Dear Tyler,

Another day is here and the weekend is upon us. It is sunny outside as usual in Texas, but it definitely does not match my mood. I think partly because I am tired. Didn't sleep much last night again due to watching Max and also because my mind will not stop thinking. I have so much going on. My emotions are on freakin overdrive right now. Things just seem to be getting worse instead of better. I guess I don't know what to do anymore. Funny... I was thinking that a year ago I was a well put together person. I had a job, lots of friends and family around, a great boyfriend, and a wonderful son. Today, I don't have a job, I have no friends or family near me...literally 2000 miles away, still have a great boyfriend, and I don't have you. What a difference a year makes. It really sucks. God... I hate the way I am feeling. I am in this funk that I cant seem to get out of. I could say that I am trying to move forward and be positive, but honestly I am not. I m not sure that I know how to. I do have our family that calls and checks in on me a few times a week and that is really nice. I miss them all more than what they realize. Maybe I am a little homesick. I guess part of me sits here and reads all kinds of things going on back home in NH that if I was there I would be a part of it. I miss everyone. It is beyond lonely here in Texas. People are really friendly and have a conversation with you, but no one wants to be your friend. It is so weird. Oklahoma was like that to. I don't know what is wrong with folks in the Central United States...LOL! I miss you so much Tyler. I hate this pain and I hate this void in my heart. I lost the one person in my life that kept me sane. I lost the love of my life. I lost you. I don't know what else to say. The bottom line is that I am so lost without you here in my life. I am just here in this world not knowing what to do, what to say, or where to go anymore. Please continue to watch over me. I need you near me. I need you to take care of Mom. I love you to the moon and back. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!