Dear Tyler,

Hi my precious son! I hope you are doing well today. Mom is doing ok on this Friday afternoon. It is nice outside but overcast. Guess it is suppose to rain the next few days. We need it.. so dry here! I am continuing to do my daily exercises. I am bound and determined to continue so that I will not slip into a depression. I hear you in the back of my head saying.." Don't do it, Mom " and that you wouldn't want it to be this way for Mom. I continue to realize that you want to see me smile and laugh and enjoy my life. I can understand that but sometimes I guess I feel guilty when I do smile and laugh because I am still grieving and missing you so much. It is so hard to explain how I feel but I know you understand what I am trying to say. 
 Have another favor for you... Uncle Chris is going through a tough time. Can you watch over him to make sure he is ok? Thanks buddy. He has been sad for some time now and he had a conversation that was rough, but needed. I know that in time he will be ok with all the decisions that he is making but because I am not near to check on him I am asking you to just check in on him from time to time. Thank you for helping Mom out!
 So tonight is bittersweet for me... it is the Fireman's Parade in Claremont, NH. Remember when I would take you to it? All the fire trucks and seeing Grandpa in it? I am sad because I am missing it for the first time in 35 years. Pepe and Grandpa were in the Fire Dept for 18 years each so I grew up going to the parade every year. It was just a part of my life for so long. I see everyone posting about it on facebook and it makes me sad. Just another thing that I am missing back home. I can be there in spirit but it is just not the same. I am sure you can relate to that on so many levels though. I am sure you look down on us and want to be in that place at that time all the time. I am sure that it is hard for you as well. I know you miss us like we all miss you. Times are not the same without you in it. Life is definitely more difficult for Mom and will never be the same for me. I miss you so much. I find that there are days that I can't stop thinking of you and wanting to hear your laugh and your voice. I long to see your face and your smile. If I could have just one more day with you..... I miss all the fun times we had. All the laughing and picking on one another. I miss the quite times too. The nights I would watch you sleep when you didn't even know. I miss my days and routines when you were with me. I would give everything up to have that back. You always thought that you were a burden because of all the care that you needed on an hourly basis, but truthfully... it is a burden not having you here. I cared for you for so long that I didn't know anything else. It was my life that I chose to do with you not for you. I hope you realize that now. I hope you know this. It is very important to me. 
 Do you hear me whisper to you every night? Do you hear what I say to you? Do you see me kiss my necklace every morning, every night, and other times during the day? That is just one way for Mom to let you know I am thinking of you and missing you. Please know I will continue to do this nightly for you. Things like this make me feel closer to you. I hope that I get to see my bright star tonight. I am hoping that if it does rain the clouds will clear in time. If not I will still whisper to you. 
 I hope that you have sweet dreams my precious son. I miss you and I love you to the moon and back and all the way around the world. Remember that.. you will always be Mom's # 1. Always, Mommy xoxoxo. Muah!