Dear Tyler,

Hi sweetheart! How are you doing today in Heaven? I hope you are well, happy, and free! Mom is doing ok today. Lots going on but I know you know all about it. Thanks for watching over me today when things got kinda out of hand. I needed it. I needed you and you were there. Thank you so much! It means so much to me to know that I can call on you and know that you will be right here with me and protecting me. It is such a comfort. You.. every day continue to be my Hero! You amaze me. You always have. You were such an incredible person. So loving and caring! I know you still are. You are such a sweet and loving soul. Heaven is a much better place now that you are there. Although.. I wish you were with me still.
 I am not sure how I am going to get through the Holidays this year without you. Our family is in NH, VT, MA and Mark's family is in OH, & KY and you are in Heaven with the rest of our family. At least you won't be alone. You will be with God, friends, Nana & Pepe. I am so happy about that. I wouldn't want you to be all alone. That would break my heart. It is hard enough for Mom to be away from all that she has ever known. I wouldn't want you to have these awful feelings. I want you to be happy all the time. I want you to do all that you want to do up in Heaven. I want everything for you pumpkin. I always will.
 I am struggling with not knowing if I want a Christmas Tree this year. I would like to I think. I am not sure. I guess I feel that if I do have one and get in the Holiday spirit then I would be betraying you. It would be like I am just going on with my life and not missing you when the truth is that I miss you ever second of every minute of every day. I would put up a tree so that you can come and visit and see the lights that I know you love so much. I want you to know that Mom is trying to go on with life without you here in the physical world with me. I didn't have a choice. I just had to go along with it. I am not mad at you one bit. You overcame so much in your life. You were such a trooper to go through so much. Again, like I said before... you amazed me every day. Your will power, and your strength. Mom may smile and laugh at times and you may witness it from above but you need to know that I am just getting by. I am trying to just get along without you. Everyone tells me that you would want to see me smile, to hear my laugh, and be happy instead of crying, being sad and depressed. I get what they are saying. I really do. I want to make you happy and proud.. I really do. It is just some days ( most days ) I don't feel like it or I can't. It just hurts too much. It is too painful. I wonder all the time if this will ever get easier. My answer to that is NO! I will have to try and learn to go along in life and remember all the good times, the memories... everything! I miss you so much. 
 It is a cloudy and overcast sky right now. I hope the clouds move so that I can see the stars tonight. I need to see my bright star. Well.. as I type to you.. the sky just let loose. It is a down pour. It is raining so heavy right now it is not funny. Holy smokes! I can hope that the rain will pass and the stars will shine bright. 
 I am hoping you have a wonderful night and you have many sweet dreams. I love you beyond words. Beyond the moon and the stars. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!