Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son! How are you doing today on this Thursday early evening? Mom is hoping that you are somewhere sunny & warm. Here where I am it is cloudy, gray, rainy & just blah..... Now Mom knows why my face was hurting so bad yesterday. Didn't know we were in for rain today. The temp is nice though...62 degrees. That is nice. Today was a pretty mellow day for me. I really didn't do all that much. I did laundry & a couple little things around the apartment but spent most of my time on the phone talking to Meme & a couple of my friends. Honestly Tyler, Mom doesn't have any energy left in her to do much else. My days are made up of being alone for most of the time with just having the dogs around me. It sure is lonely for me. I have been living this life style for almost 4 years & now it is really getting to me. My head says enough is enough. My heart is starting to say & feel that way too. Maybe it has been saying that for some time now but it is only now that Mom is able to listen to it & begin to understand it. I don't know. Mom is just tired of being so sad because I don't want to be at all. I want to do & feel what everyone else does. I want to be happy, smile a lot, have fun because as we both know life is so fragile & short. I don't want to waste a minute on the negative but I just don't know where to start to get me where I want & need to be. The unknown is a scary thing for us all. It is one of the most fearful things besides death itself. Sometimes it seems like I have gone 2 steps forward only to fall 10 backwards. I known in time things will work out for Mom. Mom wants you to know that I will be alright, Tyler. If you see me sad, upset, angry, confused just know it is part of the journey that Mom has to take once again to get to where I need to be. You know that Mom is strong & I have been through so much worse. I will get through this as well! All I ask is for you to be by my side. I need you so much. I wish I could talk to you. I miss that so much. I need you to give me the Tyler advice. I wish I could hear your voice. I miss it. I love you my sweet precious son! Never forget that. You were & always will be my everything. Nothing will ever change that.
 I don't really have a lot of updates for you tonight but I can tell you that I have heard that Uncle Dick is ok. He is getting better little by little each day. I tried to call him but no one answered his phone. Aunt Shirley went to the doctors today again but I did not get an update. She did say that nothing is working & she is still in a lot of pain. I really hope the doctors figure this out for her & soon. Meme has another rental car so that they can figure out what is wrong with her vehicle... this makes #5 for this. Mom's friend had her PET Scan done & will get the results tomorrow on what the protocol will be for her so she can beat this cancer again. Another one of Mom's friends that lost his job a couple weeks ago went for an interview today & he got the job! I am so happy for him. I know he was struggling a bit with this. I am just so happy that things will start to turn around for him. Think that is it for tonight.
 Here is your daily prayer. March 10~ Cast the burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. Lord, I know you will show your goodness & faithfulness to me if I just diligently seek you. The problem isn't your willingness to give but my tendency to try to do everything by myself rather than leaning on & trusting in you. This silly inclination brings me needless stress & wastes precious time. Today I endeavor to lay my needs & troubles at your feet the minute I begin to feel the least bit overwhelmed. Amen.
 Mom just looked outside up to the sky & saw exactly what I thought I would see... nothing. The clouds are so thick & gray still. No chance in seeing the moon & stars tonight either. That is alright as you know that Mom will whisper to you no matter what. Be listening for my voice later tonight. Please smile when you hear it. Oh how I miss your smile & your face. I can still close my eyes & see it though. I hope those images never go away. Mom hopes your night is all that you need & want it to be. Rest if you can & if you sleep tonight have the sweetest of dreams. Come be with Mom tonight as well & come visit me in my dreams. Remember you are in my heart, mind & soul. You will always be my hero & my wind beneath my wings. Good night, Tyler. I love you.
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!