Saturday, November 30, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet Angel in Heaven. How are you this afternoon? I hope that you are doing well. Mom is sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday, but I needed a day to just relax and chill out. Thanksgiving was really hard for me and it drained me mentally and emotionally. I told you that I wasn't going to be negative any longer in my letters to you so I decided to just relax last night and write to you with an open mind tonight. I feel so guilty when I don't write to you nightly and I feel that you would get mad at me. I really hope that is Mom just being silly. I couldn't ever bare for you to feel that way towards me. Anyways....
Yesterday was Black Friday and Mark & I had the chance to go out and do some shopping. We went to get a Christmas Tree. I know you know this because when the tree was being loaded into the truck all of a sudden I got goosebumps from my head to my toes and I got a chill. Wasn't just a fluke either because it was almost 70 degrees outside. I said aloud that I knew you were there and that I could feel you. The instant I said that the feeling went away. That was the 1st time that has happened to Mom since you passed. Thank you so much for that. It is what I needed. I had a hard time looking at the Christmas Trees and you made it easier. You approved so that was very special to me.
Today... Mark and I did all the decorating in the apartment. It took us over 5 hours to do it all. We listened to Christmas music and sang and danced around after I had my meltdown. I was holding Snickers and cuddling him and I was talking to him about you and the tears just came and rolled down my cheeks. Usually Snickers wants to get down but today he just let me hold him. I think he could sense I needed it. I didn't get any feeling today but I am sure that you were here the whole time. I put all your favorite ornaments in the front of the tree. I kept saying that the tree was for you so Mark made sure you had the biggest, fullest, and most beautiful tree there was. I think that you will like the tree. I know it will make you smile. You loved Christmas lights like Mom does. Just another thing to make us so much alike. I loved all the times we were together for the Holidays. We had such a great time with our family. The conversations, the eating, etc... I missed that this year and will for the rest of my life. I know you will be with me always... I just wish I could see you again. I want to be selfish for just this once.
I know you are doing great things in Heaven now and you are working hard. I read something today that stated that people who have passed need their loved ones to be positive, smile, laugh, and live life so that you can grow as Angels in Heaven. I truly believe that so from now on that is what I am going to do for you, Tyler. I want you to grow and have everything that you need and want for nothing. Now... don't get upset if you see me from time to time shed some tears and have a " bad " day... it is just Mom doing what I need to do to continue to heal. I know you understand and you realize this. Thank you for all your patience with me. This is so hard but I will make it through. I know I have you by my side still. Thank you :)
It was a very sunny day so I know I will see the stars tonight. I did see them last night shining bright. I whispered to you. I hope you heard me. The sky was so clear and there were so many stars. One was the brightest.. I pointed to it and said look Mark.. he said " North Star? " I said no... that is Tyler watching over us! Be listening to Mom tonight as I whisper to you again.
I hope you have a wonderful night and many sweet dreams. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. I love you so much. To the moon and back and all the way around the world! Watch over Mom, our family and friends. Tell everyone in Heaven that I love and miss them.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet Angel in Heaven. How are you this afternoon? I hope that you are doing well. Mom is sorry that I didn't write to you yesterday, but I needed a day to just relax and chill out. Thanksgiving was really hard for me and it drained me mentally and emotionally. I told you that I wasn't going to be negative any longer in my letters to you so I decided to just relax last night and write to you with an open mind tonight. I feel so guilty when I don't write to you nightly and I feel that you would get mad at me. I really hope that is Mom just being silly. I couldn't ever bare for you to feel that way towards me. Anyways....
Yesterday was Black Friday and Mark & I had the chance to go out and do some shopping. We went to get a Christmas Tree. I know you know this because when the tree was being loaded into the truck all of a sudden I got goosebumps from my head to my toes and I got a chill. Wasn't just a fluke either because it was almost 70 degrees outside. I said aloud that I knew you were there and that I could feel you. The instant I said that the feeling went away. That was the 1st time that has happened to Mom since you passed. Thank you so much for that. It is what I needed. I had a hard time looking at the Christmas Trees and you made it easier. You approved so that was very special to me.
Today... Mark and I did all the decorating in the apartment. It took us over 5 hours to do it all. We listened to Christmas music and sang and danced around after I had my meltdown. I was holding Snickers and cuddling him and I was talking to him about you and the tears just came and rolled down my cheeks. Usually Snickers wants to get down but today he just let me hold him. I think he could sense I needed it. I didn't get any feeling today but I am sure that you were here the whole time. I put all your favorite ornaments in the front of the tree. I kept saying that the tree was for you so Mark made sure you had the biggest, fullest, and most beautiful tree there was. I think that you will like the tree. I know it will make you smile. You loved Christmas lights like Mom does. Just another thing to make us so much alike. I loved all the times we were together for the Holidays. We had such a great time with our family. The conversations, the eating, etc... I missed that this year and will for the rest of my life. I know you will be with me always... I just wish I could see you again. I want to be selfish for just this once.
I know you are doing great things in Heaven now and you are working hard. I read something today that stated that people who have passed need their loved ones to be positive, smile, laugh, and live life so that you can grow as Angels in Heaven. I truly believe that so from now on that is what I am going to do for you, Tyler. I want you to grow and have everything that you need and want for nothing. Now... don't get upset if you see me from time to time shed some tears and have a " bad " day... it is just Mom doing what I need to do to continue to heal. I know you understand and you realize this. Thank you for all your patience with me. This is so hard but I will make it through. I know I have you by my side still. Thank you :)
It was a very sunny day so I know I will see the stars tonight. I did see them last night shining bright. I whispered to you. I hope you heard me. The sky was so clear and there were so many stars. One was the brightest.. I pointed to it and said look Mark.. he said " North Star? " I said no... that is Tyler watching over us! Be listening to Mom tonight as I whisper to you again.
I hope you have a wonderful night and many sweet dreams. I miss you so much my sweet precious son. I love you so much. To the moon and back and all the way around the world! Watch over Mom, our family and friends. Tell everyone in Heaven that I love and miss them.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Happy Thanksgiving to you my sweet precious son in Heaven today. I wonder what you are doing... are you feasting like everyone else today.. if not what do all you Angels do all day???? Mark & I are not doing a darn thing. We have treated today just like another ordinary day of the week. I did house cleaning most of the day and made him what he wanted... not turkey but homemade lasagna for dinner. The day was sunny and beautiful so that was nice. The dogs slept all day so that was a treat for me as well. I found myself staying busy all day so I wouldn't be reminded that it was a holiday. This way my mind wouldn't stop to think of all that I was missing in my life during this time of the year.
Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and be thankful for all things, but honestly I am thankful for several things every day of the year. I am thankful for our family and our friends. I am thankful for all the many years that we got to spend together and making all the memories that we did so I can look back on them now and smile. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for Mark. He is so good to me and I know he is making you proud as you look down from Heaven on us. I am thankful for Max and Snickers too. They may be pains in the butt at times but I love them with all my heart and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. I sit here and wonder if you are remembering all of the times we had and the fun during the holidays. Are you telling all our family and friends about them??? So many wonders I have :).
I miss you so much and I love you. I wish that you were here with me and none of this nightmare ever happened in June. My heart hurts and I wonder if this pain will ever go away. Time seems to be making it worse instead of easier for Mom. This just plain sucks.
I spoke to Meme, Grandpa, and Grammy today. Grandpa went to visit you today. That made me smile and shed a few more tears. I know it hurts everyone that you are no longer with us. Everyone just keeps it to themselves and grieves in their own way. I know you are trying to help us all. Thank you Tyler.
Well tonight I will definitely see the stars up in the sky. It was a cloudless day here. I will look up to the stars tonight and whisper to you. Be ready to hear from Mom. I am hoping that you have a wonderful night and that it is peaceful. I hope you are happy my sweet son. Sweet dreams and watch over us all. Tell everyone in Heaven I said hello and Happy Thanksgiving!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Happy Thanksgiving to you my sweet precious son in Heaven today. I wonder what you are doing... are you feasting like everyone else today.. if not what do all you Angels do all day???? Mark & I are not doing a darn thing. We have treated today just like another ordinary day of the week. I did house cleaning most of the day and made him what he wanted... not turkey but homemade lasagna for dinner. The day was sunny and beautiful so that was nice. The dogs slept all day so that was a treat for me as well. I found myself staying busy all day so I wouldn't be reminded that it was a holiday. This way my mind wouldn't stop to think of all that I was missing in my life during this time of the year.
