Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you doing? Well, today is Monday for sure. The weather was sunny but so bitter cold & the wind was whipping so bad that it numbed & stung my face when I went outside. Mom is so sorry that I couldn't write to you last night but it really wasn't a good day or night at all. I need not go into details because I know you were with Mom & you witnessed it & saw it all. I was so stunned emotionally, mentally, & physically that I couldn't even think straight. I was outside trying to clear my head for a couple hours & then came inside. I kinda just sat on the couch for a bit & then made dinner. I ate & vegged out for a couple hours. I zoned out as I don't really remember focusing on the tv & then I went to bed. I awoke not rested & still hurt & sad. I did a lot of thinking today & came to many conclusions. I am not one to give up, I give it my all & I will continue to do that. I will hold my head high as I always do. You know Mom. I will give it 100% until I can't anymore. Please be with me though. I really need you close by, Tyler. I wish I could just come see you, skype with you, or anything. I need you. I miss you. I love you more than you will ever know or maybe you do know now. Maybe you can feel it. I would love to hear your voice again. I could use to hear your jokes to help me crack a smile. 
 I know that the evening sky will be upon us very soon.... exactly in 30 minutes. The sky is quite clear so when I go outside to walk the pup I will be looking to see the stars & moon shining brightly. I will whisper to you so I hope you will be waiting to hear Mom. I hope that I make you smile. Oh what I wouldn't give to see that if I do. 
 Our family seems to be doing well. Debbie got a job & seems to like it. Grandpa is good to. Working less hours now which makes me happy. He needs to relax & enjoy things he likes instead of busting his butt. Meme is good. I hope to hear that she is retiring soon so she can enjoy life too. Bob went to the doctors & had some changes made so I hope that things will start looking up for him. Aunt Becky is good. John is still healing & Brandy is doing good too. She is studying & going to get her pharmacy tech license. I am so proud of her. She takes the test in May! Mark & Mom are doing ok. Things are crazy with his schedule for work but we are working through that. We are still awaiting our belongings from Texas. Hopefully this week we will be getting them. The pup is still giving us a very hard time. She still will not go potty outside at all. I am so frustrated & don't know what to do. It upsets me. I have trained pups before but she is 8 years old. We are happy that we rescued her but enough is enough. Please help us, Tyler! Help her to start going potty outside. Thanks pumpkin. 
 I found a few quotes and/or sayings for today... here they are... " Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love. " One of Mom's friends sent this to me. It made me sad at 1st but then smile because I loved you so much. Such unconditional love between the 2 of us. 
 " There are moments in life when you wish you could bring someone down from heaven. To spend the day with them just 1 more time, give them 1 more hug, kiss them goodbye or hear their voice again. 1 more chance to say I love you!  I think of this always but I would want to be greedy. I wouldn't want just 1 more....
 The night sky is here. I will be looking for the bright stars so be listening soon. I miss you so much. I love you beyond any words. I hope you have a wonderful night doing what you do. If you rest I hope you have sweet dreams. I hope you will be in Mom's tonight. You are forever in my heart, mind, & soul my sweet precious son. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!