Dear Tyler,

Hi my sweet son. How are you today? I hope that all is fine up there in Heaven. Mom is not doing so well today. What can I say... my heart is in so much pain. I haven't been sleeping and I know it is because of these 3 days.. the 18th, 19th, and 20th. It has been this way since June. 
 5 months ago today is when I got that dreaded phone call in Oklahoma. It was early in the morning. I was so scared. I didn't know what was going on. You were on your way to the hospital and you weren't talking or waking up. I was praying that you would get better and that this was just one hell of a scare, but as the day went on I kept getting this gut feeling that something terrible happened. Then I got the phone call from the doctor. Mark and I tried all day to get a flight out. We called all the airlines and no one would help. I couldn't sit down, I couldn't talk, I couldn't do anything but cry. You needed Mom and I needed to be there and I couldn't be. I thank God that you were not alone. Meme, Bob, Grandpa, Debbie, Aunt Becky, and Brandy were with you. I hope that you were not mad at Mom. I was trying my best. I loved you with all my heart and soul. I always will. You will always be my little boy. Please know and remember this.
 I wanted to tell you that last night when I walked the dogs that the clouds moved and the stars were out. I was talking to you... did you hear me? I was wondering what you do at night?? Are you with friends and family or are you alone?? Have you seen Ron yet?? Is he ok too?? I was thinking that 2 of the 3 Amigos are together again.. did that make you smile?? I guess I have so many questions for you. I wonder so much and only you can answer them. I am hoping to have another reading with Forrest after the Holidays. I hope that you come through again so we can have another conversation. Mom would really like that. Maybe some answers will put my mind at ease. 
 I am trying so hard. I want you to be proud of me. I want to be happy for you because you are set free. I want to be happy but it is just so damn hard. I hurt. I am angry. I am sad. I am depressed. I can't help it. I wish I could. Please help Mom so that I can see things through a different light. I need you. I need your help. Thanks Tyler.
 Today is bright and sunny. I know I will see my bright star tonight. I will again whisper and talk to you . I will kiss my necklace like I always do too. Hope you will be listening. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. 
 Have a great night and many sweet dreams to you. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!