Thanksgiving is a time to reflect and be thankful for all things, but honestly I am thankful for several things every day of the year. I am thankful for our family and our friends. I am thankful for all the many years that we got to spend together and making all the memories that we did so I can look back on them now and smile. I am thankful for my health. I am thankful for Mark. He is so good to me and I know he is making you proud as you look down from Heaven on us. I am thankful for Max and Snickers too. They may be pains in the butt at times but I love them with all my heart and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. I sit here and wonder if you are remembering all of the times we had and the fun during the holidays. Are you telling all our family and friends about them??? So many wonders I have :).
I miss you so much and I love you. I wish that you were here with me and none of this nightmare ever happened in June. My heart hurts and I wonder if this pain will ever go away. Time seems to be making it worse instead of easier for Mom. This just plain sucks.
I spoke to Meme, Grandpa, and Grammy today. Grandpa went to visit you today. That made me smile and shed a few more tears. I know it hurts everyone that you are no longer with us. Everyone just keeps it to themselves and grieves in their own way. I know you are trying to help us all. Thank you Tyler.
Well tonight I will definitely see the stars up in the sky. It was a cloudless day here. I will look up to the stars tonight and whisper to you. Be ready to hear from Mom. I am hoping that you have a wonderful night and that it is peaceful. I hope you are happy my sweet son. Sweet dreams and watch over us all. Tell everyone in Heaven I said hello and Happy Thanksgiving!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi sweetheart! How are you doing today? I hope that you are doing wonderful up there in Heaven today. Mom is doing well. Today is sunny and in the 50's. My aches and pains are gone. What the sun can do to brighten a day or spirit is amazing. The rest of the weekend is going to be sunny to and in the 70's. I can't wait after having 7 days straight of rain!
So tomorrow is the first Holiday that I will be having without you and the whole family. It makes me sad because everything I have ever known is gone. I hear everyone talking about what they are cooking, baking, and who is coming over to celebrate the day and I am angry! I don't want to be. I want to be happy but I hurt because you are not here. I am sad because we can't have a conversation any more. I miss you so much Tyler. I miss you every second of every minute of every day and the Holidays just make it worse. This just plain sucks. I want Thanksgiving to be already over with. I thought that I would be ok with things but I wouldn't be telling the truth it I said I was. Wow... I just cant even begin to imagine what it is going o be like for Mom during Christmas. I really don't want to think about it right now.
Do you have a big celebration up there in Heaven or is it just like any other ordinary day? I wonder what you do. Do you see our family and friends every day? I wish I knew. I hate the wondering and not knowing. If you do have a big feast up there... can you please give Nana, Pepe, and all the rest of the family and our friends a hug and kiss for me. Tell them I miss them all dearly. I hope that you get some time to spend with Ron too. Tell him that " Momma T " says hello and that I hope he is well and happy. I sure do miss chatting with you all.
I am sure that I will be able to see the stars in the sky tonight. It makes me smile because I haven't seen any in 7 days. I will make sure to look up to and whisper to you. I hope that you hear me. I love you so much Tyler and I miss you dearly every day. You will always be my everything. Watch over Mom and all our family and friends. Thank you my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi sweetheart! How are you doing today? I hope that you are doing wonderful up there in Heaven today. Mom is doing well. Today is sunny and in the 50's. My aches and pains are gone. What the sun can do to brighten a day or spirit is amazing. The rest of the weekend is going to be sunny to and in the 70's. I can't wait after having 7 days straight of rain!
So tomorrow is the first Holiday that I will be having without you and the whole family. It makes me sad because everything I have ever known is gone. I hear everyone talking about what they are cooking, baking, and who is coming over to celebrate the day and I am angry! I don't want to be. I want to be happy but I hurt because you are not here. I am sad because we can't have a conversation any more. I miss you so much Tyler. I miss you every second of every minute of every day and the Holidays just make it worse. This just plain sucks. I want Thanksgiving to be already over with. I thought that I would be ok with things but I wouldn't be telling the truth it I said I was. Wow... I just cant even begin to imagine what it is going o be like for Mom during Christmas. I really don't want to think about it right now.
Do you have a big celebration up there in Heaven or is it just like any other ordinary day? I wonder what you do. Do you see our family and friends every day? I wish I knew. I hate the wondering and not knowing. If you do have a big feast up there... can you please give Nana, Pepe, and all the rest of the family and our friends a hug and kiss for me. Tell them I miss them all dearly. I hope that you get some time to spend with Ron too. Tell him that " Momma T " says hello and that I hope he is well and happy. I sure do miss chatting with you all.
I am sure that I will be able to see the stars in the sky tonight. It makes me smile because I haven't seen any in 7 days. I will make sure to look up to and whisper to you. I hope that you hear me. I love you so much Tyler and I miss you dearly every day. You will always be my everything. Watch over Mom and all our family and friends. Thank you my sweet precious son.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hello my sweet son. How are you doing today? I hope that you are well. Mom is doing well, but I am soooo sick of all the rain that we are having. We are on day 7 straight with lots of heavy rain, darkness and cold weather. I will be so happy to see the sun shining again. Guess it is suppose to be sunny tomorrow and the rest of the week and in the 70's. I will be so happy. With all this rain has made me very tired and achy. It sucks :(
Does it always stay sunny in Heaven? Do you always have beautiful weather? There are so many " wonders " that I have. I was watching Long Island Medium last night and on one episode Theresa was doing a reading for a Mom who lost her 13 year old daughter. She wondered what she did in Heaven... the young girl said that her job was to greet the souls of children and make sure they all felt beautiful. It got me thinking to what is your job? What do you do on a daily basis? It would be great to know what you do. Maybe someday I will be able to have that answer.
Meme called me today. Spoke to her for a bit. She is off for the week. Seems to be doing well. It will be different for her and Grandpa this year for not having the Holidays with you and I. We were always the ones that made the dinner and had them over the house. This year Thanksgiving will be just another day for Mom. I am not even making a dinner. Mark said he doesn't want one either. I was ok with this. I will do something but it won't be your typical dinner. This weekend we are suppose to be going to look for a Christmas tree and on Sunday we will decorate. I am looking forward to this. It will be bringing back so many wonderful memories that I have of Christmas past with you and our family. I know you will come and visit and sit with me awhile during this time of year. I know you will know how hard it is for Mom to be without you. I promise I will not get upset too much. I promised you that I would start changing the way I looked at things and I will not go back on my word.
You know I miss you so much and I love you unconditionally. No days, weeks, months, or years will ever change this. My void will never be healed or replaced. I will be learning to live my life with out you with me in the physical world. I will be learning that I have the most wonderful, special, and caring Angel watching over me from the Heavens above every day of my life until you are there to greet me when it is my turn to return home to be with you and all our family and friends for Eternal life. I thank you for all this. I know we will see eachother again and we have more " work " to do as a team. I lok forward to this one day!
Again... the stars will not be shining due to the weather but I will do what I always do and that is whisper to you. Be listening for Mom. I want nothing more for you to have a wonderful peaceful night with so many sweet dreams that make you smile. I love you my precious son...always and forever.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hello my sweet son. How are you doing today? I hope that you are well. Mom is doing well, but I am soooo sick of all the rain that we are having. We are on day 7 straight with lots of heavy rain, darkness and cold weather. I will be so happy to see the sun shining again. Guess it is suppose to be sunny tomorrow and the rest of the week and in the 70's. I will be so happy. With all this rain has made me very tired and achy. It sucks :(
Does it always stay sunny in Heaven? Do you always have beautiful weather? There are so many " wonders " that I have. I was watching Long Island Medium last night and on one episode Theresa was doing a reading for a Mom who lost her 13 year old daughter. She wondered what she did in Heaven... the young girl said that her job was to greet the souls of children and make sure they all felt beautiful. It got me thinking to what is your job? What do you do on a daily basis? It would be great to know what you do. Maybe someday I will be able to have that answer.
Meme called me today. Spoke to her for a bit. She is off for the week. Seems to be doing well. It will be different for her and Grandpa this year for not having the Holidays with you and I. We were always the ones that made the dinner and had them over the house. This year Thanksgiving will be just another day for Mom. I am not even making a dinner. Mark said he doesn't want one either. I was ok with this. I will do something but it won't be your typical dinner. This weekend we are suppose to be going to look for a Christmas tree and on Sunday we will decorate. I am looking forward to this. It will be bringing back so many wonderful memories that I have of Christmas past with you and our family. I know you will come and visit and sit with me awhile during this time of year. I know you will know how hard it is for Mom to be without you. I promise I will not get upset too much. I promised you that I would start changing the way I looked at things and I will not go back on my word.
