Thursday, October 31, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Happy Halloween my precious son. Your favorite holiday has arrived and I am missing you so much this year. It has been a pretty hard day for Mom but I made sure to keep myself busy so I wouldn't do so much thinking and crying. I am getting ready for Aunt Becky & Uncle John to arrive tomorrow afternoon. I am starting to get excited to have company even if it is only for a couple of days.
The weather is finely better now. It has been raining like cats and dogs here for the last 3 days. The thunder & lightning has been really loud and quite the light show at times. I am glad that the rain stopped so all the kids could enjoy their evening tonight getting candy. Didn't see one child in a costume though. Things here are so different. The kids go to malls or strip malls and do their trick or treating instead of what we are used to by going door to door. Guess it is much safer that way for all the little ones. I was kind of bummed but probably is better this way. Not really in the Halloween mood. I am missing you too much. Our evening has been quiet and lounging by the tv. I did however keep our tradition by ordering pizza. Didn't feel much like cooking either. I just can't believe that you aren't here. It makes me so sad and times like this it hurts even more. I hate this feeling. I really do. I hate not talking to you or being able to hear your voice. It just plain sucks!
However you will be impressed that when I was scanning for shows last night I came across Halloween.. the movie and I actually watched it for like 15 minutes and then needed to change the channel. I said that you would be like " wow ". Your little Mommy is growing up. I was going to try and continue to watch it but just couldn't. maybe next year I can try again..lol!
I hope that you are doing well in Heaven. I hope your days are sunny and your nights are filled with bright stars and wonderful dreams. I hope you are happy and are pain free now. I only want whats best for you still. This will be a forever thing. This will never change.
My letter to you will be short tonight because I am going to post a few " Jack " pictures for you to enjoy. I also have one of a seal. That is a special one to you. You will always be my baby seal.
I will look for my bright star tonight and I will whisper to you like I always do. Watch over us and keep us safe and healthy. I miss you like crazy and I love you even more. Sweet dreams my sweet boy. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Happy Halloween my precious son. Your favorite holiday has arrived and I am missing you so much this year. It has been a pretty hard day for Mom but I made sure to keep myself busy so I wouldn't do so much thinking and crying. I am getting ready for Aunt Becky & Uncle John to arrive tomorrow afternoon. I am starting to get excited to have company even if it is only for a couple of days.
The weather is finely better now. It has been raining like cats and dogs here for the last 3 days. The thunder & lightning has been really loud and quite the light show at times. I am glad that the rain stopped so all the kids could enjoy their evening tonight getting candy. Didn't see one child in a costume though. Things here are so different. The kids go to malls or strip malls and do their trick or treating instead of what we are used to by going door to door. Guess it is much safer that way for all the little ones. I was kind of bummed but probably is better this way. Not really in the Halloween mood. I am missing you too much. Our evening has been quiet and lounging by the tv. I did however keep our tradition by ordering pizza. Didn't feel much like cooking either. I just can't believe that you aren't here. It makes me so sad and times like this it hurts even more. I hate this feeling. I really do. I hate not talking to you or being able to hear your voice. It just plain sucks!
However you will be impressed that when I was scanning for shows last night I came across Halloween.. the movie and I actually watched it for like 15 minutes and then needed to change the channel. I said that you would be like " wow ". Your little Mommy is growing up. I was going to try and continue to watch it but just couldn't. maybe next year I can try again..lol!
I hope that you are doing well in Heaven. I hope your days are sunny and your nights are filled with bright stars and wonderful dreams. I hope you are happy and are pain free now. I only want whats best for you still. This will be a forever thing. This will never change.
My letter to you will be short tonight because I am going to post a few " Jack " pictures for you to enjoy. I also have one of a seal. That is a special one to you. You will always be my baby seal.
I will look for my bright star tonight and I will whisper to you like I always do. Watch over us and keep us safe and healthy. I miss you like crazy and I love you even more. Sweet dreams my sweet boy. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Dear Tyler,
How are you doing my precious son? I hope you are well. Today has been an interesting day for Mom. Been up fairly early today because for some odd reason Snickers is scared of thunder and decides he has to go to the bathroom all over the place when he hears the noise. Not sure what this is all about but it is definitely concerning seeings how it rains here often and thunders quite a bit. I also have been putting together Halloween candy for the kids tomorrow. Trick or treating is so different here. Anyone who wants to give out candy must put them in the little decorative bags and bring them to the office. The children that are going out go to the office to get the bags instead of going door to door. I guess folks here feel that it is much safer than the way we are used to doing it. I was remembering all the times I took you out around the park. How much fun you had and how cold it used to get. More memories for me to cherish. It made me smile to think of all the costumes you chose and what they were. Lets see if I can remember some of them for you: Pumpkin, Dalmatian Fire Dog, Dragon, TMNT ( red one~ Raphael ), 2 years of Power rangers, Red M & M, Vampire, Pirate, Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas, & the Puppet from the " Saw " movies. That is 11 years worth. You wanted to stop going out at an early age because you felt you were too old. You rather hand out candy to the kids instead. I remember that our tradition was me not cooking and we would always order pizza for dinner. It was easier for us all. Do you remember the time Mom dressed up as Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast? That costume was so big. I couldn't even fit through the door. You laughed at me but told me I was cute! I don't have that costume any longer but I do remember it so well. I used to have pictures of that but not sure where they went..lol! Would love to see them again though :) Anyways...
Don't know if you saw it or not but Megan got more done of her sleeve tattoo. She has a flower on the shoulder blade, then a dove, and a retro microphone. It looks really cool. Great detail. I asked her yesterday what it meant. She said that it was going to be a tattoo that represented all the things she loved. The dove however is in memory of you. I thought that was so special and it touched me a great deal. I told her that was so sweet and you would be so proud of her for that. I think it is very fitting.. you are flying high and flying free now while watching over us all. Make sure to go visit her and let her know you are honored by what she did. I know it would mean a lot to her. She misses you just like we all do but not as much as Mom does. I love you so much that it hurts sometimes.
Aunt Becky called me today. They were in Virginia at that point. She said that they would be driving to Nashville, TN and spending the night there. They would be back on the rode tomorrow and be here in Texas by Friday early morning. I can't believe that the time has finally come to have company and for Mom to get her car. Please watch over them and make sure they arrive here safely. Thanks pumpkin. It means a lot. I know you won't let anything happen to any of us. I wish you were here with us obviously, but because I know that cant be I know I have the BEST and most special Guardian Angel watching over me now.
I hope that you have a wonderful evening. I wish you many sweet dreams tonight. Continue to watch over Mom and the rest of our family & friends. I will whisper to you tonight when I see my bright shining star. Be listening for me. I miss you so much and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
How are you doing my precious son? I hope you are well. Today has been an interesting day for Mom. Been up fairly early today because for some odd reason Snickers is scared of thunder and decides he has to go to the bathroom all over the place when he hears the noise. Not sure what this is all about but it is definitely concerning seeings how it rains here often and thunders quite a bit. I also have been putting together Halloween candy for the kids tomorrow. Trick or treating is so different here. Anyone who wants to give out candy must put them in the little decorative bags and bring them to the office. The children that are going out go to the office to get the bags instead of going door to door. I guess folks here feel that it is much safer than the way we are used to doing it. I was remembering all the times I took you out around the park. How much fun you had and how cold it used to get. More memories for me to cherish. It made me smile to think of all the costumes you chose and what they were. Lets see if I can remember some of them for you: Pumpkin, Dalmatian Fire Dog, Dragon, TMNT ( red one~ Raphael ), 2 years of Power rangers, Red M & M, Vampire, Pirate, Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas, & the Puppet from the " Saw " movies. That is 11 years worth. You wanted to stop going out at an early age because you felt you were too old. You rather hand out candy to the kids instead. I remember that our tradition was me not cooking and we would always order pizza for dinner. It was easier for us all. Do you remember the time Mom dressed up as Mrs. Potts from Beauty and the Beast? That costume was so big. I couldn't even fit through the door. You laughed at me but told me I was cute! I don't have that costume any longer but I do remember it so well. I used to have pictures of that but not sure where they went..lol! Would love to see them again though :) Anyways...
Don't know if you saw it or not but Megan got more done of her sleeve tattoo. She has a flower on the shoulder blade, then a dove, and a retro microphone. It looks really cool. Great detail. I asked her yesterday what it meant. She said that it was going to be a tattoo that represented all the things she loved. The dove however is in memory of you. I thought that was so special and it touched me a great deal. I told her that was so sweet and you would be so proud of her for that. I think it is very fitting.. you are flying high and flying free now while watching over us all. Make sure to go visit her and let her know you are honored by what she did. I know it would mean a lot to her. She misses you just like we all do but not as much as Mom does. I love you so much that it hurts sometimes.
Aunt Becky called me today. They were in Virginia at that point. She said that they would be driving to Nashville, TN and spending the night there. They would be back on the rode tomorrow and be here in Texas by Friday early morning. I can't believe that the time has finally come to have company and for Mom to get her car. Please watch over them and make sure they arrive here safely. Thanks pumpkin. It means a lot. I know you won't let anything happen to any of us. I wish you were here with us obviously, but because I know that cant be I know I have the BEST and most special Guardian Angel watching over me now.
I hope that you have a wonderful evening. I wish you many sweet dreams tonight. Continue to watch over Mom and the rest of our family & friends. I will whisper to you tonight when I see my bright shining star. Be listening for me. I miss you so much and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hello sweetheart! How are you today on this fine Tuesday? I hope that you are well. Another warm one in Texas today. Really liking the weather here when I hear that NH is only in the 40's now and they are predicted to get snow tomorrow. They all can have that white stuff. I am definitely not missing that this year. I was thinking the other day what exactly the Holidays are going to look like for me this year. Halloween is in 2 days..I am partial to this because it was your favorite. Thanksgiving will be quiet. Probably on the phone taking to family and friends and just dinner for 2 while watching football on tv and Christmas will be the hardest. Mom loved to decorate and buy and spoil you with gifts. This year I have 5 people to buy for. That is it. Boy have times changed. I remember years ago having to buy for 18 people, then it went down to just buying for the kids and then all you kids grew up. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to get a Christmas tree this year. I am still not sure. Thank God I have a few weeks to think about it! I was thinking that somehow you might get mad at me for putting one up. Maybe you would think that I was just going on with my life without you in it and I was doing just fine. Truth is if I put a tree up this year it would be for you. I would hope that you would come and visit me and see the xmas tree all decorated and lit up. I remember how much you loved the lights. I am not even sure what to do and how to feel about everything. If I had my way I would wish that everyone would skip the Holidays so I didn't have to see everyone so chipper and happy when I am not. I guess you could say that I am bitter. I am sick of seeing everyone so happy with their lives and their families. Hearing about all the fun times. I just put a fake smile on my face and say how happy I am for them. I know that is awful and sounds terrible.. it is, but no one bothers to stop and think of what I am going through before they speak. They forget or don't think before their words come out. Deep down I really am happy for them and glad they are making memories with their loved ones, children, and families but I just have a hard time expressing things lately because I am hurting inside. I want those things again with you and that will never happen. I want more years with you. I want more memories to make and more everything with you. I miss you so much. I want to turn the back time and freeze it. I want to cherish every second of every day. If only I had a crystal ball and knew....
