Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing on this Tuesday early afternoon? I hope that you are happy & doing wonderful. I hope that you are learning all kinds of new things that you need to. Mom is having a tough couple days. I am just so tired. I am not getting hardly any sleep lately. So much is on my mind & I am really just a wreck. I don't know what is going on with me, what is happening in my life right now. My head is just in a fog & I can't seem to get out of it. I seem like I am in a whirlwind & it is becoming a downward spiral that I am not like seeing. I try & take a few steps forward only to take 20 steps back again. I am physically, emotionally, & mentally drained & I don't know where to turn right now. I don't know what I am doing or where I need to be going. I am trying to stay strong, positive, & keep my faith but I am struggling. You know everything that I am dealing with even though no one else really does. I don't say anything... I just cover it all up & say everything is just fine when it is not. Ty, I really need your help. I have been praying but I need you to guide Mom to what I need to be doing. Thank you Tyler. I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
 Meme called last night to tell me that Bob was not doing well like we all thought he was doing. I guess he went to the doctors & his blood pressure is still really low & the 3rd time shocking his heart didn't do anything again. I guess they are upping him on a few meds & decreasing some other ones. What a mess. I feel so bad for Bob. There is nothing any of us can do at this point for him & that is so frustrating. All we can do is just sit back & watch & you know 1st hand how hard that is for Mom. Brandy called me yesterday but I did not get the call so I will be calling her tomorrow to check in & see how she is doing. I know she is really busy with doing her classes to become a pharmacy tech. She has to take her boards next month. Her husband is getting ready to go back to Las Vegas for 3 months again. He did this last year & made good money at 1 of the casinos. He is a card dealer. I guess he really likes it out there. I can see why... I liked it to when I was there last year! Everyone else is doing well. I appreciate everything you do for us & all that you can. It means the world to Mom & our family & friends. 
 The weather today has totally matched my mood. Gray, gloomy, & yucky. It has been raining most of the day. No blue skies at all. The weatherman said that the skies should be clearing out tonight so there may be a chance that the stars & moon will be shining brightly in the sky. I hope so. Seeing them makes me smile & makes me feel closer to you knowing that you are out there somewhere under the same big sky as Mom. Regardless, I will be whispering to you as I always do. Hope you hear Mom. 
 I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world & so much more! You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul. Sweet dreams my sweet precious son. I hope to get some sleep tonight & see you in my own dreams.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

P.S. Here a a couple sayings that I really like when I came across them:

" If you knew how many hearts are healed & how many lives are transformed throughout the patterns created in every choice, you'd follow your heart in every breath & bless the world wherever you go." 

 " All I need is a soft whisper from your spirit & then I feel okay....for a few minutes. "

Love you, pumpkin xoxoxo