You know I miss you so much and I love you unconditionally. No days, weeks, months, or years will ever change this. My void will never be healed or replaced. I will be learning to live my life with out you with me in the physical world. I will be learning that I have the most wonderful, special, and caring Angel watching over me from the Heavens above every day of my life until you are there to greet me when it is my turn to return home to be with you and all our family and friends for Eternal life. I thank you for all this. I know we will see eachother again and we have more " work " to do as a team. I lok forward to this one day!
Again... the stars will not be shining due to the weather but I will do what I always do and that is whisper to you. Be listening for Mom. I want nothing more for you to have a wonderful peaceful night with so many sweet dreams that make you smile. I love you my precious son...always and forever.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, November 25, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi sweetheart! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? I hope you are staying dry up in Heaven because it is just a gloomy, cold, dark, and rainy day again here. This makes 6 days right in a row that we have been getting this weather. I think it is suppose to rain tomorrow as well and then nice and sunny for the next 3 days or so. I am hoping. I am used to the sun shining daily that I find myself missing it. It helps my mood a lot.
Mark was a sweet heart and decided to work the afternoon from home. It was such a great surprise to me. It makes things a lot better when I am not alone all the time. Snickers is sitting right next to me as I am writing my letter to you. He does this quite often. For some reason he is afraid of rain and thunder. He gets really scared and won't settle down and sleep or anything. He growls and wanders around. I finally got him calmed down after the last 20 minutes. Poor thing. I feel bad for him but don't know what to do. He keeps looking out the window to see it pouring rain outside and sometimes cries. Breaks my heart. All I can do is continue to cuddle the little guy and tell him he is safe. If there is anything you can do to help us both out would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Tyler!
Spoke to Grandpa over the weekend. He started his new job today. He was really excited to get back out and work part time after being retired for the last 3 years. I guess he was also asked to sit on the Council for Claremont as well. I think that is so super for him and I am so happy for all that he does. He is going to be one busy man. I think he wants it that way! Also spoke to Meme and Aunt Becky. They are doing well too. I am so glad to keep in contact with our family. It makes me feel connected even though I live far away.
Brandy is coming for a visit in February. I am so excited. It will be so nice to see her and have some time with Bean! We haven't spent any time together in several years. It will also be nice to have company after being alone for the Holidays. Bonnie is coming in February too. Lots of company which I love!
Wow... it is raining so hard and thunder and lightning. Holy smokes! I am going to end this letter for now as I don't want the power to go out on me while doing this. I don't think I will see any stars in the sky again as it is so crappy out, but that will not stop me from whispering to you. Be listening for Mom. I hope you have a great night and many sweet dreams. I miss you so much and I love you all the way around the world. To the moon and back!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi sweetheart! How are you doing on this Monday afternoon? I hope you are staying dry up in Heaven because it is just a gloomy, cold, dark, and rainy day again here. This makes 6 days right in a row that we have been getting this weather. I think it is suppose to rain tomorrow as well and then nice and sunny for the next 3 days or so. I am hoping. I am used to the sun shining daily that I find myself missing it. It helps my mood a lot.
Mark was a sweet heart and decided to work the afternoon from home. It was such a great surprise to me. It makes things a lot better when I am not alone all the time. Snickers is sitting right next to me as I am writing my letter to you. He does this quite often. For some reason he is afraid of rain and thunder. He gets really scared and won't settle down and sleep or anything. He growls and wanders around. I finally got him calmed down after the last 20 minutes. Poor thing. I feel bad for him but don't know what to do. He keeps looking out the window to see it pouring rain outside and sometimes cries. Breaks my heart. All I can do is continue to cuddle the little guy and tell him he is safe. If there is anything you can do to help us both out would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Tyler!
Spoke to Grandpa over the weekend. He started his new job today. He was really excited to get back out and work part time after being retired for the last 3 years. I guess he was also asked to sit on the Council for Claremont as well. I think that is so super for him and I am so happy for all that he does. He is going to be one busy man. I think he wants it that way! Also spoke to Meme and Aunt Becky. They are doing well too. I am so glad to keep in contact with our family. It makes me feel connected even though I live far away.
Brandy is coming for a visit in February. I am so excited. It will be so nice to see her and have some time with Bean! We haven't spent any time together in several years. It will also be nice to have company after being alone for the Holidays. Bonnie is coming in February too. Lots of company which I love!
Wow... it is raining so hard and thunder and lightning. Holy smokes! I am going to end this letter for now as I don't want the power to go out on me while doing this. I don't think I will see any stars in the sky again as it is so crappy out, but that will not stop me from whispering to you. Be listening for Mom. I hope you have a great night and many sweet dreams. I miss you so much and I love you all the way around the world. To the moon and back!
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin, how are you doing on this Sunday evening? Things here on Mom's end are ok. I must say that I am sorry that I did not write a letter to you last night. Please forgive me in not doing so. I hope that you were not disappointed in Mom. I needed to take some time and just sit and think about many things. I want my letters to you to be mostly upbeat and lately they are not. They are quite morbid to be honest. I find that in time it is getting harder for Mom instead of easier. Maybe because of the Holiday Season starting this week.. I am not sure. I wanted to take some time and really do some soul searching with everything. I wanted to communicate things that are going well in my life instead of all the things that aren't. I hope that makes sense to you. I know you want to see me smile and laugh and enjoy my life because you are never not near me.. it is I just can't see you. I know it upsets you to see me be upset, cry, and depressed all the time. I want Mom to continue to live my life but also to live for you. I want you to see all the joys and good in my life. I want you to be right beside me and cheer me on. I want you to be there and say.. "Alright Mom " with a HUGE smile on your face. I want you to be proud of me and as I will always be proud of you. I guess what I am trying to say is that you, Tyler were such an incredible soul. You were so popular whether you knew it or not. You were loved by many and you taught so many people what it was really like to live and succeed in life. You left behind so much to your family, friends, and strangers that you never met. I can only wish to be half of what you were. I am trying to make the most of my life and to show others that things will be ok. Your friend, Sam said it he best: Tyler was " Ty Dye "... a burst of all the colors combined. You were amazing! That is what I want to show you. I want to show you a burst of colors. I will change my ways and the way I was thinking and living my life. I know that I can do this because I have you right by my side helping me. Thank you Tyler for helping me open my eyes and see all that I needed to. I miss you so much and I love you beyond anything that anyone could ever imagine. That will never change... EVER!!!! You were always my life and that will always continue. Please know this. You are in my thoughts all day and night. I can't help that.
It was rainy again here and cold for a change. I am hoping that the clouds pass so that the stars will shine brightly and I can see my one bright star. I will whisper to you so I hope you will be listening.
I wish you a restful night and many sweet dreams. To the moon and back my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin, how are you doing on this Sunday evening? Things here on Mom's end are ok. I must say that I am sorry that I did not write a letter to you last night. Please forgive me in not doing so. I hope that you were not disappointed in Mom. I needed to take some time and just sit and think about many things. I want my letters to you to be mostly upbeat and lately they are not. They are quite morbid to be honest. I find that in time it is getting harder for Mom instead of easier. Maybe because of the Holiday Season starting this week.. I am not sure. I wanted to take some time and really do some soul searching with everything. I wanted to communicate things that are going well in my life instead of all the things that aren't. I hope that makes sense to you. I know you want to see me smile and laugh and enjoy my life because you are never not near me.. it is I just can't see you. I know it upsets you to see me be upset, cry, and depressed all the time. I want Mom to continue to live my life but also to live for you. I want you to see all the joys and good in my life. I want you to be right beside me and cheer me on. I want you to be there and say.. "Alright Mom " with a HUGE smile on your face. I want you to be proud of me and as I will always be proud of you. I guess what I am trying to say is that you, Tyler were such an incredible soul. You were so popular whether you knew it or not. You were loved by many and you taught so many people what it was really like to live and succeed in life. You left behind so much to your family, friends, and strangers that you never met. I can only wish to be half of what you were. I am trying to make the most of my life and to show others that things will be ok. Your friend, Sam said it he best: Tyler was " Ty Dye "... a burst of all the colors combined. You were amazing! That is what I want to show you. I want to show you a burst of colors. I will change my ways and the way I was thinking and living my life. I know that I can do this because I have you right by my side helping me. Thank you Tyler for helping me open my eyes and see all that I needed to. I miss you so much and I love you beyond anything that anyone could ever imagine. That will never change... EVER!!!! You were always my life and that will always continue. Please know this. You are in my thoughts all day and night. I can't help that.
