Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? Mom is just so tired. I am so tired of telling you that but that is the honest truth. I wish I could tell you that I am doing well, on the right road to recovery but that would be a huge lie & I will not lie to you or myself. So many emotions are going on with Mom. I know you can see them all & I don't have to write them down. I know you see my struggles & I know that you are really upset. You see my anger, my frustration, my hurt, my sadness, & a lot of tears fall from my eyes when you should be seeing Mom being happy, getting by, & dealing with the grief of losing you but making progress daily. I am so sorry that you are not seeing that. You haven't seen that for the last 4 months. So much has changed in such a short time that it is hard for Mom to get a hold of it all. Mark has changed, our home has changed, we lost Snicks, but gained 2 more pups, & I lost a couple more friends. Since you have passed Mom has had so much sadness & loss. It hurts. I am thinking that I might look into counseling again. Been in it before & it helped me out so much. I am not ashamed at admitting I have done it & that I may need more. I tell folks you haven't walked in my shoes & until you do.. don't judge me. Anyways...
Let's see what else is new... the weather sucks today. It is sleet & freezing rain out & it is only suppose to get worse as the night & tomorrow morning goes by. In NH they could get up to 4" of snow. Just crazy...they are tired of it & so aren't we all. Someday you will hear Mom say that it is finally summer & the weather is warm! I guess the rest of the week is suppose to be sunny & in the high 60's so that is a plus! 
 Meme took Bob up for a routine visit to DHMC & the doctor did not like the looks of him. He was peekish & gray in color. His heart rate was all over the place & his blood pressure so so low that the nurse couldn't believe it. He will be going through tests tomorrow with having a scope down the throat, shocking the heart again, & whatever else they feel is necessary. Please be with him at the hospital & with Meme at home. They both are just emotional... angry, sad, hurt, unhappy, depressed, etc... you remember those feelings on a daily basis , don't you? I remember them. I hurt for them & I worry about them every day. 
 Tomorrow we will be finally be getting our belongings...after 1 month! I can't wait to see what we are actually getting to what they left behind. This was such a messy ordeal & such a huge issue. On Friday, we will finally be getting a king size bed! I have been waiting for this for so long now. I am happy about this!
 I think that is all that is new for today. The evening sky is now upon us. The sky is cloudy & not a chance that I will be able to see anything. The clouds are so thick. I hope that where you are it is sunny & warm & you are seeing a beautiful sunset. I will whisper to you as I always do. Be listening for Mom. I love you so much Tyler & I miss you more than I could ever express. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. 
 Sweet dreams tonight & I hope to see you in my own. Please watch over us all like I know you always do. Thanks pumpkin!
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

P.S. I just came across something that I wanted to write to you... something that Mom really needs to read daily to get me out of the slump. You will understand once you read it.

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family, You will have flat tires called jobs, but if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, a driver called Will Power, you will make it to a place called Success.