sure it was amazing to witness. The picture is of a quadruple rainbow. It said that due to the weather we had a couple days ago with the rain, winds, thunder & lightning it produced them. I am not sure where it was taken but oh my is it ever beautiful. I am not really sure if we will see any of the stars shining or the moon tonight in the evening sky but I know you are up there being the brightest you can be. I will whisper to you as I always do. Be listening out for Mom. I miss you so much pumpkin. I always will. I can't express it enough on just how much it hurts not to have you here with Mom. 
 I wish you a peaceful & restful night with many sweet dreams if you slow down enough to sleep tonight. I hope that you will be in Mom's dreams tonight too. You will forever be in my heart, mind, & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

P.S. Here are a couple sayings for you. Enjoy them!

" At the end of the day, all you need is hope & strength. Hope that it will get better & strength to hold on until it does. "

" The only thing that you have to face in any challenging moment is yourself. Your thoughts, your reactions, your choices. "

Love you xoxoxo