Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet precious son. Mom is hoping that you are doing fine and having the time of your life up in the heavens above! Today is the day that I dread every year... it is June 20th, the day you decided to leave this world and go to a better place. Mom is doing alright. I cried a few tears...well more than a few...this morning when I was reading some memories over social media. Those memories are a blessing and a curse! Right now, Mom wanted to take the time to write to you and actually share with you a couple things that I posted on your memorial page this morning. That way I didn't have to write another long sappy letter as you would put it...lol 😏 Here they both are:

Dear Tyler,

My sweet precious son.... Mom doesn't even know where to start this letter to you today. My heart is shattered so much more today then every other day. I am reliving the horrific scenes in my head of what happened 7 years ago on this very day. I remember it all like it was yesterday. Every hour that goes by I know exactly where I was and what I was saying and doing. This was the worst day of my life EVER. In the early evening, Mom had to make a big decision and the hardest one no Mother should ever have to make. I didn't know what to do even though I had many family by my side. Was Mom doing the right things in honoring you the way you should be & deserved to be? I was listening to the doctors too, but I felt so alone and so sad, angry, hurt, etc... for what needed to be done. For a few minutes I wanted to be selfish but then I kept looking at you and I knew that I couldn't do that. I couldn't sit there and watch you. Mom didn't know if you were suffering so I did the only thing I knew... I let you go. At 5:35pm your heart stopped and I lost you. I lost me. Everything went silent. I was numb. I was in a fog of what just happened. I couldn't move but yet I found myself walking around in circles. I couldn't say anything to anyone. Mom just lost the 1 thing in my life that mattered the most to me. I lost my everything. Every emotion was going through my body but yet I couldn't cry. My body was in shock. Mom remembers the nurse coming in and telling me that we needed to leave for a little while. Mom didn't want to but they made me. When I returned I remember sitting down and just looking at you, talking to you and then the tears flowed freely. Mom thought that maybe when I left and came back it would all be a dream, but it turned out to be a living nightmare...1 that I relive over and over on a daily basis. Mom sat with you for a couple hours. While talking to you Mom wondered if you were able to see me, if you were already in Heaven. I told you to be free, to fly high and never to look back. You deserved it more than anyone I have ever known. You deserved to be without limitations..... to walk, run, jump, and do all that you have wanted to do for so long. It was getting late and I knew that I had to be going but I didn't want to. Mom didn't want to leave you there alone. I started to walk out of the room but my hands clenched the curtain. I started to cry harder. Mark had to pull me away and he told me that everything would be ok but Mom knew nothing would ever be ok anymore.....Not ever!
June 20, 2020, 7 years later...2,555 days without you here with me. So much has happened. Mom struggles on a daily basis but Mom would like to think that you are guiding me and helping me through it all.
Mom read somewhere once that when a love one passes on from the physical world they continue growing from the Spiritual side. For this to happen we, in the physical world need to continue to live our lives as necessary. We need to laugh, smile, and as hard as it is we need to continue to move forward. This way you grow, learn, and do all the things you need to do wherever you are. When I read that I knew that I had to do everything possible. Mom would never want to hold you back from anything. I would never want you to have anymore limitations. You had too many, more than anyone should have here in the physical world. I want you to continue to soar, to spread your wings and fly....Mom knows you are doing just that. Mom knows you are completely free & happy.
I miss you so much still....More than words can say. I miss everything about you..... Your smile, your voice, the way you laughed, your beautiful brown eyes and those dang eyelashes that everyone raved about. I miss our talks, playing games with you, our walks, our vacations and yes.. I even miss our fights. Nothing is the same anymore. I am not the same anymore. I never will be again. You were and always will be my HERO!!!! I love you, my sweet precious son. To the moon and back and all the way around the world.

I will continue to look to the skies at night time. To see the stars and the moon shining brightly. It lets me know that you are there watching over me & we are still under the same big sky. I will look for your " paintings" too. I will continue to whisper to you as I always do each & every night. I hope you hear me... I hope you listen for Mom's voice. Smile when you hear Mom and I will picture you smiling back at me. Fly high and fly free Tyler. Mom knows you are doing wonderful things up there. You forever live inside my heart, mind, body, and soul now. You are the Wind Beneath my Wings xoxoxo ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Mom got the heartfelt letter out to you already this morning. It will always hurt my heart more than words can say that you are no longer here with me and all of us. I miss you and love you every day with every ounce of my being. I mourn the loss of you on a daily basis.... (7 years and 2,555 days now) but Mom is going to do something different today.... I am usually quiet, sad and in my own world on this day but today I am going to celebrate you! You chose this day to leave this world for a reason that only you know, to finally walk away from the life and limitations that you had here in the physical world and I know you, you never looked back! You, instead chose to become Mom’s guardian angel from above and watch over me more than you could here. You gave and still give me strength, you were and still are my inspiration more times then I could and can ever count or that you ever knew. Thank you for that.
Today, Mom will remember you with smiles on her face so you can see them (and yeah some tears too), laughter so you can hear me. I will talk about you just like I always do daily. I will eat chocolate chip cookies 🍪 and think of you and all your favorite foods (tomorrow I will have to exercise double but that’s ok...lol) Mom will giggle at all the memories that we shared through the years as well.
Today, Mom celebrates you, your life, and all you were while you were here with us. I know you will see it all and I hope it brings you happiness and a smile to your sweet face and maybe a giggle here and there too 😉
Mom loved you from the day you were born to the day I lost you and every day since. Continue to do great things wherever you may be. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being my guiding light now and my bright shining star 🌟 Thank you for choosing me to be your Mom. Our journey together was nothing but pure love between a mother and her son. Thank you for everything, Tyler Howard. For you are my hero and forever will be the wind beneath my wings 🤍

At this very moment, Mom is writing and eating chocolate chip cookies just for you and later for dinner we will be having a favorite of yours...pizza! Today is all about celebrating you, your life and everything that you gave to us all. It is a day to reflect what you meant to Mom and to our whole family. Many family and friends reached out to Mom by texts, emails, calls and also on social media to tell me that they were thing of me during this difficult few days. That was very sweet of them. I appreciated it more than they probably know. You were and still are loved so much by so many. Everyone misses you but Mom misses you the most. We were always together, it was always you and Mom. Together we could conquer anything that life threw at us. We gave each other strength to get though the tough times and happiness through all the good times too. We were so much alike. We were stubborn as all hell...lol! I know you are laughing at that because we both know how true it is! 
 It is so difficult to not have you here but Mom truly knows that you made the decisions that you did and how it happened on your own terms. Mom knows that you have been at peace for 7 years and that you are happy. You wouldn't want to come back to this world and why would you.... you are free now...you have been free for 7 years and I bet that is the best feeling in the world. Mom can only imagine! I miss you more than anything and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. Like I said in the letters above. You are inside my heart, mind, body and soul. You will always be the wind beneath my wings and forever my personal hero. 
 Mom will light your candle this evening and I will whisper to you later tonight before I go to bed. Be sure to smile to me and I will smile back to you. Continue to spread your wings and fly high. Continue to watch over me and us all. Thank you pumpkin! I will be back tomorrow with another letter. Rest easy my sweet precious son. Until tomorrow comes....good night and sweet dreams later.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💚