Dear Tyler,

I needed to write to you right now. I am sitting here and watching a show called " Long Island Medium" on TV. The lady (Theresa ) that can speak to loved ones who crossed over was doing a reading for someone who lost her only daughter at the age of 29. The things she said was exactly how I feel. The loss of a child no matter at what age is like an open wound that will NEVER close. It will NEVER heal. You walk around every day with this wound completely raw and exposed. That is the truth. It is not the way of life...the circle of life. Mothers give birth to their child or children..they are suppose to watch them grown and live their lives fully...they are NOT suppose to bury them. It is so hard. I miss you every day. People say as time goes on it wont get easier it will just be different. I don't think it will EVER be easier for Mom. Lately, it seems to be getting harder each day instead of easier. I know you are happy and are at peace. I guess I am trying to find that for myself and I cant. I just don't know what to do. At one point I thought I was doing better...maybe I feel the way I do right now is because in a few days it will be your 2 month Anniversary. I love you so much, Tyler. I miss you every minute of the day. I wish that I could hear your voice and see your face and your smile. Like the poem says: " If I knew it would be the last time I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time, I'd hear your voice lifted up by praise. I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day. If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute or two to stop and say " I love you " instead of assuming you would know I do. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. There will always be another day to say our " I love you's" and certainly there's another chance to say our " Anything I can do's ". But just in case I may be wrong, and today is all I get... I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved ones tight. So it you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, that you didn't take the extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss, and you were to busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear, tell them how much you love them, and that you will always hold them dear. Take time to say " I'm sorry ", " Please forgive me ", " Thank you ", or " It's OK ". And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today. 
 Tyler, I am so glad that we spoke on skype for 1 1/2 hours on June 18th. We said so much about how we felt, we laughed, and had the best conversation. I will cherish it forever. The last thing I heard you say was " I love you" and the last thing I said was " I love you to". If those had to be our last words to each other.. I am glad it was those. I never got to hear your voice again. You were in a coma the next day and passed the day after. That was the hardest, but I know you heard my every word and knew I was there. That makes me feel better. I love you so much. I always will. Watch over Mom. Sweet dreams my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!