Dear Tyler,
I find it helpful for me to heal by writing to you daily. Some people will understand as others may not. I believe in my heart that you know I write to you and you read them...again everyone has their beliefs and may feel its foolish, but honestly I dont care. It means alot to me and thats all that matters. I am trying on a daily basis to continue to go on without you here in the physical world. I lived my life for you by taking care of you and making you my whole world. Now there is a void and I cant see you or talk to you anymore. I am having such a hard time living and moving forward without you. I will continue to work on myself because I know you wouldnt want me to feel this way. I know you want me to be happy for you that you are free and can do all the things you long to do. Please know that I am happy for you...guess I long to see it. People dont know and maybe not even you did, but I grieved for you for the last 20 yrs. Every day...the things you missed when you were a child, the things you didnt or couldnt do as a teenager, and the things you didnt do as a youn man. I know you want me to be happy too. I am trying..really I am. I have good days and bad days. Today is a rough one for me. Several people think that I am still the strongest person they know and met....maybe that might be true but somedays its just a mask that I put on. When you passed away 2 weeks ago... I cried and cried...alot of me died with you but people didnt see that. They said I was so composed at your wake, funeral, and burial. I guess I was strong for everyone else. Guess that is why I received my hawk feather from you. The meaning fits! Thank you for that. I just wanted you to know all these things. You are forever with me, Tyler. You will always be my little boy and I will always love you more than life itself. As always... watch over Mom and the rest of us. Be happy and fly high and free my precious son. Love you to the moon and back. Always, Mom xoxoxo