Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing on this Thursday evening? Mom has had quite the day. I am sure you have seen Mom's frustration. It started out this morning when Mark was sick at 2 am & then needed to be on a conference call at 6:30 am. Mom did not get much sleep to say the least. I got up & got the pups all set & then decided that I would make breakfast & then hit the books to study. I had to do another exam so I was full of energy & ready to go. I was just getting into 1/2 the test when Mom's computer decided to crash. It stopped & I lost everything. Took 20 plus minutes to reboot but nothing came back. I was so angry. Today just isn't my day at all. Its a sad day for me as it was 22 years ago that I last saw you walk. Tomorrow will be 22 years when it all happened & you got sick. The horrible memories are forever in my mind like it was yesterday. June is such a hard month for me now..even more so since you passed away during this month. Mom could sure use you to hold me & be with me. I hurt. I hurt so much. My heart is shattered & I am so depressed right now. I miss you so much. I wish I could see you & hear your voice again. I love you beyond any words that could ever express.
 Mom is so sorry that I didn't write to you last night but honestly I was just tired from studying all day & then the weather looked like we were going to get another thunderstorm so I didn't want to chance it. I didn't talk to anyone either so once again I have no updates for you today. Everyone is busy doing their own thing in their own lives. I get it... it is just sad. Mom is not sure if I will be able to write to you tomorrow or not. Depends on how studying goes. During the evening, Mom is going to go participate in the Relay For Life. It is 20 years as being a Survivor & I am damn proud of it. I am looking forward to seeing how my hometown does the Relay & what it's all about here. Guess it is a good size. I hope you will walk with me just like you did when you were here. I know tears will be shed but just know Mom will be ok. Tomorrow is another hard day so just bare with me pumpkin. Thank you. Hopefully I will have some updates for you soon.
 Here are your daily prayers that I need to catch up on. June 8~ I would feed you with the finest of the wheat and with honey from the rock I would satisfy you. I thank you, dear Lord, for your daily provision. You provide me with the income I need to meet life's basic needs, but you also provide companionship, mental stimulation, & spiritual challenge. Day by day, you sustain my life. Once in a while you surprise me with some unexpected blessing. The psalmist talks about " honey from the rock, " and honestly the last thing I expect from my rocky existence is sweetness. But you pull a kind word out of a sworn enemy, a new talent out of a hopeless struggle & a good friend out of a crisis. I have learned to trust you for what I need each day, but please keep surprising me with these extra blessings. They make life with you a delight. My child, eat honey, for it is good& dripping of the honeycomb are sweet to your taste. Amen.
 June 9~ O Lord, you have searched me & known me. You know when I sit down & when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. I now you see right through me. It's sometimes terrifying how honestly you view me. But then I think, how awesome that you completely " get " me, despite my sins & problems. You don't want to reject me. No scowling, Lord, no scolding. In your thorough knowledge of me. The wonder that's unfolding is the fact that you still love me. For now we see in a mirror, dimly but then we will see face to face. Now I know only part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. Amen.
 All caught up once again. The night is going to be here before we know it & the sky will be dark. Mom is hoping to see the stars again like I did last night. Did you hear me whisper to you when I saw them? Hope so & I will do it again tonight as well. Be listening for my voice. Hope that your night is everything you want it to be & it is filled with all the love & peace you need. Come be with Mom tonight & visit me in my dreams. Thank you my sweet precious son. Remember you are my true hero, my wind beneath my wings & you are forever in my heart, mind & soul. Good night, Tyler & sweet dreams. Until tomorrow. I love you to the moon & back...to infinity & beyond.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!