It was rainy again here and cold for a change. I am hoping that the clouds pass so that the stars will shine brightly and I can see my one bright star. I will whisper to you so I hope you will be listening.
I wish you a restful night and many sweet dreams. To the moon and back my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, November 22, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hello my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is doing better today. Still am tired from not sleeping lately but I am ok. It is a rainy afternoon here. Poor Snickers was so scared this morning from all the massive thunder that we got. He was hiding under the blankets and he was peeing everywhere. It was a mess. Max was Max.. he slept through it as usual..lol!
Spoke to Aunt Becky today. She seems to be doing well. She was telling me about the other night when she was sitting outside alone. She was saying that she was looking at the moon and saw a face.... she said she said your name out loud and then before she knew it the face was gone. Was it you? Were you there saying hello? I would like to believe that it was. She said the face was so clear. It must have been scary, weird and awesome all at the same time. I know when people least expect it you show up. You come to us when we need you whether we are happy, sad, angry, etc... you just know when we need you the most. Thank you, Tyler for what you continue to do on a daily basis. We all miss you so much.
I know this is a short letter tonight but I have a few things that I want to post on here as well. I don't want to over do it...lol! It is so cold here today and dark and rainy still. I know I won't see the stars out tonight. I am bummed but I know you are up there watching over Mom and every one else. I will whisper to you as I always do though. Be listening for me. I miss you so much and I love you to the moon and back.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hello my sweet son! How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? Mom is doing better today. Still am tired from not sleeping lately but I am ok. It is a rainy afternoon here. Poor Snickers was so scared this morning from all the massive thunder that we got. He was hiding under the blankets and he was peeing everywhere. It was a mess. Max was Max.. he slept through it as usual..lol!
Spoke to Aunt Becky today. She seems to be doing well. She was telling me about the other night when she was sitting outside alone. She was saying that she was looking at the moon and saw a face.... she said she said your name out loud and then before she knew it the face was gone. Was it you? Were you there saying hello? I would like to believe that it was. She said the face was so clear. It must have been scary, weird and awesome all at the same time. I know when people least expect it you show up. You come to us when we need you whether we are happy, sad, angry, etc... you just know when we need you the most. Thank you, Tyler for what you continue to do on a daily basis. We all miss you so much.
I know this is a short letter tonight but I have a few things that I want to post on here as well. I don't want to over do it...lol! It is so cold here today and dark and rainy still. I know I won't see the stars out tonight. I am bummed but I know you are up there watching over Mom and every one else. I will whisper to you as I always do though. Be listening for me. I miss you so much and I love you to the moon and back.
Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi sweetheart! How are you doing today in Heaven? I hope you are well, happy, and free! Mom is doing ok today. Lots going on but I know you know all about it. Thanks for watching over me today when things got kinda out of hand. I needed it. I needed you and you were there. Thank you so much! It means so much to me to know that I can call on you and know that you will be right here with me and protecting me. It is such a comfort. You.. every day continue to be my Hero! You amaze me. You always have. You were such an incredible person. So loving and caring! I know you still are. You are such a sweet and loving soul. Heaven is a much better place now that you are there. Although.. I wish you were with me still.
I am not sure how I am going to get through the Holidays this year without you. Our family is in NH, VT, MA and Mark's family is in OH, & KY and you are in Heaven with the rest of our family. At least you won't be alone. You will be with God, friends, Nana & Pepe. I am so happy about that. I wouldn't want you to be all alone. That would break my heart. It is hard enough for Mom to be away from all that she has ever known. I wouldn't want you to have these awful feelings. I want you to be happy all the time. I want you to do all that you want to do up in Heaven. I want everything for you pumpkin. I always will.
I am struggling with not knowing if I want a Christmas Tree this year. I would like to I think. I am not sure. I guess I feel that if I do have one and get in the Holiday spirit then I would be betraying you. It would be like I am just going on with my life and not missing you when the truth is that I miss you ever second of every minute of every day. I would put up a tree so that you can come and visit and see the lights that I know you love so much. I want you to know that Mom is trying to go on with life without you here in the physical world with me. I didn't have a choice. I just had to go along with it. I am not mad at you one bit. You overcame so much in your life. You were such a trooper to go through so much. Again, like I said before... you amazed me every day. Your will power, and your strength. Mom may smile and laugh at times and you may witness it from above but you need to know that I am just getting by. I am trying to just get along without you. Everyone tells me that you would want to see me smile, to hear my laugh, and be happy instead of crying, being sad and depressed. I get what they are saying. I really do. I want to make you happy and proud.. I really do. It is just some days ( most days ) I don't feel like it or I can't. It just hurts too much. It is too painful. I wonder all the time if this will ever get easier. My answer to that is NO! I will have to try and learn to go along in life and remember all the good times, the memories... everything! I miss you so much.
It is a cloudy and overcast sky right now. I hope the clouds move so that I can see the stars tonight. I need to see my bright star. Well.. as I type to you.. the sky just let loose. It is a down pour. It is raining so heavy right now it is not funny. Holy smokes! I can hope that the rain will pass and the stars will shine bright.
I am hoping you have a wonderful night and you have many sweet dreams. I love you beyond words. Beyond the moon and the stars. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi sweetheart! How are you doing today in Heaven? I hope you are well, happy, and free! Mom is doing ok today. Lots going on but I know you know all about it. Thanks for watching over me today when things got kinda out of hand. I needed it. I needed you and you were there. Thank you so much! It means so much to me to know that I can call on you and know that you will be right here with me and protecting me. It is such a comfort. You.. every day continue to be my Hero! You amaze me. You always have. You were such an incredible person. So loving and caring! I know you still are. You are such a sweet and loving soul. Heaven is a much better place now that you are there. Although.. I wish you were with me still.
I am not sure how I am going to get through the Holidays this year without you. Our family is in NH, VT, MA and Mark's family is in OH, & KY and you are in Heaven with the rest of our family. At least you won't be alone. You will be with God, friends, Nana & Pepe. I am so happy about that. I wouldn't want you to be all alone. That would break my heart. It is hard enough for Mom to be away from all that she has ever known. I wouldn't want you to have these awful feelings. I want you to be happy all the time. I want you to do all that you want to do up in Heaven. I want everything for you pumpkin. I always will.
I am struggling with not knowing if I want a Christmas Tree this year. I would like to I think. I am not sure. I guess I feel that if I do have one and get in the Holiday spirit then I would be betraying you. It would be like I am just going on with my life and not missing you when the truth is that I miss you ever second of every minute of every day. I would put up a tree so that you can come and visit and see the lights that I know you love so much. I want you to know that Mom is trying to go on with life without you here in the physical world with me. I didn't have a choice. I just had to go along with it. I am not mad at you one bit. You overcame so much in your life. You were such a trooper to go through so much. Again, like I said before... you amazed me every day. Your will power, and your strength. Mom may smile and laugh at times and you may witness it from above but you need to know that I am just getting by. I am trying to just get along without you. Everyone tells me that you would want to see me smile, to hear my laugh, and be happy instead of crying, being sad and depressed. I get what they are saying. I really do. I want to make you happy and proud.. I really do. It is just some days ( most days ) I don't feel like it or I can't. It just hurts too much. It is too painful. I wonder all the time if this will ever get easier. My answer to that is NO! I will have to try and learn to go along in life and remember all the good times, the memories... everything! I miss you so much.
It is a cloudy and overcast sky right now. I hope the clouds move so that I can see the stars tonight. I need to see my bright star. Well.. as I type to you.. the sky just let loose. It is a down pour. It is raining so heavy right now it is not funny. Holy smokes! I can hope that the rain will pass and the stars will shine bright.
