Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? The last 3 days for Mom have been a whirlwind that's for sure. I didn't get the chance to write to you Saturday night or last night on here but I did write to you on your facebook page again. Friday night after I wrote to you & ate dinner I was chatting with Grandpa on the phone & Mom tweaked her back somehow. I was fine 1 minute & in severe pain the next. I did not sleep at all Friday night & got up quite early Saturday morning to make the trip to NH. That was a long day as well but so nice to see everyone. Mom put on a brave face for more than 1 reason. It was a tough day, emotional & Mom was in a lot of pain from her back. Mark & I got home around 9:30 pm & I went straight to bed. Again I could not sleep due to my back spasming like crazy. Yesterday was the worst day as I did not even get out of bed...only to use the bathroom & then back to bed I went. I needed the down day that is for sure. The level of pain I was in was the worst of the 3 days. I stayed still & quiet as much as I could & Mom actually took a nap for a bit. Went to bed around 10 pm & slept last night. I needed it. The moon was incredible to look at. I whispered to you while watching it for a short time. Did you hear Mom? I sure hope so. 
 I woke up this morning to remember the horrific nightmare that happened 3 years ago. The whole day has been playing in my head. All the memories that I have are heartbreaking to Mom. I managed to get out of bed today, get ready, walked the pups & did a little studying to take my mind off things but it really hasn't worked at all. A few family members have called today to see how I have been doing. Friends have called as well & left messages for me telling me they were thinking of you & Mom. It has been so sweet the support that I still get after 3 years. That is true friendship & love. It means the world to me & I don't know where I really would be without them all. Mom's friend released balloons to you today. Did you get them? I will try to post the video of Saturday & today on here but Mom is having some trouble with the length of it so Mark has said we need to find an application to help out with it & we have not been successful to this point. I promise that when I do get it I will post it on here for sure. Saturday I got the chance to see several family & friends. Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie, Auntie Kristina, Mark, Auntie Kristi, Charlie, Marion, Lizzie, Brian, Mow, Zev, Sam, Denise, Julie & James were there. We all saw the hawk. I tried to take a picture of it but I guess you didn't want that did you? Thank you for letting us know that you were there. That you saw it all & heard all the kind messages & words that were said about you. Mom still has the hawk feather that you wanted Aunt Beck to give me at your funeral. It sits next to the candle that was burning that day & near a pic of you. Every one seems to be doing well. Everyone looked great. It is never enough time to see all that you want to or visit with. It is tough but I did my best. We skyped with Mark's Dad & Step Mom last night. Tubal will be going in for tests to be done to see what is going on with him. I think he had a few done today so we shall see what is happening later this evening. Other than that Mom has no updates for you. I do however have a few daily prayers to catch up on so here they are.
 June 18~ For you O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, from my youth. O God, our help in ages past, our hope for years to come, our shelter from the stormy blast & our eternal home! Under the shadow of thy throne, still may we dwell secure; Sufficient is thine arm alone & our defense is sure. Before the hills in order stood or the earth received her frame, from everlasting, thou art God, to endless years the same. Hope is the expectation of good things to come. Amen.
 June 19~ I have been young & now I am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. Through the years, supreme Lord, you have provided. I thank you for that. You have proven faithful again & again. I'm not just talking about material things---food, clothing, a home, & a job. You provide such blessings according to your wisdom, but, more than that, you provide strength to focus on your spiritual blessings & you provide joy in relationships with you & your people. Your promise is clear: A family forsaken. You will bless them with your spiritual blessings from generation to generation. The best blessing that parents give their children is an honest, living faith. Don't hide flaws, market the faith or look only at the bright side. It is the stark reality of God's presence that will win them. Amen.
 June 20~ Come O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. What does it mean to " fear " you, Lord? To cower? To run away from your awesome power? To hide from your righteous gaze? It can't be those things, can it? You invite us to draw near to you & to love you.Yes, I am in awe of your power. Your holiness humbles me. You are God & I know I am not. But my shrinking back is overcome by my attraction to you. This is how I " fear " you, y paying attention to you every day, living out my love for you. This is what I want to teach my family----and everyone in the next generation: " Children, don't run away from God in terror! Instead, draw near to him in humble love. " There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. Amen.
 Mom is all caught up once again. Mom just happened to glance up at the clock & saw that it is almost that time. 5:37 pm. The time you chose to leave the physical world & be free of everything. I can't even put into words just how much I miss you. Your face, your voice, your laugh. Everything I miss. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I love you to infinity & beyond. I didn't realize until this morning that it is the 1st official day of summer. I told Mark that it didn't surprise me that you chose this day as you loved the summer. I guess I just never put 2 & 2 together until now. Tonight is suppose to be the summer solstice. That is where the sun & moon will be both seen in the sky at the same time tonight. It is also the longest day of the year with over 15 hours of daylight. This has not happened in over 70 years. Mom is hoping to see it all & get pictures of it. I will make sure to whisper to you my sweet precious son so be listening out for my voice. Smile & I will too. 
 May tonight be filled with all that you need & want it to be. Come visit Mom in my dreams tonight if you have the time. I would love that. I look forward to seeing the sunset later as well. I know you will make it pretty for Mom. Send me a sign pumpkin. Thank you. You will forever be in my heart, mind & soul. You are my true hero & my wind beneath my wings. ( 3 years ago at this exact time I was singing this to you with tears rolling down my face. Mom was telling you to go, to fly high & be free. Somehow I know you heard my every word & you heard me singing to you as when I ended it was then that your heart stopped beating. ) Oh Tyler, I miss you so. I love you beyond words. I miss my everything. You have my heart with you wherever you go. I hope you know that. Good night & sweet dreams, Tyler.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!