Dear Tyler

Nightfall is here again. Today was such a rough day for Mom. It was 1 month ago that we skyped. I never thought it would be the last time I would ever hear your voice. I never could imagine that 2 days later I would loose my precious son. Everything went wrong today. I know you already know but Mark got told he was not assigned to Ohio. His company made a mistake. He is to report to Houston by next Monday, July 22nd. Thats in 4 days. I couldnt believe it. I am crushed beyong words. I talked to Mark and told him that I wouldnt go. I am so bitter and angry at his company for doing this to us again. I never wanted to go to Texas...never. It is putting us further away from family and friends. I need to be close to home not 2000 miles away. I want you to know that Mom will be ok in time. I know you would worry about me so that is why I am explaing things to you. I know Mark told you and promised you he would always take care of me. He has been keeping that promise. It isnt his fault. I dont know why this is happening to me and during the time I am greiving your death, but again I will be ok. Please dont be mad at Mark. There are no choices but to go our seperate ways. He has to take this job so he has income to live and I need to do whats best for me. If I went then I would be pretending to be happy and that would be living a lie. I cant do that. I cant pretend that life is ok when it is not. I hope you understand and will forgive me for these decisions. I know I will probably regret some decisions later down the road, but I will deal with them as they come. My heart is breaking in so many ways. My life is turned upside down. Nothing matters to me. I miss you so much. I wish we could have a conversation. I know you would say that things will be ok. I can hear you saying that to me right now. I miss your voice so much, your smile, your face, your laugh. I just miss you like crazy. This is so painful. No parent should have to feel this way...EVER! Tyler...please be with me and watch over me and everyone else. I love you with all my heart and soul. I love you to the moon and back. Sweet dreams my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!