I am hoping you have a wonderful night and you have many sweet dreams. I love you beyond words. Beyond the moon and the stars. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi sweetheart. I hope you are doing well today. Mom is so sad. My heart is hurting so much today. I know that you know why but for those of you who are reading this it was 5 months today that you, my sweet son passed away. At this time on June 20th I was at the hospital and I was being told that you were not going to make it. The doctor and nurses were so sweet to me and our family. You had several family members around you and we were talking and singing to you. I was holding your hand and I wouldn't let it go. I was touching your cold face and kissing your cheek. I was trying so hard to find the words to tell you that it was ok to go... that Mom would be ok. I just remember saying and whispering to you that it wasn't suppose to be his way. You waited for me, Mark, & your Dad to get there to be with you. You were such a trooper. Mom was and is so proud of you for hanging on for as long as you did. I want you to now that it meant so much to me. I only wish that I could have heard your voice one more time. To hear you say " I love you Mom", but I know you said that things happened the way they were suppose to and the way you wanted it to. The only thing I can say to that is I know you were sparing Mom's feelings so you didn't have to see me crying or in more pain then I already was. You always thought of others before you. You were and still are so incredible. Unconditional love is what we had, Tyler. We were so much alike and so stubborn in so many ways that it made us argue a lot. What I wouldn't give to have those days back. Just to talk to you, to laugh with you or just to sit there with you and say nothing at all. I miss your sense of humor and the way you told stories. I miss the way you would talk to the pups and they would listen. I even miss the times that we would struggle with life because that is what made you & I stronger. I miss it all. I miss you!
I know I have wrote this to you yesterday and many letters before but I wonder what you are doing, where you are going, how you spend your days and nights??? I wish I could just have some of these answers. Maybe then it would help me understand this whole thing and why you had to leave me so soon. Maybe with some answers I could relax and know that you are always with me and watching over me. Right now the only thing that keeps me calm and happy is what you said when I asked if we would ever see each other again. You said Yes!!! That makes me so happy to know that even though we can't be together now in the physical world we will be together again in the spiritual world.
Today has been crazy weather. Sun comes out and then gets covered up by the clouds. I am hoping that the clouds break later so that I can see all the stars in the sky. I need to see my bright star shining down on me tonight. I will be whispering to you... hope you will be listening for Mom.
I wish you a great night and many sweet dreams. I love you to the moon & back. Watch over Mom and the rest of our family and friends. I miss you so much.. I know you know this but just needed to write it. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi sweetheart. I hope you are doing well today. Mom is so sad. My heart is hurting so much today. I know that you know why but for those of you who are reading this it was 5 months today that you, my sweet son passed away. At this time on June 20th I was at the hospital and I was being told that you were not going to make it. The doctor and nurses were so sweet to me and our family. You had several family members around you and we were talking and singing to you. I was holding your hand and I wouldn't let it go. I was touching your cold face and kissing your cheek. I was trying so hard to find the words to tell you that it was ok to go... that Mom would be ok. I just remember saying and whispering to you that it wasn't suppose to be his way. You waited for me, Mark, & your Dad to get there to be with you. You were such a trooper. Mom was and is so proud of you for hanging on for as long as you did. I want you to now that it meant so much to me. I only wish that I could have heard your voice one more time. To hear you say " I love you Mom", but I know you said that things happened the way they were suppose to and the way you wanted it to. The only thing I can say to that is I know you were sparing Mom's feelings so you didn't have to see me crying or in more pain then I already was. You always thought of others before you. You were and still are so incredible. Unconditional love is what we had, Tyler. We were so much alike and so stubborn in so many ways that it made us argue a lot. What I wouldn't give to have those days back. Just to talk to you, to laugh with you or just to sit there with you and say nothing at all. I miss your sense of humor and the way you told stories. I miss the way you would talk to the pups and they would listen. I even miss the times that we would struggle with life because that is what made you & I stronger. I miss it all. I miss you!
I know I have wrote this to you yesterday and many letters before but I wonder what you are doing, where you are going, how you spend your days and nights??? I wish I could just have some of these answers. Maybe then it would help me understand this whole thing and why you had to leave me so soon. Maybe with some answers I could relax and know that you are always with me and watching over me. Right now the only thing that keeps me calm and happy is what you said when I asked if we would ever see each other again. You said Yes!!! That makes me so happy to know that even though we can't be together now in the physical world we will be together again in the spiritual world.
Today has been crazy weather. Sun comes out and then gets covered up by the clouds. I am hoping that the clouds break later so that I can see all the stars in the sky. I need to see my bright star shining down on me tonight. I will be whispering to you... hope you will be listening for Mom.
I wish you a great night and many sweet dreams. I love you to the moon & back. Watch over Mom and the rest of our family and friends. I miss you so much.. I know you know this but just needed to write it. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you today? I hope that all is fine up there in Heaven. Mom is not doing so well today. What can I say... my heart is in so much pain. I haven't been sleeping and I know it is because of these 3 days.. the 18th, 19th, and 20th. It has been this way since June.
5 months ago today is when I got that dreaded phone call in Oklahoma. It was early in the morning. I was so scared. I didn't know what was going on. You were on your way to the hospital and you weren't talking or waking up. I was praying that you would get better and that this was just one hell of a scare, but as the day went on I kept getting this gut feeling that something terrible happened. Then I got the phone call from the doctor. Mark and I tried all day to get a flight out. We called all the airlines and no one would help. I couldn't sit down, I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything but cry. You needed Mom and I needed to be there and I couldn't be. I thank God that you were not alone. Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie, Aunt Becky, and Brandy were with you. I hope that you were not mad at Mom. I was trying my best. I loved you with all my heart and soul. I always will. You will always be my little boy. Please know and remember this.
I wanted to tell you that last night when I walked the dogs that the clouds moved and the stars were out. I was talking to you... did you hear me? I was wondering what you do at night?? Are you with friends and family or are you alone?? Have you seen Ron yet?? Is he ok too?? I was thinking that 2 of the 3 Amigos are together again.. did that make you smile?? I guess I have so many questions for you. I wonder so much and only you can answer them. I am hoping to have another reading with Forrest after the Holidays. I hope that you come through again so we can have another conversation. Mom would really like that. Maybe some answers will put my mind at ease.
I am trying so hard. I want you to be proud of me. I want to be happy for you because you are set free. I want to be happy but it is just so damn hard. I hurt. I am angry. I am sad. I am depressed. I can't help it. I wish I could. Please help Mom so that I can see things through a different light. I need you. I need your help. Thanks Tyler.
Today is bright and sunny. I know I will see my bright star tonight. I will again whisper and talk to you . I will kiss my necklace like I always do too. Hope you will be listening. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world.
Have a great night and many sweet dreams to you. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you today? I hope that all is fine up there in Heaven. Mom is not doing so well today. What can I say... my heart is in so much pain. I haven't been sleeping and I know it is because of these 3 days.. the 18th, 19th, and 20th. It has been this way since June.
5 months ago today is when I got that dreaded phone call in Oklahoma. It was early in the morning. I was so scared. I didn't know what was going on. You were on your way to the hospital and you weren't talking or waking up. I was praying that you would get better and that this was just one hell of a scare, but as the day went on I kept getting this gut feeling that something terrible happened. Then I got the phone call from the doctor. Mark and I tried all day to get a flight out. We called all the airlines and no one would help. I couldn't sit down, I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything but cry. You needed Mom and I needed to be there and I couldn't be. I thank God that you were not alone. Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie, Aunt Becky, and Brandy were with you. I hope that you were not mad at Mom. I was trying my best. I loved you with all my heart and soul. I always will. You will always be my little boy. Please know and remember this.
I wanted to tell you that last night when I walked the dogs that the clouds moved and the stars were out. I was talking to you... did you hear me? I was wondering what you do at night?? Are you with friends and family or are you alone?? Have you seen Ron yet?? Is he ok too?? I was thinking that 2 of the 3 Amigos are together again.. did that make you smile?? I guess I have so many questions for you. I wonder so much and only you can answer them. I am hoping to have another reading with Forrest after the Holidays. I hope that you come through again so we can have another conversation. Mom would really like that. Maybe some answers will put my mind at ease.
I am trying so hard. I want you to be proud of me. I want to be happy for you because you are set free. I want to be happy but it is just so damn hard. I hurt. I am angry. I am sad. I am depressed. I can't help it. I wish I could. Please help Mom so that I can see things through a different light. I need you. I need your help. Thanks Tyler.
Today is bright and sunny. I know I will see my bright star tonight. I will again whisper and talk to you . I will kiss my necklace like I always do too. Hope you will be listening. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world.
