Dear Tyler,

Hey Pumpkin! Mom is so sorry that it has been a few days again since I have written to you. I caught a nasty cold and have not felt good at all. Still really stuffy and congested but I wanted to take a few minutes to write to you. I was missing it. I know it probably sounds silly but I feel so much closer to you when I write you a letter. It is coming up to that time of the month where I have a hard time. Seems like the middle of every month since you passed is so hard for me to handle. Everything just comes rushing back to me. The horrid calls, the delayed flights, and watching the hardest thing ever in my life happen. I miss you so much. I look at your pictures all the time. I miss your face, your voice, and I miss your smile. I just plain ole miss you. I wish Heaven had a phone so I could call and talk to you daily. I want to know what you are doing. I want to know what Heaven is like. I want to know everything. I want to know how you spend your day and night. Guess that is the Mom in me. I need to know. I know you are happy, but I just wish I could know more about you now. I love you so much. More than any words could say or express. 
 I see that Megan went to visit you a couple weeks ago. She left you a butterfly. I had heard someone did but I didn't know it was her until she posted it on FB. I thought that was so sweet. She said it... just doesn't seem real. She is right. It doesn't seem real at all until I come across something that reminds me that it did happen... that it is real. It just sucks! I am trying to not get angry because it doesn't get me anywhere, but boy is it hard. I want you to know that I can and never would be mad at you. I am so proud of you and all that you fought. You were and still are my Hero. I am just mad at the situation. I wonder why you had to go through all the ordeals that you did in your short life here with Mom. I wonder why we had to go through so many hard times. Why we missed out on all the things that Mothers and sons get to do together. Why I had to lose my precious son so soon. On the other hand... I am more than thankful and proud to have you as my son. I am thankful for the times we did have and all the memories we got to share and make. I am thankful for having you for 22 years when it could have been so much less time. My emotions are all over the place. It is like a roller coaster. I find myself smiling and laughing at some of the things we said and did. The other day I laughed out loud remembering when we used to play the mini golf game. I remember you laughing at me when I would miss and you would get a hole in one. I remember the mini golf 2 game with the letters. Oh how we would b*tch at how many times we have to do it over...lol! Every picture I see it brings back the memories to when and where we were and where it was taken. Sometimes I dislike my mind and memory with things but in these times I am so glad for it. I am so happy that my mind works like it does and I can remember all the details. I never want to forget anything about you. I want to remember everything. You will always be in my mind and forever in my heart. I love you so much. Always and forever. I hope you have a great night and have so many wonderful and sweet dreams. Please be with me and watch over me as I know you do. Continue to watch over our family and friends too. I will write again tomorrow. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!