Anyways.. enough of that. I know you know how I feel and what I mean and that's all that matters. I love you so very much. You still are my everything. Always will. So... not much else is new. Making sure everything is in order and clean so that when Aunt Becky & Uncle John show up in 3 days I will be completely ready. I am really looking forward to seeing them and having some family here. It will so be nice to see familiar faces again. It has been way to long. It will be nice to also have some company. They should be arriving sometime on Thursday or early Friday morning. Still not sure what we are going to do though. I know we are taking Aunt Becky to a store called the Magik Cauldron and then to an Irish Pub. That will be fun, but not sure with the other couple days. Will have to wait and see what they want to do. Make sure to stop on by. Would love for you to visit. You are always welcomed here. You should know that..right?
Well it should be a clear sky tonight so I will be looking up and seeing you, my bright shining star. As always.. I will be whispering to you so be listening. Sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you and I love you to the moon & back. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hello sweetheart! How are you today on this fine Tuesday? I hope that you are well. Another warm one in Texas today. Really liking the weather here when I hear that NH is only in the 40's now and they are predicted to get snow tomorrow. They all can have that white stuff. I am definitely not missing that this year. I was thinking the other day what exactly the Holidays are going to look like for me this year. Halloween is in 2 days..I am partial to this because it was your favorite. Thanksgiving will be quiet. Probably on the phone taking to family and friends and just dinner for 2 while watching football on tv and Christmas will be the hardest. Mom loved to decorate and buy and spoil you with gifts. This year I have 5 people to buy for. That is it. Boy have times changed. I remember years ago having to buy for 18 people, then it went down to just buying for the kids and then all you kids grew up. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to get a Christmas tree this year. I am still not sure. Thank God I have a few weeks to think about it! I was thinking that somehow you might get mad at me for putting one up. Maybe you would think that I was just going on with my life without you in it and I was doing just fine. Truth is if I put a tree up this year it would be for you. I would hope that you would come and visit me and see the xmas tree all decorated and lit up. I remember how much you loved the lights. I am not even sure what to do and how to feel about everything. If I had my way I would wish that everyone would skip the Holidays so I didn't have to see everyone so chipper and happy when I am not. I guess you could say that I am bitter. I am sick of seeing everyone so happy with their lives and their families. Hearing about all the fun times. I just put a fake smile on my face and say how happy I am for them. I know that is awful and sounds terrible.. it is, but no one bothers to stop and think of what I am going through before they speak. They forget or don't think before their words come out. Deep down I really am happy for them and glad they are making memories with their loved ones, children, and families but I just have a hard time expressing things lately because I am hurting inside. I want those things again with you and that will never happen. I want more years with you. I want more memories to make and more everything with you. I miss you so much. I want to turn the back time and freeze it. I want to cherish every second of every day. If only I had a crystal ball and knew....
Anyways.. enough of that. I know you know how I feel and what I mean and that's all that matters. I love you so very much. You still are my everything. Always will. So... not much else is new. Making sure everything is in order and clean so that when Aunt Becky & Uncle John show up in 3 days I will be completely ready. I am really looking forward to seeing them and having some family here. It will so be nice to see familiar faces again. It has been way to long. It will be nice to also have some company. They should be arriving sometime on Thursday or early Friday morning. Still not sure what we are going to do though. I know we are taking Aunt Becky to a store called the Magik Cauldron and then to an Irish Pub. That will be fun, but not sure with the other couple days. Will have to wait and see what they want to do. Make sure to stop on by. Would love for you to visit. You are always welcomed here. You should know that..right?
Well it should be a clear sky tonight so I will be looking up and seeing you, my bright shining star. As always.. I will be whispering to you so be listening. Sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you and I love you to the moon & back. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, October 28, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! I hope your Monday was busy and really nice for you. Today was ok for Mom. Weather was warm and muggy after all the rain we had. I did some more cleaning in the apartment. I found some really old pictures of you and Mom, Dad and you when you were little. Brought back so many memories and a smile to my face. You were so little and such a little " ham " for the camera. I love your smile. Always did. I can hear your cute little voice talking to me. The pictures reminded me of all that we were and went through, places we had gone and where life is for me at this moment and where it has taken me. Hard to believe at times that I am 2100 miles away from home. So many things are surreal to me these days since your passing. Things seem weird to Mom. Time seems to stand still at moments and other times it flies right by. Most of the time I feel I am dreaming and at some point I will wake up and everything will change. I know.. wishful thinking. Guess it doesn't hurt to dream, right?
So... this Thursday is Halloween! Your favorite :) Tonight on TV is your favorite movie again.. Nightmare Before Christmas. I think I might have to watch it just to see what all the hype is about. I remember watching it with you years ago, but I have forgot some of the plot to the movie. I need the refresher. I definitely will be thinking of you when I watch it and also I will be hearing you sing all the songs!
Oh yeah I found the video that I took of the last time we were at Sea World during Christmas. You are singing Christmas Carols while waiting for the Shamu show to start. I remember it like it was yesterday, not 3 years ago. I found a few other VHS tapes with you on them. First time we went to Florida, you meeting Mickey Mouse, your 11th Birthday party at home and a couple others. I am going to see if I can get them switched over to at least DVD's so I can watch them again. I am so happy for those and grateful for them. I can at least see you and hear your voice again. It will be music to my eyes. That day will be bittersweet when I watch them. Better get the tissues ready..lol!
Be waiting tonight to hear my whispers to you. I will be looking for you. my bright shining star! Watch over us too. Thanks pumpkin. I miss you so much and I love you even more. Sweet dreams and I shall chat with you soon. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! I hope your Monday was busy and really nice for you. Today was ok for Mom. Weather was warm and muggy after all the rain we had. I did some more cleaning in the apartment. I found some really old pictures of you and Mom, Dad and you when you were little. Brought back so many memories and a smile to my face. You were so little and such a little " ham " for the camera. I love your smile. Always did. I can hear your cute little voice talking to me. The pictures reminded me of all that we were and went through, places we had gone and where life is for me at this moment and where it has taken me. Hard to believe at times that I am 2100 miles away from home. So many things are surreal to me these days since your passing. Things seem weird to Mom. Time seems to stand still at moments and other times it flies right by. Most of the time I feel I am dreaming and at some point I will wake up and everything will change. I know.. wishful thinking. Guess it doesn't hurt to dream, right?
So... this Thursday is Halloween! Your favorite :) Tonight on TV is your favorite movie again.. Nightmare Before Christmas. I think I might have to watch it just to see what all the hype is about. I remember watching it with you years ago, but I have forgot some of the plot to the movie. I need the refresher. I definitely will be thinking of you when I watch it and also I will be hearing you sing all the songs!
Oh yeah I found the video that I took of the last time we were at Sea World during Christmas. You are singing Christmas Carols while waiting for the Shamu show to start. I remember it like it was yesterday, not 3 years ago. I found a few other VHS tapes with you on them. First time we went to Florida, you meeting Mickey Mouse, your 11th Birthday party at home and a couple others. I am going to see if I can get them switched over to at least DVD's so I can watch them again. I am so happy for those and grateful for them. I can at least see you and hear your voice again. It will be music to my eyes. That day will be bittersweet when I watch them. Better get the tissues ready..lol!
Be waiting tonight to hear my whispers to you. I will be looking for you. my bright shining star! Watch over us too. Thanks pumpkin. I miss you so much and I love you even more. Sweet dreams and I shall chat with you soon. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! I hope you are well on this Sunday evening. Mom is sorry that she didn't write a letter yesterday but it was kind of a rough day for me. I know you know what I am talking about. I was not really in a great mood and I was sad so I decided it would be for the best if I didn't write a letter and just relax and try to lay low for the day & night.... so that is exactly what I did. Today is a bit better. Slept in for a change because we were up early this morning with Snickers due to the heavy heavy rain that we got. The thunder and lightning were something else too! Guess it scared him a lot because we were up with him from 6am - 8am and then we fell back to sleep until 10am. Haven't done that in a very long time.
It was a busy day for us here. We didn't go out or do anything but we did a lot inside the apartment. You will be so proud of me... Mom even put a 5 shelf bookcase together. Had a little help but mostly did it all on my own. I was proud of myself. I can hear you say : Ah.. my little Mom is growing up "..LOL! Did a lot of going through things and tossing out what we didn't need or want anymore. I have a couple trunks to go through and then everything is finished. I got rid of a lot of stuff again and I am ok with that. It feels good to me to dispose of what I no longer need or what no longer fits in my life any longer. I did come across your Senior Picture DVD. I looked through it and was immediately taken back to that day at Patch Park. I remember it so vividly...like it was yesterday and not 5 years ago. I am going to get a few and put them in some frames and hang them up. I think I will let your Dad know and send him a copy. I am sure he would really like it. I also found so many pictures I forgot we had. I even found your ID bracelet from when you were born. It made me smile. Oh how I remember that day. It was the BEST day and scariest day of my life. I didn't know if I would be able to be a new Mom and how I was going to take care of you and me but I was so surprised to see and know just how easy and natural it came to Mom. Being your Mom will be the best accomplishment that I have ever achieved in my life. You were a wonderful son. I can't say it enough just how much I was proud to be your Mom.
I found a little letter that you wrote me back in 2007. It was so sweet to find but sad as I read what you wrote. You said thank you to me for all that I did for you but you were sorry that you ruined my life. I need to set this straight. We had our fights and arguments and at times we didn't get along, said things we regretted, and other times we were just so stubborn like all parents are with their child or children but not ONCE did you ruin my life. You were NEVER a burden. I did the things I did daily for you because I wanted to and because I could. I enjoyed doing things for you. That is what being a Mom is all about. Caring for their child or children. Parenting is hard work but so worth it. I know you had a very hard time with this and at times you didn't believe me, but I hope you know now. This is the truth. No regrets from Mom for all the times I cared for you. As I said before I would do it again in a heart beat if I could. Wouldn't even think twice!
