Dear Tyler,

Hi sweetheart. I hope you are doing well today. Mom is so sad. My heart is hurting so much today. I know that you know why but for those of you who are reading this it was 5 months today that you, my sweet son passed away. At this time on June 20th I was at the hospital and I was being told that you were not going to make it. The doctor and nurses were so sweet to me and our family. You had several family members around you and we were talking and singing to you. I was holding your hand and I wouldn't let it go. I was touching your cold face and kissing your cheek. I was trying so hard to find the words to tell you that it was ok to go... that Mom would be ok. I just remember saying and whispering to you that it wasn't suppose to be his way. You waited for me, Mark, & your Dad to get there to be with you. You were such a trooper. Mom was and is so proud of you for hanging on for as long as you did. I want you to now that it meant so much to me. I only wish that I could have heard your voice one more time. To hear you say " I love you Mom", but I know you said that things happened the way they were suppose to and the way you wanted it to. The only thing I can say to that is I know you were sparing Mom's feelings so you didn't have to see me crying or in more pain then I already was. You always thought of others before you. You were and still are so incredible. Unconditional love is what we had, Tyler. We were so much alike and so stubborn in so many ways that it made us argue a lot. What I wouldn't give to have those days back. Just to talk to you, to laugh with you or just to sit there with you and say nothing at all. I miss your sense of humor and the way you told stories. I miss the way you would talk to the pups and they would listen. I even miss the times that we would struggle with life because that is what made you & I stronger. I miss it all. I miss you! 
 I know I have wrote this to you yesterday and many letters before but I wonder what you are doing, where you are going, how you spend your days and nights??? I wish I could just have some of these answers. Maybe then it would help me understand this whole thing and why you had to leave me so soon. Maybe with some answers I could relax and know that you are always with me and watching over me. Right now the only thing that keeps me calm and happy is what you said when I asked if we would ever see each other again. You said Yes!!! That makes me so happy to know that even though we can't be together now in the physical world we will be together again in the spiritual world. 
 Today has been crazy weather. Sun comes out and then gets covered up by the clouds. I am hoping that the clouds break later so that I can see all the stars in the sky. I need to see my bright star shining down on me tonight. I will be whispering to you... hope you will be listening for Mom. 
 I wish you a great night and many sweet dreams. I love you to the moon & back. Watch over Mom and the rest of our family and friends. I miss you so much.. I know you know this but just needed to write it. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!