Dear Tyler,

Hey sweetheart. How are you doing today? I hope all is well with you up in Heaven. Once again the weather matches my mood. It is dark, overcast, and cloudy. Calls for rain the next 4 days. So much rain and overcast skies lately. Must be that time of the year for this state. My mood has been really crappy. Today is the 18th and it has been 5 months since we saw each other and heard each others voices. It just seems so unreal. We spoke every day, 2 or 3 times a day. I miss your voice and your facial expressions. I miss your smile and I miss hearing you call me " Mom ". I miss being a Mom to you. I am lost without you. My life is empty. I have a void that will never ever be filled by anyone. The person I was when you were alive... that person is gone. I am a completely different person now. Things that mattered to me don't matter anymore. I get up every day and exercise, shower, do housework just to get through the day. If I don't do these things I would stay in bed all day every day and become severely depressed. I can be myself when I am here in the apartment but when I am out I put a fake smile on my face so I don't cry in public and have people look at me funny. I don't know what to do anymore. Mark, family and friends are here for Mom and I am very grateful for that but its not enough. I find myself thinking about you, remembering old times, and dreaming about you. This used to happened every once in awhile but now it seems to be all the time. Maybe because it gets this way around the 18th-20th of every month. These 3 days are the hardest for me. All the nightmares and terrors come back to haunt me. I hate this. I hate the horror. I just want you back and I know I can't have it. I just want to see you again, to see that you are happy. I want to know you are pain free. I want to see that smile again. I miss you so much. I love you with all my heart and soul. Please give me a sign to let Mom know. 
 Like I said above it is overcast and cloudy. I am hoping to walk outside tonight and see the stars.. my bright star. I hope you hear me whisper to you nightly. I always do and kiss my necklace. I wish you many sweet dreams tonight. Watch over Mom an all our family and friends. I love you my precious son and I miss you beyond anything I could ever express. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!