I miss you so much and I love you even more. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. I hope to go outside tonight to see my bright star and whisper to you. If I can't see it ten I will still whisper to you like I always do now. Listen out, ok? Please continue to watch over Mom and the rest of our family and friends. Sweet dreams my precious son. Love love love you so much. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! I hope you are well on this Sunday evening. Mom is sorry that she didn't write a letter yesterday but it was kind of a rough day for me. I know you know what I am talking about. I was not really in a great mood and I was sad so I decided it would be for the best if I didn't write a letter and just relax and try to lay low for the day & night.... so that is exactly what I did. Today is a bit better. Slept in for a change because we were up early this morning with Snickers due to the heavy heavy rain that we got. The thunder and lightning were something else too! Guess it scared him a lot because we were up with him from 6am - 8am and then we fell back to sleep until 10am. Haven't done that in a very long time.
It was a busy day for us here. We didn't go out or do anything but we did a lot inside the apartment. You will be so proud of me... Mom even put a 5 shelf bookcase together. Had a little help but mostly did it all on my own. I was proud of myself. I can hear you say : Ah.. my little Mom is growing up "..LOL! Did a lot of going through things and tossing out what we didn't need or want anymore. I have a couple trunks to go through and then everything is finished. I got rid of a lot of stuff again and I am ok with that. It feels good to me to dispose of what I no longer need or what no longer fits in my life any longer. I did come across your Senior Picture DVD. I looked through it and was immediately taken back to that day at Patch Park. I remember it so vividly...like it was yesterday and not 5 years ago. I am going to get a few and put them in some frames and hang them up. I think I will let your Dad know and send him a copy. I am sure he would really like it. I also found so many pictures I forgot we had. I even found your ID bracelet from when you were born. It made me smile. Oh how I remember that day. It was the BEST day and scariest day of my life. I didn't know if I would be able to be a new Mom and how I was going to take care of you and me but I was so surprised to see and know just how easy and natural it came to Mom. Being your Mom will be the best accomplishment that I have ever achieved in my life. You were a wonderful son. I can't say it enough just how much I was proud to be your Mom.
I found a little letter that you wrote me back in 2007. It was so sweet to find but sad as I read what you wrote. You said thank you to me for all that I did for you but you were sorry that you ruined my life. I need to set this straight. We had our fights and arguments and at times we didn't get along, said things we regretted, and other times we were just so stubborn like all parents are with their child or children but not ONCE did you ruin my life. You were NEVER a burden. I did the things I did daily for you because I wanted to and because I could. I enjoyed doing things for you. That is what being a Mom is all about. Caring for their child or children. Parenting is hard work but so worth it. I know you had a very hard time with this and at times you didn't believe me, but I hope you know now. This is the truth. No regrets from Mom for all the times I cared for you. As I said before I would do it again in a heart beat if I could. Wouldn't even think twice!
I miss you so much and I love you even more. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. I hope to go outside tonight to see my bright star and whisper to you. If I can't see it ten I will still whisper to you like I always do now. Listen out, ok? Please continue to watch over Mom and the rest of our family and friends. Sweet dreams my precious son. Love love love you so much. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, October 25, 2013
Dear Tyler,
How is my sweet boy today? I hope that you are happy as you can be and that you are flying high and flying free on this beautiful warm sunny day. Mom has had a pretty good day. I did a lot of housework and chores around the apartment and I did a little cleaning out of some things that I needed to and wanted to a awhile. I have a lot more to go but if I do it little by little then I will be happy. As I was cleaning I came across a couple things. One was your ID bracelet and the other was your High School Class ring. I decided to wear the bracelet and I still have my High School Class ring so I put yours with mine in my jewelry box where they will both be safe. The rings will be together forever just like you and me. Being separated by the physical and spiritual worlds will not keep us from being strong and united. Of course things are different but some things remain the same: I am always thinking of you and I know you think of me too, and I know you are never far away from Mom. I know you are with me daily even if I can't see you. You know I am constantly talking to you all throughout the day and night. I will never stop. I will always be right here until it is my time to cross over an you are there to greet me and show me around Heaven.
Spoke to Grandpa last night. He is busy with campaigning for himself for the election on November 5th. He has his debate tonight and I am crossing my fingers that he does well. I have been told he will do just fine because he is real. He isn't doing it for himself he is doing it for his community and wants the best for it. I agree with these people! I know he will be good at it. Grandpa deserves it.
I also spoke to Meme. Her and Bob are doing ok. She took the day off to run errands that needed to be taken care of. Aunt Becky came to get my car as well. They head out early Sunday morning with Mom's car. They will be here for a visit in one week! It doesn't seem possible that almost 8 weeks have gone by when we were all first discussing this. Shows me just how much time is passing by.
6 more days until Halloween. I found a puppy picture just for you that I will be posting on here. I know you will like it and I can hear you now.. Mom.. it looks like Ziggy! He does. The puppy is so cute! I hope you have been enjoying your daily letters from Mom and the pictures, poems, and quotes too. They mean a lot to me which I know you know this and are aware of. Some folks have said to me that they read my letters to you nightly. They have also stated that sometimes that is how they get through their night. That made me feel good. I write for me and for you but if I can help someone along the way that is wonderful. I know I am not the only parent out there right now going through this. I know of 2 other Mom's that are as well. It is so heart breaking. We can all relate to each other. You 3 boys were so young. One was 17 and the other was your age..22. Their names are Ryan & Nick. So if and when you see them up in Heaven let them know that their Mom's along with me are missing our boys so much. Wish Heaven had a phone and visiting hours so that we could still see one another. It wouldn't be so hard at times. I miss you terribly and love you so much. Please always know this and remember it. Thanks Ty!
Last night, did you hear my whisper? I saw my star an talked to you. I will do it again tonight and every night that I see it. Be listening for me. Continue to watch over Mom and everyone else.
Sweet dreams my precious son. I love you! Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
How is my sweet boy today? I hope that you are happy as you can be and that you are flying high and flying free on this beautiful warm sunny day. Mom has had a pretty good day. I did a lot of housework and chores around the apartment and I did a little cleaning out of some things that I needed to and wanted to a awhile. I have a lot more to go but if I do it little by little then I will be happy. As I was cleaning I came across a couple things. One was your ID bracelet and the other was your High School Class ring. I decided to wear the bracelet and I still have my High School Class ring so I put yours with mine in my jewelry box where they will both be safe. The rings will be together forever just like you and me. Being separated by the physical and spiritual worlds will not keep us from being strong and united. Of course things are different but some things remain the same: I am always thinking of you and I know you think of me too, and I know you are never far away from Mom. I know you are with me daily even if I can't see you. You know I am constantly talking to you all throughout the day and night. I will never stop. I will always be right here until it is my time to cross over an you are there to greet me and show me around Heaven.
Spoke to Grandpa last night. He is busy with campaigning for himself for the election on November 5th. He has his debate tonight and I am crossing my fingers that he does well. I have been told he will do just fine because he is real. He isn't doing it for himself he is doing it for his community and wants the best for it. I agree with these people! I know he will be good at it. Grandpa deserves it.
I also spoke to Meme. Her and Bob are doing ok. She took the day off to run errands that needed to be taken care of. Aunt Becky came to get my car as well. They head out early Sunday morning with Mom's car. They will be here for a visit in one week! It doesn't seem possible that almost 8 weeks have gone by when we were all first discussing this. Shows me just how much time is passing by.
6 more days until Halloween. I found a puppy picture just for you that I will be posting on here. I know you will like it and I can hear you now.. Mom.. it looks like Ziggy! He does. The puppy is so cute! I hope you have been enjoying your daily letters from Mom and the pictures, poems, and quotes too. They mean a lot to me which I know you know this and are aware of. Some folks have said to me that they read my letters to you nightly. They have also stated that sometimes that is how they get through their night. That made me feel good. I write for me and for you but if I can help someone along the way that is wonderful. I know I am not the only parent out there right now going through this. I know of 2 other Mom's that are as well. It is so heart breaking. We can all relate to each other. You 3 boys were so young. One was 17 and the other was your age..22. Their names are Ryan & Nick. So if and when you see them up in Heaven let them know that their Mom's along with me are missing our boys so much. Wish Heaven had a phone and visiting hours so that we could still see one another. It wouldn't be so hard at times. I miss you terribly and love you so much. Please always know this and remember it. Thanks Ty!
Last night, did you hear my whisper? I saw my star an talked to you. I will do it again tonight and every night that I see it. Be listening for me. Continue to watch over Mom and everyone else.
Sweet dreams my precious son. I love you! Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my precious son. I hope you are well today. Mom is kinda in a depressed mood right now. It is 3:00 pm and I should not be sitting in the office typing you this letter right now. I should be on an airplane going back to NH to see family and friends and writing this letter to you later this evening from Meme's house. As you know we do not always get what we want and unfortunately this is one of these cases. I am so sad though. I have not been back home in 4 months and I really wanted to be there. My heart hurts in so many ways. Missing you, missing Meme & Grandpa, missing other family and missing friends. I see things that are posted on FB about what others are doing and I say to myself I should be there. I would be doing that with them, but I am not and I am missing out on so much. I wanted to go to NH to come visit and talk to you at your resting place. I know I can talk to you where ever and when ever but it is just not the same for Mom. I hear that others go and visit you and I envy them because I can't. I want to put things at your site and clean it up and maintain it but I can't from where I am. I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing. Other times I believe I did for the rest of the family to be able to go and sit and talk with you. I think that you would agree with how I feel on both. I know you would tell me that what I did was just fine and that you would understand. Your approval is so important to me. Everything about you is so important to me. I miss you so much. I miss talking to you and making decisions with you. I love you with all my heart. You showed me what unconditional love was. I will be forever thankful to you for that. You showed me many other things too. They are in my memory and in my heart as well. forever that is where they will stay.
