Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing in the Heavens above today? Mom is not doing the greatest but I sure have put on several fake smiles so far. I am managing to get by today but dang it is not easy. I cried a few tears this morning and needed to get up and walk around so I would stop. Todays date is June 19th. It is the day that is every mothers nightmare. I received the call early in the morning. I remember making the bed when the phone rang. I picked it up thinking that the facility was calling for you and that your voice would come on the line. That was not the case. What I heard was that sometime during the night or early morning, you had coded and you were unresponsive. You were being lifted to the nearest hospital. I remember hearing the nurse tell me that the hospital would have my number and they would keep me posted. I remember dropping to my knees and screaming so loud that Mark came rushing in. I was crying and shaking. The entire world stopped right there. I didn't go anywhere that day. I stayed by the phone. I received a call from the doctor a few hours later. He told me that you have severe brain damage and that you were no longer responding to anything or anyone. Your major organs were shutting down and nothing could be done. Meme, Bob, Aunt Beck, Bean, Grandpa and Debbie rushed to the hospital so that you were not alone. Mom tried so hard that day to get a flight out so I could be with you. The airlines would not work with me...I didn't need  help with funds...I needed a seat to get there to you and there wasn't any. The soonest I could book out was 6 am the next morning. I was on the phone all day and night. Prepping and preparing everyone for what was going to happen. I cried so many tears. I went to bed that night around 12 midnight and was up at 3 am heading to the airport. I talked to Meme and Aunt Beck the entire time when I would be boarding the plane and getting on the next one. I kept praying that you would hang on for Mom. Bonnie stayed with Max and Snickers for us so that was a huge help. Mom couldn't believe what was happening. I couldn't believe that I was being told by the doctors that I had to fly to NH to let you go and take you off life support. That is not the way life is suppose to go. A mother should never have to do that to her child. 7 years ago this happened to you, to Mom and it still feels like yesterday. All the pain that I felt is still there. I don't think it will ever go away. I felt so numb then as I do today. I find myself staying busy so that my mind won't want to remember these horrific memories but nothing works. My mind will never be able to erase them.  I have tried so hard but no such luck. Mom relives these events not only on this day but every day since you left. To say I miss you would be an understatement. I miss you every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every year since you have been gone. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. You live in my heart, mind, body and soul. Forever you will be the wind beneath my wings and my hero. 
 I know after you passed, Aunt Beck gifted me an angel reading. In that reading you told me that the events that happened that lead to your passing was the way they were suppose to go. It was the way you wanted it to be. You told Mom not to feel guilty. I have often wondered about those statements that were made in that reading. I even have questioned them to myself and also out loud. I know you hear Mom daily when I talk to you. I know you see me sad, when I am crying and also when I am laughing and happy. I know you see it all. I wish you were here. You loved Florida as much as Mom does. We were always happy here when we came on vacation. Places that I go to now that I live here...you are with me in my memories and spirit. I smile a lot of those times because they were good memories of you my sweet precious son. I wish that I had more memories of us though. You were gone way too soon 😢
 Mark has been very good to me today. He has been working on his test all morning and afternoon but he comes in every once in awhile and asks how I am doing. That is very much appreciated. I always say I am fine even when I am not. It is easier that way. Right now we are getting a pretty good thunder and lightning storm. It is heavy rain once again with rolls of thunder. Ozzy is doing awesome with the storm but Princess...well not so much. It is quiet here today. Meme is doing her own thing in her room and Bob is on the computer as usual. I think tonight will be a quiet night again. Mark will be finishing up his test until 9 pm or 10 pm and will continue to work on it tomorrow evening. After that he will have to be done. The instructor locks every one out as of 2 am Sunday morning. He has done well and I am very proud of him. This weekend will be partly cloudy and a bit of sun and the rain off and on. Mom is hoping to just chill out by the pool most of the time and then go shopping if it starts raining. Sunday is Father's Day. We will make that a quiet day as well. Not too much going on. Still not going out a lot of the time. Only every couple weeks. Things here in Florida are getting worse daily with Covid numbers going up and up. Mom has a feeling that we will be in lockdown again very soon as the Governor will have no other choice. Time will tell and we shall see. I pray for all that have tested positive, ones that have lost family members due to this virus and the ones themselves that gained their angel wings. I pray that you will continue to keep us all safe here. I pray for our health. I know you watch over us all and I thank you pumpkin. Tonight I will light your candle and I will whisper to you before I go to bed. I hope you smile when you hear my voice and I will be sure to smile to you too. Have fun wherever you are. May you get to do things that are needed of your help and also things that you may want to do. Come visit me in my dreams tonight and send me a sign tomorrow. Thank you! I will be back with another letter tomorrow afternoon. For now, Mom is going to relax and watch the storm and think of you  before it is time to feed the pups and get dinner going for us all. Until tomorrow comes...good night and sweet dreams to you. Mom loves you with all her heart.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah 💙