Dear Tyler,

Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today on this Wednesday evening? Happy July 1st to you too. Mom is doing ok. Had a relaxing day & didn't do any studying as I only have 1 chapter left in this book & my other book won't arrive until next week so I thought I would take the day off. I think I needed to the break as I was up until 10 pm last night taking a test. Anyways.. today I did laundry, housework, took the pups for a walk, did grocery shopping, made dinner & now I am writing to you. I will relax a little later on the balcony with Mark. I like sitting out there & looking at the moon & stars. We really lucked out & we have a wonderful view & we see planes flying in & out all the time. I find it peaceful & relaxing while I am out there. The pups like it too. They come out & sit on our laps. They like the fresh air & it makes them sleep better at night too..which is a plus because the better they sleep the better Mom sleeps..lol! 
 Not much has really been going on. Mark has been busy with his work & Mom has been studying. Haven't really spoken to the family this week. Meme & Grandpa here & there but things are good. It was just calls to say hello. Boy, do I wish there was a phone that I could pick up & call you. I would love to hear your voice. I would love to have a conversation with you, hear your laugh & see that smile. I long for that, Tyler. I miss you so much. I don't think I could ever express to anyone just how much it hurts, the pain that I go through daily, & how much I love you. I don't believe there are any words that would or could describe it. I just hope that you can feel it. I hope you know how much I miss you & how much love I have for you.... unconditional love....always & forever my sweet precious son.
 Today is a tough day for my friend as it is the 1 year anniversary of her losing her own son, Lucas. If you see him please let him know that there are many people that love & miss him too. His Mom is having such a tough day. I know the feeling all too well. I wish I could take her pain away but I can't. We share the same thing now. Wanting our sons back but no matter how hard we try we know deep down that it can never be. Both of you were so special & you both endured so much in your life..you at almost 23 years old & Lucas at 15 years old. You both are freed from all your limitations & medical issues. That is the only peace that Mom & Lucas' Mom has in knowing that you both of you are happy now. I guess as being Mom's ... we wish that we could see it. We both know we will someday & we hold onto that tightly. It helps Mom & I am sure my friend as well. 
 I can't believe that I started this blog to you on July 10, 2013.... 9 days shy of 2 years. I look back sometimes at my letters & I hear the anger, the pain, the sadness, & re shed tears as I read them. I have had many followers on this blog.  Almost 18,000 hits...Many countries, many continents, & followers in the United States. I am thankful for their kindness & them liking your letters. They definitely are faithful readers. Again, I do this for myself. I do this because it continues to help me grieve daily. I believe that you read my letters as I am typing them to you as you are always with Mom. I hope most of them make you smile but I know that some make you sad. 
 Oh yeah... before I forget I will write out the 2 daily prayers that I need to so I will be all caught up again. June 30~ Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgement. I am grateful, O God, that your standards run more to how we're loving you & one another than how we appear. If you judged on lawns, I would be out in the cold. Mine is a yard where kids gather. Ball games, sprinkler tag, snow forts, tree house constructions, car tinkerings, & bike repairs-----they all happen here. Bless my rutted, littered lawn, wise Creator. It is the most beautiful landscape, dotted as it is with children who will be grown & gone faster than we can say " replant."
 July 1~ Thou hast heard my voice; hide not thine ear at my breathing. Today, heavenly Father, you may call upon me to listen to someone & hear that person's heart. It may be someone who needs to feel significant enough to be heard, or perhaps someone who is lonely & longs to be connected to another person, or maybe someone who is hurting & needs a sympathetic ear. Whatever the case, Lord, please open my ears so I may listen to someone today. Amen.
 Ok, yet again, I am all caught up. I am so sorry that I have a hard time keeping my promise to you to do this daily, but honestly my heart is in the right place & there are days that there is not enough hours to do all that I want & need to... so again I hope that you will forgive Mom. I try really hard... be patient with me...thank you Tyler. 
 The evening sky will be upon us pretty soon. I am hoping that I will see the stars & the moon shining brightly as the sky is pretty clear. No matter what, like I always say to you... I will whisper to you as I always do. Hope you will be listening out for Mom's voice. I hope that you have a restful & peaceful night. May you do all that you want & need to do. If you have time & you get to sleep, I hope you have the sweetest of dreams. I hope that when I go to bed tonight to sleep that I see you in my own dreams. I love you to the moon & back & all the way around the world. I miss you more than words could say. You are forever in my mind, heart & soul. Never forget this. Please continue to watch over us all. Thank you, Tyler. Give Max & Snickers a big hug & kiss for Mom tonight & tell them both I love & miss them too. I know they are in good hands now with you by their side. That makes me smile. 
 Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!