I sit here and often wonder about so many things. I have such curiosity about everything. What do you look like? Do you look the same as you did when you were here or do you look different? What do you do all day and night? Do you eat? Do you sleep? Can you go anywhere you want to go in the world? Do you see all our family and friends that are there in Heaven too? Can you talk? Do you have " wings "? What does Heaven look like? Is it just as beautiful as they say it is? Have you met God? What was that like? How long did it take you to get to Heaven? Who was waiting for you when you crossed over? I have so many questions that I long to somehow get answers to. I think we all have the curiosity about it... just some are scared to ask about it. I plan on having another session with Forrest soon..maybe a couple months from now so maybe you will be strong and come through again for Mom. Also, like I said to you yesterday I will be going to meet Theresa Caputo and I am crossing my fingers that you are really strong and she gives me a reading!
It has been a sunny day here and the sun is about to set for the evening. I will be looking to the sky to find my bright star. Be listening for my whispers. I miss you so much Tyler. I love you beyond this entire world. Sweet dreams my sweet boy. Fly high and free in Heaven and I shall chat with you tomorrow. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my precious son. I hope you are well today. Mom is kinda in a depressed mood right now. It is 3:00 pm and I should not be sitting in the office typing you this letter right now. I should be on an airplane going back to NH to see family and friends and writing this letter to you later this evening from Meme's house. As you know we do not always get what we want and unfortunately this is one of these cases. I am so sad though. I have not been back home in 4 months and I really wanted to be there. My heart hurts in so many ways. Missing you, missing Meme & Grandpa, missing other family and missing friends. I see things that are posted on FB about what others are doing and I say to myself I should be there. I would be doing that with them, but I am not and I am missing out on so much. I wanted to go to NH to come visit and talk to you at your resting place. I know I can talk to you where ever and when ever but it is just not the same for Mom. I hear that others go and visit you and I envy them because I can't. I want to put things at your site and clean it up and maintain it but I can't from where I am. I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing. Other times I believe I did for the rest of the family to be able to go and sit and talk with you. I think that you would agree with how I feel on both. I know you would tell me that what I did was just fine and that you would understand. Your approval is so important to me. Everything about you is so important to me. I miss you so much. I miss talking to you and making decisions with you. I love you with all my heart. You showed me what unconditional love was. I will be forever thankful to you for that. You showed me many other things too. They are in my memory and in my heart as well. forever that is where they will stay.
I sit here and often wonder about so many things. I have such curiosity about everything. What do you look like? Do you look the same as you did when you were here or do you look different? What do you do all day and night? Do you eat? Do you sleep? Can you go anywhere you want to go in the world? Do you see all our family and friends that are there in Heaven too? Can you talk? Do you have " wings "? What does Heaven look like? Is it just as beautiful as they say it is? Have you met God? What was that like? How long did it take you to get to Heaven? Who was waiting for you when you crossed over? I have so many questions that I long to somehow get answers to. I think we all have the curiosity about it... just some are scared to ask about it. I plan on having another session with Forrest soon..maybe a couple months from now so maybe you will be strong and come through again for Mom. Also, like I said to you yesterday I will be going to meet Theresa Caputo and I am crossing my fingers that you are really strong and she gives me a reading!
It has been a sunny day here and the sun is about to set for the evening. I will be looking to the sky to find my bright star. Be listening for my whispers. I miss you so much Tyler. I love you beyond this entire world. Sweet dreams my sweet boy. Fly high and free in Heaven and I shall chat with you tomorrow. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet precious son. How are you doing today? I hope that it is as bright, sunny, and warm up in Heaven today as it is here in Texas for Mom. I just got off the phone with Aunt Becky. We were talking about her trip down here next week. They will be hitting the road on Sunday and going to Pennsylvania for a couple days and then heading down to Texas for a couple days to see me and to bring me my car. It will be so nice to have it down here after 9 months of paying for it an it not being used and just sitting at Meme's house. I will be able to go out during the day and go shopping and do things..anything instead of always being in the apartment alone. I am looking forward to that nice change. It was really nice of Aunt Becky and Uncle John to offer to do this for me. It will be nice to see family and familiar faces for a change. I miss home and our family and friends so much. We lead such different lives and it is so hard to find the time to just skype with them. It is sad but I understand. The time change makes it hard too. I am used to it now. I should be after almost 10 months of living in the " central time " zone. Hmm... as I was just typing that.. I was just thinking.. wow...10 months have passed already. Sometimes it is just so hard for me to believe that I live in Texas. It is surreal. At times I feel like I am on vacation.. an extended vacation that is and I will be back in NH soon. Funny how that is. Aunt Becky was saying that it was cold there. There was ice on her deck this morning and there had been a good frost. You know what that means... yup..snow will be flying for them any time now. I can remember you being little and there was snow on the ground at Halloween. It has been high 70's to mid 80's here and at night middle 60's. I can handle that! I don't envy them on the cold/snow thing anymore. I think I would like to be near it and vacation in NH to see snow but not ever have to deal with oil/ fuel/furnaces/ shoveling again. I guess if I did move back there I wouldn't be a home owner. Then I would just pay rent and have someone else worry about all those things! I enjoyed having a home when you were alive and with me. Since you passed nothing feels like home. They say " Home is where the heart is " ... guess my feelings are true then... nothing feels like home because my heart has been broken into tiny pieces. I don't believe that my heart will ever be whole again. Your death haunts me daily. I see you laying in the hospital bed, I see the monitor showing me that your heart is slowing down, I see myself looking at you.. you seem peaceful. I see the gray/blueish skin tone and then I see the monitor reading your heart has stopped and it flat lines to nothing while I am holding your cold little hand. The tears streaming down my face. Lost and then the nurse comes in and has to pronounce you " gone ". Next we are at your " wake ". I see you laying there. I touch your face and kiss you. So cold, so lifeless. The tears come again. I say to myself that this is a bad dream. This isn't happening. Why can't I wake up? These memories haunt me. I wonder will they ever go away? Not now.. but maybe someday they will. My emotions are still so raw and painful.
I keep thinking that there is 8 more days to Halloween. Your favorite time of the year. I left all my decorations behind in NH so I didn't decorate. Don't think I really would have anyways. I decorated for you. It was fun for me and loved seeing your face. It brought me so much joy. I had to laugh because on FB there was a test to see how well you knew the Nightmare Before Christmas movie. I started to take the test and got to question 2 and I couldn't answer it. I laughed at myself and said out loud " Tyler, you would whip right through these and you would get a 100% ". Now if it was a 90210 quiz.. that would be different..LOL! Hey.. stop rolling your eyes and saying, Mom! I can hear you now! Gosh how I miss you and your voice. I miss your big brown eyes and your super long eyelashes that you had. I miss everything about you. I love you so dang much!
One last thing I wanted to tell you is that I watch the show " Long Island Medium " well the lady: Theresa Caputo who is the Medium and Star of the show is doing a book signing here in Texas on November 5th. I am going to go have her sign a book and meet her. It is not a " reading session " that day but if Spirit has something to say then she will tell that person. I am really hoping that you will be strong and want to get a message to me that day. I would love to hear from you. It would mean the world to me. Just keep it in your mind and I will let you know as the day approaches. I am excited to be going. I really believe in what she does. I think it is amazing!
I have to get going for now my sweet son. Honestly, I have a hair cut very soon. As usual I will be looking for my bright shining star tonight in the sky and I will be whispering to you. Hope you hear me! I miss you like crazy and love you so much more. To the moon & back and all away around the world. Sweet dreams to you my pumpkin. Fly high and fly free. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet precious son. How are you doing today? I hope that it is as bright, sunny, and warm up in Heaven today as it is here in Texas for Mom. I just got off the phone with Aunt Becky. We were talking about her trip down here next week. They will be hitting the road on Sunday and going to Pennsylvania for a couple days and then heading down to Texas for a couple days to see me and to bring me my car. It will be so nice to have it down here after 9 months of paying for it an it not being used and just sitting at Meme's house. I will be able to go out during the day and go shopping and do things..anything instead of always being in the apartment alone. I am looking forward to that nice change. It was really nice of Aunt Becky and Uncle John to offer to do this for me. It will be nice to see family and familiar faces for a change. I miss home and our family and friends so much. We lead such different lives and it is so hard to find the time to just skype with them. It is sad but I understand. The time change makes it hard too. I am used to it now. I should be after almost 10 months of living in the " central time " zone. Hmm... as I was just typing that.. I was just thinking.. wow...10 months have passed already. Sometimes it is just so hard for me to believe that I live in Texas. It is surreal. At times I feel like I am on vacation.. an extended vacation that is and I will be back in NH soon. Funny how that is. Aunt Becky was saying that it was cold there. There was ice on her deck this morning and there had been a good frost. You know what that means... yup..snow will be flying for them any time now. I can remember you being little and there was snow on the ground at Halloween. It has been high 70's to mid 80's here and at night middle 60's. I can handle that! I don't envy them on the cold/snow thing anymore. I think I would like to be near it and vacation in NH to see snow but not ever have to deal with oil/ fuel/furnaces/ shoveling again. I guess if I did move back there I wouldn't be a home owner. Then I would just pay rent and have someone else worry about all those things! I enjoyed having a home when you were alive and with me. Since you passed nothing feels like home. They say " Home is where the heart is " ... guess my feelings are true then... nothing feels like home because my heart has been broken into tiny pieces. I don't believe that my heart will ever be whole again. Your death haunts me daily. I see you laying in the hospital bed, I see the monitor showing me that your heart is slowing down, I see myself looking at you.. you seem peaceful. I see the gray/blueish skin tone and then I see the monitor reading your heart has stopped and it flat lines to nothing while I am holding your cold little hand. The tears streaming down my face. Lost and then the nurse comes in and has to pronounce you " gone ". Next we are at your " wake ". I see you laying there. I touch your face and kiss you. So cold, so lifeless. The tears come again. I say to myself that this is a bad dream. This isn't happening. Why can't I wake up? These memories haunt me. I wonder will they ever go away? Not now.. but maybe someday they will. My emotions are still so raw and painful.
I keep thinking that there is 8 more days to Halloween. Your favorite time of the year. I left all my decorations behind in NH so I didn't decorate. Don't think I really would have anyways. I decorated for you. It was fun for me and loved seeing your face. It brought me so much joy. I had to laugh because on FB there was a test to see how well you knew the Nightmare Before Christmas movie. I started to take the test and got to question 2 and I couldn't answer it. I laughed at myself and said out loud " Tyler, you would whip right through these and you would get a 100% ". Now if it was a 90210 quiz.. that would be different..LOL! Hey.. stop rolling your eyes and saying, Mom! I can hear you now! Gosh how I miss you and your voice. I miss your big brown eyes and your super long eyelashes that you had. I miss everything about you. I love you so dang much!