Have a great night and many sweet dreams to you. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, November 18, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hey sweetheart. How are you doing today? I hope all is well with you up in Heaven. Once again the weather matches my mood. It is dark, overcast, and cloudy. Calls for rain the next 4 days. So much rain and overcast skies lately. Must be that time of the year for this state. My mood has been really crappy. Today is the 18th and it has been 5 months since we saw each other and heard each others voices. It just seems so unreal. We spoke every day, 2 or 3 times a day. I miss your voice and your facial expressions. I miss your smile and I miss hearing you call me " Mom ". I miss being a Mom to you. I am lost without you. My life is empty. I have a void that will never ever be filled by anyone. The person I was when you were alive... that person is gone. I am a completely different person now. Things that mattered to me don't matter anymore. I get up every day and exercise, shower, do housework just to get through the day. If I don't do these things I would stay in bed all day every day and become severely depressed. I can be myself when I am here in the apartment but when I am out I put a fake smile on my face so I don't cry in public and have people look at me funny. I don't know what to do anymore. Mark, family and friends are here for Mom and I am very grateful for that but its not enough. I find myself thinking about you, remembering old times, and dreaming about you. This used to happened every once in awhile but now it seems to be all the time. Maybe because it gets this way around the 18th-20th of every month. These 3 days are the hardest for me. All the nightmares and terrors come back to haunt me. I hate this. I hate the horror. I just want you back and I know I can't have it. I just want to see you again, to see that you are happy. I want to know you are pain free. I want to see that smile again. I miss you so much. I love you with all my heart and soul. Please give me a sign to let Mom know.
Like I said above it is overcast and cloudy. I am hoping to walk outside tonight and see the stars.. my bright star. I hope you hear me whisper to you nightly. I always do and kiss my necklace. I wish you many sweet dreams tonight. Watch over Mom an all our family and friends. I love you my precious son and I miss you beyond anything I could ever express. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hey sweetheart. How are you doing today? I hope all is well with you up in Heaven. Once again the weather matches my mood. It is dark, overcast, and cloudy. Calls for rain the next 4 days. So much rain and overcast skies lately. Must be that time of the year for this state. My mood has been really crappy. Today is the 18th and it has been 5 months since we saw each other and heard each others voices. It just seems so unreal. We spoke every day, 2 or 3 times a day. I miss your voice and your facial expressions. I miss your smile and I miss hearing you call me " Mom ". I miss being a Mom to you. I am lost without you. My life is empty. I have a void that will never ever be filled by anyone. The person I was when you were alive... that person is gone. I am a completely different person now. Things that mattered to me don't matter anymore. I get up every day and exercise, shower, do housework just to get through the day. If I don't do these things I would stay in bed all day every day and become severely depressed. I can be myself when I am here in the apartment but when I am out I put a fake smile on my face so I don't cry in public and have people look at me funny. I don't know what to do anymore. Mark, family and friends are here for Mom and I am very grateful for that but its not enough. I find myself thinking about you, remembering old times, and dreaming about you. This used to happened every once in awhile but now it seems to be all the time. Maybe because it gets this way around the 18th-20th of every month. These 3 days are the hardest for me. All the nightmares and terrors come back to haunt me. I hate this. I hate the horror. I just want you back and I know I can't have it. I just want to see you again, to see that you are happy. I want to know you are pain free. I want to see that smile again. I miss you so much. I love you with all my heart and soul. Please give me a sign to let Mom know.
Like I said above it is overcast and cloudy. I am hoping to walk outside tonight and see the stars.. my bright star. I hope you hear me whisper to you nightly. I always do and kiss my necklace. I wish you many sweet dreams tonight. Watch over Mom an all our family and friends. I love you my precious son and I miss you beyond anything I could ever express. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi sweetheart. How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Mom is doing alright. Boy is it a hot one down here today. 85 degrees! Holy cow! I was just outside with Snickers and I looked up to the sky and I saw my bright star shining right where I always do. Did you hear my whispers? I was talking to you. I was telling you that I miss you so much and I love you. I was wondering if you and Ron were together tonight?? I was wondering if you had already connected with him up there in Heaven? Mark spoke to Jeremy today. Everyone is making sure he is busy. He is hurting real bad. I have to say that I am really concerned about him. There is so much loss around him. That is not good for anyone. Jeremy has lost 2 of his " Amigos ". He is the one left behind. Please... I hope ( and know ) you & Ron will watch over him and be with him during this time and always. He needs you both. Thank you sweetie!
Got to go out today. Went and did a little shopping. Got stuff we needed for the apartment and did some grocery shopping too. Mark & I both got hair cuts and I got my nails done! It was so nice to get out for a few hours. I actually enjoy the fresh air and the time away from the apartment and the pups.
Not much else is new right now. Spoke to Marion tonight. Her, Charlie, and the kids are well. They got a new puppy. Her name is Ruby and she is a Golden Lab. She is a cutie! You would really like her. Such a sweet dog and smart too! They are trucking along with making plans for their wedding in 7 months. That is coming up fast! Mom needs to start looking at a dress too as I was honored by Marion asking me to be in the wedding party. I will be a Bridesmaid and Mark will be an Usher. I know you will be smiling down on us that day. I know you will be there. You always liked Charlie & Marion and vice versa.
Mom is going to close her letter a little early tonight as I am not feeling the greatest. My tummy is acting up all of a sudden. Think I will just go relax and lay on the couch. I hope you have a great night up in Heaven. Sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you so much and love you beyond words. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi sweetheart. How are you doing on this Sunday evening? Mom is doing alright. Boy is it a hot one down here today. 85 degrees! Holy cow! I was just outside with Snickers and I looked up to the sky and I saw my bright star shining right where I always do. Did you hear my whispers? I was talking to you. I was telling you that I miss you so much and I love you. I was wondering if you and Ron were together tonight?? I was wondering if you had already connected with him up there in Heaven? Mark spoke to Jeremy today. Everyone is making sure he is busy. He is hurting real bad. I have to say that I am really concerned about him. There is so much loss around him. That is not good for anyone. Jeremy has lost 2 of his " Amigos ". He is the one left behind. Please... I hope ( and know ) you & Ron will watch over him and be with him during this time and always. He needs you both. Thank you sweetie!
Got to go out today. Went and did a little shopping. Got stuff we needed for the apartment and did some grocery shopping too. Mark & I both got hair cuts and I got my nails done! It was so nice to get out for a few hours. I actually enjoy the fresh air and the time away from the apartment and the pups.
Not much else is new right now. Spoke to Marion tonight. Her, Charlie, and the kids are well. They got a new puppy. Her name is Ruby and she is a Golden Lab. She is a cutie! You would really like her. Such a sweet dog and smart too! They are trucking along with making plans for their wedding in 7 months. That is coming up fast! Mom needs to start looking at a dress too as I was honored by Marion asking me to be in the wedding party. I will be a Bridesmaid and Mark will be an Usher. I know you will be smiling down on us that day. I know you will be there. You always liked Charlie & Marion and vice versa.
Mom is going to close her letter a little early tonight as I am not feeling the greatest. My tummy is acting up all of a sudden. Think I will just go relax and lay on the couch. I hope you have a great night up in Heaven. Sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you so much and love you beyond words. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today? For Mom the weather matches my mood. It is dark, overcast & cloudy. My heart is hurting for so many reasons today. I awoke to the news about Ron Nepo. I was so sadden to hear that he passed away. I know you already knew what was happening. Ron was such a kind and gentle soul.. just like you. I was honored to have known him and liked spending time with him when I went to visit you. He was an excellent roommate to you and vice versa... you to him. He would always tell me he was watching over you for me when I couldn't be there. After you passed I would write to him on FB but never got a response. Jeremy would keep me updated on him and how he was doing. No one ever called me " Momma T " before Ron and no one ever will again. That made me smile. I am not sure of all the details as to what happened and I am not sure I want to but what I do know is he was at DHMC in the ICU and being treated for Pneumonia. That is what you were treated for before you passed. Makes my heart sad and sick to see someone else from that facility suffer like that. I wrote a little something on Ron's timeline and on his daughter Leah's timeline. I know that you were there awaiting his arrival to Heaven. I know that you will show him the ropes when he is strong enough to get on his feet and fly high and free like you do. I told Ron to please give you a hug and kiss from me and to let you know I miss you so much. Do me a favor and tell Ron that I was honored to have met him 2 years ago. Thank him for all he did and give him a hug for me too. I know his family and friends will miss him but everyone also knows that there is no more suffering and he can be at peace now. Like you... there are no longer restrictions for him. He is no longer confined to a wheelchair or ventilator. I know Ron will watch over his family and friends just like you watch over all of us. I know everyone will grieve for him as we still do for you. It is not an easy process. It is a day to day thing and some days are better than others. His entire family are in my prayers.
