Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Thursday afternoon? Mom is not going to lie... I am tired as all h*ll today & I have so much on my mind right now. I should be studying but I wanted to write to you 1st. Maybe writing my letter will help Mom calm down & fell better. Yesterday was a very long day for Mom but an even longer one for Mark. He left at 6:30 am & didn't get home until midnight. He was so tired & rightfully so. He is completely out of it today so Mom is watching him very closely. These jobs that he does takes so much out of him & I wish he would see that. It is not healthy for him anymore. Mom gets so worried about him & I need to stop that. He is a grown man & can fend for himself. If he is not worried than neither shall I, ya know? Mom did get much sleep at all.... the dogs kept me up & I was thinking of Bean all night. It will be an early night for sure here so that I can get some solid sleep that is much needed. 
 Mom spoke to Bean last night. She is doing well for the most part. She sounded good. She is a strong girl with a good head on her shoulders. She will make the right decisions that are needed for herself. Our family will be right by her side with whatever she needs. That is what family does.... we come together when times are tough. I know that you will watch over her closely as well. You two were very close. I know you will make sure she is always safe. Thank you for that. We are all worried but in time she will get there..... eventually she will be ok! 
 Meme called me just a few minutes ago. She was saying that Bob was not doing well the last couple of days. he was out of breath & having such a hard time breathing. I did not like the sounds of that at all. he goes back to the doctors on the 14th to be checked again. Tyler, please be with Bob as he is going through all this again. May he be safe & may his health get better again. Please watch over him so that he will be well. We are all scared for him. Mom & the rest of our family doesn't want to see anything happen to him. Thank you my sweet precious son for helping out with all you do. 
 Today is your " brother " Jeremy's Birthday. One of the 3 Amigos.....that still makes me smile when I think of that. I get a kick out of it as well that he was born on May 4th as you both were such Star Wars fans.....as everyone says today " May the 4th be with you. " I bet you are smiling & laughing at that. Mom wished him a Happy Birthday over facebook a little bit ago. I haven't spoken to him in a few months but he looks like he is doing well. He looks good. I am sure you keep your eye on him as well. I am sure he " feels " your presence as he has told me many times before he has. You are such a good friend to him. I am so proud of you, Tyler. Always was proud & still am. 
 Well, those are all the updates I have for you today. Here is the daily prayer for May 4~ But may all who seek you rejoice & be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually,  " Great is the Lord! " Heavenly father, you are great! I am truly grateful for your salvation & as I continually seek you, I rejoice in everything you reveal to me about yourself. I am, indeed glad in you today. I feel blessed & deeply honored to be here with you, the God of the universe. When I try to think about it, it's a reality that's hard to wrap my mind around & yet it's true. May I continually be in awe of your greatness & be full of delight when I reflect on who you are & how you have saved me. If God's greatness is powerfully evident to us, we can imagine those around his throne in heaven continually worshipping him. Amen. 
 Feels funny not to have to write several prayers to you as Mom is all caught up. It feels good though! Here is the daily Inner Peace card for you: I forgive myself & then I move on. You can sit there forever, lamenting about how bad you've been, feeling guilty until you die & not one tiny slice of that guilt will do anything to change anything in the past. This card has a lot of good points to it but dang it is a hard one to swallow...so to speak. Guilt will get you every time. Mom carries so much of it around still & I am just starting to learn how not too. Mom has made many of mistakes through her life & nothing can change it. I can't go back & fix it. The only thing I can do is own it & like the card said...move on. I am trying. Continue to work with Mom on this matter. I need your help.... Mom always needs you. I miss you so much. If only I could put it into words just how much but I know that is impossible. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing you can feel it in your soul. Mom loves you unconditionally. To the moon & back & all the way around the world. To infinity & beyond. You will always be in my heart, mind, body & soul. You are my true hero & the wind beneath my wings.
 Hopefully tonight Mom will get to see a beautiful painting from you as the next 12 days straight will be nothing but cloudy, cold & rainy days. The weather has been terrible the last 7 weeks here. Hope the sun will be out for several days after this. Maybe I will even get to see the stars & moon if I am lucky. Mom will whisper to you as I always do later tonight so be listening out for me. Smile & I will too. Hope your night is everything you want & need it to be. Come visit Mom if you can. I would really love that. Anyways.... Mom needs to get to studying so until tomorrow comes & I write to you again....good night & sweet dreams.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!