One last thing I wanted to tell you is that I watch the show " Long Island Medium " well the lady: Theresa Caputo who is the Medium and Star of the show is doing a book signing here in Texas on November 5th. I am going to go have her sign a book and meet her. It is not a " reading session " that day but if Spirit has something to say then she will tell that person. I am really hoping that you will be strong and want to get a message to me that day. I would love to hear from you. It would mean the world to me. Just keep it in your mind and I will let you know as the day approaches. I am excited to be going. I really believe in what she does. I think it is amazing!
I have to get going for now my sweet son. Honestly, I have a hair cut very soon. As usual I will be looking for my bright shining star tonight in the sky and I will be whispering to you. Hope you hear me! I miss you like crazy and love you so much more. To the moon & back and all away around the world. Sweet dreams to you my pumpkin. Fly high and fly free. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi Pumpkin! Hope you had a really great day today up in Heaven. I am sure that you were crazy busy up there doing so many wonderful things. Mom wishes that she could see all the things you are doing and all the wonderful places you go to. I know you will take me to them when it is my time. I can't wait to see YOUR star that I gave you. I know you told me that you have been there several times and it is beautiful. I remember you saying that the stars are like rainbows/ prisms to you and are so different from what I see. You said you cant wait to show me because I will like stars more than what I already do. It sounds so pretty.
At your funeral I gave time for people to go up and share a memory of you or a story. When Sam went up there and was talking she told the story of you calling her " Sam I Am Green Eggs and Ham " and how she used to call you " Ty Dye ". I loved her story. She said you were like the colors of the Tye dye ... out there, exploding with color, always bright and cheerful. It made me smile. I had tears of joy when she said it. She was so right. You were exactly the way she described you. Full of life and for most days smiling and facing all the every day challenges for yourself. I miss you so much. I miss you brightening my day when I saw you or heard your voice. I love you so much!
I want you to know that I started this blog a couple weeks after you passed. It is now 4 months since I began and I have 2200 hits on my blog. I have folks visiting from United States, Canada, South Korea, France, Iraq, Ukraine, Russia, and Denmark. I think that it is amazing that there are so many folks out there that are reading my letters to you daily. I can only hope that if there are parents or a single parent out there that is going through the same thing as I am right now with losing a child... I hope that in some small way I can help them heal like these letters are doing for Mom. I just want to take a minute and thank everyone who reads these. I don't do it for any other reason than to have my conversations with you Tyler. I am using this as a coping mechanism for me to get by on a daily basis without you here with me. I am not doing it to gain popularity of any sort. I miss you beyond words and this helps me feel closer to you. There is such sadness and a huge void in my heart for not having you in my life any more. It hurts. I love you to the moon and back. I love you more than all the stars in the sky. I love you more than all the grains of sand on the beaches. It devastates me to know I can't get you back and that you aren't coming back. It haunts me every minute of the day to have to realize this.
You mean the world to me still. You always will. You will always be my little boy. You will always be the love of my life... the only one who truly has Mom's heart. Remember that ok? It is getting to that time soon where I will be going for my nightly walk with the pups. Be waiting for me to whisper your name and my nightly message to you. Watch over Mom and the rest of us. Keep us safe and healthy. Thanks Ty!
Sweet dreams my precious son and know just how much you are loved by me and many others. I love you. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi Pumpkin! Hope you had a really great day today up in Heaven. I am sure that you were crazy busy up there doing so many wonderful things. Mom wishes that she could see all the things you are doing and all the wonderful places you go to. I know you will take me to them when it is my time. I can't wait to see YOUR star that I gave you. I know you told me that you have been there several times and it is beautiful. I remember you saying that the stars are like rainbows/ prisms to you and are so different from what I see. You said you cant wait to show me because I will like stars more than what I already do. It sounds so pretty.
At your funeral I gave time for people to go up and share a memory of you or a story. When Sam went up there and was talking she told the story of you calling her " Sam I Am Green Eggs and Ham " and how she used to call you " Ty Dye ". I loved her story. She said you were like the colors of the Tye dye ... out there, exploding with color, always bright and cheerful. It made me smile. I had tears of joy when she said it. She was so right. You were exactly the way she described you. Full of life and for most days smiling and facing all the every day challenges for yourself. I miss you so much. I miss you brightening my day when I saw you or heard your voice. I love you so much!
I want you to know that I started this blog a couple weeks after you passed. It is now 4 months since I began and I have 2200 hits on my blog. I have folks visiting from United States, Canada, South Korea, France, Iraq, Ukraine, Russia, and Denmark. I think that it is amazing that there are so many folks out there that are reading my letters to you daily. I can only hope that if there are parents or a single parent out there that is going through the same thing as I am right now with losing a child... I hope that in some small way I can help them heal like these letters are doing for Mom. I just want to take a minute and thank everyone who reads these. I don't do it for any other reason than to have my conversations with you Tyler. I am using this as a coping mechanism for me to get by on a daily basis without you here with me. I am not doing it to gain popularity of any sort. I miss you beyond words and this helps me feel closer to you. There is such sadness and a huge void in my heart for not having you in my life any more. It hurts. I love you to the moon and back. I love you more than all the stars in the sky. I love you more than all the grains of sand on the beaches. It devastates me to know I can't get you back and that you aren't coming back. It haunts me every minute of the day to have to realize this.
You mean the world to me still. You always will. You will always be my little boy. You will always be the love of my life... the only one who truly has Mom's heart. Remember that ok? It is getting to that time soon where I will be going for my nightly walk with the pups. Be waiting for me to whisper your name and my nightly message to you. Watch over Mom and the rest of us. Keep us safe and healthy. Thanks Ty!
Sweet dreams my precious son and know just how much you are loved by me and many others. I love you. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, October 21, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet boy. I hope you are doing well today. Mom is doing better. Got some sleep last night after none for 2 days straight. The sun is shining and it is warm out today. High 80's I believe. The weekend was a bit rough for me but I got through it... just barely but I did it. Things just seem to be so much harder lately with you being gone. I don't know why but it is. Maybe part of it is because in just a short time it will be the Holidays that I not wanting. I am wishing that they wouldn't come at all. Guess that is because this will be the first time in 22 years that I don't have you to celebrate with. It will be the first time ever that I won't see our family either. This is going to be a very rough Holiday season for Mom. It makes me very sad to even think about it right now so I won't.
So Mom was suppose to go home to NH this week.. actually in 3 days but that isn't happening either. I am so sad at this as well. I was really looking forward to seeing everyone again and coming home to visit you. It is a long story on why I am not going, but I don't need to tell you why because you already know. I am not sure when I will be going home now. Hopefully before Winter really hits in New England. I don't want to be traveling again in the snowy months and get stuck somewhere like last year. That was hell! Remember all those times that I shared with you and all the stories???
I miss our talks so much. I miss our laughing together and believe it or not I miss our arguing. Us butting heads because we both were so stubborn and so much alike. I would give anything to have that again! I love you so much Tyler.
I want you to know that I am trying so hard to move forward. I want to make you proud for a change. I am trying to smile and laugh for you so you can see and hear it. I believe that is what you want from Mom. I know you don't like to see me sad and cry. I am going to continue my best to take steps forward and not backwards. This I promise you.
Thank you for all that you continue to do for yourself, for Mom and for all of our friends and family. I know you are doing great things up there in Heaven. I hear you are quite busy and helping Aunt Becky too. That makes me smile :). I will continue to do good things down here for everyone who needs it.
I hope you have a great night. Sweet dreams my precious son and Angel. I love you with all my heart and soul. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Can you help Grandpa out.. Election time is coming in a couple weeks. Grandpa really wants to win and I hope he does. He will be really good at it and I know he will make a difference in Claremont. Please help in any way you can. Thanks Ty!
Hi my sweet boy. I hope you are doing well today. Mom is doing better. Got some sleep last night after none for 2 days straight. The sun is shining and it is warm out today. High 80's I believe. The weekend was a bit rough for me but I got through it... just barely but I did it. Things just seem to be so much harder lately with you being gone. I don't know why but it is. Maybe part of it is because in just a short time it will be the Holidays that I not wanting. I am wishing that they wouldn't come at all. Guess that is because this will be the first time in 22 years that I don't have you to celebrate with. It will be the first time ever that I won't see our family either. This is going to be a very rough Holiday season for Mom. It makes me very sad to even think about it right now so I won't.
So Mom was suppose to go home to NH this week.. actually in 3 days but that isn't happening either. I am so sad at this as well. I was really looking forward to seeing everyone again and coming home to visit you. It is a long story on why I am not going, but I don't need to tell you why because you already know. I am not sure when I will be going home now. Hopefully before Winter really hits in New England. I don't want to be traveling again in the snowy months and get stuck somewhere like last year. That was hell! Remember all those times that I shared with you and all the stories???
I miss our talks so much. I miss our laughing together and believe it or not I miss our arguing. Us butting heads because we both were so stubborn and so much alike. I would give anything to have that again! I love you so much Tyler.
I want you to know that I am trying so hard to move forward. I want to make you proud for a change. I am trying to smile and laugh for you so you can see and hear it. I believe that is what you want from Mom. I know you don't like to see me sad and cry. I am going to continue my best to take steps forward and not backwards. This I promise you.
Thank you for all that you continue to do for yourself, for Mom and for all of our friends and family. I know you are doing great things up there in Heaven. I hear you are quite busy and helping Aunt Becky too. That makes me smile :). I will continue to do good things down here for everyone who needs it.
