Dear Tyler,

Hey pumpkin! Today has been a better day for Mom. Got some sleep last night and more this morning. I really needed it. My sleep pattern is off because of  watching Max closely but I am handling it. I cant believe that in 7 days it will be 2 months since you passed away. In a way it seems like forever, but in others it actually shows me just how time is flying by. I know that the pain and hurt is no less. I try to keep busy during the day so my mind doesn't over think. Aunt Becky and Uncle John are going to be coming to Texas in a couple months and bringing our stuff from NH with them. I cant wait. It will keep me busy for a couple days sorting things and getting settled. I think after that I will go look for a job. At lease a part time one. That will keep me busy during the day and break it up while Mark is at work. It is quiet here during the day and really lonely. This is so hard for me seeings how I am a people person. I had a hard time with this in Oklahoma too. I didn't make any friends there so knowing we will be in Texas for a couple years... I want to meet people and make friends here. That will make our time go quicker as well. Mark and I are hoping that the next location will be closer to NH. That way we can visit with family and friends more often. That is really important to me! Anyways.... I just want you to know that writing these letters to you helps me to still feel close to you. These are the things that I would tell you if we could talk. I want you to still be a part of my life. I want you to know everything still. I could talk to you about everything and you understood. You helped me see things from a different point of view. It was great. I miss the closeness we had. We had a great Mom & Son relationship. It was truly unconditional love! We laughed, cried, worried, got angry, and were even stubborn together. We gave each other so much strength. At times I feel like I lost my "twin". That's how much we were alike. Please know that I miss you so much each day. I keep my feelings to myself and don't say much to anyone. Don't want to burden them with this. I guess I feel that if I do share how I feel.. I would just cry anyways. Rather do this alone. I know you understand! I know that several folks come to my blog and read the letters. Just know that it is not just in the United States either. There is Canada, France, United Kingdom, India, Russia, Spain, Germany. I know I am missing a couple. I hope that through my blog, not only am I helping myself heal but I hope that I am also helping others heal as well if they are going through the same thing. I love you from the bottom of my heart. To the moon and back. It will always stay that way. My love will never fade...it will continue to grow. Sweet dreams my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!