Mom hasn't done much today. Just kind of " hung around " all day. Just not in the mood. The hearing of Ron just made me go back to the days of losing you. The whole ordeal.. all over again. It hurts. I hurt. I miss you so much Tyler. So does your family and friends. Meme was telling me that Spencer and his GF left today and are moving to Florida. They stopped by to say their goodbyes. Meme gave Spencer your " Jack " Christmas Stocking and he dropped to his knees and cried. He said he would cherish it forever. I know you already know this too, but he is going to be a Daddy. His GF is 6 or 8 weeks pregnant. He will be a good Dad. He misses you. Talks about you all the time. You 2 were the best of friends. Brother as you would say. You, Spencer, & Adam. I remember you 3 as kids with Brett. Those were the times. I found a bunch of pictures of you boys. They made me smile.
It is cloudy tonight so I wont get to see my bright star but I will whisper to you as I usually do. I wish you many sweet dreams. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. Enjoy your reunion with Ron. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. How are you doing today? For Mom the weather matches my mood. It is dark, overcast & cloudy. My heart is hurting for so many reasons today. I awoke to the news about Ron Nepo. I was so sadden to hear that he passed away. I know you already knew what was happening. Ron was such a kind and gentle soul.. just like you. I was honored to have known him and liked spending time with him when I went to visit you. He was an excellent roommate to you and vice versa... you to him. He would always tell me he was watching over you for me when I couldn't be there. After you passed I would write to him on FB but never got a response. Jeremy would keep me updated on him and how he was doing. No one ever called me " Momma T " before Ron and no one ever will again. That made me smile. I am not sure of all the details as to what happened and I am not sure I want to but what I do know is he was at DHMC in the ICU and being treated for Pneumonia. That is what you were treated for before you passed. Makes my heart sad and sick to see someone else from that facility suffer like that. I wrote a little something on Ron's timeline and on his daughter Leah's timeline. I know that you were there awaiting his arrival to Heaven. I know that you will show him the ropes when he is strong enough to get on his feet and fly high and free like you do. I told Ron to please give you a hug and kiss from me and to let you know I miss you so much. Do me a favor and tell Ron that I was honored to have met him 2 years ago. Thank him for all he did and give him a hug for me too. I know his family and friends will miss him but everyone also knows that there is no more suffering and he can be at peace now. Like you... there are no longer restrictions for him. He is no longer confined to a wheelchair or ventilator. I know Ron will watch over his family and friends just like you watch over all of us. I know everyone will grieve for him as we still do for you. It is not an easy process. It is a day to day thing and some days are better than others. His entire family are in my prayers.
Mom hasn't done much today. Just kind of " hung around " all day. Just not in the mood. The hearing of Ron just made me go back to the days of losing you. The whole ordeal.. all over again. It hurts. I hurt. I miss you so much Tyler. So does your family and friends. Meme was telling me that Spencer and his GF left today and are moving to Florida. They stopped by to say their goodbyes. Meme gave Spencer your " Jack " Christmas Stocking and he dropped to his knees and cried. He said he would cherish it forever. I know you already know this too, but he is going to be a Daddy. His GF is 6 or 8 weeks pregnant. He will be a good Dad. He misses you. Talks about you all the time. You 2 were the best of friends. Brother as you would say. You, Spencer, & Adam. I remember you 3 as kids with Brett. Those were the times. I found a bunch of pictures of you boys. They made me smile.
It is cloudy tonight so I wont get to see my bright star but I will whisper to you as I usually do. I wish you many sweet dreams. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. Enjoy your reunion with Ron. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, November 15, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi sweetheart. How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? I hope you are smiling that precious smile I love. I hope you are happy happy happy and dong so many wonderful things up in Heaven. Mom is doing fine. It is a warm sunny day here. Such a nice change from cloudy, overcast, and rainy days that we have had.
I have to tell you that every time I am writing to you Snickers is right here on my lap. He is either staring out the window or he is laying his head on Mom's computer. Some times I wonder if he does this because he sees you and you are right here with me reading these letters as I write them. I know it will sound silly but some times when Snickers stares at me I swear it is not him looking at me.. it is you. I know I know it sounds silly, but when Snickers does stare it is almost like he is staring right to my soul and he is really trying to tell me something. He has done this since you have passed. I know he misses your voice. He loved it when you would talk to him on skype. He would listen to you and show you his toys. Max misses you too. He is sleeping right now. Doing what he does best..lol! Max is doing ok. I see that his breathing is getting worse lately. I just watch and say nothing. I am not stupid.. I see what is happening. Breaks my heart. As long as he is not in pain I will keep him home but if the vets say he is suffering I an't do that to him. I love him too much. He is 13 years old and he has had a wonderful life. He needs to be set free. He needs to be pain free and running with you in Heaven. He needs to meet Daisey, and Baxter too. Give the pups hugs and kisses from Mom. I miss them. They were all great pups!
Anyways... Spoke to Grandpa today. He is doing well. Sounds happy and seems to be quite busy these days. He has a few things coming up... will tell you later. He wants to keep a couple a secret right now. You know him...hahaha! I am very happy for him though. Thanks for watching over him for me. It has been a huge adjustment for Mom not being near family all the time. I have always been there and for the last 10 months I have been the farthest away ever from family and friends. I love them all and miss them terribly.
Mark is doing well too. Work is work for him but he seems to enjoy it so that is what matters. I want you to know he is taking very good care of Mom. I know that was such a concern for you. We talked about that many times. You would worry about me as I would worry about you. I know you saw so much that happened to Mom in my personal relationships. None of that anymore. Mark is a gentleman and I am so lucky to have him in my life. You were such a great judge of character. I miss that. I would always ask you what you thought and felt. 9 times out of 10 you were right. You again got it right with Mark. Thank you. I know you would be proud of him. He treats me like a Princess. I will say it again.. I am lucky!!!!
Well... I will predict that tonight will be a clear night for me to see the stars and my 1 bright star. I will whisper to you tonight so listen out for me. I wish you many sweet dreams tonight. I miss you so much. I love you beyond words. I hope you know this. You will always be my world. Fly high and fly free my sweet precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi sweetheart. How are you doing on this Friday afternoon? I hope you are smiling that precious smile I love. I hope you are happy happy happy and dong so many wonderful things up in Heaven. Mom is doing fine. It is a warm sunny day here. Such a nice change from cloudy, overcast, and rainy days that we have had.
I have to tell you that every time I am writing to you Snickers is right here on my lap. He is either staring out the window or he is laying his head on Mom's computer. Some times I wonder if he does this because he sees you and you are right here with me reading these letters as I write them. I know it will sound silly but some times when Snickers stares at me I swear it is not him looking at me.. it is you. I know I know it sounds silly, but when Snickers does stare it is almost like he is staring right to my soul and he is really trying to tell me something. He has done this since you have passed. I know he misses your voice. He loved it when you would talk to him on skype. He would listen to you and show you his toys. Max misses you too. He is sleeping right now. Doing what he does best..lol! Max is doing ok. I see that his breathing is getting worse lately. I just watch and say nothing. I am not stupid.. I see what is happening. Breaks my heart. As long as he is not in pain I will keep him home but if the vets say he is suffering I an't do that to him. I love him too much. He is 13 years old and he has had a wonderful life. He needs to be set free. He needs to be pain free and running with you in Heaven. He needs to meet Daisey, and Baxter too. Give the pups hugs and kisses from Mom. I miss them. They were all great pups!
Anyways... Spoke to Grandpa today. He is doing well. Sounds happy and seems to be quite busy these days. He has a few things coming up... will tell you later. He wants to keep a couple a secret right now. You know him...hahaha! I am very happy for him though. Thanks for watching over him for me. It has been a huge adjustment for Mom not being near family all the time. I have always been there and for the last 10 months I have been the farthest away ever from family and friends. I love them all and miss them terribly.