I hope you have a great night. Sweet dreams my precious son and Angel. I love you with all my heart and soul. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
P.S. Can you help Grandpa out.. Election time is coming in a couple weeks. Grandpa really wants to win and I hope he does. He will be really good at it and I know he will make a difference in Claremont. Please help in any way you can. Thanks Ty!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Just wanted to let you know that I will be going outside shortly to walk the dogs for the night. I will be looking up to the sky to see my bright star. I will whisper to you. Hope you will be listening for it. I saw several of your favorite movies today. Thought of you through all of them and even had a good cry. A favorite quote of mine from one of the movies is: " Your love is like the wind~ I can't see it but I can feel it ". This is so true. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon and back. Sweet dreams my precious son. Watch over Mom and our family. Thanks :). Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Just wanted to let you know that I will be going outside shortly to walk the dogs for the night. I will be looking up to the sky to see my bright star. I will whisper to you. Hope you will be listening for it. I saw several of your favorite movies today. Thought of you through all of them and even had a good cry. A favorite quote of mine from one of the movies is: " Your love is like the wind~ I can't see it but I can feel it ". This is so true. I miss you so much. I love you to the moon and back. Sweet dreams my precious son. Watch over Mom and our family. Thanks :). Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son. Today is a rough day for Mom as you can probably guess. Yup.. today is 4 months to the day that you left this world and entered Heaven. The horror of this whole day 4 months ago haunts me. Every detail of every minute of seeing you there in the hospital. Talking to you and holding your hand and getting no response from you. Knowing the whole time I was there I knew I was going to have to let you go. I knew that your minutes on Earth with me were few. I have gone through some tough sh*t myself in this life and multiple times with you, but NOTHING can compare to what I had to do and witness that early June evening. My world slipped away the minute your heart stopped beating. I remember just sitting there in the room with you. Talking to you and crying softly alone. So many things going through my head. What laid ahead of me and details that needed to be taken care of. The very thought of knowing you were never coming back to me. We would never talk or laugh or see one another again. I know everyone tells me that you are always around and I am never really without you. I do get that and understand but it is so not the same. I want to be selfish and I want more time. I want this to be a damn 4 month nightmare and I will be waking up soon and seeing your face and hearing your voice. I want this to be a mistake. You were too young. You had so much to live for still. You and I had so many conversations to have and things to laugh about. You were suppose to get married and I was suppose to be the proud Mom. These things will never happen now..not ever and I am so angry at this. It makes me so sad and I hurt like hell because of it. Please don't think I am angry at you because I am not. I never would or could be. You were such a trooper and did a tremendous job on a daily basis. You were a fighter and I am so proud to have called you my son. I was so honored to be your Mom. I miss so much Tyler. I love you with all my heart and soul. I know you are happy and flying high and free. I know I am proud of you still. I always will.
I need to stop writing right now because I can't see my computer screen. I will write more later though. I love you my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son. Today is a rough day for Mom as you can probably guess. Yup.. today is 4 months to the day that you left this world and entered Heaven. The horror of this whole day 4 months ago haunts me. Every detail of every minute of seeing you there in the hospital. Talking to you and holding your hand and getting no response from you. Knowing the whole time I was there I knew I was going to have to let you go. I knew that your minutes on Earth with me were few. I have gone through some tough sh*t myself in this life and multiple times with you, but NOTHING can compare to what I had to do and witness that early June evening. My world slipped away the minute your heart stopped beating. I remember just sitting there in the room with you. Talking to you and crying softly alone. So many things going through my head. What laid ahead of me and details that needed to be taken care of. The very thought of knowing you were never coming back to me. We would never talk or laugh or see one another again. I know everyone tells me that you are always around and I am never really without you. I do get that and understand but it is so not the same. I want to be selfish and I want more time. I want this to be a damn 4 month nightmare and I will be waking up soon and seeing your face and hearing your voice. I want this to be a mistake. You were too young. You had so much to live for still. You and I had so many conversations to have and things to laugh about. You were suppose to get married and I was suppose to be the proud Mom. These things will never happen now..not ever and I am so angry at this. It makes me so sad and I hurt like hell because of it. Please don't think I am angry at you because I am not. I never would or could be. You were such a trooper and did a tremendous job on a daily basis. You were a fighter and I am so proud to have called you my son. I was so honored to be your Mom. I miss so much Tyler. I love you with all my heart and soul. I know you are happy and flying high and free. I know I am proud of you still. I always will.
I need to stop writing right now because I can't see my computer screen. I will write more later though. I love you my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Saturday, October 19, 2013
Dear Tyler,
I hope you are doing well tonight. Mom has a very heavy heart. Been a rough day for me today. It first started out with knowing the date.. the 19th. The remembering the dreaded phone call that I received about what happened to you. The worrying and unknowns throughout the day and into the night knowing what the doctors told me. My head was a whirlwind. How could it be.. the night before we were laughing and joking around on skype for 1 1/2 hours. It was so unreal to me. I never could imagine that I would never hear your voice again. I cherish that night on skype so much. No one knows just how much I do. Second... went out shopping today and saw a bunch of Jack stuff from Nightmare Before Christmas and I had a major meltdown right in the store. It hit me so hard. I just couldn't stop crying. I came back to the apartment and I placed a couple of your Jack things on my computer desk. I am looking at it as I type you this. I found so many things that I knew that you would love. It is just so hard for Mom. I can here you singing " This is Halloween " right now. Oh how you loved that dang movie..lol! BTW.. The movie is playing tomorrow on TV. Think I just may have to sit down and watch it..just for you. If that wasn't enough for me to deal with the third thing was that I just turned on the computer and saw that my friends son committed suicide this morning. He was your age. He graduated the same year you did..2008 from Stevens ( the school Mom graduated from ). His name is Nick Howard. Can you do me a favor and show him the ropes for his Mom and his entire family. My heart hurts for them all. Thanks buddy.
Wanted to let you know that Marion's Mom is doing well. She had her first surgery today and from what I know she made it through ok. Just either 1 or 2 more to go next week. Thank you for watching over them. Please give my huge hugs and thanks to everyone else that was helping too.
Just walked the dogs for the last time tonight and I saw my same bright star sitting there where it always does in the sky. I would like to think that is you every night watching over us. I whispered to you as I always do. Did you hear me? I hope so.
Mom is fairly tired tonight due to all the emotions going through me. I am going to close this letter but please know that I miss you so much and I love you even more. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. Remember that forever. Sweet dreams my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
I hope you are doing well tonight. Mom has a very heavy heart. Been a rough day for me today. It first started out with knowing the date.. the 19th. The remembering the dreaded phone call that I received about what happened to you. The worrying and unknowns throughout the day and into the night knowing what the doctors told me. My head was a whirlwind. How could it be.. the night before we were laughing and joking around on skype for 1 1/2 hours. It was so unreal to me. I never could imagine that I would never hear your voice again. I cherish that night on skype so much. No one knows just how much I do. Second... went out shopping today and saw a bunch of Jack stuff from Nightmare Before Christmas and I had a major meltdown right in the store. It hit me so hard. I just couldn't stop crying. I came back to the apartment and I placed a couple of your Jack things on my computer desk. I am looking at it as I type you this. I found so many things that I knew that you would love. It is just so hard for Mom. I can here you singing " This is Halloween " right now. Oh how you loved that dang movie..lol! BTW.. The movie is playing tomorrow on TV. Think I just may have to sit down and watch it..just for you. If that wasn't enough for me to deal with the third thing was that I just turned on the computer and saw that my friends son committed suicide this morning. He was your age. He graduated the same year you did..2008 from Stevens ( the school Mom graduated from ). His name is Nick Howard. Can you do me a favor and show him the ropes for his Mom and his entire family. My heart hurts for them all. Thanks buddy.
Wanted to let you know that Marion's Mom is doing well. She had her first surgery today and from what I know she made it through ok. Just either 1 or 2 more to go next week. Thank you for watching over them. Please give my huge hugs and thanks to everyone else that was helping too.
Just walked the dogs for the last time tonight and I saw my same bright star sitting there where it always does in the sky. I would like to think that is you every night watching over us. I whispered to you as I always do. Did you hear me? I hope so.
Mom is fairly tired tonight due to all the emotions going through me. I am going to close this letter but please know that I miss you so much and I love you even more. To the moon and back and all the way around the world. Remember that forever. Sweet dreams my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Friday, October 18, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi Buddy! How are you doing tonight? Again.. another rainy day and lots of overcast clouds and sky today. Was hoping that it clear up for this evening but no luck. It is ok... I will still whisper to you tonight as I always do! Be listening for me....
I hope you like the letters, pictures, poems, and songs on here. They mean a lot to Mom. I hope I am making you proud for what I am doing. You are still so important to me and always will. I posted a poem today that is titled " A Picture of You " It is so fitting for the way that I have been feeling since you passed away. The pain is so intense..it sucks.
I was thinking today.. October 18th.. 4 months today since I have heard your voice. If I had only known that June 18th would be the last time I would have talked to you all night and never hung up the phone. This time every month brings back everything... the fear, the sadness, the hope, the pain, the devastation that happened 2 days later. I didn't sleep last night and didn't know why... I loose track of dates and days. Things that mattered to me before don't matter to me at all anymore. I saw the date and then knew why I didn't sleep. Happens every month since you passed on the 18th - 20th. My mind just works overtime and won't stop. All the horror comes back to me and makes the pain even worse for Mom. I don't know if this will ever change or fade in time, but I don't see it going away any time soon.
Please continue to watch over Marion and her Mom. Her Mom is going in for 1 of the 2 or 3 surgeries that she needs tomorrow and the beginning of next week. They need all the prayers and help for got health as they can get. Please continue to watch over Mom and our family. We need them too.
Spoke to Meme today... please help her as she has been sick for 3 weeks now and still feels awful. Spoke to Grandpa today too... I hear he went to see you and talk to you for a bit. That made me happy. I can't wait to come and see you and visit you too. It means so much to me. It hurts that I can't go on a daily basis. I know I can talk to you here but it just isn't the same for me. I love you so much and I miss you terribly.
Have sweet dreams my precious son. I will write more tomorrow. Fly high and fly free. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi Buddy! How are you doing tonight? Again.. another rainy day and lots of overcast clouds and sky today. Was hoping that it clear up for this evening but no luck. It is ok... I will still whisper to you tonight as I always do! Be listening for me....
I hope you like the letters, pictures, poems, and songs on here. They mean a lot to Mom. I hope I am making you proud for what I am doing. You are still so important to me and always will. I posted a poem today that is titled " A Picture of You " It is so fitting for the way that I have been feeling since you passed away. The pain is so intense..it sucks.
I was thinking today.. October 18th.. 4 months today since I have heard your voice. If I had only known that June 18th would be the last time I would have talked to you all night and never hung up the phone. This time every month brings back everything... the fear, the sadness, the hope, the pain, the devastation that happened 2 days later. I didn't sleep last night and didn't know why... I loose track of dates and days. Things that mattered to me before don't matter to me at all anymore. I saw the date and then knew why I didn't sleep. Happens every month since you passed on the 18th - 20th. My mind just works overtime and won't stop. All the horror comes back to me and makes the pain even worse for Mom. I don't know if this will ever change or fade in time, but I don't see it going away any time soon.
