Dear Tyler,

Hey pumpkin! Today has been a good day. I wanted to share with you a status post that I did today on FB. Here it is:

Soooo.... the last few days I have done some major soul searching for myself. I sit here alone during the day and can't stop thinking about everything...family, friends, things and people I miss, finding a job, what I am going to do living so far away from everyone I love, etc... the list goes on and on. Friday the 20th will be 3 months since Tyler has been gone. Every day since then I have had heart ache, pain, a void that won't ever be filled, and such an emotional roller coaster ride. I have been in such a depression, sadness, and sick. I know Tyler doesn't want this for me as he looks down on his Mom. He wants to see me smile, laugh, and enjoy the rest of my life. So this is what I am doing from here on in: I am going to smile more, laugh more, love more, and start enjoying my life in the new city that I live in. I realize I will always grieve the loss of my son, I will always miss him and all my family and friends, but I need to move forward. I need to enjoy my new life and where I am. I need to embrace life with a positive attitude. I want Tyler to see my smile, & hear my laugh. Here is to the " new " me.  to all my family and friends and THANK YOU for all the help and understanding through this tough time. It means so much to me 

I wanted you to know that I needed to make some changes in my life because it was becoming unhealthy for Mom. I know you wouldn't want that so that is what I decided. Physically, I am doing an hour a day of working out and eating healthier. Emotionally & Mentally is where I needed to make the changes and that is why I wrote what I did and what I came up with. I want you to know that I will NEVER get over losing you. I will NEVER not miss you daily or stop loving you. I will NEVER fill the void that I have in my heart, BUT I know you want me to stop being so sad and depressed. I want to continue your legacy not by being sad, but living and enjoying life for myself and for you. 

I love you with all my heart and soul. I miss you so much. I know you are doing AMAZING things up there in Heaven. I wouldn't expect anything less from you :). As always... tonight I will look up to the sky and find a star and make a wish for you like I always do. I hope you have a great night my precious sweet son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!

PS. Don't forget today is Mark's Birthday. Make sure when he is outside tonight and he looks up in the sky... you are telling him Happy Birthday and you love him by shining the biggest and brightest star that you can. Thanks Tyler! I love you always & forever!