Mark is doing well too. Work is work for him but he seems to enjoy it so that is what matters. I want you to know he is taking very good care of Mom. I know that was such a concern for you. We talked about that many times. You would worry about me as I would worry about you. I know you saw so much that happened to Mom in my personal relationships. None of that anymore. Mark is a gentleman and I am so lucky to have him in my life. You were such a great judge of character. I miss that. I would always ask you what you thought and felt. 9 times out of 10 you were right. You again got it right with Mark. Thank you. I know you would be proud of him. He treats me like a Princess. I will say it again.. I am lucky!!!!
Well... I will predict that tonight will be a clear night for me to see the stars and my 1 bright star. I will whisper to you tonight so listen out for me. I wish you many sweet dreams tonight. I miss you so much. I love you beyond words. I hope you know this. You will always be my world. Fly high and fly free my sweet precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet pumpkin! How are you today on this overcast Thursday afternoon? I hope for you it is sunny up there in Heaven. I used to say that Texas was always sunny and warm but lately all I can say it is always overcast, cloudy, and rainy! Guess it must be that time of the year here.
Thanksgiving is upon us in a couple weeks. I have really mixed feelings about this. Thanksgiving is a time to be " thankful " for all that one has. This year I find myself having a difficult time with this. I am thankful for many things in my life but I am hurting because I don't have you. I can't be thankful that you were taken away from me so soon. I can't be thankful that you are never coming back, that I can't see you anymore, that I can't hear your voice, that I can't see your face or smile ever again and the list goes on and on. Tyler, I don't want to be bitter because that is not me but I don't know what to do. I need your help. I need you to help me understand. I am lost. I need you to help me find myself again.
I have been wanting to tell you that of course you know that it has snowed in NH already and everything needed to be picked up for the Winter months in the cemetery so now there is nothing there at your resting place. Mom feels so bad about this but please know that when February rolls around I will be ordering your Flat Stone and Sitting Bench to be put in when the snow melts. Everything should be put in by March..early Spring. I finally have decided on what to put on them. I was going to do the Gray Granite but have decided on the Black. The Flat Stone will have your full name, your dates on it, on one side it will have a picture of Jack from the Nightmare Before Christmas on it and the other side will be Zero. The bench will have your dates again, a picture of you in the middle, and your full name. I think it will look really good and you will be happy with Mom's decision. At least I hope you will :)
I believe that everything else is ok. The whole family and all our friends are doing well. I talk to them at least a couple times a week. I miss them all though. I can't believe how time is passing by so quickly. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since Aunt Beck was here. Just seems so weird. Just please continue to watch over all of us. You are Mom's special Guardian Angel. I miss you and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world.
Be listening for Mom's whisper to you tonight. Sweet dreams my precious son. Fly high and free. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet pumpkin! How are you today on this overcast Thursday afternoon? I hope for you it is sunny up there in Heaven. I used to say that Texas was always sunny and warm but lately all I can say it is always overcast, cloudy, and rainy! Guess it must be that time of the year here.
Thanksgiving is upon us in a couple weeks. I have really mixed feelings about this. Thanksgiving is a time to be " thankful " for all that one has. This year I find myself having a difficult time with this. I am thankful for many things in my life but I am hurting because I don't have you. I can't be thankful that you were taken away from me so soon. I can't be thankful that you are never coming back, that I can't see you anymore, that I can't hear your voice, that I can't see your face or smile ever again and the list goes on and on. Tyler, I don't want to be bitter because that is not me but I don't know what to do. I need your help. I need you to help me understand. I am lost. I need you to help me find myself again.
I have been wanting to tell you that of course you know that it has snowed in NH already and everything needed to be picked up for the Winter months in the cemetery so now there is nothing there at your resting place. Mom feels so bad about this but please know that when February rolls around I will be ordering your Flat Stone and Sitting Bench to be put in when the snow melts. Everything should be put in by March..early Spring. I finally have decided on what to put on them. I was going to do the Gray Granite but have decided on the Black. The Flat Stone will have your full name, your dates on it, on one side it will have a picture of Jack from the Nightmare Before Christmas on it and the other side will be Zero. The bench will have your dates again, a picture of you in the middle, and your full name. I think it will look really good and you will be happy with Mom's decision. At least I hope you will :)
I believe that everything else is ok. The whole family and all our friends are doing well. I talk to them at least a couple times a week. I miss them all though. I can't believe how time is passing by so quickly. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since Aunt Beck was here. Just seems so weird. Just please continue to watch over all of us. You are Mom's special Guardian Angel. I miss you and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world.
Be listening for Mom's whisper to you tonight. Sweet dreams my precious son. Fly high and free. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hello to you, my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope you are so happy and well doing all that you want to do in Heaven. Mom is doing good. I am feeling a lot better today than I have in the last 5 days. My head is not so fuzzy and my stomach is much more at ease. The weather is really nice. It is sunny and in the upper 60's today. I will take that seeings how it is in the 20's and snowy in NH. Like I said before sometimes it is surreal to Mom because I feel like I am just away from home and that I don't actually live here in Texas. I guess it is hard to put my head around seeings all I know is living back in NH for my whole life. They say that change is good. I would say I agree to a certain point. I miss NH for many reasons but with all that has happened in the last 5 months I am glad that I am not living there. I don't think I could emotionally. Everything there reminds me of you, where we went, what we did. There are so many memories. Please do not get me wrong.. I am not trying to forgot any of these. I remember all to well and I cherish them all. I just don't need it in my face all the time. It is hard enough to have to go on daily without you. I just can't handle any more at this time. I wonder to myself if that is not the reason why I have not gone back home yet. I have not been back since you passed. I want to go but I am wondering if I am just not emotionally ready to have to deal with it all. Guess you could say that in a way I am kind of hiding out here in Texas. I hope that you understand what I am trying to say. Every day I miss you, every day I cry because you are not here with me anymore, every day I long to hear your voice, see your smile, and see your face. I look at your pictures of you all day long and remember our times together. A million and one things remind me of you and makes me smile, laugh, and/or cry. I don't need to be in NH to do that. I can do this anywhere. I miss you so much and I love you beyond words.
Yesterday was Pepe's Birthday. I wished him a Happy Birthday and told him I was sure that you, Nana, and him we celebrating up in Heaven. I told Pepe to give you a great big hug and kiss from Mom. I hope you received it. It was sent with so much love from me.
Tonight is a clear night so I will be able to see my bright star. I will whisper to you as always so be listen for my voice. I wish you many sweet dreams tonight. I hope you fly high and free my precious son. I love you. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hello to you, my sweet son. How are you doing on this Wednesday afternoon? I hope you are so happy and well doing all that you want to do in Heaven. Mom is doing good. I am feeling a lot better today than I have in the last 5 days. My head is not so fuzzy and my stomach is much more at ease. The weather is really nice. It is sunny and in the upper 60's today. I will take that seeings how it is in the 20's and snowy in NH. Like I said before sometimes it is surreal to Mom because I feel like I am just away from home and that I don't actually live here in Texas. I guess it is hard to put my head around seeings all I know is living back in NH for my whole life. They say that change is good. I would say I agree to a certain point. I miss NH for many reasons but with all that has happened in the last 5 months I am glad that I am not living there. I don't think I could emotionally. Everything there reminds me of you, where we went, what we did. There are so many memories. Please do not get me wrong.. I am not trying to forgot any of these. I remember all to well and I cherish them all. I just don't need it in my face all the time. It is hard enough to have to go on daily without you. I just can't handle any more at this time. I wonder to myself if that is not the reason why I have not gone back home yet. I have not been back since you passed. I want to go but I am wondering if I am just not emotionally ready to have to deal with it all. Guess you could say that in a way I am kind of hiding out here in Texas. I hope that you understand what I am trying to say. Every day I miss you, every day I cry because you are not here with me anymore, every day I long to hear your voice, see your smile, and see your face. I look at your pictures of you all day long and remember our times together. A million and one things remind me of you and makes me smile, laugh, and/or cry. I don't need to be in NH to do that. I can do this anywhere. I miss you so much and I love you beyond words.
Yesterday was Pepe's Birthday. I wished him a Happy Birthday and told him I was sure that you, Nana, and him we celebrating up in Heaven. I told Pepe to give you a great big hug and kiss from Mom. I hope you received it. It was sent with so much love from me.
Tonight is a clear night so I will be able to see my bright star. I will whisper to you as always so be listen for my voice. I wish you many sweet dreams tonight. I hope you fly high and free my precious son. I love you. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
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