Please continue to watch over Marion and her Mom. Her Mom is going in for 1 of the 2 or 3 surgeries that she needs tomorrow and the beginning of next week. They need all the prayers and help for got health as they can get. Please continue to watch over Mom and our family. We need them too.
Spoke to Meme today... please help her as she has been sick for 3 weeks now and still feels awful. Spoke to Grandpa today too... I hear he went to see you and talk to you for a bit. That made me happy. I can't wait to come and see you and visit you too. It means so much to me. It hurts that I can't go on a daily basis. I know I can talk to you here but it just isn't the same for me. I love you so much and I miss you terribly.
Have sweet dreams my precious son. I will write more tomorrow. Fly high and fly free. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Poem for you, Tyler... I love you so much and miss you more than words can say....
A Picture Of You
I only have a picture now,
A frozen piece of time,
To remind me of how it was,
When you were here, and mine.
I see your smiling eyes,
Each morning when I wake,
I talk to you, and place a kiss,
Upon your lovely face.
How much I miss you being here,
I really can not say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.
I hear it mentioned often,
That time will heal the pain,
But if I'm being honest,
I hope it will remain.
I need to feel you constantly,
To get me through the day,
I loved you so very much,
Why did you go away?
The angels came and took you,
That really wasn't fair,
They took my one and only Son,
My future life. My heir.
If only they had asked me,
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly,
Leaving you this world to grace.
You should have had so many years,
To watch your life unfold,
And in the mist of this,
Watch me, your Mum grow old!
I hope your watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all,
I really do love you.
I only have a picture now,
A frozen piece of time,
To remind me of how it was,
When you were here, and mine.
I see your smiling eyes,
Each morning when I wake,
I talk to you, and place a kiss,
Upon your lovely face.
How much I miss you being here,
I really can not say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.
I hear it mentioned often,
That time will heal the pain,
But if I'm being honest,
I hope it will remain.
I need to feel you constantly,
To get me through the day,
I loved you so very much,
Why did you go away?
The angels came and took you,
That really wasn't fair,
They took my one and only Son,
My future life. My heir.
If only they had asked me,
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly,
Leaving you this world to grace.
You should have had so many years,
To watch your life unfold,
And in the mist of this,
Watch me, your Mum grow old!
I hope your watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all,
I really do love you.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hey pumpkin! How are you doing today? Mom is well. Nice and sunny here today. Not hot or cold.. just right! So many times I wish that you could have been here with Mom. I know you would have loved it here. The weather is just what you always loved. There is a lot to do here on the weekends and we would have had a lot of quality time together. I know you have been here and that you watch over me but it just isn't the same.
Today when I was walking the pups outside... I was standing there and saw a dragonfly just flying around and it kept coming closer to me and then just flew on by really fast. Did you hear what I said? I asked if it was you Tyler? I would like to believe it was you. That is the first dragonfly that I have seen since I have been here. Actually I haven't seen a dragonfly in a very long time. If it is you... next time stay around longer..please!
Mom is getting ready to fly home to NH for 4 days. Getting everything set for the pups to be boarded. I hate the thought of that. Please watch over them and make sure they will be ok while I am away. It breaks my heart to have to do it but I don't have anyone to watch them. I hope that they will be ok and taken care of. I will sure miss them. I am starting to pack and getting that ready. Busy days for Mom. It is a nice change. Keeps my mind from thinking so much. It is not healthy all the time. I can't wait to see Meme and Grandpa. It has been 4 months since I have been home. I can't wait to go visit you at your resting place. I know I can talk to you anytime anywhere but it is important to me to come visit you there as well. Guess that is just the Mom in me.
I still need to ask you to watch over Marion's Mom. I know one of the test that were run showed nothing so more testing was done and they are awaiting the results. Oh how I remember the waiting game. It sucked for you and for me. So many times we were put in those situations. You were so brave while I was a wreck. I was so proud of you! You were and will always be my Hero!!!!! Thank you for continuing to watch over Marion and her Mom. You are amazing. You are my one in a million :)
Be there for me tonight as I look to the sky so you can hear me whisper to you and I can see my bright star. I love you so much Tyler and I miss your voice every minute of every day. I have so many wishes..... ones that I wish would and could come true. Watch over Mom as you usual do. Thank you my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hey pumpkin! How are you doing today? Mom is well. Nice and sunny here today. Not hot or cold.. just right! So many times I wish that you could have been here with Mom. I know you would have loved it here. The weather is just what you always loved. There is a lot to do here on the weekends and we would have had a lot of quality time together. I know you have been here and that you watch over me but it just isn't the same.
Today when I was walking the pups outside... I was standing there and saw a dragonfly just flying around and it kept coming closer to me and then just flew on by really fast. Did you hear what I said? I asked if it was you Tyler? I would like to believe it was you. That is the first dragonfly that I have seen since I have been here. Actually I haven't seen a dragonfly in a very long time. If it is you... next time stay around longer..please!
Mom is getting ready to fly home to NH for 4 days. Getting everything set for the pups to be boarded. I hate the thought of that. Please watch over them and make sure they will be ok while I am away. It breaks my heart to have to do it but I don't have anyone to watch them. I hope that they will be ok and taken care of. I will sure miss them. I am starting to pack and getting that ready. Busy days for Mom. It is a nice change. Keeps my mind from thinking so much. It is not healthy all the time. I can't wait to see Meme and Grandpa. It has been 4 months since I have been home. I can't wait to go visit you at your resting place. I know I can talk to you anytime anywhere but it is important to me to come visit you there as well. Guess that is just the Mom in me.
I still need to ask you to watch over Marion's Mom. I know one of the test that were run showed nothing so more testing was done and they are awaiting the results. Oh how I remember the waiting game. It sucked for you and for me. So many times we were put in those situations. You were so brave while I was a wreck. I was so proud of you! You were and will always be my Hero!!!!! Thank you for continuing to watch over Marion and her Mom. You are amazing. You are my one in a million :)
Be there for me tonight as I look to the sky so you can hear me whisper to you and I can see my bright star. I love you so much Tyler and I miss your voice every minute of every day. I have so many wishes..... ones that I wish would and could come true. Watch over Mom as you usual do. Thank you my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today? Wanted you to know that I saw my bright star last night in the sky and whispered to you. Tonight I think it is going to be a different story though. It has been cloudy and overcast all day and it has been raining off and on all day long. Regardless if I can't see my bright star I will still whisper to you so be waiting to hear Mom!
I hope you are busy and doing so many wonderful things up there in Heaven today. I have no doubt in my mind that you are making so many proud because I know I am proud of you. I always was proud of you. I always spoke about and talked about you. I couldn't stop. You were always on my mind and definitely in my heart.
My day has been alright. The day has been kind of long though. It usually goes by pretty fast. Guess it is just one of those days for Mom. I miss you tons and I love you to the moon and back. Always remember that Tyler...please! It means so much for me to know that you know this forever.
Mom has a yet another favor for you. Received a phone call this afternoon from Marion telling me that her Mom is really ill. DHMC has been doing some tests to see what is going on but as of yet the medical team still don't have any answers to where the issues are coming from. I am hoping that you can make sure that her Mom will be ok and that she is on the road to recovery and second I am asking you to help Marion out too. She is doing this all on her own. Her sister isn't helping out and Marion has a lot on her shoulders. She is trying to stay positive but there is that side of her that just wonders.... Mom knows exactly what she is going through. I did the exact same thing when you were ill. It was lonely being all alone and no one to talk to or help make decisions with. I always questioned if I was doing the right thing or making the right choices. It was hard. Can you please just watch over them both? Thank you so much my precious son. You are my Angel and as always I have to share you... you seem to be many peoples Angel as well. You are such a popular one. You always were you just never believed it or cared to be. That was what was so special about you. You had such a heart of gold. You always cared about everyone else and never about yourself. You were like that at such an little boy too. Tyler... you were and still are one in a million!
I wish you sweet dreams tonight and remember to be listening for Mom's whisper to you. I miss you like crazy and love you even more. Watch over Mom and the rest of our family. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi pumpkin! How are you doing today? Wanted you to know that I saw my bright star last night in the sky and whispered to you. Tonight I think it is going to be a different story though. It has been cloudy and overcast all day and it has been raining off and on all day long. Regardless if I can't see my bright star I will still whisper to you so be waiting to hear Mom!
I hope you are busy and doing so many wonderful things up there in Heaven today. I have no doubt in my mind that you are making so many proud because I know I am proud of you. I always was proud of you. I always spoke about and talked about you. I couldn't stop. You were always on my mind and definitely in my heart.
My day has been alright. The day has been kind of long though. It usually goes by pretty fast. Guess it is just one of those days for Mom. I miss you tons and I love you to the moon and back. Always remember that Tyler...please! It means so much for me to know that you know this forever.
Mom has a yet another favor for you. Received a phone call this afternoon from Marion telling me that her Mom is really ill. DHMC has been doing some tests to see what is going on but as of yet the medical team still don't have any answers to where the issues are coming from. I am hoping that you can make sure that her Mom will be ok and that she is on the road to recovery and second I am asking you to help Marion out too. She is doing this all on her own. Her sister isn't helping out and Marion has a lot on her shoulders. She is trying to stay positive but there is that side of her that just wonders.... Mom knows exactly what she is going through. I did the exact same thing when you were ill. It was lonely being all alone and no one to talk to or help make decisions with. I always questioned if I was doing the right thing or making the right choices. It was hard. Can you please just watch over them both? Thank you so much my precious son. You are my Angel and as always I have to share you... you seem to be many peoples Angel as well. You are such a popular one. You always were you just never believed it or cared to be. That was what was so special about you. You had such a heart of gold. You always cared about everyone else and never about yourself. You were like that at such an little boy too. Tyler... you were and still are one in a million!
I wish you sweet dreams tonight and remember to be listening for Mom's whisper to you. I miss you like crazy and love you even more. Watch over Mom and the rest of our family. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hey my sweet son. I hope you are doing well today! Things are going ok with Mom. Today has been a crazy weather day here. First sunny, then overcast and looks like it can down pour at any time and then sunny again... and now it is overcast again. I looked to the sky last night and there were no clouds but I did still whisper to you...did you hear me? I hope so.
