Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet precious son. How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? Mom is sorry that I didn't write you a letter last night but it was such a busy day with cleaning & shopping that when we got home we had dinner & then Mom was so tired & didn't feel well. I didn't go on my computer again at all yesterday. Today has been a tough day for Mom. I have been in a fog for most of the day & I have been looking at your pictures a lot with shedding many tears. I happened to look at the date today & realized that it is the 20th.... 22 months today you passed away. It all makes since to Mom now. I understand why I am so emotional. The weather is terrible too. It is raining & gloomy so I guess it is matching my mood again. The weather this week is suppose to be like this all week. Not rain but hardly any sun shining. I can't wait for the days that there is more sun & warmth than anything else. I am just waiting for that! 
 I can't seem to stop tearing up today. I just sit here & I am crying, I watch tv & I am crying..even at the commericals. I read something & I cry. I am sure that you are seeing me & watching this. I hope that you can understand that it is so painful still & I think it will always be this way for Mom. I don't know what to do half the time. I kind of just go through the motions without really thinking about things. When I need to make decisions I sometimes can't. It really is hard to describe it because sometimes the words are just not there to explain it so I stop trying & I am just very quiet. I am home alone a lot as you know. Sometimes it is so lonely & I hate it but most of the time I am used to it now after 3 years of this lifestyle that I don't know what to say & do when I am around people. It kind of is sad now that I think about it. I just reread what I wrote. You know Mom.. I was never the one with a loss for words & I was the one who was such a people person. So many things have changed for Mom since you left. I really am not the same person I was once & I will never be that person again. I changed & I know this. I can still smile & laugh but most of the time that is to mask the pain & hurt that I feel all the time. I do want you to know that I am trying Tyler. I want to make you proud of me. I want you to see Mom smile & laugh & enjoy life. I am trying but they are baby steps for Mom. Just continue to be patient with me. I know 1 day I will be there. 1 day I will make you proud of me.
 Did you see that over the weekend that we hung up more of your art work that you painted for Mom? We have them in the bedroom, the hall wall, & the den? I love the places where Mark suggested to hang them. I get to see them all the time in the bedroom & then as I walk by the hallway. It makes me feel that you are in the apartment too. I hope you are smiling as you see them. 
 Today was the Boston Marathon. I remember 2 years ago when the bombing went on. How sad was that day? I remember us talking about it for awhile on the telephone & then when we skyped. The terror again that was so close to where you were scared Mom so much. Mark & Mom were in Oklahoma during that time. It seemed like worlds away. I watched a little of it on tv this morning. Never have done it before but it was emotional. It is a State holiday here. I never knew that. It is called Patriots Day. All government jobs, state jobs, banks, mail, school are closed. Mark however had to work..go figure! Guess I am learning many things as I live in different states..lol!
 The sky looks like it is night time but it is only 4:00 in the afternoon. It is so yucky out there. I guess it is suppose to rain heavy during the night & perhaps we may see some thunderstorms. Will be the 1st for the season. I hope that the pups don't get to scared. I remember Snicks being so scared. I wonder if the pups are with you. Are they happy? Are they playing? Do you to have them with you all the time? Do you play with them? If so I bet you are so happy that you can do this now, huh? The thought of that makes me smile but shed a few tears. I miss you Tyler, I miss Snicks & Max too. Please give them hugs & kisses from Mom. Wrap your arms around yourself & that is a hug from me to you. The wind is picking up & blowing now... guess we may just get that storm. I know that I will not be seeing the moon & the stars shining in the night sky but I know that you will be shining brightly above wherever you are. I will whisper to you as I always do. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. 
 Tonight, I hope that you have the most wonderful evening. May it be restful & peaceful & all that you want it to be. I hope that you have sweet dreams & when I go to bed tonight & fall asleep, I hope to see you in the dreams that I will have. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

P.S. Here are a couple quotes or sayings for you today:

" Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma- Which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart & intuition. "

" Strength doesn't come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't. "

" I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. " 

Hope you like them pumpkin. I love you xoxoxo.