Today is a very special day for Mom. Today is my Anniversary! It has been 18 years since I heard those dreaded words " You have Cancer. " I remember it like it was yesterday. I don't think anyone would forget when a doctor tells them.. we give you 3 months to live. I was devastated when I heard those words. I remember coming home and crying to your Dad. He told me I would be ok and that he would take care of me. He said that was the least he could do for me for taking care of him when he was sick and had his surgery. I thanked him and came right in and went to see you. I needed to be near you. I remember telling you what happened..well enough for you to understand because you were just 6 years old. You told Mommy that I was going to be ok and that you were there for me. You made me cry, laugh, and smile all at the same time. You were so young and innocent. That night I told Meme and Grandpa. The next few days and months were a blur to me. So much going on. I remember the letter you wrote me when I was in the hospital. I missed you so much. You were just so sweet and caring. Do you know what? I still have that letter and all the letters and cards you gave me. They are the most precious things I have now. I cherish them. When I was unpacking our things.. I came across them and read them all. Again, they made me cry, laugh, and smile all at the same time.
I know we talked about this before but I want you to know again how much you helped Mommy through her treatments and surgeries. You gave me the strength to go on and not give up or quit. I would always think of everything that you went through and it would help me go on. I got my strength through you, Tyler. I thank you so much for that. Thank you for helping me through some of the hardest times of my life. Guess I just wish you were here with me still. I miss you so much. We were each others strength when the other was ill. We always could cheer the other up. I miss that. I miss our special Mom n son times. I know you do to.
Well.. it is sunny again so I am going to cross my fingers and hope that continues. I need to see my bight star tonight. I hope that you are flying high and flying free. I hope that you are so busy up there you don't have time to think of what to do next :) Please continue to watch over Mom and everyone else. Be listening to my whisper. I miss you and I love you so much. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hey my sweet son. I hope you are doing well today! Things are going ok with Mom. Today has been a crazy weather day here. First sunny, then overcast and looks like it can down pour at any time and then sunny again... and now it is overcast again. I looked to the sky last night and there were no clouds but I did still whisper to you...did you hear me? I hope so.
Today is a very special day for Mom. Today is my Anniversary! It has been 18 years since I heard those dreaded words " You have Cancer. " I remember it like it was yesterday. I don't think anyone would forget when a doctor tells them.. we give you 3 months to live. I was devastated when I heard those words. I remember coming home and crying to your Dad. He told me I would be ok and that he would take care of me. He said that was the least he could do for me for taking care of him when he was sick and had his surgery. I thanked him and came right in and went to see you. I needed to be near you. I remember telling you what happened..well enough for you to understand because you were just 6 years old. You told Mommy that I was going to be ok and that you were there for me. You made me cry, laugh, and smile all at the same time. You were so young and innocent. That night I told Meme and Grandpa. The next few days and months were a blur to me. So much going on. I remember the letter you wrote me when I was in the hospital. I missed you so much. You were just so sweet and caring. Do you know what? I still have that letter and all the letters and cards you gave me. They are the most precious things I have now. I cherish them. When I was unpacking our things.. I came across them and read them all. Again, they made me cry, laugh, and smile all at the same time.
I know we talked about this before but I want you to know again how much you helped Mommy through her treatments and surgeries. You gave me the strength to go on and not give up or quit. I would always think of everything that you went through and it would help me go on. I got my strength through you, Tyler. I thank you so much for that. Thank you for helping me through some of the hardest times of my life. Guess I just wish you were here with me still. I miss you so much. We were each others strength when the other was ill. We always could cheer the other up. I miss that. I miss our special Mom n son times. I know you do to.
Well.. it is sunny again so I am going to cross my fingers and hope that continues. I need to see my bight star tonight. I hope that you are flying high and flying free. I hope that you are so busy up there you don't have time to think of what to do next :) Please continue to watch over Mom and everyone else. Be listening to my whisper. I miss you and I love you so much. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Monday, October 14, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi buddy! Mom wants to start off today's letter by telling you just how sorry I am for not writing to you on Sunday. I have no excuse for it. I did a lot of housework yesterday and then made a dinner. When we were finished I was just so tired. I shut my computer off and laid on the couch and watch football. I wanted to turn on the computer and give you a letter but my eyeballs thought differently. I went to bed early. Again.. I am so sorry.
Ok.... I hope you are doing well today. It is Monday, Columbus Day. It is a quiet day for Mom. Pups are sleeping so that is nice. Max is holding on still. He is one tough nut. He sleeps a lot but is still a good boy. Snickers is doing well. I think he may be feeling tough today. He isn't eating or drinking much and is really sleeping. Can you watch over both of them for Mom? I would appreciate it a great deal.
I know you are always with me pumpkin. I know you were with me when I had my daily cry. I saw that dog video on facebook and it made me cry so dang hard on so many levels. I either watch my tv show Long Island Medium or see a video on facebook and I just loose it because it touches me in different ways. I think of you and I can't help it. I just start crying and can't stop. I don't try to either. I actually think it is healthy and it is also helping me heal. Some days I don't think I have any more tears to cry but then I surprise myself and the tears just flow. I wish I could say that someday it will stop but I know that it is a lie. I really think I will do this for the rest of my life. I miss you so much and this is so hard living without you. It is the worst feeling in the world.
I am watching my show right now and it is about these parents that lost their son. The Dad just said it... " Time is suppose to heal all wounds, but not this time.. the wound is too deep. " Boy... how I can relate to that. Time will never heal my broken heart and fill the void that I have. I long to see your face and hear your voice and I know that will never happen again. I am trying to grasp the concept that you are never coming back and I will never be able to kiss your sweet face or hug you again. I am sorry, Tyler... I know you don't want me to feel this way. I am trying to stop but it is just so hard. I just keep saying " One day at a time. " That is all I can do. I do want you to know I have a great support system. Everyone checks on Mom weekly to make sure I am ok. That makes me feel better to know I have family and friends who love me.
It is another overcast day here... I am hoping that the clouds move out so that I can see my bright shining star tonight when I go out and walk the pups. It means a lot to me to know that you are my shining star and watching over Mom. Be listening for my whisper tonight along with my kisses to you. I love you so much. You are my everything. Always will be to Mom. I miss you bunches. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi buddy! Mom wants to start off today's letter by telling you just how sorry I am for not writing to you on Sunday. I have no excuse for it. I did a lot of housework yesterday and then made a dinner. When we were finished I was just so tired. I shut my computer off and laid on the couch and watch football. I wanted to turn on the computer and give you a letter but my eyeballs thought differently. I went to bed early. Again.. I am so sorry.
Ok.... I hope you are doing well today. It is Monday, Columbus Day. It is a quiet day for Mom. Pups are sleeping so that is nice. Max is holding on still. He is one tough nut. He sleeps a lot but is still a good boy. Snickers is doing well. I think he may be feeling tough today. He isn't eating or drinking much and is really sleeping. Can you watch over both of them for Mom? I would appreciate it a great deal.
I know you are always with me pumpkin. I know you were with me when I had my daily cry. I saw that dog video on facebook and it made me cry so dang hard on so many levels. I either watch my tv show Long Island Medium or see a video on facebook and I just loose it because it touches me in different ways. I think of you and I can't help it. I just start crying and can't stop. I don't try to either. I actually think it is healthy and it is also helping me heal. Some days I don't think I have any more tears to cry but then I surprise myself and the tears just flow. I wish I could say that someday it will stop but I know that it is a lie. I really think I will do this for the rest of my life. I miss you so much and this is so hard living without you. It is the worst feeling in the world.
I am watching my show right now and it is about these parents that lost their son. The Dad just said it... " Time is suppose to heal all wounds, but not this time.. the wound is too deep. " Boy... how I can relate to that. Time will never heal my broken heart and fill the void that I have. I long to see your face and hear your voice and I know that will never happen again. I am trying to grasp the concept that you are never coming back and I will never be able to kiss your sweet face or hug you again. I am sorry, Tyler... I know you don't want me to feel this way. I am trying to stop but it is just so hard. I just keep saying " One day at a time. " That is all I can do. I do want you to know I have a great support system. Everyone checks on Mom weekly to make sure I am ok. That makes me feel better to know I have family and friends who love me.
It is another overcast day here... I am hoping that the clouds move out so that I can see my bright shining star tonight when I go out and walk the pups. It means a lot to me to know that you are my shining star and watching over Mom. Be listening for my whisper tonight along with my kisses to you. I love you so much. You are my everything. Always will be to Mom. I miss you bunches. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Dear Tyler,
Hi my sweet son! I hope this Saturday evening finds you happy and well. Things on my end are well. Got to go out for a bit today and go shopping. The little girl who I told you about came over and watched the pups for us. It was nice to get out and enjoy the day. Towards the end it was raining but that's ok. It was a very nice break from the heat!
I hope you saw the picture of you that was posted on here late last night. I am following a site on facebook called Blowing Kisses To Heaven. The gal that runs it I believe her name is Tammy and she did that for you. I was so surprised and touched.. yup.. I cried! It was the sweetest thing. She is taking orders for Memorials for Halloween. I know that was your favorite Holiday so I am going to do one for you and post it on the blog for you and everyone else to see. I hope that you will like it.
BTW... when I went out last night the clouds were cleared and I did see my bright star and I did whisper to you! I know you heard me! I will do the same tonight. I just let the dogs out and the sky was a little cloudy so I am hoping later it will clear out so I can see my bright star once again!
This letter to you tonight is going to be short because I have a couple other things I want to post on here that says how I feel. I know you will understand and you won't mind one bit. I love you so much and I miss you more than words can say. Sweet dreams my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
Hi my sweet son! I hope this Saturday evening finds you happy and well. Things on my end are well. Got to go out for a bit today and go shopping. The little girl who I told you about came over and watched the pups for us. It was nice to get out and enjoy the day. Towards the end it was raining but that's ok. It was a very nice break from the heat!
I hope you saw the picture of you that was posted on here late last night. I am following a site on facebook called Blowing Kisses To Heaven. The gal that runs it I believe her name is Tammy and she did that for you. I was so surprised and touched.. yup.. I cried! It was the sweetest thing. She is taking orders for Memorials for Halloween. I know that was your favorite Holiday so I am going to do one for you and post it on the blog for you and everyone else to see. I hope that you will like it.
BTW... when I went out last night the clouds were cleared and I did see my bright star and I did whisper to you! I know you heard me! I will do the same tonight. I just let the dogs out and the sky was a little cloudy so I am hoping later it will clear out so I can see my bright star once again!
This letter to you tonight is going to be short because I have a couple other things I want to post on here that says how I feel. I know you will understand and you won't mind one bit. I love you so much and I miss you more than words can say. Sweet dreams my precious son. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!
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